inertia
so yeah i'm still here at the UCF House. Laundry is hard. i've been reading some of my supersweet anthology on existentialism and waiting on my pals to arrive. which...um....yeah. late. so anyway. i also took the opportunity to write a letter. those are always fun eh? and sometime around Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground i realized that relationships (to me anyway) are all about being known. yes, this is obvious, Bridgette. the cynical reader of this blog may say. but being known is important to me. b/c i dont always like who i am. in fact, most days - i'd say about 7 out of 10 - i really really dislike who i am. so when someone really REALLY knows me and approves....or just loves me anyway....it means a lot. in fact, most days - i'd say 9 out of 10 - thats what causes me to get out of bed in the morning. and maybe i'm wrong for that but i'm just being honest. and there are only about 3-5 people who i feel like know me even semi-well. and maybe that's why i'm lonely. for those of you who dont listen to the band Augustana - i, first of all, totally recommend them; but also i shall tell you about a song they wrote that's one of my very favorites. i think they might actually play it on the radio these days. its called Boston. and its about this girl who leaves LA to go to Boston. the chorus is her explaining why she's leaving. she says that no one (or specifically the person the song is being written to) knows her and that they dont even care to know her. so she says she going to Boston where no one even knows her name. and at first i'm all like, "well thats silly. she's complaining about no one knowing her and them moving somewhere where REALLY no one knows her AT ALL." but then i understood cause i think it would be way worse to be somewhere where the people around you only have a superficial interest in you and care to have no more than to be someone where you havent yet had the chance to be rejected. cause rejection sucks. especially passive rejection. and i think thats why deep meaningful conversation is important to me. it lets me know people and it lets me let people know me. which is sometimes scary but worth it in the end...if they're nice. so be nice.