So Long, Soldier (Jack's Interlude, Part 1)
Title: So Long, Soldier
Author: Alisa - living_jalex
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
P.O.V.: Jack (Flashback)
Summary: A young soldier is sent home after coming out while “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is still in place. When he is reunited with an old friend, nothing may ever be the same again.
Disclaimer: This story is completely fictional. I do not own Alex or Jack.
Credit: Title to All Time Low
A/N: It’s flashback time with Jack Barakat. It’s now a year earlier; a year and a half after Alex goes off to war.
Masterpost.
Author's tumblr.
“You need to get out of the house, man. It’s been a year and a half.” Rian’s worried about me, but I don’t care. For all I know my best friend in the whole world could be dead by now. In all likelihood, he is. Alex was never a fighter, how could he possibly be expected to survive against terrorists?
The only thing keeping me going is that I haven’t heard any news that he’s been killed, though that could just mean that his parents don’t want to worry me. Either way I don’t need any of Rian’s shit right now.
“Fuck off, Rian. I can take care of myself.” I down my fourth glass of Jack Daniel’s as I run my fingers along a vacant bed.
Looking around this room is starting to feel more and more like I’m standing in a cemetery. Alex and I picked this house out only about two years ago; he only got a chance to live in it for less than half that time… If only I could have him back for just one more day, that would be good enough for me.
“But Jack, Rian has a point. You can’t sit around just waiting for Alex to come home. I mean, even if he does-” I shoot Zack an angry look.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“I’m sorry, but someone has to say it! Even if Alex does come back…”
“Stop while your ahead Merrick!”
“…HE’S NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME! DON’T YOU GET IT, JACK? It can never be the way it was…”
Tears are welling up in my eyes with the thought that I may never really get Alex back, if I get him back at all. All that’s left is a shadow of his memory, and even that’s fading. I collapse onto the bed, drunk and catatonic, staring up at the cracked ceiling.
“Jack… Zack and I are just trying to tell you that, sooner or later, you’re going to have to move on.” Rian sits down beside me.
He doesn’t understand, how could he? I don’t even think I fully understand why I feel like this. Alex was is my best friend, but this feeling is different. For some reason I don’t feel like I’ve lost a friend, but maybe a best friend is different. Maybe losing a best friend is supposed to feel like total heartbreak, destroying you completely. Alex and I developed such a relationship that it was as if we were… something more? I don’t know. I don’t really consider Alex a friend, but I don’t know what I would classify him as. It’s more like he’s my bo-… but no, that can’t be it. I mean I’m not…
“Rian, I don’t know why this is torturing me so much. All I know is that I can’t just give up on him. If I did, what kind of friend would I be?”
“All I know is that he wouldn’t want to see you like this. I’m certain of that.”
“Then he shouldn’t have fucking left in the first place! He shouldn’t have…”
I’m so overwhelmed that my lip trembles uncontrollably. The lump in my throat has grown so large that I choke on my words and can’t speak at all. I’m hyperventilating, my chest is caving in, and an onslaught of nausea washes over me. My whole body’s gone weak. I curl up into a ball and shove my face into Alex’s old pillow that has almost completely lost his scent; it smells more like my own salty tears now. Alex where are you? I need you. Please. I need you to come back to me.
Finally I’ve had too much of this.
“I need to get out of here. Now.” I say as I shoot up out of the bed, still shaking and staggering from the combination of alcohol and my own emotions.
“That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you. Come on we’ll take you somewhere that’ll cheer you up, Disneyland? It’s a little lat but we can go anywhere you want.”
“Zack?”
“Hmm?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Get off my dick. Both of you! I’ve got to get out of here… alone.”
Before they can stop me, I rush out of the house, grabbing my car keys on the way. As I open the front door, the chilling air of winter hits me straight on. I’m not dressed for the weather at all, wearing only a simple v-neck and skinny jeans, but the adrenaline racing through my body burns so hot that it seems to melt the frosty air around me. I trip my way over to the car and get in, slamming the door.
I sit there for a few moments trying to see through the teary glaze covering my eyes.
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
The misty windshield of my car slides into focus.
Steaming cold hands fumble to aim the key into the ignition.
Shift into reverse.
Foot meets pedal.
Breathe.
Silence.
And then…
My foot slams on the gas.
I speed out of the driveway and quickly shift into drive. The only thing that can stop me now is a collision. But I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m a little lightheaded and my heart’s pounding so hard it might break out of my chest, but I know what I want. Just keep driving, Jack. Don’t take your foot off of that pedal. If you’re lucky, you might die. Maybe then you can see…
Headlights are coming straight at me. Closer. Closer. This is it. The silence in my mind is interrupted by a loud horn. Wait, Jack, what are you doing!
SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!
I’m spinning out of control. I refuse to let any more people die for… or because of me.
CRASH!
CRASH!
Lying against a dusty airbag, I sit up and look around Where did the other car go?
On the other side of the road, bent around a tree, I see what’s left of some fancy sports car, too damaged to tell which one. Oh god I’ve killed someone!
I roll out of the car and stumble over to the wreck. Looking into the driver’s window, I see, buckled over the steering wheel, a petit girl with sandy brown hair, probably no more than twenty years old. Is she dead? She’s unconscious at least. I pull her out of the car and hold her head up in my arms.
Sifting through my pocket, I pull out my phone as quickly as possible and dial 911.
“911, what is your emergency?”
“P-please… I need help… there’s a girl here, she just got in a terrible car accident! Sh-she crashed into a tree! PLEASE HELP ME!” I’m panicking.
“Sir, I need you to calm down and tell me your exact location.”
I tell her where we are and she tells me a response unit is on its way.
Alone in the silence again. I look down at the girl in my arms. She’s out cold, blood running down her forehead. I flash on Alex, how he might be in this same condition on the other side of the world, just barely holding onto life. My heart reaches out to this unknown girl. Maybe if I can save her… it’ll give me some hope for Alex.
I can’t let her die.
“Hello? Please wake up. You can’t die. I’m so sorry. Please show me some sign that you can hear my voice…”
More silence. I can feel the cold now. Even in the heat of the steaming car, it’s colder than ever. For a year and a half my life has mostly consisted of tears and pain. Tonight will be no different. She looks so peaceful, so weak. Once again my eyes drown until my vision is nothing but speckles of color and light blurred together. My lips quiver and I'm sucking in the air in gulps trying to keep breathing. I wipe the blood away with my shirt. If she dies, Alex dies. That’s how I see it and I can’t let that happen!
"No… no. No, no, no, NO! Please! WAKE UP! I’m begging you! I need you to wake up! I need…" I need Alex.
I feel a slight movement in my arms, I look down at her face as her eyes flutter and she lets out a faint moan. She’s alive. For the first time in a year and a half, I find myself laughing. I cup her face in my hands, resting her head on my lap. I could kiss her, I’m so happy.
“W-where… what… w-what h-h-happened?” she struggles to speak.
“You’re alive! Thank god!”
“W-who a-are y-you? *ugh*… ow… AH!” the unnamed girl shrieks, gripping her torso, probably a couple of broken ribs.
“I… I’m… the name’s Jack,” perhaps it would be best not to tell her I’m the drunk driver who nearly killed her… for now, “you were in a car accident.”
“Oh… I’m… m-my n-name… is… is… S-” before she can finish the siren of an ambulance gets closer and closer.
“Don’t speak right now, save your energy.”
As the paramedics lift her onto a stretcher and begin to roll her into the ambulance, she grabs my hand.
“I’m… Sasha… th-thank you f-for s-saving me…” she utters before closing her eyes and releasing my hand. I smile slightly and, just as they’re about to close the doors to the van…
“WAIT!” they stop, “I need to be with her… Please?”
“How are you related to this woman?”
“I’m… I’m… I’m her… I’m her fiancé.”
They step aside and I climb into the van. This is one lie I won’t be getting out of easily.
- Regarding the next So Long, Soldier post: the next chapter may be a continuation of Jack's Interlude or Chapter 3 continuing with Alex as narrator, let me know in the comments below what you wanna see more of. If I continue with Jack's interlude I promise it won't be as shitty as this one. And I'm sorry, this one isn't my best work.