Dodging Bullets: The Finale
I was initially going to post this as fic a one-shot, but it was getting too long. The upshot is that this second part doesn’t QUITE pass muster as a standalone; it’s all denouement, little action. That being said, I hope you enjoy the (semi) redemption of Julia Cuddy and the adorkably corny ending. xo, atd
He avoided her at work, eating lunch at his desk, parking in the employee lot, sending Chase or Taub to make any sort of patient request.
This was for her benefit but, of course, it was also for his. He was trying to be the strong guy, the noble guy, but he was weak. He could maintain his resolve from a distance-seeing her up close would make it nearly unbearable.
“This is about Cuddy getting shot, isn’t it?” Wilson said, over lunch.
“Only partly,” House lied.
“You feel responsible and you’re trying to save her from the Big Bad Dr. House. You’re a regular martyr.”
“I’m sure Cuddy doesn’t quite see it that way.”
“She’s a mess, you know that? I caught her crying in her office-twice! She’s losing weight. She’s distracted, unfocused. You think you’re protecting her. You’re just hurting her.”
“She’ll get over it.”
“I don’t think she will.”
“She will. She’s tough. Toughest woman I know,” House said.
“What about you?” Wilson said, pointing at House’s untouched food. “Will you get over it?”
“No,” House said, pushing his plate way. “But that’s okay. I’m used to being miserable.”
#######
After two weeks of avoiding her, he couldn’t take it anymore.
He stopped by her office to check up on her. Her arm was out of the sling but Wilson was right, she looked skinnier, slightly less put together. Her normally impeccable style was slightly frayed around the edges: He wasn’t even sure she was wearing makeup.
When she saw him, her neck turned red, but she composed herself, quickly.
“What do you want?” she said. She was clenching the muscles in her jaw.
“I. . .how are you?”
“I’m fine, House.” Impatiently: “What do you need?”
“I don’t need anything. I was just coming to, uh, say hi.”
Now she gave a derisive laugh.
“You’re coming to say hi? Hi? You dump me, break my heart, ignore me for two weeks, and now you-what?-think I want to have small talk?”
“No, I…” House looked down. “How’s your collarbone?”
“Better,” she said, coldly.
He walked toward her-she was too angry and hurt to notice that he was favoring his right leg even more than usual-and maneuvered his way around her desk.
“May I?” he said, trying to pull back her blouse so he could see the scar.
“No you may not!” she snapped, recoiling angrily from his touch and pulling her blouse down. “You don’t get to touch me anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was just. . .”
“Just what?”
“Just worried about you,” he mumbled. “That’s all.”
“Get the fuck out of my office, House. It hurts to look at you. Don’t you get that? Only come back if you have hospital business.”
“I’m sorry,” House said contritely. “I made a mistake.”
#####
And then, a week later, Julia Cuddy showed up at his door.
“It’s times like this, I wish I had a metal detector,” House cracked.
“I’m unarmed,” she said, holding out her arms, playing along.
Then she took in his appearance.
“You look like shit, House.”
“Gee, thanks, Julia,” he said. “You always say the nicest things.”
She shrugged.
“So why are you here?” he said. “To gloat? To dance on my grave? To confirm that I’ve been reduced to a hollow shell of a man? Because trust me, I have.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” she said.
“Then why else? I have nothing else to give. I did what you wanted me to do. I broke up with Lisa, taking my-how did you put it?-trail of misery and destruction with me.”
“And now I want you to take her back.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“You better come in for this,” House said, stepping aside.
He walked over to the bar.
“Brown or clear?”
“Extremely clear,” she said. “I’ll take a glass of water.”
She is a killjoy, House thought.
“I’m gonna stick with the brown stuff, if you don’t mind,” House said, handing her the water and refilling his own scotch.
“Knock yourself out.”
They sat.
“I’m all ears,” House said.
“My sister is miserable.”
House swallowed a bit. He rubbed his leg-it had been bothering him a lot these past few weeks. The Advil wasn’t even making a dent.
“I know. I saw her.”
“I hate the relationship you two have. Hate it. Hate your antisocial tendencies. Hate the fact that you’re a former addict-and judging by the way you’re massaging that leg, possibly a future one, too. I hate your arrogance. Hate your rudeness. I hate your smug face.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word hate used so many times in a single sentence.”
“But my sister, God help her, loves you. And you love her.”
House said nothing.
“You broke up with her to protect her, didn’t you?”
“That was one of the reasons.”
“Yeah, Lisa told me your whole story about regrouping and not being the marrying kind. That was total bullshit wasn’t it? You’d marry my sister in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you?”
House sighed.
“It’s a moot point,” he said. “You were right. I’m toxic. Cuddy is better off without me. She’ll have short term pain, long term gain.”
“I don’t think so…” Julia said. “I’ve never seen her this upset. And Rachel, too. She misses you.”
“Rachel?” House said, perking up.
“Yeah,” Julia said. “She said to me, ‘Mama and I are both very sad because House isn’t our friend anymore.’”
House leaned his head against the back of the couch. Was it possible to feel your heart breaking, in the moment? To actually feel parts of it break off and shatter?
“Christ,” he said.
“Tell the truth: You broke up with Lisa to protect her from a bad man. And that bad man was you.”
He looked at her. There was no point in lying.
“In a word, yes,” he said.
“You know I don’t like you House.”
“Yeah, you kinda mentioned that already.”
“But you making this sacrifice for Lisa is actually . . . sweet, in a fucked up sort of way.”
“Thanks?”
“So I don’t know if you need my blessing, or if you even care. But I’ll say this: When she was with you, I’d never seen Lisa happier. And now, I’ve never seen her more miserable. I wish she loved someone else. God, I wish she loved someone else. But she loves you. And I think…you two should be together.”
House stared at her, bewildered.
“You are literally the last person on earth I ever expected to hear that from,” he said.
“That makes two of us,” Julia said, standing up. “Anyway, that’s it. I’ve said my piece. The rest is up to you.”
“Thanks for. . .saying all that,” House said, standing himself. “And for not opening fire.”
Julia chuckled.
“I make no promises the next time I see you.”
“That’s what keeps me on my toes.”
#####
The next afternoon, House poked his head into Cuddy’s office, but it was empty.
He approached her assistant, Anita.
“Where’s boss lady?” he said.
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He squinted at her.
“Of course you know. It’s your job to know.”
“Why don’t you just leave her alone?” Anita said, bluntly. “Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?”
“I just want to talk to her,” House said. “In a strictly non-jerky way.”
Anita eyed him.
“She just took off a few minutes ago. It’s anyone’s guess where she is.”
“I really need to talk to her,” he said. Then, in mock supplication: “Pleeease.”
She cocked an eyebrow.
“Sorry. No can do.”
“What is it about Cuddy’s inner sanctum of women? They all seem to hate my guts.”
“We love her and we don’t want to see her hurt,” Anita said, pointedly.
“I would never hurt her,” House said.
“Too late.”
“Then help me undo it. Help me fix it.”
He gave her his most devastating puppy dog eyes: “C’mon Anita. I’m dying here.”
Anita sighed.
“She might have gone for a walk in the park to clear her head. And it’s possible that, in such moments, she likes to sit on the picnic table near the duck pond.”
“I know it well,” he said. Then: “You are a queen among women! I am going to pay you back-big time.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Anita said under her breath, as he quickly limped away.
######
She was exactly where Anita said she would be: On the picnic table bench, looking at the ducks.
“Is this seat taken?” House said, not waiting for her reply.
“I can’t believe Anita narced me out,” Cuddy said. “She is so fired.”
“Oh no. She was like Fort Knox. I had to bat some serious eyelash at her to get her to cave.”
Cuddy managed a tiny laugh.
“You do have nice eyelashes,” she said.
He swallowed a bit.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Shitty. You?”
“Same. I haven’t been eating. I can’t sleep. And my leg has been killing me.”
For a second, she forgot that she hated him.
“And the Advil’s not helping?” she asked, concerned.
“Not a bit.”
“But you’re not. . .?”
“No,” he said.
“Good.” Then she looked down. “Not that it’s any of my business.”
“Of course it’s your business,” he said.
There was a long silence.
“Your sister paid me a visit last night,” he said finally.
She was genuinely shocked: “What? Did she want you to break up with me again?”
“Quite the opposite,” House said. “She thinks we should get back together.”
“She’s acting schizophrenic.”
“She wants what’s best for you…and so do I.”
“You have a funny way of showing it. I get shot and you promptly…dump me.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“And using my gunshot wound as a handy excuse to get out of committing to me.”
“I am committed to you. For life.”
“Now you sound schizophrenic,” she said.
“Cuddy, I was committed to you from day one. I would’ve eloped with you that night after Trenton, if you’d asked.”
Cuddy blinked at him.
“Then why’d you break up with me, you idiot?”
“Because I’m toxic. I’m. . .dangerous. I’m unfit to be your boyfriend, let alone a father figure to Rachel.”
“I’m a big girl, House. I’m more than capable of making choices for myself-and for my daughter.”
House gave a tiny smile.
“What are you smiling about?”
“Because I knew you’d say that.”
“You did, huh?”
“That’s why I had to make up that bullshit story about me not wanting to marry you. I knew if I told you I was only breaking up with you to protect you, you’d never let me get away with it.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t!” she said, defiantly.
He reached over and took her hand. Much to his great relief, she didn’t pull away.
“I’m throwing myself on your mercy here,” he said. “I’m asking you to take me back.”
“I don’t get it, House. What changed? I mean, was it Julia? Have we finally found the one Cuddy woman you’ll actually listen to?”
She chuckled, at her own joke. But House was dead serious.
“It was partly Julia and, actually, partly something Bob Morgan said.”
“You want to get back together with me based on the philosophy of my assailant?”
“He asked me what I would do if somebody hurt you. And the answer is, I’d end them. I’d fucking destroy them. And then, well, I was struck by the irony.”
“I see where you’re going with this. . .”
“I never meant to hurt you. I thought I could do it, Cuddy. I thought I could be this noble guy who breaks up with you for your own good. But I can’t. I can’t stand to see you in pain. It makes me . . . physically ill.”
“You do look a little green around the gills.”
“And it’s more than that. I can’t take it. I feel like I can’t breathe without you.”
“Now you’re just being melodramatic,” she said, but she was smiling.
“It’s true. . .But obviously . . . something has to change.”
Now she looked at him, startled.
“Like what?”
“Like me.”
“I don’t follow you.”
“You asked me if I could stop being cruel to people and I said no. I’m an asshole. We both know that. Misanthropy is in my DNA. But . . .there was something else Bob Morgan said.”
“What is he? Nietzsche?”
“He asked me how I would feel if a doctor treated you badly. And that’s what I have remember. That every person I treat has someone who loves them-maybe not as much I love you, but loves them all the same. So I need to try to treat all my patients the way I would want your doctor to treat you. Or Rachel’s doctor to treat her.”
“You’re going to start giving all your patients a lollipop?”
He finally allowed himself a small laugh.
“When did you get so funny?” he said, adoringly.
“I’ve always been funny,” she said. “I’m hilarious.”
He leaned his head toward hers, until their foreheads were nearly touching.
“I love you so much I’m willing to be…nice for you.”
“That is love,” she said, smiling.
Unable to stop himself, he kissed her smiling mouth. Then, just for a brief second, they kissed again, more ardently this time.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he whispered.
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “That’s why I was so confused.”
“So you’ll take me back?” he said.
“Of course,” she said. “I never gave you away.”
He kissed her again, and again, not able to stop kissing her.
Finally, he pulled back her blouse to look at the scar. This time she let him. It was small, perfectly round, and the scar tissue was pink and smooth-healing beautifully. He kissed that, too.
“I don’t want to brag, but my scar’s way more impressive than yours,” he said.
“Some guys’ have all the luck,” she said, giggling.
“Yeah,” he said, gazing at her. “They do.”
THE END
He avoided her at work, eating lunch at his desk, parking in the employee lot, sending Chase or Taub to make any sort of patient request.
This was for her benefit but, of course, it was also for his. He was trying to be the strong guy, the noble guy, but he was weak. He could maintain his resolve from a distance-seeing her up close would make it nearly unbearable.
“This is about Cuddy getting shot, isn’t it?” Wilson said, over lunch.
“Only partly,” House lied.
“You feel responsible and you’re trying to save her from the Big Bad Dr. House. You’re a regular martyr.”
“I’m sure Cuddy doesn’t quite see it that way.”
“She’s a mess, you know that? I caught her crying in her office-twice! She’s losing weight. She’s distracted, unfocused. You think you’re protecting her. You’re just hurting her.”
“She’ll get over it.”
“I don’t think she will.”
“She will. She’s tough. Toughest woman I know,” House said.
“What about you?” Wilson said, pointing at House’s untouched food. “Will you get over it?”
“No,” House said, pushing his plate way. “But that’s okay. I’m used to being miserable.”
#######
After two weeks of avoiding her, he couldn’t take it anymore.
He stopped by her office to check up on her. Her arm was out of the sling but Wilson was right, she looked skinnier, slightly less put together. Her normally impeccable style was slightly frayed around the edges: He wasn’t even sure she was wearing makeup.
When she saw him, her neck turned red, but she composed herself, quickly.
“What do you want?” she said. She was clenching the muscles in her jaw.
“I. . .how are you?”
“I’m fine, House.” Impatiently: “What do you need?”
“I don’t need anything. I was just coming to, uh, say hi.”
Now she gave a derisive laugh.
“You’re coming to say hi? Hi? You dump me, break my heart, ignore me for two weeks, and now you-what?-think I want to have small talk?”
“No, I…” House looked down. “How’s your collarbone?”
“Better,” she said, coldly.
He walked toward her-she was too angry and hurt to notice that he was favoring his right leg even more than usual-and maneuvered his way around her desk.
“May I?” he said, trying to pull back her blouse so he could see the scar.
“No you may not!” she snapped, recoiling angrily from his touch and pulling her blouse down. “You don’t get to touch me anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was just. . .”
“Just what?”
“Just worried about you,” he mumbled. “That’s all.”
“Get the fuck out of my office, House. It hurts to look at you. Don’t you get that? Only come back if you have hospital business.”
“I’m sorry,” House said contritely. “I made a mistake.”
#####
And then, a week later, Julia Cuddy showed up at his door.
“It’s times like this, I wish I had a metal detector,” House cracked.
“I’m unarmed,” she said, holding out her arms, playing along.
Then she took in his appearance.
“You look like shit, House.”
“Gee, thanks, Julia,” he said. “You always say the nicest things.”
She shrugged.
“So why are you here?” he said. “To gloat? To dance on my grave? To confirm that I’ve been reduced to a hollow shell of a man? Because trust me, I have.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” she said.
“Then why else? I have nothing else to give. I did what you wanted me to do. I broke up with Lisa, taking my-how did you put it?-trail of misery and destruction with me.”
“And now I want you to take her back.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“You better come in for this,” House said, stepping aside.
He walked over to the bar.
“Brown or clear?”
“Extremely clear,” she said. “I’ll take a glass of water.”
She is a killjoy, House thought.
“I’m gonna stick with the brown stuff, if you don’t mind,” House said, handing her the water and refilling his own scotch.
“Knock yourself out.”
They sat.
“I’m all ears,” House said.
“My sister is miserable.”
House swallowed a bit. He rubbed his leg-it had been bothering him a lot these past few weeks. The Advil wasn’t even making a dent.
“I know. I saw her.”
“I hate the relationship you two have. Hate it. Hate your antisocial tendencies. Hate the fact that you’re a former addict-and judging by the way you’re massaging that leg, possibly a future one, too. I hate your arrogance. Hate your rudeness. I hate your smug face.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word hate used so many times in a single sentence.”
“But my sister, God help her, loves you. And you love her.”
House said nothing.
“You broke up with her to protect her, didn’t you?”
“That was one of the reasons.”
“Yeah, Lisa told me your whole story about regrouping and not being the marrying kind. That was total bullshit wasn’t it? You’d marry my sister in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you?”
House sighed.
“It’s a moot point,” he said. “You were right. I’m toxic. Cuddy is better off without me. She’ll have short term pain, long term gain.”
“I don’t think so…” Julia said. “I’ve never seen her this upset. And Rachel, too. She misses you.”
“Rachel?” House said, perking up.
“Yeah,” Julia said. “She said to me, ‘Mama and I are both very sad because House isn’t our friend anymore.’”
House leaned his head against the back of the couch. Was it possible to feel your heart breaking, in the moment? To actually feel parts of it break off and shatter?
“Christ,” he said.
“Tell the truth: You broke up with Lisa to protect her from a bad man. And that bad man was you.”
He looked at her. There was no point in lying.
“In a word, yes,” he said.
“You know I don’t like you House.”
“Yeah, you kinda mentioned that already.”
“But you making this sacrifice for Lisa is actually . . . sweet, in a fucked up sort of way.”
“Thanks?”
“So I don’t know if you need my blessing, or if you even care. But I’ll say this: When she was with you, I’d never seen Lisa happier. And now, I’ve never seen her more miserable. I wish she loved someone else. God, I wish she loved someone else. But she loves you. And I think…you two should be together.”
House stared at her, bewildered.
“You are literally the last person on earth I ever expected to hear that from,” he said.
“That makes two of us,” Julia said, standing up. “Anyway, that’s it. I’ve said my piece. The rest is up to you.”
“Thanks for. . .saying all that,” House said, standing himself. “And for not opening fire.”
Julia chuckled.
“I make no promises the next time I see you.”
“That’s what keeps me on my toes.”
#####
The next afternoon, House poked his head into Cuddy’s office, but it was empty.
He approached her assistant, Anita.
“Where’s boss lady?” he said.
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He squinted at her.
“Of course you know. It’s your job to know.”
“Why don’t you just leave her alone?” Anita said, bluntly. “Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?”
“I just want to talk to her,” House said. “In a strictly non-jerky way.”
Anita eyed him.
“She just took off a few minutes ago. It’s anyone’s guess where she is.”
“I really need to talk to her,” he said. Then, in mock supplication: “Pleeease.”
She cocked an eyebrow.
“Sorry. No can do.”
“What is it about Cuddy’s inner sanctum of women? They all seem to hate my guts.”
“We love her and we don’t want to see her hurt,” Anita said, pointedly.
“I would never hurt her,” House said.
“Too late.”
“Then help me undo it. Help me fix it.”
He gave her his most devastating puppy dog eyes: “C’mon Anita. I’m dying here.”
Anita sighed.
“She might have gone for a walk in the park to clear her head. And it’s possible that, in such moments, she likes to sit on the picnic table near the duck pond.”
“I know it well,” he said. Then: “You are a queen among women! I am going to pay you back-big time.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Anita said under her breath, as he quickly limped away.
######
She was exactly where Anita said she would be: On the picnic table bench, looking at the ducks.
“Is this seat taken?” House said, not waiting for her reply.
“I can’t believe Anita narced me out,” Cuddy said. “She is so fired.”
“Oh no. She was like Fort Knox. I had to bat some serious eyelash at her to get her to cave.”
Cuddy managed a tiny laugh.
“You do have nice eyelashes,” she said.
He swallowed a bit.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Shitty. You?”
“Same. I haven’t been eating. I can’t sleep. And my leg has been killing me.”
For a second, she forgot that she hated him.
“And the Advil’s not helping?” she asked, concerned.
“Not a bit.”
“But you’re not. . .?”
“No,” he said.
“Good.” Then she looked down. “Not that it’s any of my business.”
“Of course it’s your business,” he said.
There was a long silence.
“Your sister paid me a visit last night,” he said finally.
She was genuinely shocked: “What? Did she want you to break up with me again?”
“Quite the opposite,” House said. “She thinks we should get back together.”
“She’s acting schizophrenic.”
“She wants what’s best for you…and so do I.”
“You have a funny way of showing it. I get shot and you promptly…dump me.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“And using my gunshot wound as a handy excuse to get out of committing to me.”
“I am committed to you. For life.”
“Now you sound schizophrenic,” she said.
“Cuddy, I was committed to you from day one. I would’ve eloped with you that night after Trenton, if you’d asked.”
Cuddy blinked at him.
“Then why’d you break up with me, you idiot?”
“Because I’m toxic. I’m. . .dangerous. I’m unfit to be your boyfriend, let alone a father figure to Rachel.”
“I’m a big girl, House. I’m more than capable of making choices for myself-and for my daughter.”
House gave a tiny smile.
“What are you smiling about?”
“Because I knew you’d say that.”
“You did, huh?”
“That’s why I had to make up that bullshit story about me not wanting to marry you. I knew if I told you I was only breaking up with you to protect you, you’d never let me get away with it.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t!” she said, defiantly.
He reached over and took her hand. Much to his great relief, she didn’t pull away.
“I’m throwing myself on your mercy here,” he said. “I’m asking you to take me back.”
“I don’t get it, House. What changed? I mean, was it Julia? Have we finally found the one Cuddy woman you’ll actually listen to?”
She chuckled, at her own joke. But House was dead serious.
“It was partly Julia and, actually, partly something Bob Morgan said.”
“You want to get back together with me based on the philosophy of my assailant?”
“He asked me what I would do if somebody hurt you. And the answer is, I’d end them. I’d fucking destroy them. And then, well, I was struck by the irony.”
“I see where you’re going with this. . .”
“I never meant to hurt you. I thought I could do it, Cuddy. I thought I could be this noble guy who breaks up with you for your own good. But I can’t. I can’t stand to see you in pain. It makes me . . . physically ill.”
“You do look a little green around the gills.”
“And it’s more than that. I can’t take it. I feel like I can’t breathe without you.”
“Now you’re just being melodramatic,” she said, but she was smiling.
“It’s true. . .But obviously . . . something has to change.”
Now she looked at him, startled.
“Like what?”
“Like me.”
“I don’t follow you.”
“You asked me if I could stop being cruel to people and I said no. I’m an asshole. We both know that. Misanthropy is in my DNA. But . . .there was something else Bob Morgan said.”
“What is he? Nietzsche?”
“He asked me how I would feel if a doctor treated you badly. And that’s what I have remember. That every person I treat has someone who loves them-maybe not as much I love you, but loves them all the same. So I need to try to treat all my patients the way I would want your doctor to treat you. Or Rachel’s doctor to treat her.”
“You’re going to start giving all your patients a lollipop?”
He finally allowed himself a small laugh.
“When did you get so funny?” he said, adoringly.
“I’ve always been funny,” she said. “I’m hilarious.”
He leaned his head toward hers, until their foreheads were nearly touching.
“I love you so much I’m willing to be…nice for you.”
“That is love,” she said, smiling.
Unable to stop himself, he kissed her smiling mouth. Then, just for a brief second, they kissed again, more ardently this time.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he whispered.
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “That’s why I was so confused.”
“So you’ll take me back?” he said.
“Of course,” she said. “I never gave you away.”
He kissed her again, and again, not able to stop kissing her.
Finally, he pulled back her blouse to look at the scar. This time she let him. It was small, perfectly round, and the scar tissue was pink and smooth-healing beautifully. He kissed that, too.
“I don’t want to brag, but my scar’s way more impressive than yours,” he said.
“Some guys’ have all the luck,” she said, giggling.
“Yeah,” he said, gazing at her. “They do.”
THE END