The Fighters Journal (Chapter One)
Title: A New Arrival
Author: TheAllTimeLow
Rating: PG
Pairing: Alex/Jack
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the creative thought process behind the writing.
Summary: Rose Hill is hope for the hopeless and I was the most hopeful of them all. That was until I met Alex. When I first saw him I couldn't believe someone so broken could still be living.
Author Notes: All feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading!
"I give up on you."
Those are the worst three words someone at Rose Hill could ever hear.
It's about thirty years since the infamous 'ipad 2' was released, and a lot has changed. Back then, you could roll up to the hospital -blind in both eyes, deaf in both ears, with Alzheimer, Dementia, and not capable of forming a coherent sentence- and they wouldn't think twice about denying you an immediate end. You could get down on your hands and knees and beg to be euthanized, and they would shoot you down faster than you could even consider shedding a tear for your cause.
Not like animals.
You bring a cat in that's in the same condition and they will actually advise you to kill it. Because it's cruel to keep them alive and watch them suffer. I imagine if someone from thirty years ago showed up today they'd probably say we had lost our humanity. I disagree. If anything, I think we've gained a greater perspective on it. Why is it okay to kill an animal at our will, but we are required to keep our own species alive? In my eyes, keeping anything alive that is suffering, especially one who may have even requested to have their suffering be ended, is inhumane.
And that's kind of how things are at Rose Hill.
It is the last place for those people who have either given up on themselves, or have had the world give up on them. For the broken, the lost, the insane, and the hopeless; this is where they come. Each person is assigned a staff member and that staff will work with them until they say those five words. And once those five words have been said, the person is euthanized. We are their last hope - a light in the dark worlds they've banished themselves to and a hand to reach up for from the dirt they have let themselves wallow in for too long. When they say their life is no longer worth fighting for, we start a war for it. Rose Hill is hope for the hopeless and I was the most hopeful of them all.
That was until I met Alex.
When I first saw him I couldn't believe someone so broken could still be living.
He was tall, but his frame was so thin I could hardly believe he was still managing to stay vertical. It looked as though, if he exhaled, the force of his breath would cause him to topple over backwards. His hair was long and matted as if he hadn't washed it in weeks and there was dirt caked under his fingernails that suggested my assumptions were true. His right forearm was wrapped up in white gauze and dark circles were buried deeply in the rough skin under his eyes. But his eyes. Oh, his eyes. They were the most unique shade of brown I had ever seen. And, had they had any life in them at all, they would have been impossible to look away from. But as it were, they still held my gaze. I looked into those brown eyes and saw a pain I'd never witnessed before in my life. Years of secrets and bottled up emotions had buried the light that had once existed there leaving them dull with the ache of happier times long forgotten. I could see the scars that lay beneath them - invisible unlike the ones that would form under the bandages he wore.
I didn't know whether to feel sorry for him, or to be completely fascinated.
"Welcome to Rose Hill. My name is Jack. I'll be the staff member assigned to you during your stay here. Please, don't hesitate to buzz me if you ever need to talk or anything. I'm always free. The staff live on campus, so there usually isn't any delay if you call. I'll show you to your room now," I turned slightly, hesitant to whether he would follow. After a moments pause he picked up the single piece of luggage he had brought and followed me down the long hallway that lead to the Dorms, as we called them. To be honest, they were more like cells than rooms. As most of the residents were here because of suicidal tendencies and intense depression there wasn't much in the rooms as far as personal belongings go. Each room varied in the level of caution and as the resident progressed they were granted more access to "unwanted" objects. Things like: pencils, shaving razors, perfumes, scissors, mirrors, and anything that could generally be used to hurt ones self.
We stopped outside of the room that had already been assigned to him and I pushed the windowed door open, gesturing with my arm for him to go in. Alex glanced at me, his eyes piercing, before going in and sitting down carefully on the bed. He ran his fingers in wide circles while he stared blankly at the tiny waves of wrinkles that began to form in the once perfectly laid sheets. I cleared my throat awkwardly, making a weird noise that only seemed to make the tension increasing uncomfortable. "So... I guess I'll just leave you to get comfortable. If you need anything just press the button here that says "office" and they'll ring me through to you. If you hold "talk" you'll be able to talk to me or the people in the office, kind of like an intercom. I'll come get you for dinner in about an hour, and then after I'll give you a tour and we can talk about the routines and what-not of Rose Hill. Do you have any questions before I go?"
"Just one," He murmured, still staring down at his circling fingers.
I waited, anxious to hear the first real sentence from this intriguing boy.
"Do you really think I can walk out of here a different person? Do you really think you won't give up on me?" Alex looked up abruptly and once again his eyes locked me in a glare so intense that I couldn't help but flinch. I saw every person who had ever let him down, ever given up on him when they said they wouldn't, and I couldn't force forward the words that I had told so many people I'd been assigned to before him. I couldn't tell him I wouldn't give up on him. Because as I stared into those eyes, a small part of me wondered if I really did have what it takes to heal this severely broken boy.
Or if I would just join the list of people who had lead him to this place.
"I'll try."
It was the only thing I could give him, and he knew it.
I already felt like a failure.
Author: TheAllTimeLow
Rating: PG
Pairing: Alex/Jack
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the creative thought process behind the writing.
Summary: Rose Hill is hope for the hopeless and I was the most hopeful of them all. That was until I met Alex. When I first saw him I couldn't believe someone so broken could still be living.
Author Notes: All feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading!
"I give up on you."
Those are the worst three words someone at Rose Hill could ever hear.
It's about thirty years since the infamous 'ipad 2' was released, and a lot has changed. Back then, you could roll up to the hospital -blind in both eyes, deaf in both ears, with Alzheimer, Dementia, and not capable of forming a coherent sentence- and they wouldn't think twice about denying you an immediate end. You could get down on your hands and knees and beg to be euthanized, and they would shoot you down faster than you could even consider shedding a tear for your cause.
Not like animals.
You bring a cat in that's in the same condition and they will actually advise you to kill it. Because it's cruel to keep them alive and watch them suffer. I imagine if someone from thirty years ago showed up today they'd probably say we had lost our humanity. I disagree. If anything, I think we've gained a greater perspective on it. Why is it okay to kill an animal at our will, but we are required to keep our own species alive? In my eyes, keeping anything alive that is suffering, especially one who may have even requested to have their suffering be ended, is inhumane.
And that's kind of how things are at Rose Hill.
It is the last place for those people who have either given up on themselves, or have had the world give up on them. For the broken, the lost, the insane, and the hopeless; this is where they come. Each person is assigned a staff member and that staff will work with them until they say those five words. And once those five words have been said, the person is euthanized. We are their last hope - a light in the dark worlds they've banished themselves to and a hand to reach up for from the dirt they have let themselves wallow in for too long. When they say their life is no longer worth fighting for, we start a war for it. Rose Hill is hope for the hopeless and I was the most hopeful of them all.
That was until I met Alex.
When I first saw him I couldn't believe someone so broken could still be living.
He was tall, but his frame was so thin I could hardly believe he was still managing to stay vertical. It looked as though, if he exhaled, the force of his breath would cause him to topple over backwards. His hair was long and matted as if he hadn't washed it in weeks and there was dirt caked under his fingernails that suggested my assumptions were true. His right forearm was wrapped up in white gauze and dark circles were buried deeply in the rough skin under his eyes. But his eyes. Oh, his eyes. They were the most unique shade of brown I had ever seen. And, had they had any life in them at all, they would have been impossible to look away from. But as it were, they still held my gaze. I looked into those brown eyes and saw a pain I'd never witnessed before in my life. Years of secrets and bottled up emotions had buried the light that had once existed there leaving them dull with the ache of happier times long forgotten. I could see the scars that lay beneath them - invisible unlike the ones that would form under the bandages he wore.
I didn't know whether to feel sorry for him, or to be completely fascinated.
"Welcome to Rose Hill. My name is Jack. I'll be the staff member assigned to you during your stay here. Please, don't hesitate to buzz me if you ever need to talk or anything. I'm always free. The staff live on campus, so there usually isn't any delay if you call. I'll show you to your room now," I turned slightly, hesitant to whether he would follow. After a moments pause he picked up the single piece of luggage he had brought and followed me down the long hallway that lead to the Dorms, as we called them. To be honest, they were more like cells than rooms. As most of the residents were here because of suicidal tendencies and intense depression there wasn't much in the rooms as far as personal belongings go. Each room varied in the level of caution and as the resident progressed they were granted more access to "unwanted" objects. Things like: pencils, shaving razors, perfumes, scissors, mirrors, and anything that could generally be used to hurt ones self.
We stopped outside of the room that had already been assigned to him and I pushed the windowed door open, gesturing with my arm for him to go in. Alex glanced at me, his eyes piercing, before going in and sitting down carefully on the bed. He ran his fingers in wide circles while he stared blankly at the tiny waves of wrinkles that began to form in the once perfectly laid sheets. I cleared my throat awkwardly, making a weird noise that only seemed to make the tension increasing uncomfortable. "So... I guess I'll just leave you to get comfortable. If you need anything just press the button here that says "office" and they'll ring me through to you. If you hold "talk" you'll be able to talk to me or the people in the office, kind of like an intercom. I'll come get you for dinner in about an hour, and then after I'll give you a tour and we can talk about the routines and what-not of Rose Hill. Do you have any questions before I go?"
"Just one," He murmured, still staring down at his circling fingers.
I waited, anxious to hear the first real sentence from this intriguing boy.
"Do you really think I can walk out of here a different person? Do you really think you won't give up on me?" Alex looked up abruptly and once again his eyes locked me in a glare so intense that I couldn't help but flinch. I saw every person who had ever let him down, ever given up on him when they said they wouldn't, and I couldn't force forward the words that I had told so many people I'd been assigned to before him. I couldn't tell him I wouldn't give up on him. Because as I stared into those eyes, a small part of me wondered if I really did have what it takes to heal this severely broken boy.
Or if I would just join the list of people who had lead him to this place.
"I'll try."
It was the only thing I could give him, and he knew it.
I already felt like a failure.