If You Don't Have a Hand to Hold
Part 7
I'm not the same boy you knew back then...
Pairing: Merrikat
Author: sorry_n0tsorry
Rating: NC-17 (for future chapter and part 5)
Disclaimer: I do not own Zack Merrick or Jack Barakat. AU fic.
Summery: Zack is a lost teenager who needs a home, Jack finds him.
A/N: Sorry that this took me so long. I'm not quite sure how to feel about this chapter... English is not my first language. So sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors.
A HUGE thanks to my beta reader: http://thanksforjackbarakat.tumblr.com/
my tumblr: http://sorry-n0ts0rry.tumblr.com/
Masterpost
Zack woke up. It was still dark outside and Jack was snoring next to him. He checked the alarm clock; 6:00, it read.
Zack groaned and rolled over again. He buried his head in the crook of the older man's neck, who was still sleeping and snoring softly.
Zack was really worried about today. It had been more than 3 months since he had last seen his parents. Besides he left the house in anger, his mother had even yelled at him that he should never come back.
But he was more anxious about his dad's reaction on seeing him again. His mother had been more upset about the whole tattoo-issue, whereas his dad was an extreme homophobe. And seeing Zack was bringing Jack along, this could be a big problem.
Zack was on the verge of crying, having a nervous breakdown or having a panic attack, when the older man shifted in his sleep and his eyelids started to flutter.
"Jack?" Zack whispered, trying to wake the other up gently.
Jack groaned an rubbed his eyes.
"What time is it?" he asked after blinking a few times, his voice thick with sleep.
"Something past six," Zack whispered as he pressed his body closer to Jack's. "I'm nervous."
"No need to be. I'm there for you, Zacky," Jack said, kissing the top of the younger boy's head. "It'll all be fine."
At least Jack hoped it would be fine. He had never met Zack's parents but from what he'd heard they were pretty terrible people.
Zack seemed so anxious and that gave the older man a sick feeling in his stomach. Zack's own parents were causing him pain and Jack hated to see the younger boy suffer.
But what could really be the worst thing that could happen? That Zack's parents were going to ban him from his own home?
In Jack's eyes that wasn't the worst thing; at least Zack could still be with him.
Jack's thinking had made him even sleepier then he already was. "Try to get some more hours of sleep," he mumbled into the younger boy's hair.
Zack hummed and nudged his head in Jack's neck before closing his eyes.
He tried not to think of his nerves and what would happen later. But Zack's thoughts kept wandering off and thinking about all the 'what if's.
What if his parents started yelling at him?
What if they said he could never come home again?
What if he wasn't allowed to see Jack again?
Zack gritted his teeth and tried not to let tears well up in his eyes. He needed to be strong; he would get through this day.
Zack woke up again at eight.
Jack was still sleeping. He decided to let the older man sleep and get himself ready.
Zack tried not to think of his parents while he was dressing and doing his hair.
He needed to look good and his hair couldn't be messy. He had to make a good impression on his parents and show them he wasn't a disappointment.
The anxiety started to rise within him again because his mom had already called him a disappointment.
When Zack was done doing his hair and came back from the bathroom he saw that Jack was dressing himself.
"Hey. Wow, you look sophisticated," Jack commented when he looked up at the younger boy. Zack was wearing a white button down and black skinny jeans.
"I guess that's a compliment," Zack said, biting the inside of his lip. "I wanna make a good impression on them."
"You will, Zack. Just be yourself," Jack tried to comfort the younger boy. He fastened the buttons of his black and red checkered button down and walked over to the younger to pull him into a hug.
"I can't be myself," Zack mumbled as Jack pulled him against his chest. "I was myself once, and then they kicked me out."
"Don't worry I'll be there with you," Jack mumbled into the teenager's hair. "Let's go eat something."
At the hour of half past 12 Jack and Zack were sitting in the car. It was parked across the street from where Zack's house was.
"I'm nervous," the youngest boy said, his voice was slightly raised in pitch and his hands were shaking.
"It'll be fine," Jack said, his own voice shaking a bit. He was pretty nervous himself. Jack had never met the younger boy's parents but he was almost certain they would hate him.
"Let's go." Jack opened the car door.
After sitting for a few more seconds and thinking of all the things he should and shouldn't say, Zack stepped out off the car too.
They rang the doorbell and after hearing some shuffling come from inside, Zack's mom opened the door.
"Hey Zachary," her voice was full of fake excitement.
"Hey mom," Zack responded, almost chocking on his own words while he fiddled with his hands.
Jack was awkwardly standing next to the younger boy. Should he say something, should he not? Would Zack's mom think he's antisocial for not saying anything? Should he wait until Zack or his mom asked him to speak?
Jack was over-thinking and bit his lip. He didn't want to ruin anything for the younger but felt kind of useless just standing there.
"Please come inside," Zack's mom spoke after a few moments of awkward silence.
Both boys stepped inside the little house.
Jack had expected something old and cosy. But instead of old fashioned furniture the house was filled with modern design furniture. In Jack's opinion the house lacked some color and he didn't feel very comfortable.
"Have you come back begging on your knees son?" a loud voice suddenly spoke. It was Zack's dad who was sitting on the couch. "And who's that?" he asked looking directly at Jack.
Jack quickly turned his gaze away but his eyes were greeted by the judging pair of Zack's mom.
"That's Jack," Zack spoke when Jack didn't respond. Jack felt like a piece of shit, he couldn't even properly introduce himself.
"I've been staying with him since you k-.... since I've b-.... Since I left,"
The younger boy was clearly struggling to get the words out and Jack could see he was holding back tears, probably because he was so nervous. He desperately wanted to hug the younger and tell him everything was okay. He didn't though, Jack knew Zack's parents were extremely homophobic.
"I-I found him outside the McDonalds and took him in," Jack explained after he had gathered enough courage to speak.
"Are you a pedophile?" Zack's mom asked as she went to sit next to her husband.
Jack's eyes grew wide and he could hear Zack choke on his own spit. "Excuse me?!"
"You took my son into your house," Zack's mom started. "He's only 16 years old and I bet you're like 30."
"Pardon me," Jack spoke. He was just shocked by that woman's reaction, how did she have the nerve to say something like that. "First of all I'm not 30, I'm 25. And second of all I've been caring for him over the past 3 months. Unlike you! You just kicked him out because he's gay!" Jack half screamed back at the younger boy's mom. He was furious.
Zack on the other hand was on the verge of crying. He didn't like arguments, especially these kinds. Everyone was screaming and his mom and dad were now standing up. Zack wanted all this to just stop. He wanted to cuddle up in bed with Jack and never think about his horrible parents again.
Zack choked back a sob and crossed his arms across his chest so to protect himself from the harsh words coming from both fronts.
"Being gay is a sin!" Zack's dad screamed at Jack's face. "God has put men and women on the earth to procreate, not for two men to fuck each other up the ass! It's not natural!"
"Not natural? Not natural?! It's not natural that you..." Jack pointed his finger at the both of Zack's parents. "That you keep your son from loving the one he truly loves!"
Jack was shaking with anger. Zack's parents also looked furious. But when Jack looked at the teenager his hearth broke.
Zack had his arms folded tight around his chest, he was biting on his bottom lip and his eyes were squeezed shut to keep himself from crying. He didn't succeed very long, when a silence fell over the room Zack let out a whimper.
The sound tugged at Jack's heart strings and all he wanted to do was take the teenage boy back to his house and comfort him.
"Stop crying son," Zack's mom said, her voice softer than when she had been screaming at Jack. Still it sounded more like an order than to comfort he young boy.
"Crying is for faggots," Zack's dad stated.
Now Jack felt like he was going to burst. "Can't you just except the fact that your son is gay!" he exclaimed. "You're the reason he's crying. There's nothing wrong with being gay. In fact, I'm gay!"
Maybe the fact of him being gay too wasn't very sensible to say.
The last thing Jack could clearly remember was Zack's dad stepping towards him and spitting something in his face along the lines of: "It's all your fault, how can you be with an underage boy, you are a pedophile!"
The rest that happened was like one big blur to Jack.
There was yelling, shoving and crying coming from Zack.
Before Jack could really comprehend what was happening he was being pushed towards the door by the other boy's dad.
He could hear Zack scream his name while his mother was holding him back from running to Jack.
Jack remembered calling for the younger boy while tears started to fall down his cheeks.
Before he knew, he was outside crying in Zack's front yard.
How could this have happened? He promised Zack that everything would be alright, Jack had failed. How could he be so stupid? What should he do now? Would he ever see the younger boy again?
Zack, on the other hand, was inside screaming the older man's name, tears rolling over his cheeks as he cried hysterically. He was trying to wriggle free from his mother's hold but failed when his father grabbed his arm and dragged him upstairs.
"I thought we could teach you a lesson by kicking you out," Zack's father began to speak, shoving the teenager inside his bedroom. Zack's father's voice was filled with anger and disgust. "The only solution left now is keeping you here, away from that Jack guy."
***************************************
EXTRA A/N:
I don't know if I'm still going to continue this because this fic takes a lot of time to write and I also have other requests. Sorry, I might put this one on a hold.
I'm not the same boy you knew back then...
Pairing: Merrikat
Author: sorry_n0tsorry
Rating: NC-17 (for future chapter and part 5)
Disclaimer: I do not own Zack Merrick or Jack Barakat. AU fic.
Summery: Zack is a lost teenager who needs a home, Jack finds him.
A/N: Sorry that this took me so long. I'm not quite sure how to feel about this chapter... English is not my first language. So sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors.
A HUGE thanks to my beta reader: http://thanksforjackbarakat.tumblr.com/
my tumblr: http://sorry-n0ts0rry.tumblr.com/
Masterpost
Zack woke up. It was still dark outside and Jack was snoring next to him. He checked the alarm clock; 6:00, it read.
Zack groaned and rolled over again. He buried his head in the crook of the older man's neck, who was still sleeping and snoring softly.
Zack was really worried about today. It had been more than 3 months since he had last seen his parents. Besides he left the house in anger, his mother had even yelled at him that he should never come back.
But he was more anxious about his dad's reaction on seeing him again. His mother had been more upset about the whole tattoo-issue, whereas his dad was an extreme homophobe. And seeing Zack was bringing Jack along, this could be a big problem.
Zack was on the verge of crying, having a nervous breakdown or having a panic attack, when the older man shifted in his sleep and his eyelids started to flutter.
"Jack?" Zack whispered, trying to wake the other up gently.
Jack groaned an rubbed his eyes.
"What time is it?" he asked after blinking a few times, his voice thick with sleep.
"Something past six," Zack whispered as he pressed his body closer to Jack's. "I'm nervous."
"No need to be. I'm there for you, Zacky," Jack said, kissing the top of the younger boy's head. "It'll all be fine."
At least Jack hoped it would be fine. He had never met Zack's parents but from what he'd heard they were pretty terrible people.
Zack seemed so anxious and that gave the older man a sick feeling in his stomach. Zack's own parents were causing him pain and Jack hated to see the younger boy suffer.
But what could really be the worst thing that could happen? That Zack's parents were going to ban him from his own home?
In Jack's eyes that wasn't the worst thing; at least Zack could still be with him.
Jack's thinking had made him even sleepier then he already was. "Try to get some more hours of sleep," he mumbled into the younger boy's hair.
Zack hummed and nudged his head in Jack's neck before closing his eyes.
He tried not to think of his nerves and what would happen later. But Zack's thoughts kept wandering off and thinking about all the 'what if's.
What if his parents started yelling at him?
What if they said he could never come home again?
What if he wasn't allowed to see Jack again?
Zack gritted his teeth and tried not to let tears well up in his eyes. He needed to be strong; he would get through this day.
Zack woke up again at eight.
Jack was still sleeping. He decided to let the older man sleep and get himself ready.
Zack tried not to think of his parents while he was dressing and doing his hair.
He needed to look good and his hair couldn't be messy. He had to make a good impression on his parents and show them he wasn't a disappointment.
The anxiety started to rise within him again because his mom had already called him a disappointment.
When Zack was done doing his hair and came back from the bathroom he saw that Jack was dressing himself.
"Hey. Wow, you look sophisticated," Jack commented when he looked up at the younger boy. Zack was wearing a white button down and black skinny jeans.
"I guess that's a compliment," Zack said, biting the inside of his lip. "I wanna make a good impression on them."
"You will, Zack. Just be yourself," Jack tried to comfort the younger boy. He fastened the buttons of his black and red checkered button down and walked over to the younger to pull him into a hug.
"I can't be myself," Zack mumbled as Jack pulled him against his chest. "I was myself once, and then they kicked me out."
"Don't worry I'll be there with you," Jack mumbled into the teenager's hair. "Let's go eat something."
At the hour of half past 12 Jack and Zack were sitting in the car. It was parked across the street from where Zack's house was.
"I'm nervous," the youngest boy said, his voice was slightly raised in pitch and his hands were shaking.
"It'll be fine," Jack said, his own voice shaking a bit. He was pretty nervous himself. Jack had never met the younger boy's parents but he was almost certain they would hate him.
"Let's go." Jack opened the car door.
After sitting for a few more seconds and thinking of all the things he should and shouldn't say, Zack stepped out off the car too.
They rang the doorbell and after hearing some shuffling come from inside, Zack's mom opened the door.
"Hey Zachary," her voice was full of fake excitement.
"Hey mom," Zack responded, almost chocking on his own words while he fiddled with his hands.
Jack was awkwardly standing next to the younger boy. Should he say something, should he not? Would Zack's mom think he's antisocial for not saying anything? Should he wait until Zack or his mom asked him to speak?
Jack was over-thinking and bit his lip. He didn't want to ruin anything for the younger but felt kind of useless just standing there.
"Please come inside," Zack's mom spoke after a few moments of awkward silence.
Both boys stepped inside the little house.
Jack had expected something old and cosy. But instead of old fashioned furniture the house was filled with modern design furniture. In Jack's opinion the house lacked some color and he didn't feel very comfortable.
"Have you come back begging on your knees son?" a loud voice suddenly spoke. It was Zack's dad who was sitting on the couch. "And who's that?" he asked looking directly at Jack.
Jack quickly turned his gaze away but his eyes were greeted by the judging pair of Zack's mom.
"That's Jack," Zack spoke when Jack didn't respond. Jack felt like a piece of shit, he couldn't even properly introduce himself.
"I've been staying with him since you k-.... since I've b-.... Since I left,"
The younger boy was clearly struggling to get the words out and Jack could see he was holding back tears, probably because he was so nervous. He desperately wanted to hug the younger and tell him everything was okay. He didn't though, Jack knew Zack's parents were extremely homophobic.
"I-I found him outside the McDonalds and took him in," Jack explained after he had gathered enough courage to speak.
"Are you a pedophile?" Zack's mom asked as she went to sit next to her husband.
Jack's eyes grew wide and he could hear Zack choke on his own spit. "Excuse me?!"
"You took my son into your house," Zack's mom started. "He's only 16 years old and I bet you're like 30."
"Pardon me," Jack spoke. He was just shocked by that woman's reaction, how did she have the nerve to say something like that. "First of all I'm not 30, I'm 25. And second of all I've been caring for him over the past 3 months. Unlike you! You just kicked him out because he's gay!" Jack half screamed back at the younger boy's mom. He was furious.
Zack on the other hand was on the verge of crying. He didn't like arguments, especially these kinds. Everyone was screaming and his mom and dad were now standing up. Zack wanted all this to just stop. He wanted to cuddle up in bed with Jack and never think about his horrible parents again.
Zack choked back a sob and crossed his arms across his chest so to protect himself from the harsh words coming from both fronts.
"Being gay is a sin!" Zack's dad screamed at Jack's face. "God has put men and women on the earth to procreate, not for two men to fuck each other up the ass! It's not natural!"
"Not natural? Not natural?! It's not natural that you..." Jack pointed his finger at the both of Zack's parents. "That you keep your son from loving the one he truly loves!"
Jack was shaking with anger. Zack's parents also looked furious. But when Jack looked at the teenager his hearth broke.
Zack had his arms folded tight around his chest, he was biting on his bottom lip and his eyes were squeezed shut to keep himself from crying. He didn't succeed very long, when a silence fell over the room Zack let out a whimper.
The sound tugged at Jack's heart strings and all he wanted to do was take the teenage boy back to his house and comfort him.
"Stop crying son," Zack's mom said, her voice softer than when she had been screaming at Jack. Still it sounded more like an order than to comfort he young boy.
"Crying is for faggots," Zack's dad stated.
Now Jack felt like he was going to burst. "Can't you just except the fact that your son is gay!" he exclaimed. "You're the reason he's crying. There's nothing wrong with being gay. In fact, I'm gay!"
Maybe the fact of him being gay too wasn't very sensible to say.
The last thing Jack could clearly remember was Zack's dad stepping towards him and spitting something in his face along the lines of: "It's all your fault, how can you be with an underage boy, you are a pedophile!"
The rest that happened was like one big blur to Jack.
There was yelling, shoving and crying coming from Zack.
Before Jack could really comprehend what was happening he was being pushed towards the door by the other boy's dad.
He could hear Zack scream his name while his mother was holding him back from running to Jack.
Jack remembered calling for the younger boy while tears started to fall down his cheeks.
Before he knew, he was outside crying in Zack's front yard.
How could this have happened? He promised Zack that everything would be alright, Jack had failed. How could he be so stupid? What should he do now? Would he ever see the younger boy again?
Zack, on the other hand, was inside screaming the older man's name, tears rolling over his cheeks as he cried hysterically. He was trying to wriggle free from his mother's hold but failed when his father grabbed his arm and dragged him upstairs.
"I thought we could teach you a lesson by kicking you out," Zack's father began to speak, shoving the teenager inside his bedroom. Zack's father's voice was filled with anger and disgust. "The only solution left now is keeping you here, away from that Jack guy."
***************************************
EXTRA A/N:
I don't know if I'm still going to continue this because this fic takes a lot of time to write and I also have other requests. Sorry, I might put this one on a hold.