(no subject)

[allsunkicksthis]

So I'm in a state of mind. I honestly believe if I was the best person I could be, I would constantly stay in this state of mind until my dying day. But, I would have very little faith in most people. I would rarely care what you said at all. I would rarely take you seriously. I would rarely need you around unless you felt the exact same way I did.
I believe there is something in me that keeps me away from information. It keeps me away because it knows that I will end up caring. Caring too much most of the time. I will care so much that I will think everyone and everything that I have right now, is completely unneccesary and that I should be doing something, somewhere else, anything at all but what I am doing.
It scares me because everytime I feel this way I become more and more convinced that I am leading the wrong life. Everything is wrong and I can fix it if I left it all in this very moment and dedicated my life to what I know is right. Maybe one day it will be inevitable and I will have no choice but to make this decision to leave everything behind for the life that I should lead. and I guess I would miss everything I left but know that this is what is to happen.
I know deep down that this is not my life. Only, its not that deep. I just know.