We've All Been More Than Eager to Sin 9/?
Title: We've All Been More Than Eager to Sin 9/?
Author: shadefur
Pairing: Zack/Alex
Rating: NC-17
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Summary: “I want this to last forever,” Zack murmured, pressing his nose into my sweaty hair. I nodded sleepily and closed my eyes. “You sleep too much, Alex. Turn around and look at me at least.” I did what he said and fell asleep with my head in his chest. If only I'd known it wouldn't last for long. I'd have savored every second of it.
POV: 1st person; Alex
Disclaimer: I don't own All Time Low. I haven't met All Time Low. None of this is true.
Warnings: Slash, rape
Previous Chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Seven-point-Five, Chapter Eight
Authors Notes: Um....
I didn't deserve Zack. I didn't like the thought of him getting hurt for someone as worthless as me. He was sleeping in the other room and I couldn't sleep at all. Somehow, I felt like I'd made the wrong decision by telling him he couldn't love me. I loved him too and it wasn't right to force him to stay away like this. It would hurt him too; this was so impossible. It was all so confusing. I was afraid he'd get hurt. I couldn't sleep all night. Every time I closed my eyes, images of Oli forcing Zack's arm back the wrong way and forcing it to make a loud snapping noise filled my mind and I couldn't take that.
♫♪♫♪♫
I got up as soon as I heard Zack get up in the morning. He could be so noisy without even noticing it; this was what I'd noticed on the nights when I couldn't sleep. I walked out into the kitchen where he was already making breakfast for us both, yawning. “You didn't sleep, did you?” he asked when he saw me. I shook my head. “It's okay, Alex. I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I can deal with that. It doesn't really matter.” The way he said it, was just so nonchalant, like it really didn't matter to him like he said it didn't. I felt my heart breaking. I'd told him to act like this, so why did it feel so horribly wrong?
He smiled at me. “Want me to make pancakes, Alex?” he asked. I shook my head. I felt like I was going to puke anyways; there was no way I could ever eat pancakes.
“So what are we doing today?” I asked. I hated seeing him make himself pancakes in a cast-I should've been doing all the work, not him-but he refused to let me help at all, because apparently I was still considered his 'guest'.
Zack shrugged. “Watching TV? Reading? Whatever you want, Alex. I don't really care.” His voice sounded almost lifeless. And I felt really bad, and even more like my heart was about to shatter.
“Why can't I remember you?” I blurted out.
He froze and glared at me. “How the fuck do you expect me to know?” he snapped. I think that was when my heart had officially fallen to pieces. He'd never really gotten mad at me before. I felt tears pricking at my eyes but held them back; I was a full-grown man and I wasn't going to fucking cry over something so pathetic. “I'm not in your head, Alex. How should I know what you're thinking!?”
I sighed and closed my eyes, letting one of the tears slip, but I was only going to allow myself one. Just one. “I'm sorry,” I muttered and went back to my room-he'd cleaned out one of his other rooms and put an air mattress down for me-so he could be alone; he obviously didn't want to talk to me.
He came in a while later with a plate full of several pancakes, all plain, and sat down next to me on the air mattress. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly. I still had my face buried under the covers but if I kept my eyes open I could see the shadowy form of the plate and smell the pancakes; that's how I knew they were there. I just let out a small sobbing sound and turned over, away from him. “I didn't mean to upset you, Alex.”
“Well you did a fucking good job,” I snapped.
Zack let out a sigh. “I really am sorry. I don't want to hurt you, Alex. You know that. I just want to keep you safe.” Quietly I repeated my question from before and this time he didn't get annoyed. “I don't know, Alex. I want to know why I can't remember you either. It's just... I don't know. I know you keep having weird dreams about it and stuff but I don't really know what's wrong, why neither of us can remember.” He intertwined his fingers with mine and I decided to let it pass for the time being. “I just know we used to be very close.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
He sighed again. “Will you have some pancakes, Alex?”
“I'm not hungry.”
“You're so thin, Alex. You need to eat something. Please.”
“Ugh. Fine.” I sat up, looking at him for the first time since he'd come in and I noticed the tear stains all over his face. Fuck. What did I do? “Zack, can you remember anyone named Jack Barakat?”
He dropped the plate and it cracked on the hardwood floor. “I had a dream about him.”
“So did I.”
Author: shadefur
Pairing: Zack/Alex
Rating: NC-17
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Summary: “I want this to last forever,” Zack murmured, pressing his nose into my sweaty hair. I nodded sleepily and closed my eyes. “You sleep too much, Alex. Turn around and look at me at least.” I did what he said and fell asleep with my head in his chest. If only I'd known it wouldn't last for long. I'd have savored every second of it.
POV: 1st person; Alex
Disclaimer: I don't own All Time Low. I haven't met All Time Low. None of this is true.
Warnings: Slash, rape
Previous Chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Seven-point-Five, Chapter Eight
Authors Notes: Um....
I didn't deserve Zack. I didn't like the thought of him getting hurt for someone as worthless as me. He was sleeping in the other room and I couldn't sleep at all. Somehow, I felt like I'd made the wrong decision by telling him he couldn't love me. I loved him too and it wasn't right to force him to stay away like this. It would hurt him too; this was so impossible. It was all so confusing. I was afraid he'd get hurt. I couldn't sleep all night. Every time I closed my eyes, images of Oli forcing Zack's arm back the wrong way and forcing it to make a loud snapping noise filled my mind and I couldn't take that.
♫♪♫♪♫
I got up as soon as I heard Zack get up in the morning. He could be so noisy without even noticing it; this was what I'd noticed on the nights when I couldn't sleep. I walked out into the kitchen where he was already making breakfast for us both, yawning. “You didn't sleep, did you?” he asked when he saw me. I shook my head. “It's okay, Alex. I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I can deal with that. It doesn't really matter.” The way he said it, was just so nonchalant, like it really didn't matter to him like he said it didn't. I felt my heart breaking. I'd told him to act like this, so why did it feel so horribly wrong?
He smiled at me. “Want me to make pancakes, Alex?” he asked. I shook my head. I felt like I was going to puke anyways; there was no way I could ever eat pancakes.
“So what are we doing today?” I asked. I hated seeing him make himself pancakes in a cast-I should've been doing all the work, not him-but he refused to let me help at all, because apparently I was still considered his 'guest'.
Zack shrugged. “Watching TV? Reading? Whatever you want, Alex. I don't really care.” His voice sounded almost lifeless. And I felt really bad, and even more like my heart was about to shatter.
“Why can't I remember you?” I blurted out.
He froze and glared at me. “How the fuck do you expect me to know?” he snapped. I think that was when my heart had officially fallen to pieces. He'd never really gotten mad at me before. I felt tears pricking at my eyes but held them back; I was a full-grown man and I wasn't going to fucking cry over something so pathetic. “I'm not in your head, Alex. How should I know what you're thinking!?”
I sighed and closed my eyes, letting one of the tears slip, but I was only going to allow myself one. Just one. “I'm sorry,” I muttered and went back to my room-he'd cleaned out one of his other rooms and put an air mattress down for me-so he could be alone; he obviously didn't want to talk to me.
He came in a while later with a plate full of several pancakes, all plain, and sat down next to me on the air mattress. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly. I still had my face buried under the covers but if I kept my eyes open I could see the shadowy form of the plate and smell the pancakes; that's how I knew they were there. I just let out a small sobbing sound and turned over, away from him. “I didn't mean to upset you, Alex.”
“Well you did a fucking good job,” I snapped.
Zack let out a sigh. “I really am sorry. I don't want to hurt you, Alex. You know that. I just want to keep you safe.” Quietly I repeated my question from before and this time he didn't get annoyed. “I don't know, Alex. I want to know why I can't remember you either. It's just... I don't know. I know you keep having weird dreams about it and stuff but I don't really know what's wrong, why neither of us can remember.” He intertwined his fingers with mine and I decided to let it pass for the time being. “I just know we used to be very close.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
He sighed again. “Will you have some pancakes, Alex?”
“I'm not hungry.”
“You're so thin, Alex. You need to eat something. Please.”
“Ugh. Fine.” I sat up, looking at him for the first time since he'd come in and I noticed the tear stains all over his face. Fuck. What did I do? “Zack, can you remember anyone named Jack Barakat?”
He dropped the plate and it cracked on the hardwood floor. “I had a dream about him.”
“So did I.”