2,000 miles from all i know, i'm so much better off today.
being at home (parents' house home, just to clarify) is really depressing. it's been awhile since i've stayed here for a significant amount of time and already i can feel myself getting sad. it stems from a lot of things--nostalgia, the bland creepiness of the suburbs, my dad's asshole tendencies and my mom's attempts to make up for it. i don't feel like myself here. well, i do, but i feel like fourteen year old me, the one without any friends who spent her friday nights alone in her room watching television and writing shitty poems, or something even more cliche.
still, i feel obligated to be here, because my mom wants me to be. she's the one reason i like being here, but she takes it personally when it becomes evident that i don't like being here. and it's not her fault at all, she tries so hard, it pretty much breaks my heart. i'm so conflicted, because i want to be here for her but at the same time i can't be. here in the tangible sense, at least.
i feel disconnected. i tried calling a few people and missed a call or two and as a result didn't get to hang out with anyone tonight. bummer. there were people i would've liked to see.
i don't know. i should go to sleep so i don't feel so lonely.
still, i feel obligated to be here, because my mom wants me to be. she's the one reason i like being here, but she takes it personally when it becomes evident that i don't like being here. and it's not her fault at all, she tries so hard, it pretty much breaks my heart. i'm so conflicted, because i want to be here for her but at the same time i can't be. here in the tangible sense, at least.
i feel disconnected. i tried calling a few people and missed a call or two and as a result didn't get to hang out with anyone tonight. bummer. there were people i would've liked to see.
i don't know. i should go to sleep so i don't feel so lonely.