Keeping This Up Could Be Dangerous (Twenty-Four)
Title: Keeping This Up Could Be Dangerous
Author: Amber
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
P.O.V.: Jack
Summary: Best friends Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat tell each other everything. At least, Alex thought they told each other everything. Jack has a secret, well three actually; 1. Jack is gay. 2. He is in love with his best friend. 3. He cuts.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack, Alex, or anyone in the lovely band and crew that make up All Time Low. They all own each other. Amen.
turnthepageover.livejournal.com/15881.html - Masterpost. I fail at links. So that's the best I can do.
It was like an out of body experience gone to shit. I was looking down at my friends as they surrounded the casket that my body was in. Every one of them were in black, but none of them were crying. No one even looked vaguely upset. My parents and brother and sister were there too, with the same expression as the rest of my friends. Everyone was silent, as if they were waiting for someone else to speak up. It was like none of them knew me, and none of them cared that I was laying there dead. Finally, Matt spoke up.
"Well, it looks like we'll have to find you a new guitar player," he said, looking down at my body. "It shouldn't be to hard to find one. Jack wasn't the best guitarist."
"Maybe we can find one who doesn't try to rape me," Alex said, looking down at my body with disgust. "Maybe we can ask that one kid we went to high school with."
"That kid in our science class?" Zack asked. "He was cool, and he was most definitely straight."
Then they all walked away, not even turning to look back. My body was taken away, and no one was there when they lowered the casket.
My eyes opened, and that was it. It never happened. I didn't die. I looked around. Somehow I had gotten to a hospital. Someone had found me, in the hotel bathroom, and brought me here. I closed my eyes again and sighed. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to live knowing that I had hurt Alex. Finally I reopened my eyes, and suddenly become even more aware of my surroundings. There was a needle in my arm, and another in my hand. I was hooked up to a few different machines, but the thing that stood out to me the most was the feeling of something holding on to my hand.
I glances down at my hand to see what or who was holding it. It was a hand. I followed the hand up the arm with my eyes to figure out its owner, and discovered it was Alex. My stomach lurched as I looked at his face. It was tear stained, and he didn't look like he was sleeping too soundly. He was also wearing a hospital gown. My breath caught in my throat and I tried to pull my hand away from him. I didn't deserve to have him care about me. I didn't deserve him holding my hand, or even being the the same room as me. I finally managed to pull my hand away from him, and I attempted to turn on my side away from him. The IV and blood I was connected to pulled slightly and when I managed to turn a shooting pain shot through my leg. I groaned in pain and turned so I was laying back on my back, and just turned my head away from Alex.
I heard him stir, but I didn't turn to look at him. I felt him grab at my hand, but I ignored him. I couldn't turn and face him. I didn't deserve to even look at him. I had hurt him, and the only way I would ever be good enough for him is if I was dead.
"Jack? Are you awake?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," I said, even quieter then he had. I heard him let out a sigh of relief, then I felt him move again and press the nurse call button on the side of my bed. A few moments later an overly cheery blond nurse came into the room.
"Oh! You're awake!" She smiled before checking all the machines I was hooked up too. After scribbling some things down on a piece of paper she came back and looked at me. "So can you tell me your full name?"
"Jack Bassam Barakat," I said at the same volume in which I had spoken to Alex.
"Good. When is your birthday?" she asked, looking down at her paper.
"June 18th," I answered.
"Very good. Now I'm going to go get the doctor and he'll be in here in a few moments so just sit tight," she said before leaving.
Alex and I sat in silence. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him, so I stared at the door where the overly happy nurse had just exited. I could hear him shifting in the chair he was in, and curse under his breath.
"Jack," he started, "why did you..." he trailed off.
"Because," I said quietly, not being able to bring myself to give him a real answer. How was I supposed to tell him about this? How was I supposed to tell him that I loved him so much, and that knowing I hurt him made me want to die?
"That's not an answer, Jack," he said quietly. I could feel tears start to slip out of my eyes and slide down my face. He reached over and grabbed my hand away from me and held onto it tightly. I sighed and finally looked over at him.
"Why are you dressed like that?" I asked, changing the subject.
"I passed out and they brought me in," he said.
"Why?" I asked, trying to get the subject off of myself.
"Because I was worried about you," he said. Well that didn't work.
"Oh."
"Which brings us back to my original question," he said.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Jack, please tell me," he begged.
"There is nothing to tell."
"You tried to kill yourself! There has to be something to tell! Why would you try to do that!" he yelled, and tears started spilling out of his own eyes.
"Because I'm in love with you Alex!" I yelled out, quickly regretting it as soon as the words left my mouth.
Author: Amber
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
P.O.V.: Jack
Summary: Best friends Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat tell each other everything. At least, Alex thought they told each other everything. Jack has a secret, well three actually; 1. Jack is gay. 2. He is in love with his best friend. 3. He cuts.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack, Alex, or anyone in the lovely band and crew that make up All Time Low. They all own each other. Amen.
turnthepageover.livejournal.com/15881.html - Masterpost. I fail at links. So that's the best I can do.
It was like an out of body experience gone to shit. I was looking down at my friends as they surrounded the casket that my body was in. Every one of them were in black, but none of them were crying. No one even looked vaguely upset. My parents and brother and sister were there too, with the same expression as the rest of my friends. Everyone was silent, as if they were waiting for someone else to speak up. It was like none of them knew me, and none of them cared that I was laying there dead. Finally, Matt spoke up.
"Well, it looks like we'll have to find you a new guitar player," he said, looking down at my body. "It shouldn't be to hard to find one. Jack wasn't the best guitarist."
"Maybe we can find one who doesn't try to rape me," Alex said, looking down at my body with disgust. "Maybe we can ask that one kid we went to high school with."
"That kid in our science class?" Zack asked. "He was cool, and he was most definitely straight."
Then they all walked away, not even turning to look back. My body was taken away, and no one was there when they lowered the casket.
My eyes opened, and that was it. It never happened. I didn't die. I looked around. Somehow I had gotten to a hospital. Someone had found me, in the hotel bathroom, and brought me here. I closed my eyes again and sighed. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to live knowing that I had hurt Alex. Finally I reopened my eyes, and suddenly become even more aware of my surroundings. There was a needle in my arm, and another in my hand. I was hooked up to a few different machines, but the thing that stood out to me the most was the feeling of something holding on to my hand.
I glances down at my hand to see what or who was holding it. It was a hand. I followed the hand up the arm with my eyes to figure out its owner, and discovered it was Alex. My stomach lurched as I looked at his face. It was tear stained, and he didn't look like he was sleeping too soundly. He was also wearing a hospital gown. My breath caught in my throat and I tried to pull my hand away from him. I didn't deserve to have him care about me. I didn't deserve him holding my hand, or even being the the same room as me. I finally managed to pull my hand away from him, and I attempted to turn on my side away from him. The IV and blood I was connected to pulled slightly and when I managed to turn a shooting pain shot through my leg. I groaned in pain and turned so I was laying back on my back, and just turned my head away from Alex.
I heard him stir, but I didn't turn to look at him. I felt him grab at my hand, but I ignored him. I couldn't turn and face him. I didn't deserve to even look at him. I had hurt him, and the only way I would ever be good enough for him is if I was dead.
"Jack? Are you awake?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," I said, even quieter then he had. I heard him let out a sigh of relief, then I felt him move again and press the nurse call button on the side of my bed. A few moments later an overly cheery blond nurse came into the room.
"Oh! You're awake!" She smiled before checking all the machines I was hooked up too. After scribbling some things down on a piece of paper she came back and looked at me. "So can you tell me your full name?"
"Jack Bassam Barakat," I said at the same volume in which I had spoken to Alex.
"Good. When is your birthday?" she asked, looking down at her paper.
"June 18th," I answered.
"Very good. Now I'm going to go get the doctor and he'll be in here in a few moments so just sit tight," she said before leaving.
Alex and I sat in silence. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him, so I stared at the door where the overly happy nurse had just exited. I could hear him shifting in the chair he was in, and curse under his breath.
"Jack," he started, "why did you..." he trailed off.
"Because," I said quietly, not being able to bring myself to give him a real answer. How was I supposed to tell him about this? How was I supposed to tell him that I loved him so much, and that knowing I hurt him made me want to die?
"That's not an answer, Jack," he said quietly. I could feel tears start to slip out of my eyes and slide down my face. He reached over and grabbed my hand away from me and held onto it tightly. I sighed and finally looked over at him.
"Why are you dressed like that?" I asked, changing the subject.
"I passed out and they brought me in," he said.
"Why?" I asked, trying to get the subject off of myself.
"Because I was worried about you," he said. Well that didn't work.
"Oh."
"Which brings us back to my original question," he said.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Jack, please tell me," he begged.
"There is nothing to tell."
"You tried to kill yourself! There has to be something to tell! Why would you try to do that!" he yelled, and tears started spilling out of his own eyes.
"Because I'm in love with you Alex!" I yelled out, quickly regretting it as soon as the words left my mouth.