All Pretty and Petite (Twenty-Five)
Title: All Pretty And Petite
Authors:
turnthepageover
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
POV: Alex
Summary: “Sometimes I just, I wish I was a girl, one just his type. Then we’d be perfect together, you know?”
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack, Alex, or anyone in the lovely band and crew that make up All Time Low. They all own each other. Amen.
http://turnthepageover.livejournal.com/36869.html
“You have to talk to him,” Rian said as I messed with my phone, sitting in the dressing room. I shook my head, listening to him warm up by beating his drum sticks onto the cushions of the couch opposite me.
“I really don’t have to do anything, Rian,” I said, shrugging and putting my phone on the table. I grabbed the remote to turn the stereo up a little bit, resting my head on the couch.
“You can’t just give up, Al,” he said and I rolled my eyes..
“What else am I supposed to do, Ri?” I asked, tapping my fingers to the beat of the song. “I told him I’m in love with him. I’ve told him, multiple times, that I am Aly. Jack does not want me. Jack just wants to fucking be pathetic and feel sorry for himself. And you know what? He can go ahead and do that. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
“Yes you do,” he said, sighing and stopping his movements. “Alex, please, just keep trying. You have to be persistent. Keep talking to him about it. Tell him about stuff you did together when you were Aly. There has to be something that will make him believe you.”
“I don’t know, Rian. I’m bone fucking dry,” I answered, lifting up my vodka and Red Bull and taking a sip.
“It’s gonna work out, Alex. I have faith in you guys,” he said and I snorted.
“Right,” I said, humming along with the music.
I heard the door open, glancing over to see Jack, Zack, and Matt walking inside. I picked my phone back up out of habit, unlocking it as I began to sing under my breath.
“You said that you could let it go, and I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know oh oh,” I sang to myself, voice progressively growing louder. “But you didn’t have to cut me off. Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. Oh, I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.”
I grew aware that there were eyes on me, and I glanced up to see Jack staring into the mirror, eyes set on my reflection in it.
“No, you didn’t have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number. Guess that I don’t need that though, now you’re just somebody that I used to know,” I continued to sing, watching him grip the straightener tighter in his hand. “Somebody that I used to know.”
“Will you shut up?!” he demanded, turning around and waving his hands dramatically. Rian and Zack looked up from where they were sitting, startled by his sudden outburst.
“I’m sorry,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “I was just warming up. I have to sing, y’know?”
“Like you ever fucking warm up,” he shot back, anger framing his features.
“I thought it would be a good time to start. You might like to try it too, maybe you wouldn’t suck so bad on stage,” I said, and he opened his mouth to spit something back before Flyzik stood up.
“Both of you, knock it off!” he yelled, looking back and forth between us. “The last thing you fucking need is more tension on stage!”
I glared at Jack, who shared an equal look of distaste.
“Look, you have twenty more damn minutes before you go on stage. If all you’re going to do is use that time to fight, don’t talk at all!” he yelled at us. “I’m serious, Alex, Jack, stop arguing. I don’t want to treat you like children and put you in opposite corners.”
I rolled my eyes, shutting the stereo off and standing up. I took my drink with me, walking out of the room.
“Alex,” I heard a voice say, but I continued walking. “Alex, wait.”
“No, Matt,” I said, feeling him grab a hold of my elbow. I sighed, leaning back against the wall as I bit my lip, pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut to prevent any tears.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said, and I kept my hand over my eyes, “I didn’t mean to yell, but you guys need to quit this. It’s not good for the band.”
“Right, because I totally want to be going through this, Matt. I want to be rejected and have my heart broken just to fuck with the band, right?! That’s my fucking motive!” I said, glaring at him.
“Alex, you know that’s not what I meant-”
“Just fuck off! All of you!” I shook my head, feeling a few tears burn my eyes. “I can’t do this right now! I need to go get ready.”
I walked away from him, taking a long drink. I walked into someone as I poured my cup back, making the liquid splash onto me.
“Fuck!” I cursed, feeling the alcohol seep into my clothes, smelling it instantly.
“I’m sorry!” I heard a voice say, seeing Travis standing in front of me. He had obviously just stepped off stage due to the amount of sweat dripping from his face.
“It’s alright, man. I wasn’t paying attention,” I told him, cringing at the feeling of my wet t-shirt.
“Yeah, but neither was I,” he said, frowning.
“It’s alright, Trav, really,” I said, shaking my head and looking up at him.
“Hey,” he said, frowning and looking into my eyes. “Are you okay, Alex?”
“Yeah,” I said, averting my gaze. My eyes were obviously watery from fighting with Jack and Matt.
“Are you sure?” he pressed and I bit my lip.
“I have to go get ready. We’re going on next,” I said, glancing up at his face quickly.
“Oh, okay, that’s cool. Good luck,” he said, smiling and giving me a quick nod. “But, dude, if you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me, alright? I’m a pretty good listener.”
I nodded, giving him a small smile.
“Thanks,” I said, “I’ll keep that in mind. Later, bro.”
“Later,” Travis said before walking away.
I continued walking on, really wanting another drink but knowing I had no time. I went to the side stage, allowing them to set me up with everything I needed. I avoided contact with Jack, not waiting to see or talk to him. I would have to, though. That’s what majority of our show was built off of.
I felt a hand on my back, turning around to see Zack giving me a sympathetic smile. I gave him a half smile back, nodding as I watched the lights go down.
***
I walked onto the bus, shrugging my hoodie off. I grabbed a beer from the mini-fridge, cracking it open and leaning against the counter.
My head was killing me; the show had been brutal. An hour of forcing myself to crack jokes and talk to Jack when all I really wanted to do was walk over and punch him in his huge nose. And all I had wanted to do after the show was crawl in my bunk, but I had sucked up my feelings and went out to sign for the fans. It wasn’t their fault my life was falling apart, all they wanted to do was love me.
Love.
I took a sip of my beer at the thought, laughing bitterly. What a fucking joke that was. It was hard to believe that a month ago I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Jack and I were happy. We were in love. No, Jack and Aly were in love. Fuck Alex and his feelings and his heart, it was all about fucking Aly.
I downed the beer quickly, pouring myself a shot of vodka and throwing it back. I shook my head, grabbing a solo cup and filling it with the liquid. My heart was already fucked, so what should I care about my liver.
I heard the bus door open, seeing Jack walk onto the bus. I turned at the sight of him, feeling the alcohol burn my throat as I took a long gulp of it. I needed to drink, to drown the words I wanted to scream at him.
I walked back into the bunk, climbing into mine and closing the curtain. I sat in the dark, drinking the vodka slowly. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling my chest ache. My face crumpled and I let the empty cup slip from my hand, seeing it fall from my bunk. I put my face in my hands, feeling the sobs rack through me. My ribs felt like they were being crushed, and I gasped for breath.
What had I done wrong? All I had done was love him, which was more than I could say for any of the girls he had been with. I had loved him like my everything, was willing to give him anything. Isn’t that what everyone wants? To be loved? So why do they always just shove the person that is willingly to give them just that as far away as they can. Why do they just continue to want what they can’t have?
Jack couldn’t have Aly. Aly was gone. In a way, Aly never was. But I was. I am here, real and living and breathing and waiting, and Jack wouldn’t accept that. Why couldn’t I just be good enough for him? Why did I have to change who I am completely just to be good enough for him?
I hated Jack Barakat for what he was doing to me. I hated him for making me cry. I hated him for making me feel broken, for making me feel like I didn’t matter at all. But mostly, I hated him because no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I couldn’t stop loving him with everything I was.
♠ ♠ ♠Song credit: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye
I reread this whole story, and it was so happy.
Now my poor babies are so miserable
Authors:
turnthepageover
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
POV: Alex
Summary: “Sometimes I just, I wish I was a girl, one just his type. Then we’d be perfect together, you know?”
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack, Alex, or anyone in the lovely band and crew that make up All Time Low. They all own each other. Amen.
http://turnthepageover.livejournal.com/36869.html
“You have to talk to him,” Rian said as I messed with my phone, sitting in the dressing room. I shook my head, listening to him warm up by beating his drum sticks onto the cushions of the couch opposite me.
“I really don’t have to do anything, Rian,” I said, shrugging and putting my phone on the table. I grabbed the remote to turn the stereo up a little bit, resting my head on the couch.
“You can’t just give up, Al,” he said and I rolled my eyes..
“What else am I supposed to do, Ri?” I asked, tapping my fingers to the beat of the song. “I told him I’m in love with him. I’ve told him, multiple times, that I am Aly. Jack does not want me. Jack just wants to fucking be pathetic and feel sorry for himself. And you know what? He can go ahead and do that. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
“Yes you do,” he said, sighing and stopping his movements. “Alex, please, just keep trying. You have to be persistent. Keep talking to him about it. Tell him about stuff you did together when you were Aly. There has to be something that will make him believe you.”
“I don’t know, Rian. I’m bone fucking dry,” I answered, lifting up my vodka and Red Bull and taking a sip.
“It’s gonna work out, Alex. I have faith in you guys,” he said and I snorted.
“Right,” I said, humming along with the music.
I heard the door open, glancing over to see Jack, Zack, and Matt walking inside. I picked my phone back up out of habit, unlocking it as I began to sing under my breath.
“You said that you could let it go, and I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know oh oh,” I sang to myself, voice progressively growing louder. “But you didn’t have to cut me off. Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. Oh, I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.”
I grew aware that there were eyes on me, and I glanced up to see Jack staring into the mirror, eyes set on my reflection in it.
“No, you didn’t have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number. Guess that I don’t need that though, now you’re just somebody that I used to know,” I continued to sing, watching him grip the straightener tighter in his hand. “Somebody that I used to know.”
“Will you shut up?!” he demanded, turning around and waving his hands dramatically. Rian and Zack looked up from where they were sitting, startled by his sudden outburst.
“I’m sorry,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “I was just warming up. I have to sing, y’know?”
“Like you ever fucking warm up,” he shot back, anger framing his features.
“I thought it would be a good time to start. You might like to try it too, maybe you wouldn’t suck so bad on stage,” I said, and he opened his mouth to spit something back before Flyzik stood up.
“Both of you, knock it off!” he yelled, looking back and forth between us. “The last thing you fucking need is more tension on stage!”
I glared at Jack, who shared an equal look of distaste.
“Look, you have twenty more damn minutes before you go on stage. If all you’re going to do is use that time to fight, don’t talk at all!” he yelled at us. “I’m serious, Alex, Jack, stop arguing. I don’t want to treat you like children and put you in opposite corners.”
I rolled my eyes, shutting the stereo off and standing up. I took my drink with me, walking out of the room.
“Alex,” I heard a voice say, but I continued walking. “Alex, wait.”
“No, Matt,” I said, feeling him grab a hold of my elbow. I sighed, leaning back against the wall as I bit my lip, pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut to prevent any tears.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said, and I kept my hand over my eyes, “I didn’t mean to yell, but you guys need to quit this. It’s not good for the band.”
“Right, because I totally want to be going through this, Matt. I want to be rejected and have my heart broken just to fuck with the band, right?! That’s my fucking motive!” I said, glaring at him.
“Alex, you know that’s not what I meant-”
“Just fuck off! All of you!” I shook my head, feeling a few tears burn my eyes. “I can’t do this right now! I need to go get ready.”
I walked away from him, taking a long drink. I walked into someone as I poured my cup back, making the liquid splash onto me.
“Fuck!” I cursed, feeling the alcohol seep into my clothes, smelling it instantly.
“I’m sorry!” I heard a voice say, seeing Travis standing in front of me. He had obviously just stepped off stage due to the amount of sweat dripping from his face.
“It’s alright, man. I wasn’t paying attention,” I told him, cringing at the feeling of my wet t-shirt.
“Yeah, but neither was I,” he said, frowning.
“It’s alright, Trav, really,” I said, shaking my head and looking up at him.
“Hey,” he said, frowning and looking into my eyes. “Are you okay, Alex?”
“Yeah,” I said, averting my gaze. My eyes were obviously watery from fighting with Jack and Matt.
“Are you sure?” he pressed and I bit my lip.
“I have to go get ready. We’re going on next,” I said, glancing up at his face quickly.
“Oh, okay, that’s cool. Good luck,” he said, smiling and giving me a quick nod. “But, dude, if you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me, alright? I’m a pretty good listener.”
I nodded, giving him a small smile.
“Thanks,” I said, “I’ll keep that in mind. Later, bro.”
“Later,” Travis said before walking away.
I continued walking on, really wanting another drink but knowing I had no time. I went to the side stage, allowing them to set me up with everything I needed. I avoided contact with Jack, not waiting to see or talk to him. I would have to, though. That’s what majority of our show was built off of.
I felt a hand on my back, turning around to see Zack giving me a sympathetic smile. I gave him a half smile back, nodding as I watched the lights go down.
***
I walked onto the bus, shrugging my hoodie off. I grabbed a beer from the mini-fridge, cracking it open and leaning against the counter.
My head was killing me; the show had been brutal. An hour of forcing myself to crack jokes and talk to Jack when all I really wanted to do was walk over and punch him in his huge nose. And all I had wanted to do after the show was crawl in my bunk, but I had sucked up my feelings and went out to sign for the fans. It wasn’t their fault my life was falling apart, all they wanted to do was love me.
Love.
I took a sip of my beer at the thought, laughing bitterly. What a fucking joke that was. It was hard to believe that a month ago I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Jack and I were happy. We were in love. No, Jack and Aly were in love. Fuck Alex and his feelings and his heart, it was all about fucking Aly.
I downed the beer quickly, pouring myself a shot of vodka and throwing it back. I shook my head, grabbing a solo cup and filling it with the liquid. My heart was already fucked, so what should I care about my liver.
I heard the bus door open, seeing Jack walk onto the bus. I turned at the sight of him, feeling the alcohol burn my throat as I took a long gulp of it. I needed to drink, to drown the words I wanted to scream at him.
I walked back into the bunk, climbing into mine and closing the curtain. I sat in the dark, drinking the vodka slowly. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling my chest ache. My face crumpled and I let the empty cup slip from my hand, seeing it fall from my bunk. I put my face in my hands, feeling the sobs rack through me. My ribs felt like they were being crushed, and I gasped for breath.
What had I done wrong? All I had done was love him, which was more than I could say for any of the girls he had been with. I had loved him like my everything, was willing to give him anything. Isn’t that what everyone wants? To be loved? So why do they always just shove the person that is willingly to give them just that as far away as they can. Why do they just continue to want what they can’t have?
Jack couldn’t have Aly. Aly was gone. In a way, Aly never was. But I was. I am here, real and living and breathing and waiting, and Jack wouldn’t accept that. Why couldn’t I just be good enough for him? Why did I have to change who I am completely just to be good enough for him?
I hated Jack Barakat for what he was doing to me. I hated him for making me cry. I hated him for making me feel broken, for making me feel like I didn’t matter at all. But mostly, I hated him because no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I couldn’t stop loving him with everything I was.
♠ ♠ ♠Song credit: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye
I reread this whole story, and it was so happy.
Now my poor babies are so miserable