challenge 4: the ace
meta in which katniss everdeen from the hunger games is asexual.
word count 723
note while everyone experiences asexuality differently, i do cast some of my own feelings/experiences onto her. this is written in the ten things you never knew about [x] style. so saying, this is some weird cross between meta and fiction. it does change pov, and is, basically, all over the place. i have cleaned up what i could, but most of it is just stream-of-conscious on both and mine end and hers.
and to be honest, i feel it tells the story better this way. so.
1. Her father says, “When you have children, someday, you will be able to teach them to hunt.”
Katniss doesn’t even think before she says, “I’m never having children.”
He doesn’t say anything to that, but she can’t help but feel that he’s a little disappointed.
2. (Her mother never says anything. Katniss wonders how much she already knows.)
3. The girls at school always talk about the boys.
“He’s so pretty,” they say. “He’s so handsome” and “I would love to marry him” are usually the next things that come out of their mouth, or some vein of that, and Katniss is always so bored.
They try to include her. “Isn’t he pretty?”
She shrugs. “I guess.” And leaves it at that.
4. Later, almost years, when death and starvation have worn her down, someone asks if she likes Gale.
“Of course,” she says, not understanding but too tired to try. “We’re friends.”
Disappointment and confusion pass across their face. Katniss thinks that’s something stupid to be confused at.
5. “You made me look weak,” she spits, hands clenched in Peeta’s shirt.
Haymitch, of course, comes in at that moment. He tries to explain, but it’s not until Cinna calms her down that she actually listens.
“He made you look desirable,” Haymitch says, and that itches at her skin more than Peeta declaring his love. “Sponsors will love the star-crossed lovers tale.”
“Haymitch is right, Katniss,” Cinna says, hands on her shoulders.
You nod, apologize, and let Cinna take you back to your room but all you can think is no, no, this is wrong i can’t pretend to be in love with someone i don’t know how.
6. (Because while your parents were very much in love-and you know that, from the way your father sang your mother songs, from the way your mother stared at nothing for weeks on end after the explosion-you do not know what love is.
Your classmates always talked about marriage and children and butterflies in their stomach. They talked about kissing and having sex. And you listened, but never understood how that was love because-well, you love Gale, but you’ve never felt anything they listed. Not for him, not for anyone, and you don’t know if this is a bad thing or not.
But you’ve never lived to others expectations before, and this is merely another thing that sets your further away from the general population. You think you can live with that, even though the term star-crossed lovers makes you feel, literally, sick.)
7. With the berries in the palm of your hand, you think this is the closes you’ve ever come to falling in love, and you are-in the terribly short time you bring the berries to your mouth-grateful that this is it.
But then Seneca Crane’s booms over the stadium, and while you are grateful to be alive, afterwards, you are terrified about what this means next.
8. Gale kisses her in where no one can see. The churning in her gut doesn’t feel anything like the other girls described-thrilling and something beautiful. Instead, all she feels is sick.
9. Peeta is gone and gone and who knows if he’s ever coming back, and you feel sick and betrayed, and you think this, this is what love does to people.
10. Years and years after-after Prim’s funeral and the death of Coin; after war and death, she gives birth to a girl. Peeta holds her hand, doesn’t complain as she squeezes it. They agree not to name her after anyone-the past belongs in the past, and Katniss doesn’t want to bring up the memories they buried in the book.
She holds her daughter after the birth, hums on old tune. Thinks of all the promises she made to herself, and even though the baby in her hands was an accident, she doesn’t know how she feels. She feels something soft in her chest, though-not like the softness she feels for Peeta, rough-edged and scratched-but rounded and smooth. Like what she felt for Prim, for Rue.
Peeta smiles down at her, but Katniss only has eyes for this new life, her blood and bone. And maybe she never wanted children years and years ago, but she will love this child as much as she can. In the end, that’s all she can do.
word count 723
note while everyone experiences asexuality differently, i do cast some of my own feelings/experiences onto her. this is written in the ten things you never knew about [x] style. so saying, this is some weird cross between meta and fiction. it does change pov, and is, basically, all over the place. i have cleaned up what i could, but most of it is just stream-of-conscious on both and mine end and hers.
and to be honest, i feel it tells the story better this way. so.
1. Her father says, “When you have children, someday, you will be able to teach them to hunt.”
Katniss doesn’t even think before she says, “I’m never having children.”
He doesn’t say anything to that, but she can’t help but feel that he’s a little disappointed.
2. (Her mother never says anything. Katniss wonders how much she already knows.)
3. The girls at school always talk about the boys.
“He’s so pretty,” they say. “He’s so handsome” and “I would love to marry him” are usually the next things that come out of their mouth, or some vein of that, and Katniss is always so bored.
They try to include her. “Isn’t he pretty?”
She shrugs. “I guess.” And leaves it at that.
4. Later, almost years, when death and starvation have worn her down, someone asks if she likes Gale.
“Of course,” she says, not understanding but too tired to try. “We’re friends.”
Disappointment and confusion pass across their face. Katniss thinks that’s something stupid to be confused at.
5. “You made me look weak,” she spits, hands clenched in Peeta’s shirt.
Haymitch, of course, comes in at that moment. He tries to explain, but it’s not until Cinna calms her down that she actually listens.
“He made you look desirable,” Haymitch says, and that itches at her skin more than Peeta declaring his love. “Sponsors will love the star-crossed lovers tale.”
“Haymitch is right, Katniss,” Cinna says, hands on her shoulders.
You nod, apologize, and let Cinna take you back to your room but all you can think is no, no, this is wrong i can’t pretend to be in love with someone i don’t know how.
6. (Because while your parents were very much in love-and you know that, from the way your father sang your mother songs, from the way your mother stared at nothing for weeks on end after the explosion-you do not know what love is.
Your classmates always talked about marriage and children and butterflies in their stomach. They talked about kissing and having sex. And you listened, but never understood how that was love because-well, you love Gale, but you’ve never felt anything they listed. Not for him, not for anyone, and you don’t know if this is a bad thing or not.
But you’ve never lived to others expectations before, and this is merely another thing that sets your further away from the general population. You think you can live with that, even though the term star-crossed lovers makes you feel, literally, sick.)
7. With the berries in the palm of your hand, you think this is the closes you’ve ever come to falling in love, and you are-in the terribly short time you bring the berries to your mouth-grateful that this is it.
But then Seneca Crane’s booms over the stadium, and while you are grateful to be alive, afterwards, you are terrified about what this means next.
8. Gale kisses her in where no one can see. The churning in her gut doesn’t feel anything like the other girls described-thrilling and something beautiful. Instead, all she feels is sick.
9. Peeta is gone and gone and who knows if he’s ever coming back, and you feel sick and betrayed, and you think this, this is what love does to people.
10. Years and years after-after Prim’s funeral and the death of Coin; after war and death, she gives birth to a girl. Peeta holds her hand, doesn’t complain as she squeezes it. They agree not to name her after anyone-the past belongs in the past, and Katniss doesn’t want to bring up the memories they buried in the book.
She holds her daughter after the birth, hums on old tune. Thinks of all the promises she made to herself, and even though the baby in her hands was an accident, she doesn’t know how she feels. She feels something soft in her chest, though-not like the softness she feels for Peeta, rough-edged and scratched-but rounded and smooth. Like what she felt for Prim, for Rue.
Peeta smiles down at her, but Katniss only has eyes for this new life, her blood and bone. And maybe she never wanted children years and years ago, but she will love this child as much as she can. In the end, that’s all she can do.