All I Wanted Was You (Chapter 2)
Title: All I Wanted Was You
Author: emmameatsix
Pairing: Jalex (when is it not?)
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of self-harm and attempted suicide.
Summary: Alex had fucked Jack over once too many times. He had abandoned him years ago. But no matter how much Jack tells himself he doesn't need him, and that he'll never forgive him, it becomes quite obvious that is a lie.
Disclaimer: Never happened. I do not own these lovely boys sigh. Title belongs to Paramore and cut to Coldplay.
A/N: I will try and update all 3 of my fics today, because I'm ill and have time to waste, so might as well.
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Two weeks later, and Jack was back at school, having outright refused to go to therapy. He didn't need it, he was fine. Okay, so everyone knew that was a lie, but honestly, he found the idea of going to therapy embarrassing. John already had the fact that he tried to off himself to use against him. Why practically hand him something else to go along with it? Red, livid scars were etched on both wrists, and he didn't think they were going anytime soon. As he walked the corridors of his shitty school, he was wrapped up in thoughts about Alex. Where did he and the boy stand? Were they talking again? Had Alex finally given up the bullshit? He could only hope. Jack was nothing without Alex. Miserable at best.
Alex had given nothing up. Yeah, he'd gotten Jack an ambulance, but he was only human. Giving up his act results in getting beaten up, and was Alex prepared go through that? No he fucking wasn't. Why? He's just not as brave as Jack. Admiration doesn't even begin to cover what he feels for Jack putting up with all the bullshit John puts him through. Therefore, he was back to his old ways. Treating Jack like a worthless fucker when really the boy was his world. As he saw Jack heading towards him, he braced himself for what he was about to have to put himself and the younger through.
'Oo, Gaskarth, here comes your little boyfriend.' John smirked.
'Piss off, John. Fucking hate the kid.' Alex muttered reluctantly.
'Really? That's why you were in the toilets crying your fucking heart out over him?'
'Spur of the moment. All it was.'
'Whatever you say, man.'
Jack walked towards him and gave him a weak smile before going to walk past him again. Letting out a shaky breath, Alex grabbed the unsuspecting boy by the collar, shoving him up against the lockers.
'What the fuck are you doing smiling at me, fag?' Alex sneered.
'W-what?' Jack questioned nervously.
'You heard me, fucker. What's with the smile? Don't know if you've noticed, but I thought it was pretty damn obvious that I fucking hate your guts.'
Angry, Jack glared at the other boy, wishing he would just give it up already.
'Oh yeah? Then why the fuck did you come over and shower me in apologies and phone me a fucking ambulance and cry over me when I tried to kill myself?!'
'I felt bad, I admit it. I felt bad. But I don't anymore. I should have fucking left you to die. Its what you deserve.' Alex whispered harshly, although he felt as though he would burst into tears at any second.
Jack was no better off. Looking at Alex, face blank yet eyes so filled with pain, he spoke shakily, voice barely a whisper, sounding so incredibly broken it actually physically hurt Alex to hear.
'I wish I did die. I loathe myself. I don't blame you.'
And yeah, it took every ounce of strength that Alex had in him not to break down right there. It was torturous. To look into Jack's big, chocolate eyes and see that he meant every single thing he just said. To finally realise just how much fucking damage he'd actually done to the beautiful boy. It was painful. And then, Jack uttered the most untrue, horrible thing Alex had heard in his life.
'I'm nothing.'
Fuck. Alex just looked at the boy, his lip visibly trembling, not knowing what to do with himself. Unable to control himself, a salty tear spilled over his cheek. Slightly shocked expression on his face, Jack just stared at him. John looked at Alex with the most confused expression he'd seen in his life. Before he really registered what he was doing, he found himself smashing Jack against the locker and sprinting away as quickly as he could, crying all the while.
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'Dude, what the fuck was that with Barakat earlier?!' John shouted.
Alex was sat at his usual table in the cafeteria, pissed at himself for letting his guard down.
'I don't know. I'm in a weird mood today.'
The other boy just sighed.
'Whatever, Gaskarth. Just fucking get your shit together, would ya?'
Alex let his mind wander back to the raven-haired boy as he ate. He wondered where he was now? He hadn't seen him in the cafeteria yet. More importantly, he wondered what Jack was thinking about Alex's little slip-up earlier. It had just hurt so fucking much to see the boy he adored the most speak about himself so harshly, and to really believe what he was saying. There's only so much he can take.
With that in mind, he cleared his throat and spoke up again.
'Speaking of the faggot, you know what he was crying about by any chance?'
John laughed cruelly.
'Yeah. Apparently his parents got into a car crash. Died on impact.'
Alex's eyes couldn't have been wider. Fucking hell. That was not what he was expecting. Shit, how fucking awful must Jack feel? And it doesn't matter how much you hate someone, how can you laugh at their fucking parents dying?!
'Dude.' Alex simply said, eyebrows raised.
John just looked at him blankly. 'What?'
'Why the fuck are you laughing about that?'
The other rolled his eyes. 'Fucking knew it. You're in love with the prick.'
'I am not! Its just fucking inhumane to laugh at something like that.'
'Dude, its Jack.'
'What do you mean, its Jack?'
'Nobody likes the guy anyway, Doesn't matter.' John shrugged.
Alex just shook his head angrily, throwing down his cutlery and making his way to find the dough-eyed boy. After about five minutes, he found him, sitting in the auditorium, blank expression settled on his face.
'Jack.' Alex began.
Jack just looked at the boy, then looked away again. Confrontation was not something he could be bothered with right now. Speaking wasn't even something he wanted to do at this moment.
Sheepishly, Alex walked over and sat down next the the broken boy he used to know so well.
'Jack, I'm so fucking sorry.'
Facing his head to his beaten up shoes, Jack shook his head sadly.
'I swear to you, I am.'
Nothing.
'Jack, look at me.'
Reluctantly, the raven-haired boy looked up. All he could see in the elder's eyes was guilt and sincerity.
'What do you want, Alex?' He whispered brokenly.
'I want to be your friend again. Fuck Jay, I miss you so much. All the disgusting things I've said to you over the past four years...' Alex shuddered at the thought. 'I didn't mean a word of it. I was just... I was scared, Jack. Okay? A coward. I was afraid. But I'm not anymore. I don't care anymore. All I know is I can't keep living like this. I'm sick of treating you like shit when you're a fucking godsend.'
Jack just listened to Alex's little speech, not saying a word.
'J-Jack?'
'Alex, just go be with John or something. I don't want sympathy. I'm a worthless fuck-up, and you know it. Don't waste your time on someone you don't even like, because it hurts too much. For both of us.'
At that, Alex gripped onto Jack's shoulders and just stared into his eyes, determined to get his point across.
'Jack, listen to me. You're not worthless. You're everything, okay? What John says about you, what I've said about you, it isn't fucking true, okay? Don't believe a word of it. You deserve the world, Jay.'
Jack just looked at him with hurt eyes.
'Why did you treat me like that then?'
'Like I said, I'm a coward.'
'You do realise it not best fucking friends from here? You've got a fuckload to do to earn my trust again.'
'I know. I'm prepared to do that.'
With the tiniest smile, but a smile all the same, Jack gave Alex a small hug, not really wanting to push the boundaries with someone who was telling him he'd be better off dead earlier that same day.
'Better get to work then, Gaskarth.'
Author: emmameatsix
Pairing: Jalex (when is it not?)
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of self-harm and attempted suicide.
Summary: Alex had fucked Jack over once too many times. He had abandoned him years ago. But no matter how much Jack tells himself he doesn't need him, and that he'll never forgive him, it becomes quite obvious that is a lie.
Disclaimer: Never happened. I do not own these lovely boys sigh. Title belongs to Paramore and cut to Coldplay.
A/N: I will try and update all 3 of my fics today, because I'm ill and have time to waste, so might as well.
Tumblr
Masterpost
Two weeks later, and Jack was back at school, having outright refused to go to therapy. He didn't need it, he was fine. Okay, so everyone knew that was a lie, but honestly, he found the idea of going to therapy embarrassing. John already had the fact that he tried to off himself to use against him. Why practically hand him something else to go along with it? Red, livid scars were etched on both wrists, and he didn't think they were going anytime soon. As he walked the corridors of his shitty school, he was wrapped up in thoughts about Alex. Where did he and the boy stand? Were they talking again? Had Alex finally given up the bullshit? He could only hope. Jack was nothing without Alex. Miserable at best.
Alex had given nothing up. Yeah, he'd gotten Jack an ambulance, but he was only human. Giving up his act results in getting beaten up, and was Alex prepared go through that? No he fucking wasn't. Why? He's just not as brave as Jack. Admiration doesn't even begin to cover what he feels for Jack putting up with all the bullshit John puts him through. Therefore, he was back to his old ways. Treating Jack like a worthless fucker when really the boy was his world. As he saw Jack heading towards him, he braced himself for what he was about to have to put himself and the younger through.
'Oo, Gaskarth, here comes your little boyfriend.' John smirked.
'Piss off, John. Fucking hate the kid.' Alex muttered reluctantly.
'Really? That's why you were in the toilets crying your fucking heart out over him?'
'Spur of the moment. All it was.'
'Whatever you say, man.'
Jack walked towards him and gave him a weak smile before going to walk past him again. Letting out a shaky breath, Alex grabbed the unsuspecting boy by the collar, shoving him up against the lockers.
'What the fuck are you doing smiling at me, fag?' Alex sneered.
'W-what?' Jack questioned nervously.
'You heard me, fucker. What's with the smile? Don't know if you've noticed, but I thought it was pretty damn obvious that I fucking hate your guts.'
Angry, Jack glared at the other boy, wishing he would just give it up already.
'Oh yeah? Then why the fuck did you come over and shower me in apologies and phone me a fucking ambulance and cry over me when I tried to kill myself?!'
'I felt bad, I admit it. I felt bad. But I don't anymore. I should have fucking left you to die. Its what you deserve.' Alex whispered harshly, although he felt as though he would burst into tears at any second.
Jack was no better off. Looking at Alex, face blank yet eyes so filled with pain, he spoke shakily, voice barely a whisper, sounding so incredibly broken it actually physically hurt Alex to hear.
'I wish I did die. I loathe myself. I don't blame you.'
And yeah, it took every ounce of strength that Alex had in him not to break down right there. It was torturous. To look into Jack's big, chocolate eyes and see that he meant every single thing he just said. To finally realise just how much fucking damage he'd actually done to the beautiful boy. It was painful. And then, Jack uttered the most untrue, horrible thing Alex had heard in his life.
'I'm nothing.'
Fuck. Alex just looked at the boy, his lip visibly trembling, not knowing what to do with himself. Unable to control himself, a salty tear spilled over his cheek. Slightly shocked expression on his face, Jack just stared at him. John looked at Alex with the most confused expression he'd seen in his life. Before he really registered what he was doing, he found himself smashing Jack against the locker and sprinting away as quickly as he could, crying all the while.
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'Dude, what the fuck was that with Barakat earlier?!' John shouted.
Alex was sat at his usual table in the cafeteria, pissed at himself for letting his guard down.
'I don't know. I'm in a weird mood today.'
The other boy just sighed.
'Whatever, Gaskarth. Just fucking get your shit together, would ya?'
Alex let his mind wander back to the raven-haired boy as he ate. He wondered where he was now? He hadn't seen him in the cafeteria yet. More importantly, he wondered what Jack was thinking about Alex's little slip-up earlier. It had just hurt so fucking much to see the boy he adored the most speak about himself so harshly, and to really believe what he was saying. There's only so much he can take.
With that in mind, he cleared his throat and spoke up again.
'Speaking of the faggot, you know what he was crying about by any chance?'
John laughed cruelly.
'Yeah. Apparently his parents got into a car crash. Died on impact.'
Alex's eyes couldn't have been wider. Fucking hell. That was not what he was expecting. Shit, how fucking awful must Jack feel? And it doesn't matter how much you hate someone, how can you laugh at their fucking parents dying?!
'Dude.' Alex simply said, eyebrows raised.
John just looked at him blankly. 'What?'
'Why the fuck are you laughing about that?'
The other rolled his eyes. 'Fucking knew it. You're in love with the prick.'
'I am not! Its just fucking inhumane to laugh at something like that.'
'Dude, its Jack.'
'What do you mean, its Jack?'
'Nobody likes the guy anyway, Doesn't matter.' John shrugged.
Alex just shook his head angrily, throwing down his cutlery and making his way to find the dough-eyed boy. After about five minutes, he found him, sitting in the auditorium, blank expression settled on his face.
'Jack.' Alex began.
Jack just looked at the boy, then looked away again. Confrontation was not something he could be bothered with right now. Speaking wasn't even something he wanted to do at this moment.
Sheepishly, Alex walked over and sat down next the the broken boy he used to know so well.
'Jack, I'm so fucking sorry.'
Facing his head to his beaten up shoes, Jack shook his head sadly.
'I swear to you, I am.'
Nothing.
'Jack, look at me.'
Reluctantly, the raven-haired boy looked up. All he could see in the elder's eyes was guilt and sincerity.
'What do you want, Alex?' He whispered brokenly.
'I want to be your friend again. Fuck Jay, I miss you so much. All the disgusting things I've said to you over the past four years...' Alex shuddered at the thought. 'I didn't mean a word of it. I was just... I was scared, Jack. Okay? A coward. I was afraid. But I'm not anymore. I don't care anymore. All I know is I can't keep living like this. I'm sick of treating you like shit when you're a fucking godsend.'
Jack just listened to Alex's little speech, not saying a word.
'J-Jack?'
'Alex, just go be with John or something. I don't want sympathy. I'm a worthless fuck-up, and you know it. Don't waste your time on someone you don't even like, because it hurts too much. For both of us.'
At that, Alex gripped onto Jack's shoulders and just stared into his eyes, determined to get his point across.
'Jack, listen to me. You're not worthless. You're everything, okay? What John says about you, what I've said about you, it isn't fucking true, okay? Don't believe a word of it. You deserve the world, Jay.'
Jack just looked at him with hurt eyes.
'Why did you treat me like that then?'
'Like I said, I'm a coward.'
'You do realise it not best fucking friends from here? You've got a fuckload to do to earn my trust again.'
'I know. I'm prepared to do that.'
With the tiniest smile, but a smile all the same, Jack gave Alex a small hug, not really wanting to push the boundaries with someone who was telling him he'd be better off dead earlier that same day.
'Better get to work then, Gaskarth.'