Can you become a new version of you?
Decisions are being made, but not really discussed. There's a lot of thinking going on in my head right now (but then again what else is new?) lots of contradictions at war with each other, but a course of action is slowly formulating in my mind.
Sort of.
I'm leaving in a week. A week from Tuesday.
I'm not into the whole finals thing. Or looking forward to packing up my room. Or saying goodbye to Boston. Or four months in the same house with my mother.
But I'm sort've looking forward to the summer and the hope I've put in it for myself.
I've got plans to make myself over. Internally moreso than externally. Try to fix my sleep schedule, lower my anxiety levels, relax. I don't care what it takes at this point- i know i can only do so much myself, and I'm sick of settling for a character I have come to, well, despise.
I just need to find myself again. And I think that involves getting the fuck out of my own way.
I feel like every day my comfort zone grows smaller and I'm more and more constricted.
That has got to stop.
No more excuses.
I can't live like this. This isn't LIFE.
And I kinda wanna live a little before I die, you know?
I sort of have a plan.
I just need to go through with it.
I can do it, right? It's just a matter of willpower.
Right? Right?
I just want to be happy for once. I just want that. I don't care about anything else anymore. I just don't want to keep feeling like this. I dont want another year like this, another month, another week.
I just need to somehow change my entire way of thinking.
That's all.
Sort of.
I'm leaving in a week. A week from Tuesday.
I'm not into the whole finals thing. Or looking forward to packing up my room. Or saying goodbye to Boston. Or four months in the same house with my mother.
But I'm sort've looking forward to the summer and the hope I've put in it for myself.
I've got plans to make myself over. Internally moreso than externally. Try to fix my sleep schedule, lower my anxiety levels, relax. I don't care what it takes at this point- i know i can only do so much myself, and I'm sick of settling for a character I have come to, well, despise.
I just need to find myself again. And I think that involves getting the fuck out of my own way.
I feel like every day my comfort zone grows smaller and I'm more and more constricted.
That has got to stop.
No more excuses.
I can't live like this. This isn't LIFE.
And I kinda wanna live a little before I die, you know?
I sort of have a plan.
I just need to go through with it.
I can do it, right? It's just a matter of willpower.
Right? Right?
I just want to be happy for once. I just want that. I don't care about anything else anymore. I just don't want to keep feeling like this. I dont want another year like this, another month, another week.
I just need to somehow change my entire way of thinking.
That's all.