I Can't Do The 1,2 Step 9/16
Title: I Can't Do The 1,2 Step
Author: desperate2break
Rating: G
Pairing: Caleb Turman/Zack Merrick
Summary: Caleb's getting married to a woman. He loves her. But then he meets Zack and has to relearn the definition of love...
Warnings: Graphic language use, sexual scenes, angst, humour
Disclaimer: Own everything in the world cuz I'm the Queen of Everything. Seriously. No wait, I DO own Kate
POV: Third
Author Notes: I started work at Speech Therapy on Monday. The man (cuz you know it had to be) who invented high heels is a fucking missoginistic prickshit who wanks his mother.
Zack jumps up for the third time in five minutes, thinking his phone has just vibrated in his cargo shorts pocket. It hasn't, and he slams it down on the table.
'Poor, poor cellphone,' Kyle cackles, watching his friend in amusement.
Jack looks over and rolls his eyes. 'Jesus, Zack; what did you expect? Did you really think he was going to answer your every beckon-call? You're not the only place he's getting it from so why would he be lapping at you like your bitch?'
Zack's mouth opens to protest but Kyle interrupts.
'What Mr Articulate means, is that....He's engaged. To a woman. You can't fuck a straight guy with a woman and then expect him to drop everything for you.'
'We don't fuck,' Zack pronounces delicately, then blushes. 'He loves me. He told me so.'
'Okay,' Jack replies with a dismissive hand-wave. 'He says he loves you, you drop your pants, he gets married, and then? What are you gonna do when he fucks off with his new hoe and eventually sperminates her? You gonna be their uncle Zack who likes to give it to their Daddy in the ass? Be logical.'
'There's a nicer way to say it,' Zack snaps. He hangs his head. 'I know he's gonna go with her and forget about me. I don't care.'
'Yes you do.'
'Yes I do. But there's nothing I can do about it.'
Jack makes an animalistic growling noise and stands up, violently taking Zack by the shoulders and shaking him.
'YES THERE IS!'
'Huh?' Zack slurs, feeling slightly punch-drunk when the skinnier male releases him.
'I have a bad feeling about this,' Kyle murmurs from his armchair.
'Do you want him?' Jack demands.
'Er -'
'Yes! You do! Do you love him?'
'I -'
'Yes! You do! Are you willing to do what it takes?'
By this point, Zack has stopped replying.
'Yes you are! And that means you have to be ready to fight! Fight for your man! If you ever wanna top that dude ever again, fight! If the thought of Carrot Top with his woman makes you sick, fight! Make it so that there is no woman!'
'Oh god,' Kyle dithers nervously.
But now there is a steely glint in Zack's eye as Jack's words pummel his ear drums.
'Tell me, Zack, are you ready to fight?'
'YES!'
'THAT'S MY BOY!' Jack roars, grabbing his friend in a triumphant headlock. 'You gotta make Carrot Top ditch that bitch, make him let go of that hoe, take that crotch down a notch; you gotta -'
'Do you not think,' Kyle cuts in, raising his voice above the pep-talk, 'that this is a little harsh? I mean, Kate loves him too and I'm sure he loves her in turn. There's a reason why they're engaged and for Zack to try and break them up....It's not right morally.'
Jack pushes his face up close to Kyle's and glares at the blonde. 'Listen here, Burns: if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. And if you're part of the problem, well then you can just get gone. Or risk getting gone because of me.'
'Please.' Kyle grimaces and pushes the taller man's face away. 'You're not the mafia, Jack.'
'Yeah and you're not Sparkle-Fairy-Sunshine. So quit acting like it.'
'It's not right. Stop corrupting him.'
'It's his choice.'
Both glares turn to Zack. He gulps.
**********************
He loves me, he loves me...He loves me, he loves me....He loves me, he loves me....
Caleb sighs dreamily as he picks creamy white petal from the daisies sitting before him in the florist's.
Oop! No petals left! he thinks gaily, picking up another and shedding it.
He loves me, he loves me....he loves me, he loves me...*mental giggle*...He loves me soooo much....Yes he does. He loves meeee -
'Caleb!'
He clears his throat. 'Uh - yes, Dear?'
'You're ripping apart our sample,' Kate drawls, winding her arms around the redhead's shoulders.
'Oh.' He shrugs her off and stands up. 'Yeah but you already said you wanted freesias.'
'Maybe a mixture of flowers? What do you think, Cayley?'
He inhales slowly and tries not to lose his temper. 'I don't know, Kate. You - you figure this out. I'm going for a break.'
'Oh! Hurry back!'
He waves her away as he leaves. There's only one thing on his mind right now, and it's not flowers. .