(no subject)
i miss having music on this computer. the speakers are fried. my sister's laptop is getting fixed. i feel like an ass coz earlier my dad picked me up and i was on the phone with jess and like kind of ignored him. but like, it would have been less awkward say, if my dad didn't hate jesse. you know what i mean? not quite a catch 22. but still. the highlight of my day is that boy calling. i took my dani to the movies. with stolen movie passes but whatev. don't pay to go see burn after reading. not worth it. its amusing. but not work 9.50 or whatever they're charging these days. its probably more amusing coz my medication is fucking with my head. i love my sister. i feel so shitty that like she's stuck here and can't come stay with me some days. she gets too much shit that she doesn't deserve. and she's hilarious and smart and just a whirlwind. she doesn't get the love she needs and yet she's still like a beautiful person. i never want to hurt that kid again. like the love i get from her and my ickle chicken [casey, my dog] just like warms my heart up. he cuddled on the couch with me and i wanted to cry. i miss my jesse. it felt so nice just to have a warm body that loved me want to lay down and watch tv with me. does that sound retarded? and he sends me these letters telling me how much he loves me and how much i mean to him. how he wants me to be his wife and his family and how he can see the future and the world just in my eyes and it blows me away. how does someone love you like that. and its not that i don't return that love. i do. its just. i never expected someone to love me that way. i never thought i could mean that much to one person. me, his daughter and his mom are like the most important people in the world to him. i always wanted to matter to this boy. and i am still amazed that i do.
and in not emotional life. im going back to school next semester i think. just racc. but whatever. its something. school and work. coz i cant just work at ihop forever. im proud of me. that means something right? some days i feel like really lonely. but other days im pretty sure that all the people that really matter are still here for me and thats a good thing. i need to write to a certain boy now and edit some photos.
davey bez. you need to like call me.. or like.. email me or something okay? coz this not hanging out thing is not working for me. and if you need help spending your 200 dollars at best buy LET ME KNOW. there is a counting crow cd i desperately need. ::wink::
and in not emotional life. im going back to school next semester i think. just racc. but whatever. its something. school and work. coz i cant just work at ihop forever. im proud of me. that means something right? some days i feel like really lonely. but other days im pretty sure that all the people that really matter are still here for me and thats a good thing. i need to write to a certain boy now and edit some photos.
davey bez. you need to like call me.. or like.. email me or something okay? coz this not hanging out thing is not working for me. and if you need help spending your 200 dollars at best buy LET ME KNOW. there is a counting crow cd i desperately need. ::wink::