242.
Title: Who’s the hot dog stall boy?
Pairing/Characters: Masuda/Tegoshi + a caravan
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for kissing
Prompt: 242 Massu in a circus!AU.
Summary: Masuda’s family rules a roundabout circus. The heir, Masuda Takahisa, is a rascal who’s afraid of animals and bitterly hates a guy that stole his dream. If he can’t be responsible for the future of the circus, there’s no one.
A/N: My pleasure.
Masuda’s father wasn’t one of those fathers that came home wearing a suit and carrying a black document case. He didn’t place feet onto a table for his wife to have massaged, and his wife had never a dinner ready on a table. Not for him, either for the young Masuda who bornt in the middle of wild animals and wild people, a gang of happy and colorful people amidst whose normal as a word was completely insignificant concept, if known concept at all.
Masuda’s father couldn’t fit into national jackets, so he were to order his from America in order to get his muscles hidden without a cramped feeling. Luckily their group had a shoemaker one of a kind, very clever with his hands. And he wasn’t the only one clever with his hands, all of those who had ever been erecting the circus tent over a square had taken in exactly based on what their hands were capable of.
Together they constituted a winding circus which was known for never stopping for more than week at a time. Masuda’s family was the head of the circus because every member of their family were rumored to have bornt inside a circus tent. One thing they knew for sure was that Masuda had bornt there, everybody had seen it with their own bare eyes. There weren’t a particular reason to question Masuda’s father’s story either. In the end many of them had been along since the members even older from that family were taking good care of them.
Besides the young rascal, Masuda’s family consisted both of his parents. One was a famous strongman as well as an animal tamer, and another beauty known by her thin legs and strong toes: Masuda’s mother, a tight rope dancer.
Masuda himself, was only 19-years old and a skillful acrobat whose body functioned beautifully into any shape the boy wanted it to order. At least he often dreamt of that while watching his smooth body from a mirror, but whereby the cruel reality he wasn’t more than a strong and muscular like his father. Masuda was to be the next heir of the circus and he had never had power to decide over his own future.
Masuda had learned to live with it. It didn’t fit into his character to complain about tasks that had to be done, he only tried his best in everything that he did. During nights he secretly practiced his dreams inside the tent, and with closed eyes he imagined his body light and slender like acrobatic bodies were.
Masudas were the only whole family inside the circus. Others were abandoned as a child, normal people lost from their road or just talents that happened to appear into a right place on a right time. Masuda was one of the youngest and already too old to carry the title of a young on his shoulders. His parents were constantly pushing him towards a little younger swing trapeze artist, wishing that delicate and beautiful lady would bear their grandchildren one day.
Atmosphere along all of them was due to that very pushy every time. Masuda tried to avoid those moments the best he could, tried to draw away as far as he could and fast. He didn’t hesitate at all whether his father would just make them have children right before his eyes if they only stayed in one place together for long enough.
Masuda didn’t straightly speaking hate other people, but he still preferred being out of everyone’s sight. Completely alone wasn’t a thing he wished for, since living inside the tent had estranged him from normal everyday life. Going off to run errands to the city never worked out with all the distress concourse and industrial cities caused him.
Fortunately he had a guy called Kato Shigeaki next to him, his faithful left arm who was terrifyingly dedicated to him and admiringly ready to do anything for him. Shigeaki was sometimes like Masuda’s servant or a pet, although in circus his duty was to work as a hot dog stall keeper. The way he almost worshipped Masuda didn’t matter at all, since Shigeaki helped him with all the insuperable things he couldn’t do. Anything that had to do something with electronics was directly pushed onto Shige. In addition, Shige looked after circus animals in their little stall, which surprise, surprise was a thing that Masuda should’ve done.
Couple of beautiful horses lived with them, along with snow white circus cats and bigger kitties from lions to tigers, whose training Masuda’s father was specialized with. Any of these Masuda couldn’t touch. Sometimes he had even the most laughable fears targeted at horses’ giant vortexes, lion teeth and even too long nails of little kitties. If their circus had turtles, Masuda would’ve been afraid they attacked him while he knew they never would. He couldn’t simply do anything about his fears.
Besides above mentioned people and animals, their caravan had numerous of virtuosos from juggler clowns to fire eaters and on from contortion artists to trapeze artists. Not that significant people, since Masuda in fact never spent any time with them. Of course he knew everyone by name, everyone’s story and what skills they had. He knew even more than he ever wanted to, while he couldn’t remember ever holding a conversation with said people about it. The whole group knew each other as if naturally.
Also, one more person probably should get mentioned by name since his face was the one Masuda needed to watch more than others. Tegoshi Yuya. Ironically the only person Masuda found easy to spite in little amounts. A person he couldn’t get by with or come into agreement with a thing or another. Nothing in them met.
Tegoshi was petite, small and beautiful acrobat who had been taken into the circus as an orphan child. Due to his outer appearance he got chosen to carry out Masuda’s dream, which Masuda himself couldn’t during his lifetime ever reach.
Being almost the same age, both of the boys had been put together immediately. Since Yuya’s arrival they had worked as a duo, time they both were still under six years old. Everyone noticed the discord between the young persons, but didn’t want to get in the middle of it because on stage they shined the brightest. They had most of the audience in their spell. Both of them worked the hardest, in earnest and dedicatedly.
Masuda started his day at 5am like everyone else did, and no-one were given a personal practicing time due to their caravan’s small size. They were located in one small place at time and nobody could ran around the forests along with their equipments searching for a private place. They didn’t have time for that, neither it made any sense.
People were quiet and didn’t disturb each other. Despite deep concentration Masuda’s eyes were always attached to the area in the tent which should’ve been his. Daily, Tegoshi was under his nose and the boy’s talent ate Masuda from inside, but the only thing he could do about it was to watch.
He would have lifted Tegoshi with only his little finger if he wanted to and easily get him drowned into a lake along their path. But in the end, what would it have caused. They would’ve replaced Tegoshi with another young person who was next in line to get Masuda’s bitterness onto his shoulders. Besides, Masuda would’ve felt a terrible guilt about his turn and rifted into suicide with his conscience breathing heavily above his neck.
The thought alone shuddered him enough, and he even noticed liking Tegoshi for a couple seconds at that time. He just had to think of him dead twice and Tegoshi would be tolerable until the very next day.
After the midnight once everyone had gone to bed, Masuda took his place from the mat and stretched his limbs. He got onto his hands upon a handstand board and enjoyed the positions he could order his own body into. Eyes closed he was drifting inside his own mind and enjoyed even a weightless-like feeling it brought him. Due to his unbelievable strength Masuda could’ve easily stood by the means of them through the night, but around the small hours he often sneaked back onto his expanded futon and slept for couple of light hours into his energy tank.
Once he was practicing in secret, a palm of a hand pressed lightly against his side and almost dropped Masuda off his stand. Masuda’s eyes flew open and he wasn’t sure whether he was more disgusted by someone touching him without permission, or embarrassed to get caught practicing secretly on another person’s territory.
”Bend more to left.”
A voice whispered softly and Masuda couldn’t hear it clearly enough to be able to connect it to anyone. He didn’t see anyone since whoever touched him had placed himself behind Masuda’s eyes. The said person bended Masuda’s body to the left firmly and Masuda didn’t care for a moment, he just let his body go along. He noticed immediately a fresh resistance in his body. He had never even thought about putting himself over his edges like this, but surprisingly the small drain around his muscles felt rather nice.
Unidentified person helped him stretch another side of his body, until it let go and Masuda was able to come down to take a quick look at his assistant.
In a second the atmosphere had changed from a calm one to ice cold. Masuda didn’t feel even a tiny indebtedness towards the other who stood modestly in front of him. To Masuda’s eyes he didn’t look modest at all, but proud and filled with mockery.
Did the boy come here jest him seeing that Masuda wasn’t as talented in stretching as he was?
Tegoshi bowed delicately in front of him.
”Your body moves incredibly smoothly. You’re talented, Masuda.”
Tegoshi said his voice almost a whisper and he observed Masuda’s body, which Masuda quickly covered with his arms. Tegoshi had no right to interfere things that considered him.
”Don’t talk to me. And don’t touch me.”
Masuda spoke sharply ignoring the words that complimented him. He turned them down, turned around and quickly left the tent. He would’ve had so many hours left for practicing, and now he spent those hours that he couldn’t sleep a blink inside his futons and watching the cloudy night sky. He swore that on the next day he wouldn’t feel bad about thinking Tegoshi’s death. The boy had even stole his nightly practicing time.
After the nightly incident Masuda brought his equipments further from the shared practicing place and dodged everyone, hoping that especially one whose name he wouldn’t say understood to stay back.
Usually Masuda’s parents didn’t bother him as they knew their son worked conscientiously and without an object. On the third day he, however, heard his father asking about him during a time Masuda should’ve been working on a stall with the filthy animals, instead of training his muscles. Masuda sneaked to the stall in the middle cats and horses, clinging to Shigeaki’s sleeve and expressing his fear to him.
”That was close. I almost got caught! Shige, the moment everyone realizes you’re doing this stuff for me - it’s the end of it and I really need to touch those beasts.”
Masuda spoke recklessly, and loathingly stared at a dung heap in one corner that stung to his nose. Shigeaki laughed at it kindly and didn’t find it necessary to shake Masuda off his arm.
Someone else also sniggered which made Masuda’s head turn around in a flash. In another corner sat Tegoshi holding a white cat which fur he was stroking slightly. Tegoshi shrugged smilingly at Masuda’s cold stare, and Masuda could feel a little shame in his being. He was content with that. Tegoshi knew he shouldn’t be here but instead working on the more clean duties which didn’t mess his precious hands even by accident.
Masuda let go of Shigeaki’s arm and walked vigorously to the boy, tearing the cat into his own arms trying to look as natural as possible. Holding a cat was a piece of cake, of course it was, Tegoshi had no right to come even here make fun of him. Tegoshi stood up with a startle and he tried to support the cat’s weight in panic, as if Masuda would’ve let it fall without his help. Masuda snorted at his gesture and if looks could’ve killed, the even colder stare he gave Tegoshi, would have.
”Carefully.. She’ll become a mommy soon and needs a tender care.”
Tegoshi explained himself quietly and drew humbly away. Masuda looked at the cat feeling little disgust towards her, but he still couldn’t watch her without a sudden affection since she would soon, just like humans did, get babies. Masuda tried to hold her more naturally, gently, but ended up putting it down being too afraid he would hurt her otherwise.
Tegoshi took few more steps further away and left the place just like he was supposed to.
”What did that do in here?”
Masuda asked sharply while he still stared after the boy. Shige sighed and continued his job with the horse droppings.
”He comes to assist me once in a while. Gives the cat a cream and brushes the horses while I take care of the dirty tasks.”
Shige explained which made Masuda snort again. Masuda kicked the ground in annoyance and started to circle around the little space restlessly. It was a feeling like Tegoshi had once again stolen a piece of his territory, although this part of it wasn’t anyhow a thing Masuda was proud of or felt possessive about it. In fact he should’ve been happy if Tegoshi were compliant to take the animals to his responsibility.
”Of course that little tramp comes here to play oh so nice and still bitches around how he can’t touch a shit with such a delicate fingers.”
”Masuda.. He’s not really that bad. He seems completely different from what we’ve always thought. I don’t think all the rumors are true about him.”
Masuda snorted for one more time and indignantly sat down on a little stool. He got up briskly as he suddenly remembered still being on a dirty place which had nothing enough clean to touch. With shivers Masuda indicated his goodbyes and left the stall where Shigeaki would finish his charge.
Walking to the fresh air Masuda saw Tegoshi still standing nearby alone, and Masuda had to think twice whether to carry out his urge and go yelling at the boy. Before he had decided to walk away of it he noticed his prompt steps reaching the place right in front of Tegoshi.
Tegoshi looked at him questioningly, without a slight fear while he certainly looked hesitant. He had to know Masuda’s intentions were anything but good. Masuda took a deep breath and tried to act appropriate.
”I hate you.”
Masuda blurted out startling even himself. Going over the limits at the start made it difficult to hold back everything else.
”You’re not as gorgeous as you think you are. You’re not as beautiful and skilled as people say, don’t take all the compliments in earnest, bitch. You think you can take everything from me? Why do you want to destroy so bad every possibility of mine when you already got everything?!”
Masuda shouted against Tegoshi’s face and paused to breathe. He couldn’t look into those eyes which tried to make him believe the boy was innocent. Masuda heard Tegoshi opening his mouth, probably to give a self-defense, but Masuda acted faster and with force hit a palm against the boy’s face.
Both of them held back their breaths. Masuda stared at the red trace upon Tegoshi’s cheek, and his eyes that were filled with tears and couldn’t face him directly this time.
”I’m sorry.”
Tegoshi said with difficulty until he passed by him. In a shock Masuda stood where he was, his hand still raised and palm tingling. He had never hit anyone. He had never yelled at anybody, never raised even his voice. If someone deserved that then probably his tyrant parents, but unfortunately it was Tegoshi who seemed to be the only jinx in his eyes.
For their next show both of the boys got separate turns, since for the first time their people sensed it wouldn’t end good if Masuda and Tegoshi were put next to each other on the stage this time. Tegoshi would get his first solo which annoyed Masuda even more, although his fate resulted to be the same. But under him it meant automatically other equipments since you couldn’t show off your strength without something big and heavy to lift into air.
Masuda was blamed for the conflict between the boys the most, which was in a way understandable but nevertheless not legitimate while nobody else even knew what had really happened between those two. Masuda was the guilty one although nobody knew the guilt. He was the next heir so he simply had to take the responsible humbly in every matter without a chance to complain.
Masuda’s punishment was to perform as a first, which wouldn’t have been bad if Masuda were given time on the stage yet before the last turn, which surprise, surprise belonged to his ’best friend’.
Masuda was painted gorgeously from toes to head with face paint and his costume highlighted Masuda’s muscles with its peek-a-boo. He hadn’t been made to look harsh and manly like his father, but more delicate and beautiful. Still, he wasn’t allowed to use that beautifulness as he wished, so a beautiful make-up didn’t jerk Masuda’s unblinking face a bit.
His performance accomplished stillness and applauds but once a good show was shown he walked further from the happy shouting and laughing. He wanted to go as far and as quick as possible away from the show from which nobody would remember his turn.
Masuda found his hideout from the animal stall in which those dirty things wouldn’t be during the show. He nestled against an unclean corner without remembering the place wasn’t clean only since the animals weren’t there. Masuda rolled a self-pity around himself and cursed Tegoshi inside his mind, Tegoshi who should’ve been there in his place.
As a familiar white cat came rubbing herself against Masuda’s leg, he thoughtfully forgot to show a disgusted face and shove the animal away from him. His hand started to stroke the soft fur without noticing and the cat was soon lying against his feet and purred.
Masuda’s thoughts were distracted from pitiful and dark ones as the cat started to move restlessly beside him. Masuda wanted to push it away now, but suddenly a white, size about Masuda’s fist, squirming blob happened unexpectedly on the ground. Masuda took such a fright that he thought he’d die from a heart attack.
His brains took some time to register what that suddenly emerged creature was. When he finally understood the older cat had started to give birth beside his feet, the disgust and fear of the situation turned around.
Masuda watched alarmed how the dam cleaned a yucky little being. Masuda stared at her escort with his heart bounding hard against his chest, and he tried vehemently to figure out what was he supposed to do. In the end he could do nothing but stare and wait until the next kitten bornt, and got him startled again.
That moment Masuda got up and quickly searched for a bowl with fairly clean water, and the first piece of fabric he happened to find until going back to the helpless-like situation next to the cats. His hands were shaking, and the uncertainty with fear was still present. He noticed that from the way he was afraid that the mommy would attack him if he tried to touch those kittens even with a little finger.
As the third one appeared, Masuda took the first kitten instinctively inside his little rag and started to massage it softly warmer. He wasn’t sure whether the kittens even were cold, but doing that much made him feel at least little helpful.
Time passed slowly and nobody could find Masuda from a place that nobody during the performances ever had reason to go to. After a show of one hour there were already five kittens of which Masuda had cared for.
After the ending their group accompanied the audience outside, sold their last food from the stalls and immediately started to unpack their circus tent which should be erected the next day on another town. Nobody had time to think about Masuda’s existence.
Surprisingly there was still one person amongst them who had noticed Masuda’s absence in the backroom during these hours. He hadn’t seen Masuda even during half time, so after his own turn he had went to search for him. Tegoshi didn’t have any reason to feel anxiety over a person who treated him so horribly and was bad from his heart, but he couldn’t silent the worried thoughts inside his mind.
Eventually he found Masuda from the ground in the stall, his head hanging loosely as if he was asleep.
”Masuda?”
Tegoshi confirmed quietly but Masuda didn’t move a limb. He didn’t react to Tegoshi’s words because at a time like this they didn’t have any magnitude. Tegoshi walked to Masuda’s side apace thinking he wanted to say couple of handpicked words in turn, but seeing the white litter he kneeled down next to him, completely dumbfounded.
Tegoshi made a smile at the happy cat family. He was already feeling touched over Masuda’s unexpected presence beside them, until he glanced at the strongman and realized the make-up spilled across his face. Masuda’s eyes were tearing and he was holding one of the kittens in his lap stroking it’s thin fur. Tegoshi gently reached for it, but Masuda prevented his approach by turning elsewhere.
”Masuda?”
Tegoshi whispered abashed and tentatively crawled even closer to the boy.
”It didn’t make it.”
Masuda said quietly. Tegoshi froze with jolt. Even hearing about such a little creature’s death was already shocking. Feeling compassionate and thinking of not much else he pulled Masuda inside his arms and hugged him tightly. Masuda started to cry more, but didn’t feel any craving for pushing the comforting arms away.
”I tried... I tried to bring him back to life but he... He’s not moving.”
Masuda broke, his voice this time notably more sad and incontinent. He couldn’t hold it back. Tegoshi stroked Masuda’s arm gently and didn’t know what to say. He was just as sad of the little cat’s death. There was nothing to say. In addition, Masuda’s reaction surprised him that much, that it made him feel fondness towards the crying boy, and he never wanted to let go.
Masuda and Tegoshi buried the dead kitten together upon the place their circus tent had been, and continued their journey with the caravan. Everybody was excited over the new kittens which could be trained to circus’ manners from the beginning. To Masuda the kittens turned out to be the most precious, although he still refused to touch any other animal inside the small stall.
Masuda’s and Tegoshi’s conflict seemed to be forgotten with one involuntary hug, and the boys didn’t avoid each other openly anymore, while they still didn’t talk any more than before. Practicing continued like it had before and Masuda came to notice that during nights the tent was all empty and free for his acrobatic workouts again, since Tegoshi had seemingly got other plans for his nights.
After couple of more cities their tour came to an end and the group spent the next days celebrating, relaxing and not thinking too much of anything. People were drunk and enjoyed their time, and nobody hated each other that time nor thought bad things. Not even Masuda about Tegoshi.
Once the celebration was over Masuda however, felt an uncomfortable sting inside of him as he was told his next performance had to be done with his usual partner together. He still didn’t like Tegoshi enough to be able to have fun working with him, although they weren’t even at sixes and sevens.
For the next tour Masuda and Tegoshi were wished to create a turn along with a group of children that didn’t have previous experience. Children were enough eager and daring so they were expected to learn quickly. Especially under such young coaches as Masuda and Tegoshi, who were still looked down at like the most childish artists in the caravan.
Partially it might’ve been the truth. Masuda noticed since the first gathering that he worked with children more naturally than with anyone else.
”How any elephants can Masuda-senpai lift into air in one fell swoop?”
”Elephants? Why don’t you rather ask how many Masuda-senpais can an elephant lift into air in one fell swoop. We also, are quite heavy.”
A little boy giggled happily at the answer and made Masuda smile, which had been a long time seen.
”So you really can’t lift an elephant?”
A girl from afar that had listened to their conversation asked, and she watched Masuda’s smiling face feeling sad. Masuda was sorry that he couldn’t lift elephants.
”But I have enough strength to lift same amount of people that elephant’s size is, what do you say about that?”
The same boy giggled again, and Masuda smiled more. The girl seemed to ponder it and finally nodded, though she still was skeptical whether to believe that if Masuda couldn’t even lift an elephant.
”I can start with him.”
Masuda said and pointed at Tegoshi who stood at the other side of the room, and uncertainly watched around himself, since he wasn’t as courageous to take contact to children as Masuda.
Masuda got up and the children followed him to Tegoshi out of curiosity.
”With the left foot?”
Masuda asked and showed his palm to Tegoshi who understood immediately what the older one was after. Although they weren’t close, they had always been communicating through little and simple gestures. They easily understood each other because they never enjoyed sharing too much words.
Tegoshi got up smilingly and hopped effortlessly upon Masuda’s shoulders while the other one helped him, and from there stepped upon Masuda’s palm. Just as effortlessly Masuda straightened his arms into the air as Tegoshi steadily stood upon them. The children were already excited about it, but muted completely once Masuda dropped his right arm while Tegoshi still stood there with his remaining leg.
The children where sighing in flabbergast and waited for even something more incredible to happen, something that they couldn’t sensibly even expect. Masuda and Tegoshi enjoyed the attention of their simple act for a while, until both decided to show a little bit more fancy variation of it. Couple of words and another couple of minutes and Tegoshi was doing a handstand, with one hand, upon Masuda’s. It made them look like a symmetrical statue. Along with fascinated applauses Masuda helped Tegoshi back down and they bowed in front of their young audience.
”But anyone could lift up that scrawny..”
One of the most grumpy boys’ stated indicating to Tegoshi, who only smiled back little abashed. Tegoshi wasn’t sure should he have felt offended, but as the kids jumped at him happily, trying to lift him into air, he was satisfied with their presence alone.
After the practice organized for the children, the boys stayed and sat down on the floor to steady their breathing. This was even harder than working day and night, the incredible enthusiasm the kids had seemed to eat some of their along it. Both of them still wore content smiles, feeling happy to get to do things with people from the outside world.
”And I always thought this wasn’t for me. I have to admit that today I enjoyed it, just a little.”
Tegoshi said suddenly, and Masuda didn’t get a word. He waited a second before giving a respond, but couldn’t put the pieces together even after a while.
”What?”
Masuda made an annoyed noise and turned to look at him.
”I mean, perhaps one day I learn to enjoy what I do.”
Tegoshi tried to illuminate but Masuda still shook his head even more annoyed, Tegoshi’s words just confused him more. What on earth was he talking about and why didn’t he understand a word about it?
”What do you mean?”
Masuda asked and tried to hold back himself so he wouldn’t get furious without a reason. He had no right to yell at Tegoshi just because he couldn’t understand.
”I never wanted... Actually, I never wanted to be an acrobat.”
Tegoshi admitted heavily. Masuda froze in silence. He didn’t have a word to an answer that he now understood, but couldn’t exactly believe to be true.
”Perhaps something alike. I mean, singing is also one kind of an art, isn’t it?”
”Could you speak more clearly.”
Masuda snapped once he got enough of Tegoshi’s way of speaking. As if Masuda was able to read his thoughts and could fill the empty gaps by himself.
”Sorry.” Tegoshi apologized quietly. ”I never wanted to be an acrobat, just like you didn’t want to be a strongman. You always wanted to stand in my place, didn’t you?”
Tegoshi spoke calmly and made Masuda blush in embarrassment. He had never known Tegoshi knew, although thinking of it now he probably never even tried that hard to cover his bitterness. Masuda didn’t dare to say anything back, not even nod. He just sat still as a clown and let Tegoshi sigh.
”I would’ve been happier if I got to be part of the circus’ choir.”
Tegoshi whispered and didn’t add another word. The point had been made clear and Masuda felt ashamed because he had always treated his partner harshly since the childhood. As if Masuda’s dreams going off was his fault. In reality Tegoshi was just one of his father’s marionettes who had to work where he was seen the most productive.
Masuda spent the next weeks still ashamed and didn’t feel easy facing Tegoshi, although daily he still did. He constantly wanted to give his apologies but couldn’t cough up a word from his proud and frightened mouth. He was even ashamed of his own silence, but as the time passed the tension between them started to loose naturally. Neither one felt anger towards one another, it was more like understanding although there still weren’t shared words.
Half year later as their next tour started people could’ve already called them friends. Masuda’s father and everyone else had noticed the boys getting along better and they were happy about if a while, until they proceeded to joke about a romantic relationship between those two. It confounded Masuda’s father to an extend where he one day threatened to expel those from the circus who dared to mention a thing like that one more time. And those romantic rumors stopped all at once.
Masuda could never call that relationship romantic. It still looked more like hatred the way they teased and mocked each other openly, all the time. It still felt nicer than getting a feeling of wanting to hit another.
The first show of their new tour ended better than anyone had expected. Audience was taken with it, and Masuda’s and Tegoshi’s turn’s children had been given a special attention for their quickly improved skills. Everybody had had fun and the whole group broke the habit, and celebrated after the very first show not wasting alcohol or their laughter.
Masuda and Tegoshi lagged behind the drunken gang this time and sat silently on the edge of their current area watching the nightly city below. They hadn’t got too excited over applauses, and enjoyed their reputation in silence like they were used to.
”I’ve thought about it, should we learn a turn in which you stand upon the tip of my fingers.”
Masuda pondered aloud but despite his serious tone Tegoshi sniggered at him.
”Are you crazy? You’re not that strong.”
”Eh!?”
Masuda yelped and turned angrily towards giggling Tegoshi whose eyes were still tightly attached to the city lights.
”I’m serious! And of course I’m enough strong for that!”
Masuda continued trying to deepen his voice this time even more to make his point clearer, but Tegoshi as well seemed to continue laughing even more severely.
”Are you saying, that you’re lifting little finger weights so they are able to hold me up?”
Tegoshi sneered daringly through his smile and Masuda would’ve hit him if their relationship hadn’t changed. But because it had, his attitude towards Tegoshi’s words had made a similar turn.
Masuda got up in annoyance and finally got Tegoshi’s questioning gaze onto him.
”I’ll yet teach you a lesson..”
Masuda muttered and stared at the other for a while. Without a warning he attacked Tegoshi and grabbed one’s thighs to lift him up. It didn’t work like it was supposed to, since Tegoshi threw himself onto the ground with laughter and tried to kick himself free from Masuda’s grip. To a beefcake like Masuda it wasn’t easy to lose so it didn’t take longer to get Tegoshi into air with two hands. Masuda’s hands grabbing the thighs must’ve hurt, but according to Tegoshi’s giggles it didn’t bother him much.
Tegoshi tried to struggle himself free as he got lifted even higher. Masuda managed to bring him little over his head, but a sudden kick against his chest got them both crash painful back upon the ground.
Both of them hissed in pain, Masuda due to the kick that had hit his chest, as well as his back that jolted against the ground. Furthermore, Tegoshi had also crashed straight upon him and an extra weight so suddenly didn’t feel nice at all.
When both of them managed to open their eyes, they realized breathing straight into each other’s necks. Tegoshi lied upon Masuda, his legs astride him, his chest pressed heavily against hist. To give it a second thought, it wouldn’t have been at all displeasing unless the way they got there hadn’t been so painful, and embarrassing.
Tegoshi happened to lift himself on his elbows, and that was when Masuda saw his reddened face and lips that had started to quaver their apology. Masuda felt a sudden flip inside his stomach, as if somebody would have knocked the wind out of him again, this time in a more pleasant way. His heart had time for couple of rapid beats until Tegoshi had suddenly got up from him, and Masuda was wrenched forcefully upon his feet.
Masuda’s father stood in front of him and watched him with a fury he remembered never seen before. His father didn’t wait until Tegoshi had left them alone, but punched his son’s face way more painfully than Masuda had once hurt Tegoshi. Being frightened enough Tegoshi understood to leave them, while Masuda’s father continued with shouting curse words and hitting his son until his anger was defused.
Celebration ended quick and Masuda’s father was forgiven as quickly, since him being drunk was taken as a good excuse to punish a naughty boy even this furiously. Masuda got cared by her mother who had barely ever before took him inside her arms before. It didn’t feel much better from his father’s punches. This woman was as cold as what he had been taught to be. She knew nothing about compassion.
More grateful he felt towards Tegoshi who sneaked few nights after to his futon and shed tears to his pajama’s sleeve with thousand of apologies. They had hugged, Masuda had immediately forgave him and made him go back to his own bed until they got caught again.
On tour the boys weren’t allowed to see each other for more than necessary. Masuda’s father had also started to scheme Masuda’s marriage behind his back. Suddenly he wanted to have his son and the swing trapeze lady together as soon as possible. Although his father tried to pair them up with rather mean arguments and even more insolent means, it didn’t matter the wife nominee at all. Who wouldn’t be interested in a handsome heir who’d give anyone’s kids a beautiful face.
Masuda didn’t want to get married. He thought it was even too soon to have a relationship, not to speak about marriage or being a father. He didn’t feel anything towards the kind and lovely, but completely wrong kind of girl. Something between him and Tegoshi had also changed into very awkward. No wonder, since people had already thought of them having a relationship and this sudden marriage pushed in front felt like only being an excuse to turn over any possible romantic feelings between them, which from the beginning hadn’t existed.
Time passed and things calmed down with the marriage procession postponed. The boys weren’t anymore looked after so attentively either.
Masuda’s birthday drew nearer but the only one aware of it was unfortunately Masuda himself. None of them celebrated birthdays because among such a huge group they didn’t have time. It would’ve only meant that they needed to celebrate each day someone’s birthdays. Masuda had never got any presents, not even congrats from his parents. He wasn’t that bitter about it since he had never looked forward to them. He nearly even knew such things existed.
That morning someone still came next to his ear and sung silently, in a beautiful voice a birthday song which made half-asleep boy’s body into shivers. Masuda thought perhaps the voice belonged to his future wife, but the thought alone caused him turn around quickly since he didn’t want that woman into his bed.
That woman he would’ve shoved off his futon, but Tegoshi’s face he surprisingly remained staring. Tegoshi had probably prepared himself into more violent welcoming due to how his very cautious and fragile presence felt.
Masuda didn’t know what made him remain still and his thoughts droop. He was almost too tired to keep his eyes open, but every time he managed to get them open again he was sure Tegoshi was smiling more and more smilingly above him.
”Who’s the birthday boy?”
Tegoshi eventually asked while he tilted his head and stroked the sleep off around Masuda’s eyes. Letting him do that was even more confusing than not pushing Tegoshi away.
They stared at each other a while in silence, until Tegoshi startled at a sound coming from afar and he immediately tiptoed back to where he came from, leaving nonplussed Masuda lying alone. The situation soon explained itself by Masuda’s father appearing to the room and pulling Masuda out of his bed.
Masuda already assumed to get another punch in his face, although he didn’t figure out any reasons for it. His father gazed his eyes densely and dauntingly, his expression more cold and empty than normally. He had held Masuda’s sleeve, but let go now and stated those icy words straight at Masuda’s face.
”Your mother is dead.”
Although nobody mentioned it for a second time, although the tour continued as if nothing else happened but Masuda’s mother’s show was excluded, was the whole circus in chaos. Nobody could say what exactly was wrong because nobody dared to think about it. Everybody just concentrated on their own business and muted completely. Any sane people could have sensed the circus was coming close to its last shows.
Essentially nobody believed in their caravan’s future since the younger Masuda hadn’t, after all the rumors, got anyone pregnant during the past half year.
After their second-to-last show Masuda had said goodbye to the children in advance. The kids seemed to be their circus’ only attraction anymore with the innocent girls and boys that were the only ones who didn’t understand the huge magnitude of their loss, and with their energy they had no time to get too depressed. Their enthusiasm was admirable and still nobody in the caravan could see it.
Tegoshi hadn’t said his goodbyes although he had become closer with the kids. Naturally he just wasn’t coming along with them as greatly as Masuda was. To him, unfortunately, the kids were only work partners whereas for Masuda they were friends.
Masuda had no clue what was to happen next, but after sending his farewells he stepped behind the tent from where he along Tegoshi so many times found spending time together. Tegoshi was there even then, sitting upon a white dotted horse sideways and watching at his direction like he’d been waiting all the time.
Masuda tried to prevent his obvious smile. Hesitantly he picked up a flower and walked to Tegoshi, kneeling down as seriously as he could, and he handed the flower over. It brought a short silence. Tegoshi sneered and kicked the flower from his hand.
”Silly.”
Tegoshi spoke and jumped from the back of the horse. Masuda got up as well and let his smile widen since it also adorned Tegoshi’s face beautifully.
”You don’t need to woo me.”
Tegoshi whispered and let his fingers dance teasingly along Masuda’s shoulders, and he entwined arms behind his nape. Tegoshi pulled himself against Masuda and pressed a forehead gently against his.
Everything was so sad. Everything around them was a chaos and they should’ve not have any reasons to smile. Chaos however, meant freedom to them and unconsciously it made them wish for better times. They knew things were going towards destruction and fast, but they stayed calm since they were already looking it from afar.
Masuda set hands down Tegoshi’s lower back and enjoyed a tender melody that Tegoshi hummed calmingly against his face. It ended short when Masuda tilted his head and closed Tegoshi’s mouth with his lips. It tickled at first, but a gentle touch turned into a real kiss as soon as Tegoshi pulled Masuda tighter against him and responded more passionately. Masuda let Tegoshi lift himself into his arms, and didn’t push away the legs winding his body.
They escaped and never went back, since there was nowhere to go back anymore.
Masuda and Tegoshi continued working together rather similarly than they had before, they still earned their money circling from town to another and performing turns as a duo. This time their acts consisted an acrobat called Masuda, and a talented singer called Tegoshi.
Following years yet one precious person found them, called Kato Shigeaki, who sold their audience the best hot dogs ever since.
The end.
Pairing/Characters: Masuda/Tegoshi + a caravan
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for kissing
Prompt: 242 Massu in a circus!AU.
Summary: Masuda’s family rules a roundabout circus. The heir, Masuda Takahisa, is a rascal who’s afraid of animals and bitterly hates a guy that stole his dream. If he can’t be responsible for the future of the circus, there’s no one.
A/N: My pleasure.
Masuda’s father wasn’t one of those fathers that came home wearing a suit and carrying a black document case. He didn’t place feet onto a table for his wife to have massaged, and his wife had never a dinner ready on a table. Not for him, either for the young Masuda who bornt in the middle of wild animals and wild people, a gang of happy and colorful people amidst whose normal as a word was completely insignificant concept, if known concept at all.
Masuda’s father couldn’t fit into national jackets, so he were to order his from America in order to get his muscles hidden without a cramped feeling. Luckily their group had a shoemaker one of a kind, very clever with his hands. And he wasn’t the only one clever with his hands, all of those who had ever been erecting the circus tent over a square had taken in exactly based on what their hands were capable of.
Together they constituted a winding circus which was known for never stopping for more than week at a time. Masuda’s family was the head of the circus because every member of their family were rumored to have bornt inside a circus tent. One thing they knew for sure was that Masuda had bornt there, everybody had seen it with their own bare eyes. There weren’t a particular reason to question Masuda’s father’s story either. In the end many of them had been along since the members even older from that family were taking good care of them.
Besides the young rascal, Masuda’s family consisted both of his parents. One was a famous strongman as well as an animal tamer, and another beauty known by her thin legs and strong toes: Masuda’s mother, a tight rope dancer.
Masuda himself, was only 19-years old and a skillful acrobat whose body functioned beautifully into any shape the boy wanted it to order. At least he often dreamt of that while watching his smooth body from a mirror, but whereby the cruel reality he wasn’t more than a strong and muscular like his father. Masuda was to be the next heir of the circus and he had never had power to decide over his own future.
Masuda had learned to live with it. It didn’t fit into his character to complain about tasks that had to be done, he only tried his best in everything that he did. During nights he secretly practiced his dreams inside the tent, and with closed eyes he imagined his body light and slender like acrobatic bodies were.
Masudas were the only whole family inside the circus. Others were abandoned as a child, normal people lost from their road or just talents that happened to appear into a right place on a right time. Masuda was one of the youngest and already too old to carry the title of a young on his shoulders. His parents were constantly pushing him towards a little younger swing trapeze artist, wishing that delicate and beautiful lady would bear their grandchildren one day.
Atmosphere along all of them was due to that very pushy every time. Masuda tried to avoid those moments the best he could, tried to draw away as far as he could and fast. He didn’t hesitate at all whether his father would just make them have children right before his eyes if they only stayed in one place together for long enough.
Masuda didn’t straightly speaking hate other people, but he still preferred being out of everyone’s sight. Completely alone wasn’t a thing he wished for, since living inside the tent had estranged him from normal everyday life. Going off to run errands to the city never worked out with all the distress concourse and industrial cities caused him.
Fortunately he had a guy called Kato Shigeaki next to him, his faithful left arm who was terrifyingly dedicated to him and admiringly ready to do anything for him. Shigeaki was sometimes like Masuda’s servant or a pet, although in circus his duty was to work as a hot dog stall keeper. The way he almost worshipped Masuda didn’t matter at all, since Shigeaki helped him with all the insuperable things he couldn’t do. Anything that had to do something with electronics was directly pushed onto Shige. In addition, Shige looked after circus animals in their little stall, which surprise, surprise was a thing that Masuda should’ve done.
Couple of beautiful horses lived with them, along with snow white circus cats and bigger kitties from lions to tigers, whose training Masuda’s father was specialized with. Any of these Masuda couldn’t touch. Sometimes he had even the most laughable fears targeted at horses’ giant vortexes, lion teeth and even too long nails of little kitties. If their circus had turtles, Masuda would’ve been afraid they attacked him while he knew they never would. He couldn’t simply do anything about his fears.
Besides above mentioned people and animals, their caravan had numerous of virtuosos from juggler clowns to fire eaters and on from contortion artists to trapeze artists. Not that significant people, since Masuda in fact never spent any time with them. Of course he knew everyone by name, everyone’s story and what skills they had. He knew even more than he ever wanted to, while he couldn’t remember ever holding a conversation with said people about it. The whole group knew each other as if naturally.
Also, one more person probably should get mentioned by name since his face was the one Masuda needed to watch more than others. Tegoshi Yuya. Ironically the only person Masuda found easy to spite in little amounts. A person he couldn’t get by with or come into agreement with a thing or another. Nothing in them met.
Tegoshi was petite, small and beautiful acrobat who had been taken into the circus as an orphan child. Due to his outer appearance he got chosen to carry out Masuda’s dream, which Masuda himself couldn’t during his lifetime ever reach.
Being almost the same age, both of the boys had been put together immediately. Since Yuya’s arrival they had worked as a duo, time they both were still under six years old. Everyone noticed the discord between the young persons, but didn’t want to get in the middle of it because on stage they shined the brightest. They had most of the audience in their spell. Both of them worked the hardest, in earnest and dedicatedly.
Masuda started his day at 5am like everyone else did, and no-one were given a personal practicing time due to their caravan’s small size. They were located in one small place at time and nobody could ran around the forests along with their equipments searching for a private place. They didn’t have time for that, neither it made any sense.
People were quiet and didn’t disturb each other. Despite deep concentration Masuda’s eyes were always attached to the area in the tent which should’ve been his. Daily, Tegoshi was under his nose and the boy’s talent ate Masuda from inside, but the only thing he could do about it was to watch.
He would have lifted Tegoshi with only his little finger if he wanted to and easily get him drowned into a lake along their path. But in the end, what would it have caused. They would’ve replaced Tegoshi with another young person who was next in line to get Masuda’s bitterness onto his shoulders. Besides, Masuda would’ve felt a terrible guilt about his turn and rifted into suicide with his conscience breathing heavily above his neck.
The thought alone shuddered him enough, and he even noticed liking Tegoshi for a couple seconds at that time. He just had to think of him dead twice and Tegoshi would be tolerable until the very next day.
After the midnight once everyone had gone to bed, Masuda took his place from the mat and stretched his limbs. He got onto his hands upon a handstand board and enjoyed the positions he could order his own body into. Eyes closed he was drifting inside his own mind and enjoyed even a weightless-like feeling it brought him. Due to his unbelievable strength Masuda could’ve easily stood by the means of them through the night, but around the small hours he often sneaked back onto his expanded futon and slept for couple of light hours into his energy tank.
Once he was practicing in secret, a palm of a hand pressed lightly against his side and almost dropped Masuda off his stand. Masuda’s eyes flew open and he wasn’t sure whether he was more disgusted by someone touching him without permission, or embarrassed to get caught practicing secretly on another person’s territory.
”Bend more to left.”
A voice whispered softly and Masuda couldn’t hear it clearly enough to be able to connect it to anyone. He didn’t see anyone since whoever touched him had placed himself behind Masuda’s eyes. The said person bended Masuda’s body to the left firmly and Masuda didn’t care for a moment, he just let his body go along. He noticed immediately a fresh resistance in his body. He had never even thought about putting himself over his edges like this, but surprisingly the small drain around his muscles felt rather nice.
Unidentified person helped him stretch another side of his body, until it let go and Masuda was able to come down to take a quick look at his assistant.
In a second the atmosphere had changed from a calm one to ice cold. Masuda didn’t feel even a tiny indebtedness towards the other who stood modestly in front of him. To Masuda’s eyes he didn’t look modest at all, but proud and filled with mockery.
Did the boy come here jest him seeing that Masuda wasn’t as talented in stretching as he was?
Tegoshi bowed delicately in front of him.
”Your body moves incredibly smoothly. You’re talented, Masuda.”
Tegoshi said his voice almost a whisper and he observed Masuda’s body, which Masuda quickly covered with his arms. Tegoshi had no right to interfere things that considered him.
”Don’t talk to me. And don’t touch me.”
Masuda spoke sharply ignoring the words that complimented him. He turned them down, turned around and quickly left the tent. He would’ve had so many hours left for practicing, and now he spent those hours that he couldn’t sleep a blink inside his futons and watching the cloudy night sky. He swore that on the next day he wouldn’t feel bad about thinking Tegoshi’s death. The boy had even stole his nightly practicing time.
After the nightly incident Masuda brought his equipments further from the shared practicing place and dodged everyone, hoping that especially one whose name he wouldn’t say understood to stay back.
Usually Masuda’s parents didn’t bother him as they knew their son worked conscientiously and without an object. On the third day he, however, heard his father asking about him during a time Masuda should’ve been working on a stall with the filthy animals, instead of training his muscles. Masuda sneaked to the stall in the middle cats and horses, clinging to Shigeaki’s sleeve and expressing his fear to him.
”That was close. I almost got caught! Shige, the moment everyone realizes you’re doing this stuff for me - it’s the end of it and I really need to touch those beasts.”
Masuda spoke recklessly, and loathingly stared at a dung heap in one corner that stung to his nose. Shigeaki laughed at it kindly and didn’t find it necessary to shake Masuda off his arm.
Someone else also sniggered which made Masuda’s head turn around in a flash. In another corner sat Tegoshi holding a white cat which fur he was stroking slightly. Tegoshi shrugged smilingly at Masuda’s cold stare, and Masuda could feel a little shame in his being. He was content with that. Tegoshi knew he shouldn’t be here but instead working on the more clean duties which didn’t mess his precious hands even by accident.
Masuda let go of Shigeaki’s arm and walked vigorously to the boy, tearing the cat into his own arms trying to look as natural as possible. Holding a cat was a piece of cake, of course it was, Tegoshi had no right to come even here make fun of him. Tegoshi stood up with a startle and he tried to support the cat’s weight in panic, as if Masuda would’ve let it fall without his help. Masuda snorted at his gesture and if looks could’ve killed, the even colder stare he gave Tegoshi, would have.
”Carefully.. She’ll become a mommy soon and needs a tender care.”
Tegoshi explained himself quietly and drew humbly away. Masuda looked at the cat feeling little disgust towards her, but he still couldn’t watch her without a sudden affection since she would soon, just like humans did, get babies. Masuda tried to hold her more naturally, gently, but ended up putting it down being too afraid he would hurt her otherwise.
Tegoshi took few more steps further away and left the place just like he was supposed to.
”What did that do in here?”
Masuda asked sharply while he still stared after the boy. Shige sighed and continued his job with the horse droppings.
”He comes to assist me once in a while. Gives the cat a cream and brushes the horses while I take care of the dirty tasks.”
Shige explained which made Masuda snort again. Masuda kicked the ground in annoyance and started to circle around the little space restlessly. It was a feeling like Tegoshi had once again stolen a piece of his territory, although this part of it wasn’t anyhow a thing Masuda was proud of or felt possessive about it. In fact he should’ve been happy if Tegoshi were compliant to take the animals to his responsibility.
”Of course that little tramp comes here to play oh so nice and still bitches around how he can’t touch a shit with such a delicate fingers.”
”Masuda.. He’s not really that bad. He seems completely different from what we’ve always thought. I don’t think all the rumors are true about him.”
Masuda snorted for one more time and indignantly sat down on a little stool. He got up briskly as he suddenly remembered still being on a dirty place which had nothing enough clean to touch. With shivers Masuda indicated his goodbyes and left the stall where Shigeaki would finish his charge.
Walking to the fresh air Masuda saw Tegoshi still standing nearby alone, and Masuda had to think twice whether to carry out his urge and go yelling at the boy. Before he had decided to walk away of it he noticed his prompt steps reaching the place right in front of Tegoshi.
Tegoshi looked at him questioningly, without a slight fear while he certainly looked hesitant. He had to know Masuda’s intentions were anything but good. Masuda took a deep breath and tried to act appropriate.
”I hate you.”
Masuda blurted out startling even himself. Going over the limits at the start made it difficult to hold back everything else.
”You’re not as gorgeous as you think you are. You’re not as beautiful and skilled as people say, don’t take all the compliments in earnest, bitch. You think you can take everything from me? Why do you want to destroy so bad every possibility of mine when you already got everything?!”
Masuda shouted against Tegoshi’s face and paused to breathe. He couldn’t look into those eyes which tried to make him believe the boy was innocent. Masuda heard Tegoshi opening his mouth, probably to give a self-defense, but Masuda acted faster and with force hit a palm against the boy’s face.
Both of them held back their breaths. Masuda stared at the red trace upon Tegoshi’s cheek, and his eyes that were filled with tears and couldn’t face him directly this time.
”I’m sorry.”
Tegoshi said with difficulty until he passed by him. In a shock Masuda stood where he was, his hand still raised and palm tingling. He had never hit anyone. He had never yelled at anybody, never raised even his voice. If someone deserved that then probably his tyrant parents, but unfortunately it was Tegoshi who seemed to be the only jinx in his eyes.
For their next show both of the boys got separate turns, since for the first time their people sensed it wouldn’t end good if Masuda and Tegoshi were put next to each other on the stage this time. Tegoshi would get his first solo which annoyed Masuda even more, although his fate resulted to be the same. But under him it meant automatically other equipments since you couldn’t show off your strength without something big and heavy to lift into air.
Masuda was blamed for the conflict between the boys the most, which was in a way understandable but nevertheless not legitimate while nobody else even knew what had really happened between those two. Masuda was the guilty one although nobody knew the guilt. He was the next heir so he simply had to take the responsible humbly in every matter without a chance to complain.
Masuda’s punishment was to perform as a first, which wouldn’t have been bad if Masuda were given time on the stage yet before the last turn, which surprise, surprise belonged to his ’best friend’.
Masuda was painted gorgeously from toes to head with face paint and his costume highlighted Masuda’s muscles with its peek-a-boo. He hadn’t been made to look harsh and manly like his father, but more delicate and beautiful. Still, he wasn’t allowed to use that beautifulness as he wished, so a beautiful make-up didn’t jerk Masuda’s unblinking face a bit.
His performance accomplished stillness and applauds but once a good show was shown he walked further from the happy shouting and laughing. He wanted to go as far and as quick as possible away from the show from which nobody would remember his turn.
Masuda found his hideout from the animal stall in which those dirty things wouldn’t be during the show. He nestled against an unclean corner without remembering the place wasn’t clean only since the animals weren’t there. Masuda rolled a self-pity around himself and cursed Tegoshi inside his mind, Tegoshi who should’ve been there in his place.
As a familiar white cat came rubbing herself against Masuda’s leg, he thoughtfully forgot to show a disgusted face and shove the animal away from him. His hand started to stroke the soft fur without noticing and the cat was soon lying against his feet and purred.
Masuda’s thoughts were distracted from pitiful and dark ones as the cat started to move restlessly beside him. Masuda wanted to push it away now, but suddenly a white, size about Masuda’s fist, squirming blob happened unexpectedly on the ground. Masuda took such a fright that he thought he’d die from a heart attack.
His brains took some time to register what that suddenly emerged creature was. When he finally understood the older cat had started to give birth beside his feet, the disgust and fear of the situation turned around.
Masuda watched alarmed how the dam cleaned a yucky little being. Masuda stared at her escort with his heart bounding hard against his chest, and he tried vehemently to figure out what was he supposed to do. In the end he could do nothing but stare and wait until the next kitten bornt, and got him startled again.
That moment Masuda got up and quickly searched for a bowl with fairly clean water, and the first piece of fabric he happened to find until going back to the helpless-like situation next to the cats. His hands were shaking, and the uncertainty with fear was still present. He noticed that from the way he was afraid that the mommy would attack him if he tried to touch those kittens even with a little finger.
As the third one appeared, Masuda took the first kitten instinctively inside his little rag and started to massage it softly warmer. He wasn’t sure whether the kittens even were cold, but doing that much made him feel at least little helpful.
Time passed slowly and nobody could find Masuda from a place that nobody during the performances ever had reason to go to. After a show of one hour there were already five kittens of which Masuda had cared for.
After the ending their group accompanied the audience outside, sold their last food from the stalls and immediately started to unpack their circus tent which should be erected the next day on another town. Nobody had time to think about Masuda’s existence.
Surprisingly there was still one person amongst them who had noticed Masuda’s absence in the backroom during these hours. He hadn’t seen Masuda even during half time, so after his own turn he had went to search for him. Tegoshi didn’t have any reason to feel anxiety over a person who treated him so horribly and was bad from his heart, but he couldn’t silent the worried thoughts inside his mind.
Eventually he found Masuda from the ground in the stall, his head hanging loosely as if he was asleep.
”Masuda?”
Tegoshi confirmed quietly but Masuda didn’t move a limb. He didn’t react to Tegoshi’s words because at a time like this they didn’t have any magnitude. Tegoshi walked to Masuda’s side apace thinking he wanted to say couple of handpicked words in turn, but seeing the white litter he kneeled down next to him, completely dumbfounded.
Tegoshi made a smile at the happy cat family. He was already feeling touched over Masuda’s unexpected presence beside them, until he glanced at the strongman and realized the make-up spilled across his face. Masuda’s eyes were tearing and he was holding one of the kittens in his lap stroking it’s thin fur. Tegoshi gently reached for it, but Masuda prevented his approach by turning elsewhere.
”Masuda?”
Tegoshi whispered abashed and tentatively crawled even closer to the boy.
”It didn’t make it.”
Masuda said quietly. Tegoshi froze with jolt. Even hearing about such a little creature’s death was already shocking. Feeling compassionate and thinking of not much else he pulled Masuda inside his arms and hugged him tightly. Masuda started to cry more, but didn’t feel any craving for pushing the comforting arms away.
”I tried... I tried to bring him back to life but he... He’s not moving.”
Masuda broke, his voice this time notably more sad and incontinent. He couldn’t hold it back. Tegoshi stroked Masuda’s arm gently and didn’t know what to say. He was just as sad of the little cat’s death. There was nothing to say. In addition, Masuda’s reaction surprised him that much, that it made him feel fondness towards the crying boy, and he never wanted to let go.
Masuda and Tegoshi buried the dead kitten together upon the place their circus tent had been, and continued their journey with the caravan. Everybody was excited over the new kittens which could be trained to circus’ manners from the beginning. To Masuda the kittens turned out to be the most precious, although he still refused to touch any other animal inside the small stall.
Masuda’s and Tegoshi’s conflict seemed to be forgotten with one involuntary hug, and the boys didn’t avoid each other openly anymore, while they still didn’t talk any more than before. Practicing continued like it had before and Masuda came to notice that during nights the tent was all empty and free for his acrobatic workouts again, since Tegoshi had seemingly got other plans for his nights.
After couple of more cities their tour came to an end and the group spent the next days celebrating, relaxing and not thinking too much of anything. People were drunk and enjoyed their time, and nobody hated each other that time nor thought bad things. Not even Masuda about Tegoshi.
Once the celebration was over Masuda however, felt an uncomfortable sting inside of him as he was told his next performance had to be done with his usual partner together. He still didn’t like Tegoshi enough to be able to have fun working with him, although they weren’t even at sixes and sevens.
For the next tour Masuda and Tegoshi were wished to create a turn along with a group of children that didn’t have previous experience. Children were enough eager and daring so they were expected to learn quickly. Especially under such young coaches as Masuda and Tegoshi, who were still looked down at like the most childish artists in the caravan.
Partially it might’ve been the truth. Masuda noticed since the first gathering that he worked with children more naturally than with anyone else.
”How any elephants can Masuda-senpai lift into air in one fell swoop?”
”Elephants? Why don’t you rather ask how many Masuda-senpais can an elephant lift into air in one fell swoop. We also, are quite heavy.”
A little boy giggled happily at the answer and made Masuda smile, which had been a long time seen.
”So you really can’t lift an elephant?”
A girl from afar that had listened to their conversation asked, and she watched Masuda’s smiling face feeling sad. Masuda was sorry that he couldn’t lift elephants.
”But I have enough strength to lift same amount of people that elephant’s size is, what do you say about that?”
The same boy giggled again, and Masuda smiled more. The girl seemed to ponder it and finally nodded, though she still was skeptical whether to believe that if Masuda couldn’t even lift an elephant.
”I can start with him.”
Masuda said and pointed at Tegoshi who stood at the other side of the room, and uncertainly watched around himself, since he wasn’t as courageous to take contact to children as Masuda.
Masuda got up and the children followed him to Tegoshi out of curiosity.
”With the left foot?”
Masuda asked and showed his palm to Tegoshi who understood immediately what the older one was after. Although they weren’t close, they had always been communicating through little and simple gestures. They easily understood each other because they never enjoyed sharing too much words.
Tegoshi got up smilingly and hopped effortlessly upon Masuda’s shoulders while the other one helped him, and from there stepped upon Masuda’s palm. Just as effortlessly Masuda straightened his arms into the air as Tegoshi steadily stood upon them. The children were already excited about it, but muted completely once Masuda dropped his right arm while Tegoshi still stood there with his remaining leg.
The children where sighing in flabbergast and waited for even something more incredible to happen, something that they couldn’t sensibly even expect. Masuda and Tegoshi enjoyed the attention of their simple act for a while, until both decided to show a little bit more fancy variation of it. Couple of words and another couple of minutes and Tegoshi was doing a handstand, with one hand, upon Masuda’s. It made them look like a symmetrical statue. Along with fascinated applauses Masuda helped Tegoshi back down and they bowed in front of their young audience.
”But anyone could lift up that scrawny..”
One of the most grumpy boys’ stated indicating to Tegoshi, who only smiled back little abashed. Tegoshi wasn’t sure should he have felt offended, but as the kids jumped at him happily, trying to lift him into air, he was satisfied with their presence alone.
After the practice organized for the children, the boys stayed and sat down on the floor to steady their breathing. This was even harder than working day and night, the incredible enthusiasm the kids had seemed to eat some of their along it. Both of them still wore content smiles, feeling happy to get to do things with people from the outside world.
”And I always thought this wasn’t for me. I have to admit that today I enjoyed it, just a little.”
Tegoshi said suddenly, and Masuda didn’t get a word. He waited a second before giving a respond, but couldn’t put the pieces together even after a while.
”What?”
Masuda made an annoyed noise and turned to look at him.
”I mean, perhaps one day I learn to enjoy what I do.”
Tegoshi tried to illuminate but Masuda still shook his head even more annoyed, Tegoshi’s words just confused him more. What on earth was he talking about and why didn’t he understand a word about it?
”What do you mean?”
Masuda asked and tried to hold back himself so he wouldn’t get furious without a reason. He had no right to yell at Tegoshi just because he couldn’t understand.
”I never wanted... Actually, I never wanted to be an acrobat.”
Tegoshi admitted heavily. Masuda froze in silence. He didn’t have a word to an answer that he now understood, but couldn’t exactly believe to be true.
”Perhaps something alike. I mean, singing is also one kind of an art, isn’t it?”
”Could you speak more clearly.”
Masuda snapped once he got enough of Tegoshi’s way of speaking. As if Masuda was able to read his thoughts and could fill the empty gaps by himself.
”Sorry.” Tegoshi apologized quietly. ”I never wanted to be an acrobat, just like you didn’t want to be a strongman. You always wanted to stand in my place, didn’t you?”
Tegoshi spoke calmly and made Masuda blush in embarrassment. He had never known Tegoshi knew, although thinking of it now he probably never even tried that hard to cover his bitterness. Masuda didn’t dare to say anything back, not even nod. He just sat still as a clown and let Tegoshi sigh.
”I would’ve been happier if I got to be part of the circus’ choir.”
Tegoshi whispered and didn’t add another word. The point had been made clear and Masuda felt ashamed because he had always treated his partner harshly since the childhood. As if Masuda’s dreams going off was his fault. In reality Tegoshi was just one of his father’s marionettes who had to work where he was seen the most productive.
Masuda spent the next weeks still ashamed and didn’t feel easy facing Tegoshi, although daily he still did. He constantly wanted to give his apologies but couldn’t cough up a word from his proud and frightened mouth. He was even ashamed of his own silence, but as the time passed the tension between them started to loose naturally. Neither one felt anger towards one another, it was more like understanding although there still weren’t shared words.
Half year later as their next tour started people could’ve already called them friends. Masuda’s father and everyone else had noticed the boys getting along better and they were happy about if a while, until they proceeded to joke about a romantic relationship between those two. It confounded Masuda’s father to an extend where he one day threatened to expel those from the circus who dared to mention a thing like that one more time. And those romantic rumors stopped all at once.
Masuda could never call that relationship romantic. It still looked more like hatred the way they teased and mocked each other openly, all the time. It still felt nicer than getting a feeling of wanting to hit another.
The first show of their new tour ended better than anyone had expected. Audience was taken with it, and Masuda’s and Tegoshi’s turn’s children had been given a special attention for their quickly improved skills. Everybody had had fun and the whole group broke the habit, and celebrated after the very first show not wasting alcohol or their laughter.
Masuda and Tegoshi lagged behind the drunken gang this time and sat silently on the edge of their current area watching the nightly city below. They hadn’t got too excited over applauses, and enjoyed their reputation in silence like they were used to.
”I’ve thought about it, should we learn a turn in which you stand upon the tip of my fingers.”
Masuda pondered aloud but despite his serious tone Tegoshi sniggered at him.
”Are you crazy? You’re not that strong.”
”Eh!?”
Masuda yelped and turned angrily towards giggling Tegoshi whose eyes were still tightly attached to the city lights.
”I’m serious! And of course I’m enough strong for that!”
Masuda continued trying to deepen his voice this time even more to make his point clearer, but Tegoshi as well seemed to continue laughing even more severely.
”Are you saying, that you’re lifting little finger weights so they are able to hold me up?”
Tegoshi sneered daringly through his smile and Masuda would’ve hit him if their relationship hadn’t changed. But because it had, his attitude towards Tegoshi’s words had made a similar turn.
Masuda got up in annoyance and finally got Tegoshi’s questioning gaze onto him.
”I’ll yet teach you a lesson..”
Masuda muttered and stared at the other for a while. Without a warning he attacked Tegoshi and grabbed one’s thighs to lift him up. It didn’t work like it was supposed to, since Tegoshi threw himself onto the ground with laughter and tried to kick himself free from Masuda’s grip. To a beefcake like Masuda it wasn’t easy to lose so it didn’t take longer to get Tegoshi into air with two hands. Masuda’s hands grabbing the thighs must’ve hurt, but according to Tegoshi’s giggles it didn’t bother him much.
Tegoshi tried to struggle himself free as he got lifted even higher. Masuda managed to bring him little over his head, but a sudden kick against his chest got them both crash painful back upon the ground.
Both of them hissed in pain, Masuda due to the kick that had hit his chest, as well as his back that jolted against the ground. Furthermore, Tegoshi had also crashed straight upon him and an extra weight so suddenly didn’t feel nice at all.
When both of them managed to open their eyes, they realized breathing straight into each other’s necks. Tegoshi lied upon Masuda, his legs astride him, his chest pressed heavily against hist. To give it a second thought, it wouldn’t have been at all displeasing unless the way they got there hadn’t been so painful, and embarrassing.
Tegoshi happened to lift himself on his elbows, and that was when Masuda saw his reddened face and lips that had started to quaver their apology. Masuda felt a sudden flip inside his stomach, as if somebody would have knocked the wind out of him again, this time in a more pleasant way. His heart had time for couple of rapid beats until Tegoshi had suddenly got up from him, and Masuda was wrenched forcefully upon his feet.
Masuda’s father stood in front of him and watched him with a fury he remembered never seen before. His father didn’t wait until Tegoshi had left them alone, but punched his son’s face way more painfully than Masuda had once hurt Tegoshi. Being frightened enough Tegoshi understood to leave them, while Masuda’s father continued with shouting curse words and hitting his son until his anger was defused.
Celebration ended quick and Masuda’s father was forgiven as quickly, since him being drunk was taken as a good excuse to punish a naughty boy even this furiously. Masuda got cared by her mother who had barely ever before took him inside her arms before. It didn’t feel much better from his father’s punches. This woman was as cold as what he had been taught to be. She knew nothing about compassion.
More grateful he felt towards Tegoshi who sneaked few nights after to his futon and shed tears to his pajama’s sleeve with thousand of apologies. They had hugged, Masuda had immediately forgave him and made him go back to his own bed until they got caught again.
On tour the boys weren’t allowed to see each other for more than necessary. Masuda’s father had also started to scheme Masuda’s marriage behind his back. Suddenly he wanted to have his son and the swing trapeze lady together as soon as possible. Although his father tried to pair them up with rather mean arguments and even more insolent means, it didn’t matter the wife nominee at all. Who wouldn’t be interested in a handsome heir who’d give anyone’s kids a beautiful face.
Masuda didn’t want to get married. He thought it was even too soon to have a relationship, not to speak about marriage or being a father. He didn’t feel anything towards the kind and lovely, but completely wrong kind of girl. Something between him and Tegoshi had also changed into very awkward. No wonder, since people had already thought of them having a relationship and this sudden marriage pushed in front felt like only being an excuse to turn over any possible romantic feelings between them, which from the beginning hadn’t existed.
Time passed and things calmed down with the marriage procession postponed. The boys weren’t anymore looked after so attentively either.
Masuda’s birthday drew nearer but the only one aware of it was unfortunately Masuda himself. None of them celebrated birthdays because among such a huge group they didn’t have time. It would’ve only meant that they needed to celebrate each day someone’s birthdays. Masuda had never got any presents, not even congrats from his parents. He wasn’t that bitter about it since he had never looked forward to them. He nearly even knew such things existed.
That morning someone still came next to his ear and sung silently, in a beautiful voice a birthday song which made half-asleep boy’s body into shivers. Masuda thought perhaps the voice belonged to his future wife, but the thought alone caused him turn around quickly since he didn’t want that woman into his bed.
That woman he would’ve shoved off his futon, but Tegoshi’s face he surprisingly remained staring. Tegoshi had probably prepared himself into more violent welcoming due to how his very cautious and fragile presence felt.
Masuda didn’t know what made him remain still and his thoughts droop. He was almost too tired to keep his eyes open, but every time he managed to get them open again he was sure Tegoshi was smiling more and more smilingly above him.
”Who’s the birthday boy?”
Tegoshi eventually asked while he tilted his head and stroked the sleep off around Masuda’s eyes. Letting him do that was even more confusing than not pushing Tegoshi away.
They stared at each other a while in silence, until Tegoshi startled at a sound coming from afar and he immediately tiptoed back to where he came from, leaving nonplussed Masuda lying alone. The situation soon explained itself by Masuda’s father appearing to the room and pulling Masuda out of his bed.
Masuda already assumed to get another punch in his face, although he didn’t figure out any reasons for it. His father gazed his eyes densely and dauntingly, his expression more cold and empty than normally. He had held Masuda’s sleeve, but let go now and stated those icy words straight at Masuda’s face.
”Your mother is dead.”
Although nobody mentioned it for a second time, although the tour continued as if nothing else happened but Masuda’s mother’s show was excluded, was the whole circus in chaos. Nobody could say what exactly was wrong because nobody dared to think about it. Everybody just concentrated on their own business and muted completely. Any sane people could have sensed the circus was coming close to its last shows.
Essentially nobody believed in their caravan’s future since the younger Masuda hadn’t, after all the rumors, got anyone pregnant during the past half year.
After their second-to-last show Masuda had said goodbye to the children in advance. The kids seemed to be their circus’ only attraction anymore with the innocent girls and boys that were the only ones who didn’t understand the huge magnitude of their loss, and with their energy they had no time to get too depressed. Their enthusiasm was admirable and still nobody in the caravan could see it.
Tegoshi hadn’t said his goodbyes although he had become closer with the kids. Naturally he just wasn’t coming along with them as greatly as Masuda was. To him, unfortunately, the kids were only work partners whereas for Masuda they were friends.
Masuda had no clue what was to happen next, but after sending his farewells he stepped behind the tent from where he along Tegoshi so many times found spending time together. Tegoshi was there even then, sitting upon a white dotted horse sideways and watching at his direction like he’d been waiting all the time.
Masuda tried to prevent his obvious smile. Hesitantly he picked up a flower and walked to Tegoshi, kneeling down as seriously as he could, and he handed the flower over. It brought a short silence. Tegoshi sneered and kicked the flower from his hand.
”Silly.”
Tegoshi spoke and jumped from the back of the horse. Masuda got up as well and let his smile widen since it also adorned Tegoshi’s face beautifully.
”You don’t need to woo me.”
Tegoshi whispered and let his fingers dance teasingly along Masuda’s shoulders, and he entwined arms behind his nape. Tegoshi pulled himself against Masuda and pressed a forehead gently against his.
Everything was so sad. Everything around them was a chaos and they should’ve not have any reasons to smile. Chaos however, meant freedom to them and unconsciously it made them wish for better times. They knew things were going towards destruction and fast, but they stayed calm since they were already looking it from afar.
Masuda set hands down Tegoshi’s lower back and enjoyed a tender melody that Tegoshi hummed calmingly against his face. It ended short when Masuda tilted his head and closed Tegoshi’s mouth with his lips. It tickled at first, but a gentle touch turned into a real kiss as soon as Tegoshi pulled Masuda tighter against him and responded more passionately. Masuda let Tegoshi lift himself into his arms, and didn’t push away the legs winding his body.
They escaped and never went back, since there was nowhere to go back anymore.
Masuda and Tegoshi continued working together rather similarly than they had before, they still earned their money circling from town to another and performing turns as a duo. This time their acts consisted an acrobat called Masuda, and a talented singer called Tegoshi.
Following years yet one precious person found them, called Kato Shigeaki, who sold their audience the best hot dogs ever since.
The end.