Like We Used To (14)
Title: Like We Used To
Author:
wokeupfromdream
Pairing: Jalex (who else?)
Rating: NC-17
POV: Alex
Summary: I told you, I want nothing to do with you ever again. What are you doing here?!
Disclaimer: The story is mine, the characters aren't. If this had actually happened, I'd shit myself. Title belongs to A Rocket To The Moon. Cut is from Stay by Mayday Parade.
Author's notes: This is dedicated to
jaseynoel14 and xgoingmywayx and jalexmylove cause they're precious and talk to me when I'm lonely even though I probably annoy the hell out of them by now.
masterpost
Tumblr
Everyone says that the word ‘hate’ is very strong and that you shouldn’t use it unless you really mean it. Well so is ‘love,’ but that word is thrown around like dust.
“I love you baby.” Let’s have sex now.
“I love you. You’re my best friend!” Eh, you’re okay.
“Aw thanks, you paid for me. Love ya!” Thank God, cause I’m broke.
But for me, telling someone I love them is a big step. Sure, saying it to my parents and family was easy. It’s something I do on a daily basis. I learned pretty early that you always need to remind people that you love them, because you never know when you might lose them and you want them to know that you care. I’d always tell my mom I loved her before hanging up the phone and my dad that I loved him before he left for work. My goodnight’s were always accompanied with an “I love you” no matter what. I would stop what I was doing just to say it.
Saying it to my friends is a whole other story. I tell Rian, Cass, and Zack that I love them all the time. But it’s more of a brotherly/sisterly love. And I tell them I love them almost as a thank you for every favor they do me. I tell Rian I love him when he helps me with my homework. I tell Zack I love him when he remembers to buy me cherry pop every time he stops by the store to buy himself something. I do the same for Cass when she gives me advice and helps me feel better if I’m sick. But that is so different from telling a lover that you feel for them.
Once you pop the l-word in a relationship, a lot will probably change. The way you openly see each other will change, the way you treat each other in public, maybe even a ring is brought into the picture. But doing it takes a hell of a lot of courage. Because once you admit that you love someone, you are practically baring your soul to them and you feel completely naked. You are giving someone your heart and letting them do with it what they please. You become vulnerable and it is then ten times easier for them to hurt you and it hurts ten times more when they do. It took me months to tell Jack I loved him and he immediately said it back, as if it was a no-brainer.
And now Josh. He was trying to tell me he loved me. Which could not happen. I would not let it. Because, I didn’t love him and I wasn’t ready to tell such a big lie. As far as lying went, I was good at it. I could make you believe anything. And lying came easily to me. I wouldn’t blink abnormally and my voice would stay the same and I could look you straight in the eye while lying my ass off. It was a trait of mine that came in handy a lot. And I could easily lie to Josh and tell him I loved him, then kiss him passionately to prove the point. But the guilt would eat me alive. He would be so hurt if he found out the truth and I honestly wouldn’t be able to keep the lie going for too long because I’m really in love with someone else.
“Alex, I think I lo”- And that’s when I knew I had to cut him off, because I had a feeling that what he would say would ultimately lead to disaster. So I leaned in and kissed him so forcefully, practically shoving my tongue down his throat and he seemed to take it. He kissed back just as strongly, forgetting what he wanted to say. His hands went to my hips, as he lost himself in the heat. I silently thanked myself for cutting him off. God knows what would happen if he said it. I’d definitely crack then and yell something about loving Jack which would be chaotic to say the least.
---
We lay side by side, fingers interlocked, on a blanket on the hill of our local park. I stole a glance at Jack who was looking up at the stars, searching for something. I felt my heart start beating faster from just how beautiful he was. The moonlight hit his face just right, lighting up his eyes, as if they could get any brighter. It amazed me that my cheeks hurt, whenever I was around him, from smiling too much. I wanted to somehow explain to him how much he meant to me. But I couldn’t find the words. Until suddenly, I did. Except, those words were too hard to say, and even if I could get them past my lips, they had the potential to change everything. Quite possibly for the worse. Still, looking at him then, I absolutely had to. I wanted him to know that he was perfect in every single way. I wanted to somehow show him that I would always love him and always be there for him.
“Jack?” I asked. He looked away from the stars and at me, smiling brightly.
“Yes baby?”
I stared for a minutes, contemplating how I should word it. “I, I wanted to tell you something.”
“What is it?” I kept staring at him, nerves getting the best of me, making butterflies take flight in my stomach, swirling around in a frenzy. “Lex, what’s up?”
“I-uh. I, well, you see…” I looked away, embarrassed.
“You can tell me anything darling.” He squeezed my hand that lay in his gently, reassuring me.
So I took the plunge. “I love you Jack.”
I looked up at him through my lashes, waiting for his response. He just smiled at me, a faraway look in his eyes, before he focused on me again. “That’s what you wanted to tell me?” I nodded.
“Well, beautiful, I’ve loved you for a while now.”
My heart started pounding, head spinning from joy. This elated feeling bubbled up in my stomach, taking over my senses. I felt as if I was sitting on a cloud, feeling my heart race a mile a minute. And I was never happier than then. It was perhaps the best moment of my life.
---
And maybe he didn’t lie when he said it. Maybe the love is still there. Because I know my love is still here for him. And maybe that’s the way it would always be.
A/N: This is shit okay, I know it's shit. God, I've just been so depressed lately and I've been working a lot of Hold Me Up Just a Little Bit Longer, so if you like that fic, lemme just find time to type it up, cause I have a lot. So yeah, read this shit and try to enjoy it.
Author:
wokeupfromdream
Pairing: Jalex (who else?)
Rating: NC-17
POV: Alex
Summary: I told you, I want nothing to do with you ever again. What are you doing here?!
Disclaimer: The story is mine, the characters aren't. If this had actually happened, I'd shit myself. Title belongs to A Rocket To The Moon. Cut is from Stay by Mayday Parade.
Author's notes: This is dedicated to
jaseynoel14 and xgoingmywayx and jalexmylove cause they're precious and talk to me when I'm lonely even though I probably annoy the hell out of them by now.
masterpost
Tumblr
Everyone says that the word ‘hate’ is very strong and that you shouldn’t use it unless you really mean it. Well so is ‘love,’ but that word is thrown around like dust.
“I love you baby.” Let’s have sex now.
“I love you. You’re my best friend!” Eh, you’re okay.
“Aw thanks, you paid for me. Love ya!” Thank God, cause I’m broke.
But for me, telling someone I love them is a big step. Sure, saying it to my parents and family was easy. It’s something I do on a daily basis. I learned pretty early that you always need to remind people that you love them, because you never know when you might lose them and you want them to know that you care. I’d always tell my mom I loved her before hanging up the phone and my dad that I loved him before he left for work. My goodnight’s were always accompanied with an “I love you” no matter what. I would stop what I was doing just to say it.
Saying it to my friends is a whole other story. I tell Rian, Cass, and Zack that I love them all the time. But it’s more of a brotherly/sisterly love. And I tell them I love them almost as a thank you for every favor they do me. I tell Rian I love him when he helps me with my homework. I tell Zack I love him when he remembers to buy me cherry pop every time he stops by the store to buy himself something. I do the same for Cass when she gives me advice and helps me feel better if I’m sick. But that is so different from telling a lover that you feel for them.
Once you pop the l-word in a relationship, a lot will probably change. The way you openly see each other will change, the way you treat each other in public, maybe even a ring is brought into the picture. But doing it takes a hell of a lot of courage. Because once you admit that you love someone, you are practically baring your soul to them and you feel completely naked. You are giving someone your heart and letting them do with it what they please. You become vulnerable and it is then ten times easier for them to hurt you and it hurts ten times more when they do. It took me months to tell Jack I loved him and he immediately said it back, as if it was a no-brainer.
And now Josh. He was trying to tell me he loved me. Which could not happen. I would not let it. Because, I didn’t love him and I wasn’t ready to tell such a big lie. As far as lying went, I was good at it. I could make you believe anything. And lying came easily to me. I wouldn’t blink abnormally and my voice would stay the same and I could look you straight in the eye while lying my ass off. It was a trait of mine that came in handy a lot. And I could easily lie to Josh and tell him I loved him, then kiss him passionately to prove the point. But the guilt would eat me alive. He would be so hurt if he found out the truth and I honestly wouldn’t be able to keep the lie going for too long because I’m really in love with someone else.
“Alex, I think I lo”- And that’s when I knew I had to cut him off, because I had a feeling that what he would say would ultimately lead to disaster. So I leaned in and kissed him so forcefully, practically shoving my tongue down his throat and he seemed to take it. He kissed back just as strongly, forgetting what he wanted to say. His hands went to my hips, as he lost himself in the heat. I silently thanked myself for cutting him off. God knows what would happen if he said it. I’d definitely crack then and yell something about loving Jack which would be chaotic to say the least.
---
We lay side by side, fingers interlocked, on a blanket on the hill of our local park. I stole a glance at Jack who was looking up at the stars, searching for something. I felt my heart start beating faster from just how beautiful he was. The moonlight hit his face just right, lighting up his eyes, as if they could get any brighter. It amazed me that my cheeks hurt, whenever I was around him, from smiling too much. I wanted to somehow explain to him how much he meant to me. But I couldn’t find the words. Until suddenly, I did. Except, those words were too hard to say, and even if I could get them past my lips, they had the potential to change everything. Quite possibly for the worse. Still, looking at him then, I absolutely had to. I wanted him to know that he was perfect in every single way. I wanted to somehow show him that I would always love him and always be there for him.
“Jack?” I asked. He looked away from the stars and at me, smiling brightly.
“Yes baby?”
I stared for a minutes, contemplating how I should word it. “I, I wanted to tell you something.”
“What is it?” I kept staring at him, nerves getting the best of me, making butterflies take flight in my stomach, swirling around in a frenzy. “Lex, what’s up?”
“I-uh. I, well, you see…” I looked away, embarrassed.
“You can tell me anything darling.” He squeezed my hand that lay in his gently, reassuring me.
So I took the plunge. “I love you Jack.”
I looked up at him through my lashes, waiting for his response. He just smiled at me, a faraway look in his eyes, before he focused on me again. “That’s what you wanted to tell me?” I nodded.
“Well, beautiful, I’ve loved you for a while now.”
My heart started pounding, head spinning from joy. This elated feeling bubbled up in my stomach, taking over my senses. I felt as if I was sitting on a cloud, feeling my heart race a mile a minute. And I was never happier than then. It was perhaps the best moment of my life.
---
And maybe he didn’t lie when he said it. Maybe the love is still there. Because I know my love is still here for him. And maybe that’s the way it would always be.
A/N: This is shit okay, I know it's shit. God, I've just been so depressed lately and I've been working a lot of Hold Me Up Just a Little Bit Longer, so if you like that fic, lemme just find time to type it up, cause I have a lot. So yeah, read this shit and try to enjoy it.