in sanity
Today meant a lot to me. I got to see i. We have had some very rough times here lately and it put my heart at ease about a lot of things. I did say some pretty stupid stuff without thinking, which is getting to be a regular occurance with me. God sometimes I don’t know why she puts up with me, but I am glad she does. I am trying to correct myself from doing that. There is so much strain on our bonds together, mainly from us having to hide it. It is nice to have some time to sit back and relax, even if for only a short time. I am very hopefull that this distance is what she needs even though a recent poem of her’s states otherwise. I’m also hopefull I can last until she makes her decision. I would lie if i said it wasn’t a strain on me, but I think it is a lot less strain on me than was on her. It is making me a bit paranoid, and uncertain, but I’ll stop being a whiney bitch. I’m looking forward to starting this relationship over on a new foot, but I am frightened that I will screw up somehow and ruin my one shot with the perfect girl. The past month I have felt like the old cartoons with a devil on one shoulder and angel on the other. It’s a bit strange how torn a person can be at times. But I see the light at the end now, and it has had a big change in my way of thinking about the situation.
This girl means the world to me and I’m tired of fucking things up in my life. I have big dreams and I know she does to. I know I will die a happy man regardless, because I am generally happy most of the time (i just dont blog then hah). I hardly ever cry and I swear she makes me so happy I want to cry, but I won’t. I hope so much that she tackles her problems and comes running back into my arms and asks to be mine, and for that day I live. Day by day, I live it.
Originally published at Randy Hance. Please leave any comments there.