(no subject)
can we just get all of this out? like for real. so.. like.. i moved out sort of ish and just kind of chill in my apt. no furniture really except my bed coz when the furni people called to deliver i was working. the IHELL. again. oh yes. so now.. i owe them MORE money. and like.. jess..hasn't called in days. but i do get the letters from peoples in jail telling me that some stupid bitches. also coincidently named Jess. are back at BCP telling my old "friends" about how much jesse likes to cheat on me with certain friends of mine. and like okay. i already talked to both parties about this previously. but nothing sucks more than wounds being REOPENED. and knowing [praying] that they're lies. and like.. finding out other people used you for shit. and not getting your kitty, the only thing to keep you company in your empty apartment. and your mom giving you shit for asking for 5 measley dollars. and finding out jesse wont be home til oh..next july. and how your mom tried to get an order against him so he could never see me again. coz oh yeah.. CRAZY. and him being in the hole til the 31st coz he was smoking cigarettes. like an idiot.
i hate when he calls me crying. i just....GAH. i cant make it better. and i know that. i cant make it better for him and i can't make it better for me. and the next 11 and a half months are going to be me working my ass off and sleeping in an empty apartment. wondering when the hell im going to wake up from this stupid nightmare ive made of my life.
im just going to save my money. and pay off my debt. and other things. which sounds too nerdy to really say right now.
p.s. i would call but i really don't have the minutes right now til i get jess's phone. and i honestly don't know what to say.
apparently its a really big step to admit that you "don't know" anything. and im super great at it. but like whats the next fucking step?
i hate when he calls me crying. i just....GAH. i cant make it better. and i know that. i cant make it better for him and i can't make it better for me. and the next 11 and a half months are going to be me working my ass off and sleeping in an empty apartment. wondering when the hell im going to wake up from this stupid nightmare ive made of my life.
im just going to save my money. and pay off my debt. and other things. which sounds too nerdy to really say right now.
p.s. i would call but i really don't have the minutes right now til i get jess's phone. and i honestly don't know what to say.
apparently its a really big step to admit that you "don't know" anything. and im super great at it. but like whats the next fucking step?