Shoot Down All of the Stars (& Wish Away) 2/2, TBBTfic, S/P, 5000 words
Title: Shoot Down All of the Stars (& Wish Away) 2/2
Author: allthingsholy
Word Count: 5000
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Notes: Thanks to lulabo for the beta (again and always). There are "Doctor Who" references galore, so if you're currently catching up to the revival, spoilers through the end of series one.
Summary: Sheldon needs help acting normal, and Penny's the only obvious choice. There's formal wear and gossip, too, and a kiss and a tear. They test a few hypotheses.
Part 1 here.
awesome cover art by g_girl143
----
Penny wakes to over-bright light against her eyelids and the press of a sharp elbow into her back. Her head is pounding and her throat is dry as she lifts a hand to brush the hair from her eyes and squeezes the bridge of her nose between her fingers. She takes a few deep breaths, and swallows hard, and thinks back. She remembers bright, swirling lights, and Kim pressing drinks into her hands, and the mad push of the dance floor and strange hands on her hips. She remembers other things too-laughter as her keys hit the lobby floor, the press of a door handle into her back, and the sharp burn of stubble against her cheek. She moves softly, sitting up and grabbing her robe all in one motion, twisting it around her as she stands and quietly moves toward the kitchen. She looks back and sees brown hair against the blue of her pillow and thinks, Kyle. She fills a glass of water and counts details: tall, attractive, and she’s pretty sure he’s in sales, software or stereo equiptment or something. She remembers he kept putting his hand on her knee as they talked, that his eyes were strong on hers almost the whole night, and his gaze was warm. She fills another glass of water and is just finishing it when she hears the creak of her bedsprings and the soft fall of feet crossing her floor.
She pulls herself up and straightens her hair just as he comes out of her room, jeans loose at his hips and shirt unbuttoned all the way down. She swallows and smiles at him, her lips in a small, awkward lift. He clears his throat and steps toward her, opening and closing his mouth. Penny softens a little-his eyes are still warm and strong against hers.
“You want a glass of water?” she says, voice still rough in the early morning. She turns and pulls a glass down from the cabinet, fills it from the tap and holds it out to him over the island. He takes another step forward and his fingers close around the glass, sliding softly against hers. She pulls away and leans back against the sink, crossing her arms over her chest, and says, “Last night was fun. Too much dancing, but still.”
The corners of Kyle’s mouth turn up and she sees him swallow hard and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. “I think my roommate went home with your friend Kim.”
Penny breathes out a laugh, remembers the two of them laughing at their friends’ inappropriate display in the corner of the club, Kyle’s hand wide on her back as they leaned into each other, grins wide. “I hope they at least made it out of the club,” Penny says, amused. She catches Kyle’s eyes and holds his gaze a long moment, adding, “They were making a bit of a scene.”
Kyle laughs into his water glass and then drains it the rest of the way, taking another step toward the island and setting the glass softly against the tile. He lowers his head as he works his fingers against the buttons of his shirt, voice soft as he says, “I should go.”
Penny lifts her chin and sets back her shoulders. She’s a big girl, she knows what she’s doing. Kyle reaches forward, grabs a pen and writes a quick note on the margins of the newspaper, sliding it toward her as he steps back.
“That’s my number,” he says, and Penny looks down and sees 10 digits scrawled across Family Circus. She takes a step toward the island and traces an eight with her finger as he continues, “You should give me a call sometime. I had a really good time last night.”
Penny looks up and smiles, walking out from behind the counter and toward her front door. She unlocks it and pulls it open for him. “I did too.” Kyle slides on his shoes and stops in her doorway, sliding a hand soft against her hip and pressing a quick kiss to her lips.
“Goodbye, Penny,” he says. Just as he turns to go, Penny sees the door of 4A open and Sheldon step out into the hallway. She tightens her hand around the doorknob, the metal cool against her palm, and she sees Sheldon look from her to Kyle and back again, his mouth a hard line. He pulls the door shut behind him and turns to lock it, staying hunched over his keys a long time, until Kyle’s footfalls start to fade. Then he turns and begins to descend the steps, not once looking back toward Penny. She takes a deep breath and sighs out long, closing the door softly. She walks toward the kitchen and runs her hand over Kyle’s number one more time before crumpling the newspaper in her hand and tossing it in the trash.
She showers quickly and dresses for work, apron strings tight around her waist. Her afternoon is a blur of customers and chicken entrees, her headache calming down enough to let her paste on a convincing smile and make quick jokes to get better tips. She resolutely does not think about the set of Sheldon’s shoulders as he turned from her, or the quick sound of his feet against the stairs as he walked away. It’s been three weeks since the reception and he and Penny have not discussed that night-their fight or the kiss. Their interactions are stilted, harsh, biting in places they used to be coy, and she knows the other guys have all noticed and been mostly too afraid to ask.
To be honest, Penny knows it’s the reason she’s been spending less and less time across the hall and and more and more time with the friends she had before she met the guys. She’s been to parties and clubs, out drinking and dancing, the same center of attention she’d been for so long. It feels different now, and she’s not so foolish as to misunderstand why.
As she walks to her car after her shift, she feels her phone buzz in her pocket. It’s a text from Leonard, inviting her over for Thai and sci-fi. She squeezes her phone in her hand, then shoves it back in her pocket and quickens her step. She doesn’t know if she can face Sheldon tonight, or the questioning stares of the other guys. She doesn’t think Sheldon’s said anything to the other guys, and she knows she sure as hell hasn’t told them she kissed Sheldon, so the puzzles expressions they wear lately have set her on edge every time they’ve hung out, and she knows tonight will likely be no different. A knot settles in her stomach that doesn’t fade her entire drive home.
She climbs the stairs and steps onto the fourth floor landing and crosses quickly to her door, keys ready in her hand. Before she even gets her door unlocked, she hears the door across the hall open and Leonard’s voice, sounding unsurprisingly guilty, like he was staring out the peephole waiting for her, saying, “Hey, Penny!”
She rests a hand against the door and shuts her eyes a moment before turning around and giving Leonard a bright, fake smile. “Hi, Leonard. What’s up?”
Leonard takes a step into the hall, pulling the door shut behind him. With a glance over his shoulder at the closed door, he walks toward Penny and asks, “Did you get my text?”
Penny lifts her chin. “Yes, I got your text.”
“You didn’t answer, so I wasn’t sure, and just … thought I’d check.” He shoves his hands into his back pockets, leans forward and bobs his head a little. “So … Thai tonight?”
Penny feels the smile fade from her face and her shoulders fall as she turns to unlock her door. “Leonard, it’s been a long day, I really just want to take a shower and go to bed.” Penny’s voice is tight as she lies to him, and she pushes the door open and slowly steps inside.
“Penny?” Leonard’s voice is low and honest, and Penny can’t help but turn toward him. She misses them, all of them, Sheldon and Leonard and Raj and even Howard, in a weird kind of way. She looks quick at Leonard and then down at the floor and waits.
“Penny, what happened with you and Sheldon?” She looks up and Leonard’s eyes are wide and sympathetic, and she resists the urge to reach out, smooth his hair, and press her palm against his cheek. There’s a not so small part of her that wishes she felt more for him, that wishes she could make the easy choice and let him love her, but she knows she won’t. His tone is worried, curious, the same as it had been when he’d found out she was attending the reception with Sheldon all those weeks ago.
“You’re going to a party with Sheldon?” His eyes had been wide, wonderous, and his voice higher and higher as he’d asked again, “You’re going on a date with Sheldon?”
She’s laughed then, a light, airy sound, and said, “It’s not really a date, I’m just going to make sure he does alright with these donors, to make sure he doesn’t offend anyone. It’s my good deed for the month.” Her smile had been wide against the hard set of Leonard’s brow, the disbelief in his shoulders, in his eyes. She thinks now how foolish she was, to have taken this all so lightly.
Penny turns away and steps into her apartment, leaving the door open behind her as an invitation for Leonard to follow. She drops her bag on the couch and takes a seat beside it, leaning back into the cushions as Leonard sits down on the coffee table facing her. She lets out a deep breath and picks at her nails and doesn’t look at him.
“It’s complicated,” she says, her mouth a tight line and her eyes on the her hands curled tight in her lap. She doesn’t know how to describe her fight with Sheldon, doesn’t know where it started or how it so quickly snowballed and got out of hand. She remembers his face as he pulled away from her kiss, his eyes closed and features still, and it merges in her mind with his cold, harsh gaze as they stood on the sidewalk and threw angry words at each other. It’s the calmness that stung most, she’s realized, the schooled, collected way he held himself as he hurt her, and the detached, uninterested tone of his voice. If he’d had the decency to get angry, to yell at her, she thinks she might not be so mad. She knows there is a human heart in there somewhere, beneath the double-layered comic book t-shirts, and it’s the idea that not even she can get to it that stills and tightens her hands as she looks up at Leonard, his brow drawn down in confusion. “I thought he and I were friends, and he … corrected my assumption.”
Leonard squeezes his hands between his knees and squints his eyes, a look creeping onto his face like he’s choosing his words wisely. “He’s been worse since you guys stopped talking.” Leonard looks at her intently, his eyes soft. Penny tightens her hands and her nails dig into her palm. “I know you won’t believe me, but I think he misses you. I don’t know what happened and I won’t ever claim to be an expert on the inner workings of Sheldon Cooper’s immensely tangled brain, but I think he misses you.” He starts to reach forward, to grab her hand or her knee, she’s not sure, but he stops himself halfway there and stands to go. She watches him walk away, her eyes on the slump of his back as he pulls open her door and pauses. “Come to Thai night,” he says over his shoulder. He gives her a small, sad smiles and turns to leave, the door falling closed behind him.
She sits a long moment on the couch, her hands tight around her knees, before she pushes herself up and into her bedroom to change out of her uniform. Ten times she resolves to go over to Thai night, to walk across the hall and knock on the door and take her usual seat on the couch and eat her pineapple fried rice with her head held high, Sheldon Cooper be damned. Ten times she changes her mind and squeezes her eyes shut and sighs. She opens her closet door to throw her dirty apron inside, and the hem of a dress catches her eyes, the soft grey material catching the light just so. She runs the hem between her fingers and thinks of Sheldon's fingers at her elbow, his arm raised around her as he pointed out professors and deans. She squeezes her eyes shut and thinks about Soft Kitty and bath salts, about Age of Conan and Penny Blossoms. There's new resolve in her shoulders as she changes, striding out of her apartment and across the hallway, her hand raised to knock on their door as she hears the strains of "Doctor Who" from inside.
With two quick raps on the door, she lifts her chest and stands and waits. Leonard pulls the door open, and his face lights up when he sees her. "Penny! I'm glad you came."
She gives him a smile, as close to a natural grin as she can manage, and walks into the room. Raj waves and Howard leers and she sees Sheldon sit straighter in his spot, a container of pad thai on the coffee table in front of him. She smiles to all of them and keeps her voice light as she asks, "Oh, are we watching 'Doctor Who' tonight? Please tell me it's the revival. Is it Nine? Ten? I love Ten." She moves her eyes quickly from Leonard to Raj, but they are all looking at each other and at Sheldon, brows furrowed. She knows already she's said something wrong.
Leonard clears his throat and pulls his computer chair to the coffee table, taking his seat as he hands Penny a takeout box. "You’re in luck. Tenth Doctor all night. We’re not allowed to watch Nine."
"Sheldon vetoed all Rose Tyler episodes," Howard explains. He's sitting in the middle of the couch and Penny's surprised to feel a little rattled that he's in her spot, and a little more rattled that she's so possessive of it all of a sudden. She shakes herself out of her head in time to hear Howard halfway through a sentence, saying, "...because Sheldon’s suddenly offended by hot blondes, I guess."
An awkward silence fills the room for just a moment, and she lowers her head to her food, but she can still feel all the guys looking at her. It's Sheldon who finally speaks, saying, "Her hair color has nothing to do with it. I just do not find her constand need for explanation and exposition currently stimulating or appealing. The Doctor could save twice as many people if he weren't always explaining himself to her and wasting time."
Penny freezes, fork halfway between her rice and her mouth. She lowers her hand and her back straightens, her breath coming out in hot, harsh bursts. She should’ve known better, she thinks, better than to come over and pretend everything is fine. There is a heavy silence that settles in the room, and when she looks up at Sheldon, he’s staring resolutely at the TV. “We’re going to watch City of Death, with Four and Romana. It’s one of the great episodes of Classic Who, and Tom Baker’s Doctor is, I think, the most successful rendition yet.” Throughout his spiel, Penny tightens her jaw, then leans forward and puts her rice on the coffee table, drawing her hands into her lap as she sits back in her chair.
“You think David Tennant is brilliant.” Penny’s words are high and clear, but still Sheldon doesn’t look at her. “You think he’s great, and I think he’s hot, and I think we should watch something from the revival. I want to watch something with Rose Tyler in it.” A muscle in Sheldon’s jaw twitches, and his hand tightens around the remote. She is all defiance now; it is stretched tight across her face and pushing her on without reluctance. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Leonard lean back in his chair, eyes moving quickly between the two of them, Penny looking at Sheldon, Sheldon looking at the TV. She quickly turns to Raj and Howard and asks, “Guys? What do you want to watch?”
They freeze, sitting perfectly still, until Raj leans over to whisper something in Howard’s ear. “Don’t move, Raj,” Howard grits out between his teeth, leaning away. “If we don’t move, maybe they won’t notice we’re here. Like a T.Rex and Jeff Goldblum.”
Penny breathes out hard and looks sharply at Leonard. “What about you, Leonard? Do you want to watch something with Rose in it?”
Leonard shifts uncomfortably in his seat, still looking swiftly between Penny and Sheldon, who still has his eyes firmly on the TV screen. Leonard clears his throat and breathes in, then takes a too-large bite of curry and says around his mouth full of food, “Whatever you guys want to watch, I’m easy.”
Penny lets out a breath and drops her head, shaking it slightly as she tightens her hands. This is the reason Sheldon is like this, she thinks, because no one will stand up to him, expect more of him, push him to be a better man. She’s tried for as long as she can remember to call him on his shit when it seemed most productive, and with a small glance at Leonard, she remembers quickly why they never seriously dated. Her eyes travel to Sheldon, the hard set of his shoulders, the firm lines of his face. She stands quickly and walks to the shelf with the DVDs on it, the boys silent behind her as she pulls out the Doctor Who revival disks and heads toward the DVD player. “I think we should watch the episode where Rose saves the Doctor’s life, huh? How about that one?” She can feel Sheldon’s gaze on her back as she steps in front of the TV. She shoves the disk in and stands, turning back to her chair.
“You mean the one where she causes his death?” She looks up and Sheldon’s eyes are on her, and it’s the first time he’s really looked at her in days. Her jaw clenches at the look in his eyes, the hard, unforgiving weight of his gaze as it settles on her shoulders, on her chest. His hands are tight when he continues, “Rose went against the Doctor’s express wishes. He sent her away from Satellite Five so that the Daleks would be unable to exploit Time Lord technology, and she defied him in returning. And her reasons for doing so were hardly excusable, since she was blinded by emotion and sentiment. It almost cost her her life and rightly so. She should’ve just obeyed the Doctor like any other reasonable person, instead of letting her emotions get the better of her. It’s a consistent human flaw, and she should’ve realized that Time Lord intellect and reasoning were superior to her own and let well enough lie. She should’ve stayed away.”
Penny’s throat is impossibly tight when he stops, when he looks away finally and sets the remote on the table, pushing himself onto his feet. “It’s nearly 8:15, I need to put my whites in,” he says, turning away quickly.
Leonard twists in his seat, watching Sheldon cross the room to put his uneaten pad thai in the refrigerator. “But it’s only 7:00.”
“Well, out of a 24-hour day, that’s very close.” His words are clipped, quick, and once again he will not look at Penny, who stands still facing the coach, hands clenched at her sides. They all stay like that, listening to Sheldon get his things from his room, and Raj tries again to whisper something in Howard’s ear, but Howard shushes him firmly and keeps his head down. Raj gives her a look, a quick, pitying look, just as Sheldon emerges from the hallway, laundry basket in hand, and crosses quickly to the door.
“She was trying to help.” Penny’s voice is thick when she speaks. She turns to look at Sheldon just as he reaches for the doorknob, and she sees him freeze with his hand clenched tight. She remembers watching the first season of Doctor Who with him, two summers ago while Leonard was in San Fransisco for his sister’s birthday, remembers chuckling at his excitement in explaining all the details of Who canon to her, his words quick but almost patient. It’s what she’s thinking about when she turns to face him, taking a small step forward, her voice quiet as she says, “She was trying to save him.”
The lines of his back tense, and the muscles in his neck are tight as he turns his head to face her, pulling open the door as he meets her eyes. His voice is low when he speaks. “Maybe he didn’t need saving,” he says, and then the door is closing shut behind him.
Penny drops into her seat. The guys are all silent around her, their food forgotten in front of them. Penny swallows the lump in her throat and settles her hands on her knees, willing her breathing to slow. She is more confused by Sheldon now than she has ever been, by the harshness of his words and the anger in his eyes. She looks up at Leonard and his eyes are wide and curious.
“Penny, what happened?” He leans toward her as he speaks, and Howard and Raj follow suit. She wants to ask them why they just sat their, so silent while she and Sheldon fought, wants to ask them why they didn’t defend her, or say something, anything, to help her out. She settles for tightening her hands around her knees, her nails rough against her jeans. “Is this really because he said the two of you weren’t friends?”
It’s a question Penny’s been avoiding for the better part of a month, but the answer settles in her chest now as if she’s known it all along. “No,” she says, voice quiet. She thinks of the pride she felt in seeing him open up, the warmth of seeing him accept her help and take her hand. This doesn’t feel like a fight with a friend, she realizes, it feels like a fight with someone more important than that. It’s the answer she’s been afraid to give herself while bringing home tall men with dark hair and light eyes, while thinking about Sheldon’s lips against hers as she goes about her day. It’s the hurt and embarrassment she saw when he pulled away that’s kept her blood at a steady, raging hum, that’s kept her eyes on him critical and super-sensitive. It’s the easy dismissal he gave to the idea of her dating him, to the idea that he could capture and hold her interest. It’s the idea that he didn’t have enough faith in either of them that’s knocked her down so surely. And just as much as she knows that there is more to her overreaction than she was willing to admit, she knows there’s got to be something else in Sheldon’s illogical anger, and she’s finished waiting for him to come around.
“Be right back, guys,” she says, pushing herself to her feet. “It’s laundry night.” She gives them as reassuring a grin as she can manage and grabs the door, rushing down four flights of stairs until she’s standing at the laundry room door, chest heaving. Sheldon doesn’t hear her over the hum of one already running washer, and by the time she speaks, she’s only a few feet away from him. “Just couldn’t wait until 8:15?”
He jumps a little when he hears her, then goes back to transfering laundry from the basket to the washing machine. “If you’re here to further debate the merits of Doctor Who could you please-“
“I was wrong thinking that you really were cold and unfeeling and didn’t give a shit about me,” Penny says. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and pushes her chin up. Sheldon hasn’t turned around, but he is silent now, while Penny speaks. “But you are so angry with me, and I just cannot figure out why.” She tightens her hands around her arms, fingers digging her skin, and she sees Sheldon clench his jaw and straighten his neck, defiant. “The Doctor didn’t send Rose away to protect any technology. He did it because he cared about her and he didn’t want to see her hurt. He did it because he was scared.” Sheldon’s chest rises and falls sharply, his breath coming quicker. He measures out a capful of detergent and pours it into the machine, and she could swear she sees his hand shake. Her voice is low when she speaks, almost low enough to be lost in the busy sounds of the washers beside them, and she’s nearly whispering to him when she says, “Are you really so mad that I kissed you in front of your physics people? Do you really think that anyone cared, or thought less of you? Is that why you're so mad at me?”
Sheldon keeps still and quiet a long, aching moment before he turns to look at her. His face is tight and even, but his eyes are wide and hold her own with such longing that she sucks in a breath and clenches her jaw. “No,” he says, voice as low and full as hers had been. She’s never seen him so exposed, so vulnerable, never seen him so full of emotion. “No, that’s not-” He clears his throat and lifts his chin, settling his gaze somewhere over her head. She breathes in and out evenly, and waits. She knows to push too hard is the worst thing she can do, that this admission alone is the biggest step she’s ever seen him take in her direction. She knows she should still be mad and there’s a part of her that still wants to keep her anger balled up inside her fists, but Sheldon’s breath rattles in his chest as he fights to calm his breathing and she feels all that anger slip away. It feels like an hour before Sheldon finally moves, and something inside falls as she realizes that he’s turning away from her, that he’s shoving quarters into the coin slots and setting the machine wash to cold.
She takes a small step back, her throat a knot, and starts to turn and leave when he says from behind her, “We can watch ‘The Doctor Dances.’”
When she turns back to him, his hands are clasped in front of him, his fingers tight around themselves. “It’s got Rose,” he says, “and I know how you like Captain Jack.”
Penny breathes in and feels the corners of her mouth lift up. Something in Sheldon seems to unwind when he sees her almost smile, and he grabs his empty laundry basket and starts toward the door. She falls in step beside him, her smile coming wider now, and asks, “Doesn’t that one have a happy ending?”
“Yes,” Sheldon answers, slowing his stride to match hers as she lengthens her steps to keep up. “It does.”
There are no grand sweeping overtures. No declarations or pronouncements, and he doesn’t make her sign any kind of contract, though she’s pretty sure he considers it. They go upstairs and watch “The Doctor Dances”-he doesn’t even make them watch “The Empty Child” first, and the boys all gape, asking, “But it’s a two-parter, we don’t have to watch both parts?”-and then the next day, she knocks on his door, a bowl of popcorn in her hands.
“I thought we’d start over,” she says, thrusting it toward him and pushing inside all in one step. “From the beginning.” She settles onto the couch, the cushion right next to his, and they watch Doctor Who, the pilot all the way through to the end. It doesn’t work itself out all in one night. There are still moments when she wants to strangle him, and his exasperated sighs can still be heard over the roar of the TARDIS. But there’s a new softness in his eyes as he explains Classic Who canon to her, and there’s a sweet kind of nervousness in the way he settles his hands against his knees, his fingers to close to hers. It’s halting, the way they start and stop.
There are no discussions of where they are going, or how they will get there. There are no statements of intent. There are almost no words at all, just the press of his knee against hers as they watch aliens run across the TV screen, and the sweet, warm feeling that this thing will wait for them until they’re ready. And when Sheldon invites her to the Steinbrenner’s for a department dinner they are sponsoring-in his honor, he adds, because of course he got the grant money, and his shoulder settles an extra moment against hers-of course she says yes.
And when they arrive and he offers her his arm, she doesn’t hesitate to take it. She keeps her hand tucked in his most of the night, and when they’re not together she sees him watching her from across the room, his eyes wide and bright. It’s like the first party in some ways-Sheldon still wears a bowtie, and talks too long about physics. But it’s different in some ways too. This time, when Mrs. Steinbrenner gives her that meddling, romantic look, the blush that creeps into Penny’s cheeks is genuine. This time, Sheldon does put his hand on the small of her back and guide her away, just like she imagined him doing all those weeks ago. And this time, he kisses her.
Author: allthingsholy
Word Count: 5000
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Notes: Thanks to lulabo for the beta (again and always). There are "Doctor Who" references galore, so if you're currently catching up to the revival, spoilers through the end of series one.
Summary: Sheldon needs help acting normal, and Penny's the only obvious choice. There's formal wear and gossip, too, and a kiss and a tear. They test a few hypotheses.
Part 1 here.
awesome cover art by g_girl143
----
Penny wakes to over-bright light against her eyelids and the press of a sharp elbow into her back. Her head is pounding and her throat is dry as she lifts a hand to brush the hair from her eyes and squeezes the bridge of her nose between her fingers. She takes a few deep breaths, and swallows hard, and thinks back. She remembers bright, swirling lights, and Kim pressing drinks into her hands, and the mad push of the dance floor and strange hands on her hips. She remembers other things too-laughter as her keys hit the lobby floor, the press of a door handle into her back, and the sharp burn of stubble against her cheek. She moves softly, sitting up and grabbing her robe all in one motion, twisting it around her as she stands and quietly moves toward the kitchen. She looks back and sees brown hair against the blue of her pillow and thinks, Kyle. She fills a glass of water and counts details: tall, attractive, and she’s pretty sure he’s in sales, software or stereo equiptment or something. She remembers he kept putting his hand on her knee as they talked, that his eyes were strong on hers almost the whole night, and his gaze was warm. She fills another glass of water and is just finishing it when she hears the creak of her bedsprings and the soft fall of feet crossing her floor.
She pulls herself up and straightens her hair just as he comes out of her room, jeans loose at his hips and shirt unbuttoned all the way down. She swallows and smiles at him, her lips in a small, awkward lift. He clears his throat and steps toward her, opening and closing his mouth. Penny softens a little-his eyes are still warm and strong against hers.
“You want a glass of water?” she says, voice still rough in the early morning. She turns and pulls a glass down from the cabinet, fills it from the tap and holds it out to him over the island. He takes another step forward and his fingers close around the glass, sliding softly against hers. She pulls away and leans back against the sink, crossing her arms over her chest, and says, “Last night was fun. Too much dancing, but still.”
The corners of Kyle’s mouth turn up and she sees him swallow hard and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. “I think my roommate went home with your friend Kim.”
Penny breathes out a laugh, remembers the two of them laughing at their friends’ inappropriate display in the corner of the club, Kyle’s hand wide on her back as they leaned into each other, grins wide. “I hope they at least made it out of the club,” Penny says, amused. She catches Kyle’s eyes and holds his gaze a long moment, adding, “They were making a bit of a scene.”
Kyle laughs into his water glass and then drains it the rest of the way, taking another step toward the island and setting the glass softly against the tile. He lowers his head as he works his fingers against the buttons of his shirt, voice soft as he says, “I should go.”
Penny lifts her chin and sets back her shoulders. She’s a big girl, she knows what she’s doing. Kyle reaches forward, grabs a pen and writes a quick note on the margins of the newspaper, sliding it toward her as he steps back.
“That’s my number,” he says, and Penny looks down and sees 10 digits scrawled across Family Circus. She takes a step toward the island and traces an eight with her finger as he continues, “You should give me a call sometime. I had a really good time last night.”
Penny looks up and smiles, walking out from behind the counter and toward her front door. She unlocks it and pulls it open for him. “I did too.” Kyle slides on his shoes and stops in her doorway, sliding a hand soft against her hip and pressing a quick kiss to her lips.
“Goodbye, Penny,” he says. Just as he turns to go, Penny sees the door of 4A open and Sheldon step out into the hallway. She tightens her hand around the doorknob, the metal cool against her palm, and she sees Sheldon look from her to Kyle and back again, his mouth a hard line. He pulls the door shut behind him and turns to lock it, staying hunched over his keys a long time, until Kyle’s footfalls start to fade. Then he turns and begins to descend the steps, not once looking back toward Penny. She takes a deep breath and sighs out long, closing the door softly. She walks toward the kitchen and runs her hand over Kyle’s number one more time before crumpling the newspaper in her hand and tossing it in the trash.
She showers quickly and dresses for work, apron strings tight around her waist. Her afternoon is a blur of customers and chicken entrees, her headache calming down enough to let her paste on a convincing smile and make quick jokes to get better tips. She resolutely does not think about the set of Sheldon’s shoulders as he turned from her, or the quick sound of his feet against the stairs as he walked away. It’s been three weeks since the reception and he and Penny have not discussed that night-their fight or the kiss. Their interactions are stilted, harsh, biting in places they used to be coy, and she knows the other guys have all noticed and been mostly too afraid to ask.
To be honest, Penny knows it’s the reason she’s been spending less and less time across the hall and and more and more time with the friends she had before she met the guys. She’s been to parties and clubs, out drinking and dancing, the same center of attention she’d been for so long. It feels different now, and she’s not so foolish as to misunderstand why.
As she walks to her car after her shift, she feels her phone buzz in her pocket. It’s a text from Leonard, inviting her over for Thai and sci-fi. She squeezes her phone in her hand, then shoves it back in her pocket and quickens her step. She doesn’t know if she can face Sheldon tonight, or the questioning stares of the other guys. She doesn’t think Sheldon’s said anything to the other guys, and she knows she sure as hell hasn’t told them she kissed Sheldon, so the puzzles expressions they wear lately have set her on edge every time they’ve hung out, and she knows tonight will likely be no different. A knot settles in her stomach that doesn’t fade her entire drive home.
She climbs the stairs and steps onto the fourth floor landing and crosses quickly to her door, keys ready in her hand. Before she even gets her door unlocked, she hears the door across the hall open and Leonard’s voice, sounding unsurprisingly guilty, like he was staring out the peephole waiting for her, saying, “Hey, Penny!”
She rests a hand against the door and shuts her eyes a moment before turning around and giving Leonard a bright, fake smile. “Hi, Leonard. What’s up?”
Leonard takes a step into the hall, pulling the door shut behind him. With a glance over his shoulder at the closed door, he walks toward Penny and asks, “Did you get my text?”
Penny lifts her chin. “Yes, I got your text.”
“You didn’t answer, so I wasn’t sure, and just … thought I’d check.” He shoves his hands into his back pockets, leans forward and bobs his head a little. “So … Thai tonight?”
Penny feels the smile fade from her face and her shoulders fall as she turns to unlock her door. “Leonard, it’s been a long day, I really just want to take a shower and go to bed.” Penny’s voice is tight as she lies to him, and she pushes the door open and slowly steps inside.
“Penny?” Leonard’s voice is low and honest, and Penny can’t help but turn toward him. She misses them, all of them, Sheldon and Leonard and Raj and even Howard, in a weird kind of way. She looks quick at Leonard and then down at the floor and waits.
“Penny, what happened with you and Sheldon?” She looks up and Leonard’s eyes are wide and sympathetic, and she resists the urge to reach out, smooth his hair, and press her palm against his cheek. There’s a not so small part of her that wishes she felt more for him, that wishes she could make the easy choice and let him love her, but she knows she won’t. His tone is worried, curious, the same as it had been when he’d found out she was attending the reception with Sheldon all those weeks ago.
“You’re going to a party with Sheldon?” His eyes had been wide, wonderous, and his voice higher and higher as he’d asked again, “You’re going on a date with Sheldon?”
She’s laughed then, a light, airy sound, and said, “It’s not really a date, I’m just going to make sure he does alright with these donors, to make sure he doesn’t offend anyone. It’s my good deed for the month.” Her smile had been wide against the hard set of Leonard’s brow, the disbelief in his shoulders, in his eyes. She thinks now how foolish she was, to have taken this all so lightly.
Penny turns away and steps into her apartment, leaving the door open behind her as an invitation for Leonard to follow. She drops her bag on the couch and takes a seat beside it, leaning back into the cushions as Leonard sits down on the coffee table facing her. She lets out a deep breath and picks at her nails and doesn’t look at him.
“It’s complicated,” she says, her mouth a tight line and her eyes on the her hands curled tight in her lap. She doesn’t know how to describe her fight with Sheldon, doesn’t know where it started or how it so quickly snowballed and got out of hand. She remembers his face as he pulled away from her kiss, his eyes closed and features still, and it merges in her mind with his cold, harsh gaze as they stood on the sidewalk and threw angry words at each other. It’s the calmness that stung most, she’s realized, the schooled, collected way he held himself as he hurt her, and the detached, uninterested tone of his voice. If he’d had the decency to get angry, to yell at her, she thinks she might not be so mad. She knows there is a human heart in there somewhere, beneath the double-layered comic book t-shirts, and it’s the idea that not even she can get to it that stills and tightens her hands as she looks up at Leonard, his brow drawn down in confusion. “I thought he and I were friends, and he … corrected my assumption.”
Leonard squeezes his hands between his knees and squints his eyes, a look creeping onto his face like he’s choosing his words wisely. “He’s been worse since you guys stopped talking.” Leonard looks at her intently, his eyes soft. Penny tightens her hands and her nails dig into her palm. “I know you won’t believe me, but I think he misses you. I don’t know what happened and I won’t ever claim to be an expert on the inner workings of Sheldon Cooper’s immensely tangled brain, but I think he misses you.” He starts to reach forward, to grab her hand or her knee, she’s not sure, but he stops himself halfway there and stands to go. She watches him walk away, her eyes on the slump of his back as he pulls open her door and pauses. “Come to Thai night,” he says over his shoulder. He gives her a small, sad smiles and turns to leave, the door falling closed behind him.
She sits a long moment on the couch, her hands tight around her knees, before she pushes herself up and into her bedroom to change out of her uniform. Ten times she resolves to go over to Thai night, to walk across the hall and knock on the door and take her usual seat on the couch and eat her pineapple fried rice with her head held high, Sheldon Cooper be damned. Ten times she changes her mind and squeezes her eyes shut and sighs. She opens her closet door to throw her dirty apron inside, and the hem of a dress catches her eyes, the soft grey material catching the light just so. She runs the hem between her fingers and thinks of Sheldon's fingers at her elbow, his arm raised around her as he pointed out professors and deans. She squeezes her eyes shut and thinks about Soft Kitty and bath salts, about Age of Conan and Penny Blossoms. There's new resolve in her shoulders as she changes, striding out of her apartment and across the hallway, her hand raised to knock on their door as she hears the strains of "Doctor Who" from inside.
With two quick raps on the door, she lifts her chest and stands and waits. Leonard pulls the door open, and his face lights up when he sees her. "Penny! I'm glad you came."
She gives him a smile, as close to a natural grin as she can manage, and walks into the room. Raj waves and Howard leers and she sees Sheldon sit straighter in his spot, a container of pad thai on the coffee table in front of him. She smiles to all of them and keeps her voice light as she asks, "Oh, are we watching 'Doctor Who' tonight? Please tell me it's the revival. Is it Nine? Ten? I love Ten." She moves her eyes quickly from Leonard to Raj, but they are all looking at each other and at Sheldon, brows furrowed. She knows already she's said something wrong.
Leonard clears his throat and pulls his computer chair to the coffee table, taking his seat as he hands Penny a takeout box. "You’re in luck. Tenth Doctor all night. We’re not allowed to watch Nine."
"Sheldon vetoed all Rose Tyler episodes," Howard explains. He's sitting in the middle of the couch and Penny's surprised to feel a little rattled that he's in her spot, and a little more rattled that she's so possessive of it all of a sudden. She shakes herself out of her head in time to hear Howard halfway through a sentence, saying, "...because Sheldon’s suddenly offended by hot blondes, I guess."
An awkward silence fills the room for just a moment, and she lowers her head to her food, but she can still feel all the guys looking at her. It's Sheldon who finally speaks, saying, "Her hair color has nothing to do with it. I just do not find her constand need for explanation and exposition currently stimulating or appealing. The Doctor could save twice as many people if he weren't always explaining himself to her and wasting time."
Penny freezes, fork halfway between her rice and her mouth. She lowers her hand and her back straightens, her breath coming out in hot, harsh bursts. She should’ve known better, she thinks, better than to come over and pretend everything is fine. There is a heavy silence that settles in the room, and when she looks up at Sheldon, he’s staring resolutely at the TV. “We’re going to watch City of Death, with Four and Romana. It’s one of the great episodes of Classic Who, and Tom Baker’s Doctor is, I think, the most successful rendition yet.” Throughout his spiel, Penny tightens her jaw, then leans forward and puts her rice on the coffee table, drawing her hands into her lap as she sits back in her chair.
“You think David Tennant is brilliant.” Penny’s words are high and clear, but still Sheldon doesn’t look at her. “You think he’s great, and I think he’s hot, and I think we should watch something from the revival. I want to watch something with Rose Tyler in it.” A muscle in Sheldon’s jaw twitches, and his hand tightens around the remote. She is all defiance now; it is stretched tight across her face and pushing her on without reluctance. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Leonard lean back in his chair, eyes moving quickly between the two of them, Penny looking at Sheldon, Sheldon looking at the TV. She quickly turns to Raj and Howard and asks, “Guys? What do you want to watch?”
They freeze, sitting perfectly still, until Raj leans over to whisper something in Howard’s ear. “Don’t move, Raj,” Howard grits out between his teeth, leaning away. “If we don’t move, maybe they won’t notice we’re here. Like a T.Rex and Jeff Goldblum.”
Penny breathes out hard and looks sharply at Leonard. “What about you, Leonard? Do you want to watch something with Rose in it?”
Leonard shifts uncomfortably in his seat, still looking swiftly between Penny and Sheldon, who still has his eyes firmly on the TV screen. Leonard clears his throat and breathes in, then takes a too-large bite of curry and says around his mouth full of food, “Whatever you guys want to watch, I’m easy.”
Penny lets out a breath and drops her head, shaking it slightly as she tightens her hands. This is the reason Sheldon is like this, she thinks, because no one will stand up to him, expect more of him, push him to be a better man. She’s tried for as long as she can remember to call him on his shit when it seemed most productive, and with a small glance at Leonard, she remembers quickly why they never seriously dated. Her eyes travel to Sheldon, the hard set of his shoulders, the firm lines of his face. She stands quickly and walks to the shelf with the DVDs on it, the boys silent behind her as she pulls out the Doctor Who revival disks and heads toward the DVD player. “I think we should watch the episode where Rose saves the Doctor’s life, huh? How about that one?” She can feel Sheldon’s gaze on her back as she steps in front of the TV. She shoves the disk in and stands, turning back to her chair.
“You mean the one where she causes his death?” She looks up and Sheldon’s eyes are on her, and it’s the first time he’s really looked at her in days. Her jaw clenches at the look in his eyes, the hard, unforgiving weight of his gaze as it settles on her shoulders, on her chest. His hands are tight when he continues, “Rose went against the Doctor’s express wishes. He sent her away from Satellite Five so that the Daleks would be unable to exploit Time Lord technology, and she defied him in returning. And her reasons for doing so were hardly excusable, since she was blinded by emotion and sentiment. It almost cost her her life and rightly so. She should’ve just obeyed the Doctor like any other reasonable person, instead of letting her emotions get the better of her. It’s a consistent human flaw, and she should’ve realized that Time Lord intellect and reasoning were superior to her own and let well enough lie. She should’ve stayed away.”
Penny’s throat is impossibly tight when he stops, when he looks away finally and sets the remote on the table, pushing himself onto his feet. “It’s nearly 8:15, I need to put my whites in,” he says, turning away quickly.
Leonard twists in his seat, watching Sheldon cross the room to put his uneaten pad thai in the refrigerator. “But it’s only 7:00.”
“Well, out of a 24-hour day, that’s very close.” His words are clipped, quick, and once again he will not look at Penny, who stands still facing the coach, hands clenched at her sides. They all stay like that, listening to Sheldon get his things from his room, and Raj tries again to whisper something in Howard’s ear, but Howard shushes him firmly and keeps his head down. Raj gives her a look, a quick, pitying look, just as Sheldon emerges from the hallway, laundry basket in hand, and crosses quickly to the door.
“She was trying to help.” Penny’s voice is thick when she speaks. She turns to look at Sheldon just as he reaches for the doorknob, and she sees him freeze with his hand clenched tight. She remembers watching the first season of Doctor Who with him, two summers ago while Leonard was in San Fransisco for his sister’s birthday, remembers chuckling at his excitement in explaining all the details of Who canon to her, his words quick but almost patient. It’s what she’s thinking about when she turns to face him, taking a small step forward, her voice quiet as she says, “She was trying to save him.”
The lines of his back tense, and the muscles in his neck are tight as he turns his head to face her, pulling open the door as he meets her eyes. His voice is low when he speaks. “Maybe he didn’t need saving,” he says, and then the door is closing shut behind him.
Penny drops into her seat. The guys are all silent around her, their food forgotten in front of them. Penny swallows the lump in her throat and settles her hands on her knees, willing her breathing to slow. She is more confused by Sheldon now than she has ever been, by the harshness of his words and the anger in his eyes. She looks up at Leonard and his eyes are wide and curious.
“Penny, what happened?” He leans toward her as he speaks, and Howard and Raj follow suit. She wants to ask them why they just sat their, so silent while she and Sheldon fought, wants to ask them why they didn’t defend her, or say something, anything, to help her out. She settles for tightening her hands around her knees, her nails rough against her jeans. “Is this really because he said the two of you weren’t friends?”
It’s a question Penny’s been avoiding for the better part of a month, but the answer settles in her chest now as if she’s known it all along. “No,” she says, voice quiet. She thinks of the pride she felt in seeing him open up, the warmth of seeing him accept her help and take her hand. This doesn’t feel like a fight with a friend, she realizes, it feels like a fight with someone more important than that. It’s the answer she’s been afraid to give herself while bringing home tall men with dark hair and light eyes, while thinking about Sheldon’s lips against hers as she goes about her day. It’s the hurt and embarrassment she saw when he pulled away that’s kept her blood at a steady, raging hum, that’s kept her eyes on him critical and super-sensitive. It’s the easy dismissal he gave to the idea of her dating him, to the idea that he could capture and hold her interest. It’s the idea that he didn’t have enough faith in either of them that’s knocked her down so surely. And just as much as she knows that there is more to her overreaction than she was willing to admit, she knows there’s got to be something else in Sheldon’s illogical anger, and she’s finished waiting for him to come around.
“Be right back, guys,” she says, pushing herself to her feet. “It’s laundry night.” She gives them as reassuring a grin as she can manage and grabs the door, rushing down four flights of stairs until she’s standing at the laundry room door, chest heaving. Sheldon doesn’t hear her over the hum of one already running washer, and by the time she speaks, she’s only a few feet away from him. “Just couldn’t wait until 8:15?”
He jumps a little when he hears her, then goes back to transfering laundry from the basket to the washing machine. “If you’re here to further debate the merits of Doctor Who could you please-“
“I was wrong thinking that you really were cold and unfeeling and didn’t give a shit about me,” Penny says. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and pushes her chin up. Sheldon hasn’t turned around, but he is silent now, while Penny speaks. “But you are so angry with me, and I just cannot figure out why.” She tightens her hands around her arms, fingers digging her skin, and she sees Sheldon clench his jaw and straighten his neck, defiant. “The Doctor didn’t send Rose away to protect any technology. He did it because he cared about her and he didn’t want to see her hurt. He did it because he was scared.” Sheldon’s chest rises and falls sharply, his breath coming quicker. He measures out a capful of detergent and pours it into the machine, and she could swear she sees his hand shake. Her voice is low when she speaks, almost low enough to be lost in the busy sounds of the washers beside them, and she’s nearly whispering to him when she says, “Are you really so mad that I kissed you in front of your physics people? Do you really think that anyone cared, or thought less of you? Is that why you're so mad at me?”
Sheldon keeps still and quiet a long, aching moment before he turns to look at her. His face is tight and even, but his eyes are wide and hold her own with such longing that she sucks in a breath and clenches her jaw. “No,” he says, voice as low and full as hers had been. She’s never seen him so exposed, so vulnerable, never seen him so full of emotion. “No, that’s not-” He clears his throat and lifts his chin, settling his gaze somewhere over her head. She breathes in and out evenly, and waits. She knows to push too hard is the worst thing she can do, that this admission alone is the biggest step she’s ever seen him take in her direction. She knows she should still be mad and there’s a part of her that still wants to keep her anger balled up inside her fists, but Sheldon’s breath rattles in his chest as he fights to calm his breathing and she feels all that anger slip away. It feels like an hour before Sheldon finally moves, and something inside falls as she realizes that he’s turning away from her, that he’s shoving quarters into the coin slots and setting the machine wash to cold.
She takes a small step back, her throat a knot, and starts to turn and leave when he says from behind her, “We can watch ‘The Doctor Dances.’”
When she turns back to him, his hands are clasped in front of him, his fingers tight around themselves. “It’s got Rose,” he says, “and I know how you like Captain Jack.”
Penny breathes in and feels the corners of her mouth lift up. Something in Sheldon seems to unwind when he sees her almost smile, and he grabs his empty laundry basket and starts toward the door. She falls in step beside him, her smile coming wider now, and asks, “Doesn’t that one have a happy ending?”
“Yes,” Sheldon answers, slowing his stride to match hers as she lengthens her steps to keep up. “It does.”
There are no grand sweeping overtures. No declarations or pronouncements, and he doesn’t make her sign any kind of contract, though she’s pretty sure he considers it. They go upstairs and watch “The Doctor Dances”-he doesn’t even make them watch “The Empty Child” first, and the boys all gape, asking, “But it’s a two-parter, we don’t have to watch both parts?”-and then the next day, she knocks on his door, a bowl of popcorn in her hands.
“I thought we’d start over,” she says, thrusting it toward him and pushing inside all in one step. “From the beginning.” She settles onto the couch, the cushion right next to his, and they watch Doctor Who, the pilot all the way through to the end. It doesn’t work itself out all in one night. There are still moments when she wants to strangle him, and his exasperated sighs can still be heard over the roar of the TARDIS. But there’s a new softness in his eyes as he explains Classic Who canon to her, and there’s a sweet kind of nervousness in the way he settles his hands against his knees, his fingers to close to hers. It’s halting, the way they start and stop.
There are no discussions of where they are going, or how they will get there. There are no statements of intent. There are almost no words at all, just the press of his knee against hers as they watch aliens run across the TV screen, and the sweet, warm feeling that this thing will wait for them until they’re ready. And when Sheldon invites her to the Steinbrenner’s for a department dinner they are sponsoring-in his honor, he adds, because of course he got the grant money, and his shoulder settles an extra moment against hers-of course she says yes.
And when they arrive and he offers her his arm, she doesn’t hesitate to take it. She keeps her hand tucked in his most of the night, and when they’re not together she sees him watching her from across the room, his eyes wide and bright. It’s like the first party in some ways-Sheldon still wears a bowtie, and talks too long about physics. But it’s different in some ways too. This time, when Mrs. Steinbrenner gives her that meddling, romantic look, the blush that creeps into Penny’s cheeks is genuine. This time, Sheldon does put his hand on the small of her back and guide her away, just like she imagined him doing all those weeks ago. And this time, he kisses her.