This Will be the Last Time Feeling Like This (14/14.)
Title: This Will be the Last Time Feeling Like This
Rating: PG-13 overall.
Author: ittbittyriddle
Pairing: Jalex
POV: First, Jack.
Summary: Alex has been keeping something from Jack, and it's getting more and more brutal every day.
Disclaimer: I do not own these boys what so ever. The only thing that is mine is the plot and the writing itself. Title comes from 'The Last Night' by Skillet.
Dedications: Everyone who's read this all the way to the end. <3
Author's Notes: It's getting boring. Yeah, this story is getting boring in my mind. Like , the story could go on but I want to just finish it before I get way too far in deep. So this is it, finally. And this is basically the epilogue.
Masterpost.
Alex. Let's start with Alex.
He'd gone back to normal. In his mind, it seemed like everything was normal, he acted as if no tragedies had affected our family. He didn't let anything bother him, and when it was mentioned he just decided to say that it was sad. Nothing else of it.
Alex didn't talk as much as he used to. He was more caring and gentle and less clingy. But he was softer as well, and it hurt me. I wanted to hold him all of the time. I dropped my classes at the college for good just to be with him. All of the songs he wrote for our new album were slow and depressing. But his somewhat cheerful attitude rubbed off as pitiful to me. It depressed me to see the one that I loved in such a terrible, terrible state.
Whenever we'd go out, Alex would never leave without using the bathroom first. I figured he'd thrown up, but there was no point in trying to make him better. He was trying to forget the pain of losing Stella and trying to lose his stomach and the flab that came along with being pregnant. I just smiled through it and tried to forget everything. It was hard, but I figured, if Alex could forget everything about it then I could too.
Most of the time I watched him go into the bathroom in short sleeves and come out in long sleeves. He cut more frequently and on his wrists, but I didn't try and talk him out of it. Ever since the stillbirth of Stella, I knew that I wouldn't have to worry about his alcoholism. Since then, he hasn't even touched a bottle of beer.
I tried talking to Alex about trying to have another baby, and if he just didn't drink then everything would be okay. But he didn't talk about it with me, he told me that he didn't want Stella anyways. He didn't want to have the baby, and he didn't want to talk about having another. But I knew, the way that he protected himself from others when he was pregnant, that he really did care about the baby towards the end of the pregnancy.
And now, Oliver.
We haven't heard from Oliver since he didn't pick up Alex at the gas station. Alex had me drive over to his house a few times just so he could talk to Oli, but he either wasn't home or wouldn't answer the door. It was getting unbearable for Alex to have lost so much, and even though there was dry pep in his voice I could see how hurt and empty he was just by looking into his eyes.
Even though the first thing that I think of all the time is not sex, we haven't gotten even close since the incident. We haven't had sex because he's afraid of getting pregnant again, and he's afraid that he's going to screw things up with me again. He doesn't ever walk around with his stomach showing, afraid that I'm going to reprimand and judge him for the scars that I know are present.
But I kiss him every day and tell him that I love him, trying to encourage him that everything is going to be okay. Alex doesn't listen, and hurts himself because of it.
And now I'm here alone at home, working from home nowadays, while Alex gets help. He'll be back at 5:00 PM, like he is every day, and I'll have dinner waiting. At 6:00, he'll get up and go into the bathroom, shower, and come back out, and at 6:30, he'll watch his programs on television. At 6:45, I'll bring him his medication, and we'll sit and share a bag of chips as we finish whatever Alex was watching. He falls asleep at 7:30 every night, and never stays up later except on weekends when he stays up an extra hour so that every Saturday night we can go out to dinner. He says very little.
I want out. I want to get away, and find someone else. I love Alex, more than anything else. But the environment we both live in, it's... not healthy. It's depressing, but I know that if I'd leave Alex now that his whole entire world will fall around him. Until he's better, I'm with him.
I love him with my entire being, but I can only learn to be with him if he gets better.
Only then can I ask him to marry me like I'd been planning to ever since the incident two years ago.
And only then can the two of us truly have a family, and only then can we have our very own happily ever after.
Rating: PG-13 overall.
Author: ittbittyriddle
Pairing: Jalex
POV: First, Jack.
Summary: Alex has been keeping something from Jack, and it's getting more and more brutal every day.
Disclaimer: I do not own these boys what so ever. The only thing that is mine is the plot and the writing itself. Title comes from 'The Last Night' by Skillet.
Dedications: Everyone who's read this all the way to the end. <3
Author's Notes: It's getting boring. Yeah, this story is getting boring in my mind. Like , the story could go on but I want to just finish it before I get way too far in deep. So this is it, finally. And this is basically the epilogue.
Masterpost.
Alex. Let's start with Alex.
He'd gone back to normal. In his mind, it seemed like everything was normal, he acted as if no tragedies had affected our family. He didn't let anything bother him, and when it was mentioned he just decided to say that it was sad. Nothing else of it.
Alex didn't talk as much as he used to. He was more caring and gentle and less clingy. But he was softer as well, and it hurt me. I wanted to hold him all of the time. I dropped my classes at the college for good just to be with him. All of the songs he wrote for our new album were slow and depressing. But his somewhat cheerful attitude rubbed off as pitiful to me. It depressed me to see the one that I loved in such a terrible, terrible state.
Whenever we'd go out, Alex would never leave without using the bathroom first. I figured he'd thrown up, but there was no point in trying to make him better. He was trying to forget the pain of losing Stella and trying to lose his stomach and the flab that came along with being pregnant. I just smiled through it and tried to forget everything. It was hard, but I figured, if Alex could forget everything about it then I could too.
Most of the time I watched him go into the bathroom in short sleeves and come out in long sleeves. He cut more frequently and on his wrists, but I didn't try and talk him out of it. Ever since the stillbirth of Stella, I knew that I wouldn't have to worry about his alcoholism. Since then, he hasn't even touched a bottle of beer.
I tried talking to Alex about trying to have another baby, and if he just didn't drink then everything would be okay. But he didn't talk about it with me, he told me that he didn't want Stella anyways. He didn't want to have the baby, and he didn't want to talk about having another. But I knew, the way that he protected himself from others when he was pregnant, that he really did care about the baby towards the end of the pregnancy.
And now, Oliver.
We haven't heard from Oliver since he didn't pick up Alex at the gas station. Alex had me drive over to his house a few times just so he could talk to Oli, but he either wasn't home or wouldn't answer the door. It was getting unbearable for Alex to have lost so much, and even though there was dry pep in his voice I could see how hurt and empty he was just by looking into his eyes.
Even though the first thing that I think of all the time is not sex, we haven't gotten even close since the incident. We haven't had sex because he's afraid of getting pregnant again, and he's afraid that he's going to screw things up with me again. He doesn't ever walk around with his stomach showing, afraid that I'm going to reprimand and judge him for the scars that I know are present.
But I kiss him every day and tell him that I love him, trying to encourage him that everything is going to be okay. Alex doesn't listen, and hurts himself because of it.
And now I'm here alone at home, working from home nowadays, while Alex gets help. He'll be back at 5:00 PM, like he is every day, and I'll have dinner waiting. At 6:00, he'll get up and go into the bathroom, shower, and come back out, and at 6:30, he'll watch his programs on television. At 6:45, I'll bring him his medication, and we'll sit and share a bag of chips as we finish whatever Alex was watching. He falls asleep at 7:30 every night, and never stays up later except on weekends when he stays up an extra hour so that every Saturday night we can go out to dinner. He says very little.
I want out. I want to get away, and find someone else. I love Alex, more than anything else. But the environment we both live in, it's... not healthy. It's depressing, but I know that if I'd leave Alex now that his whole entire world will fall around him. Until he's better, I'm with him.
I love him with my entire being, but I can only learn to be with him if he gets better.
Only then can I ask him to marry me like I'd been planning to ever since the incident two years ago.
And only then can the two of us truly have a family, and only then can we have our very own happily ever after.