You Hit Like a Girl (5/?)
Title: You Hit Like a Girl (5/?)
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: eventual Quinn/Rachel, Puck/Rachel friendship
Spoilers: Season 1 compliant, AU Season 2.
Summary: The summer after her sophomore year, Rachel Berry has three goals: 1. Prepare for Glee 2. Befriend Quinn Fabray 3. Create a Lasting Romance with Finn Hudson. By the fourth week of summer she’s completely failed two of them. Now what is she supposed to do?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Two days had passed since Rachel and Noah’s fight and she was still sore and a little bit worried. She was fairly certain than Noah was in worse condition than she was considering his previous injuries. No matter how much she wanted to check on him, she refrained because he was in control now. She had laid out all of her cards and offered him her hand and it was up to him to reach out and grab it. It bothered her to not be in control of the situation, but Noah was one of the few people she wouldn’t push.
At 8 o’clock, she sat down at her desk to record her MySpace video. She wanted to sing “Love the way you lie” but she lacked the appropriate male lead and, opposed to popular opinion, she did not keep a male vocalist held captive in her closet to pull out on such occasions. Rachel decided to sing “Love is a Battlefield” instead. Halfway through the third run, her phone went off.
Noah: Superstar, our house tonight?
Rachel’s lips quirked up at the use of her nickname, but then she frowned when she realized she wasn’t entirely sure if she was allowed out or not. She tapped her fingers on the desk, weighing the pros and cons of asking her fathers. Deciding she didn’t want to push her luck, she headed downstairs to the living room where her fathers were curled up watching television.
She cleared her throat, “Dad, Daddy.”
The men exchanged a glance and muted the TV before turning to face her.
“Rachel.”
She clasped her hands demurely in front of her, “Am I grounded?”
Hiram sighed, “No. We decided it wasn’t necessary. Why? What exactly are you thinking of doing?”
“Noah asked me to meet him at our usual rendezvous point tonight and I wanted to make certain I wasn’t grounded before I answered his query.”
He crossed his arms, “Rachel, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Do you know how many calls the police station had to field because of your appearance? If your daddy’s boss hadn’t already known about the situation we could have been in some serious trouble. If you end up looking like chopped liver again, he might not be so understanding.”
Rachel gaped, “Daddy! I can’t believe you told on me!”
Elias rolled his eyes, “I didn’t. I was going to tell Mark that you had an accident on your midnight run when he came up and thanked me for raising such spectacular fighter.”
“What?”
“Apparently, his son decided he wanted to give the fight club a try. He was all determined he could make a career of it. Then some small Jewish girl had him down on the ground and crying in five minutes. He’s decided to go back to college. Mark told me to tell you thank you.”
Her daddy looked proud and amused. Her dad looked disgruntled.
Rachel cleared her throat, “I’m glad I could be of service. Dad, you said I wasn’t grounded. I was allowed to go see Noah before so I should be allowed to go see him now.”
Hiram scowled and Elias made sure he had eye contact with her. “Full disclosure.”
She nodded, “We’re going to meet in our tree house over at the old park sometime around midnight. That’s all that I know. Usually we sit there for a couple of hours and then I come home.”
Her fathers looked at each other. They were having one of those silent conversations that Rachel couldn’t wait to have with her future partner. They turned back to her and Hiram looked at her intently. “No fights. If you come home looking like a mess, I’m going to call your Aunt Susan and off up your services as unpaid labor for the rest of the summer, understand?”
Rachel’s eyes widened and she nodded quickly. “Are there any more stipulations?”
He raised an eyebrow, “Do I need to make anymore stipulations?”
“No, sir.”
Rachel quickly typed a response to Noah.
Rachel: I’ll be there.
The night was cool and cloudy and Rachel almost wished she had worn a light jacket as she jogged over to the park. It hurt the climb the tree and she wondered how Puck had managed. He was in his normal position when she got there so she went and took hers, looking out over the treetops and dangling her legs. He set something between them and she couldn’t help the confused look on her face.
He cleared his throat. “”I’m sorry’ cookies.”
She studied his profile, noting that he looked worse than the first night they had talked. None of the bruises were fresh though and that comforted her. Rachel grabbed a cookie and bit into it. They were a little burnt.
“Oatmeal raisin. My favorite.”
Puck turned to her, a half grin on his face, “I know.”
She smiled back and nodded toward the plate, “Share in my bounty?”
He grabbed a cookie and held it up, “Cheers?”
Rachel clicked their cookies together, “Cheers.”
Puck took a bite before he spoke, “Speaking of bounty, you left your prize money the other night.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow, “Prize money? That wasn’t a proper tournament if I won after only beating two people.”
“Nah, tournaments are on the weekend. It was best fight, the crowd chose.”
“Well, we were always pretty good at staging epic battles”
He nodded, “It’s at my house, if you want it. There’s about three hundred bucks there. I used some of it at the store. A shitload of painkillers and some Band-Aids and stuff.”
“I’ll think about it.”
They ate several cookies in silence before Puck spoke softly, “I would have made these sooner, but I couldn’t move.”
Rachel chuckled, “I completely understand.”
“Are your dads going to kill me?”
Rachel hummed, “Daddy isn’t. Dad might want to, but I think you could take him.”
Puck was silent for a moment. “We need to talk. For real. With lots of words.”
“I know.”
He ran a hand over his Mohawk and sighed. “I was going to bring a 12 pack of beer and tell you that we were going to drink and talk about emotional shit, because that’s what bros do-“
“Bros?”
“Best bros. But I think I owe it to you to be sober.”
Rachel put her hand on his leg. “You deserve it just as much as I do.”
He grunted, “I don’t really deserve much of anything anymore, but that’s not what we’re talking about first.”
“First?”
“You’d be proud of me. I made a mental list.”
“I am. What’s first?”
“Us.”
Rachel nodded slowly.
“I was just a stupid little kid, you know? Some of the guys started teasing me because my best friend was a girl and-“
“Noah Puckerman, you had better not finish that sentence. We’re being honest with each other, no matter how bad it is, and I swear to God if you say something about not being a sissy I’m going to push you out of this tree house.”
He winced, “They did call me a sissy that one time.”
Rachel nodded, “And then we put toads in their lunchboxes and they screamed like little girls. Remember when we took Rabbi Zavid’s tefillin and snuck into the Baptist church next door and put it on their statue of Jesus?”
Puck smirked, “Our ears were red for a week by the time Mom stopped twisting them.”
“Exactly. Remember in the 2nd grade when we had an epic Styrofoam sword battle in order to determine who got to dress up as the Green Ranger for Halloween?”
“I still say you cheated.”
“I did not. I won fair and square.”
“Whatever, I decided that the Red Ranger was better anyway.”
“Because you lost.”
“No, because Red was the leader and he had a freakin Tyrannosaurus!”
“The Green Ranger had a dragon, which he called by playing his dagger like a flute!”
“Dragons aren’t real.”
“Megazords aren’t real. Besides, he got the Pink Ranger.”
“Red Ranger had her first.”
Rachel scowled, “My point is that nothing we ever did was even remotely lame, so I don’t want to hear some cheap copout about how I was too girly to be your friend anymore.”
Puck looked down, “This is hard.”
Rachel just looked at him.
His voice was quiet. “I didn’t protect you.”
“What?”
“Remember when they snuck up behind you and locked you in that closet?”
Rachel shivered, “Of course. It was so small and there were a lot of cleaning supplies. I didn’t even have room to hit at the door and I ended up having a panic attack. I was stuck there for three hours. Dad says I’m lucky I don’t suffer from claustrophobia.”
Puck sighed, “I was supposed to be with you.”
“Mrs. Young held you back because she caught us passing notes and you took the fall.”
“I thought I heard you. When I walked past the closet. It was like I knew something wasn’t right. Even when you weren’t in music class, I didn’t mention anything because I thought I was imagining things. When they found you in there, I felt so bad. And when I saw you-“
“Noah, it wasn’t your fault.”
“I felt like it was. I felt like I’d abandoned you. We were supposed to have each other’s backs and I failed. I was so angry and sad. I felt like my dad.”
Rachel grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.
He squeezed back, “I didn’t want you to be around me, if I was like him. I didn’t deserve a friend like you, if I was like him. So I backed off. I figured you were better off without me.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Rachel whispered.
“I kinda know that now, but not then. And now, I really am like him.”
Rachel used her free hand to slap his arm, “Noah Puckerman, don’t you ever compare yourself to that man.”
“Why not? I abandoned you. I abandoned my kid.”
“Well I got you to come back, didn’t I? And you did not abandon Beth. Everyone knows you wanted to keep her and that you were willing to do whatever it took to raise her and do what was best for her. In this case, it was best for you to let someone else have her in their lives. You are the second bravest person I know for giving up a piece of yourself and a chance to be her father, so she would have a good life.”
Puck raised an eyebrow, “Second bravest?”
Rachel nodded. “Quinn is the first.”
Puck nodded and then grimaced. “I didn’t treat her well.”
Rachel sighed, “I think it took you a while to remember how to treat someone well.”
There was a pause. They both looked back out at the trees.
“I told her I loved her.”
“I heard.” Rachel’s stomach twisted.
“I meant it.”
“I know you did.”
“She’s my baby mama, it’s impossible not to love her.”
“Hordes of guests on daytime talk shows would disagree with you.”
He snorted.
Rachel bit her lip. “You’re not in love with her though.”
She felt his gaze on her, so she turned to meet hit. His eyes were sad and they looked wet, but there was glimmer of calmness in them too.
He raised an eyebrow, “How would you know?”
“I know you. No matter how long we’re apart, I know you.”
He nodded. “She’s beautiful, and I wouldn’t mind tapping that again, but she’s just not enough for me.”
Rachel sighed, “I don’t understand why you pursued her. I mean, I do, because she is extremely gorgeous, but Finn was your friend and you preyed on her when she was vulnerable. That wasn’t okay.”
He ducked his head, “I know. Finn’s never been my bro like you are, and people just think he’s so perfect. Like he deserves everything. I deserve good things too, and she was a good girl. He wasn’t good enough for her and I wanted to be, even for a little bit.”
“Noah, you are good enough, and some day you’re going to find a great woman who makes your palms sweat and your heart race. You deserve it… despite the fact that you’re kind of a whore.”
Puck snorted and Rachel smiled and bumped her shoulder against his. “Honestly, Noah, even though you’ve messed up a little bit-“ Puck raised his eyebrow “Okay a lot, you’re still one of the best guys I’ve ever met.”
“I think you’re a little crazy.”
“My sanity has no bearing on your character.”
“I have character?”
“You do. You really do.”
Puck sighed, “I feel like half a person. I wasn’t good enough to be B-Beth. I think about her everyday. I don’t ever want to forget her.”
“ So don’t. Think about her every day. I think part of the pain you feel is your disappointment of not being able to take care of her. Make yourself better. Work each day to become the Noah who is good enough to be her father, the person she would be proud of if she knew him. Maybe then most of the pain will go away because if you ever get that opportunity again, to be a part of her life, you’ll be able to take it.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.”
“You have more faith in me than I do right now.”
“I’ve always been the more emotionally capable of the two of us.”
Puck chuckled, “If by emotionally capable you mean capable of crying on demand.”
Rachel huffed, “You weren’t complaining when my tears convinced that security guard to let us go for ‘accidentally’ setting of that fire extinguisher.”
He smiled, “We always made a good team.”
“I know. We can be a good team now.”
He nodded, “So you think football’s going to help me be better.”
Rachel paused. “Only you can make you better, but I do think it will help. It’s a feasible emotional and physical outlet, and it’s something you enjoy. I know I’m not an expert, but I think you’re pretty good. I think you could be good enough for a scholarship, even if it’s just a small school. I don’t know what you’re planning to do, but it’s always nice to have college as an option.”
Puck looked earnestly at her, “Babe, I don’t want you to be pissed, but I’m just going to say this, okay? I want you to help me, but if you learning football has anything to do with Finn, I’m not okay with it. I know he used to bitch about it a lot and-“
Rachel sighed, “No, Noah, though I understand why you ask. We broke up weeks ago and I really don’t care to see him again this summer or ever pursue a personal relationship with him again.”
“Good. He wasn’t good enough for you either. What did that jack ass do?”
Rachel shook her head, amused at Puck’s reaction. “He broke up with me because he couldn’t handle dating the daughter of two homosexuals.”
“That’s stupid, but so is Finn.”
Rachel shrugged, “It made me realize what kind of person he really is and I don’t need someone like that in my life, even as a friend.”
“I can kick his ass.”
Rachel flicked his ear, “We’re taking a break from that, remember?”
Puck smirked, “Sure thing, Superstar. Like I said, I’m glad you got rid of him. It’s not like he’s really what you want anyway.”
“And now it seems like you’re propositioning me again.”
“Always, Berry, but never seriously.”
“Good to know, Puckerman. Besides, how do you know what I want anyway?”
Puck’s face turned serious and he seemed to be searching her face for something. “We’re being brutally honest with each other, right? Getting our heads on straight? Jew to Jew, Bro to Bro, Puckasaurus to Superstar?”
“Of course.”
“Well, let’s just say I’m pretty sure you want someone a little heavier on top and a little lighter on the bottom than Finn is capable of being.”
Rachel’s face crinkled in confusion, “Do you mean with smaller feet and a bigger brain?”
Laughter bubbled out of Puck, “Well, I guess that would technically be true, but I was thinking more boobs and less penis.”
“What?”
“Babe, I’m pretty sure you’re a lesbian.”
Rachel’s mouth opened and closed but she couldn’t get any sound to come out.
Puck smirked and patted her on the back, “It’s okay to be gay, Rach.”
She snapped out of her stupor, “That’s not funny, Noah. I’ve dated nothing but boys.”
“I’m not kidding. And you’ve only dated three boys in high school. I don’t count because we’re bros, Jesse was a male version of you, and Finn was just a male lead.”
“B-but-“
“Stop and think about it.”
Rachel glared at him.
He ran his fingers through his Mohawk, “Okay, remember when we used to play house?”
“Of course.”
“Remember how we decided we didn’t want to follow the heteronormative standard, but we didn’t want to be gay like your dads so we decided to be a lesbians, because we both like girls?”
“We were five!”
“Earlier you admitted to wanting to be the Green Ranger because he got the girl.”
“Because he was successful!”
“First grade, you had a crush on Ms. Wing.”
“I admired her.”
“You always wanted to hold her hand.”
“So did you!”
“Exactly! And in third grade we had another epic Styrofoam sword battle over who got to give Tina the Valentine’s card we begged off of the cashier at the drug store.”
“We signed both of our names, as friends.”
“Because your dad got pissed we broke his vase and he wouldn’t let us finish our fight.”
Rachel crossed her arms over her chest.
Puck rolled his eyes, “What about the first half of kindergarten, before Santana came? Brittany told us she liked us so we decided you would be her girlfriend and I would be her boyfriend and we took turns carrying her backpack and kissing her on the cheek.”
Rachel blushed. “I forgot about that.”
She turned to stare out at the trees. She thought back over her childhood. She had been enamored with Brittany until Santana came along. She had always paid for more attention to other girls than she did boys. She had noticed she wasn’t like all the other girls when puberty hit and she had asked her aunt if it was normal. Her aunt had said yes, but now that she thought about it, her aunt would say yes considering the fact that her aunt was most definitely homosexual.
Rachel groaned out loud and buried her face in her hands. How could she be so oblivious?
Puck chuckled and threw an arm around her shoulders, “Say it with me Superstar, ‘I’m a lesbian.’”
Rachel sighed before sitting up straight and looking him in the eyes, “I’m a lesbian.” It felt right.
He ruffled her hair and cooed, “I’m so proud of you.”
She slapped his hands away, “Jerk.”
He placed a hand over his heart, “I’m hurt! Seriously, though, don’t you feel better knowing?”
Rachel nodded, “I should have realized it sooner.”
“You should have, but, hey, at least we know you’re a spectacular actress. Hell, you had yourself fooled.”
Rachel rolled her eyes. Apparently, she wasn’t as honest with herself as she thought. Really, how did she not know? She bet her parents knew; that’s why they had looked so startled when she had come home talking about Finn. They had been standoffish about her relationship with Jesse, especially after they found out about Shelby. The strange glances whenever she talked about girls at school or in Glee club? Knowing glances. They did know. The weird glance when she hadn’t mentioned texting Quinn… Rachel’s breath caught. Quinn. The strange need to be her friend, the way her heart sped up and her hands got sweaty and the grocery store: she was in love with Quinn. Her stomach twisted.
She swallowed thickly, “Noah, I think I’ve broken some kind of friendship code.”
He nudged her, “Because you’re in love with Quinn?”
Rachel’s head snapped up. He had a soft smile on his face. Her eyes burned and she nodded.
“It’s okay.”
“How did you know?”
“It’s like you said, I know you. No matter how long we’ve been apart, I will always know you.”
Rachel put her arm around his waist and leaned against him. He squeezed her shoulders. They sat like that until it started to rain and they scooted back and pulled their legs in.
Rachel wiped her eyes. “We should probably get going.”
“Probably.”
She chuckled, “Is it sad that I’m not sure if my body can take going back down the ladder?”
Puck laughed, “If it is then we’re both a little sad.”
“Let’s stay here.”
“Okay.”
They curled up next to each other on the floor, listening to the raindrops splattering against the leaves. They were both drifting to sleep when Rachel spoke,
“Hey Puckasaurus?”
“Yeah Superstar?”
“The next time we have to talk about all of this emotional shit, we’d better both be drunk.”
“Deal.”
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: eventual Quinn/Rachel, Puck/Rachel friendship
Spoilers: Season 1 compliant, AU Season 2.
Summary: The summer after her sophomore year, Rachel Berry has three goals: 1. Prepare for Glee 2. Befriend Quinn Fabray 3. Create a Lasting Romance with Finn Hudson. By the fourth week of summer she’s completely failed two of them. Now what is she supposed to do?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Two days had passed since Rachel and Noah’s fight and she was still sore and a little bit worried. She was fairly certain than Noah was in worse condition than she was considering his previous injuries. No matter how much she wanted to check on him, she refrained because he was in control now. She had laid out all of her cards and offered him her hand and it was up to him to reach out and grab it. It bothered her to not be in control of the situation, but Noah was one of the few people she wouldn’t push.
At 8 o’clock, she sat down at her desk to record her MySpace video. She wanted to sing “Love the way you lie” but she lacked the appropriate male lead and, opposed to popular opinion, she did not keep a male vocalist held captive in her closet to pull out on such occasions. Rachel decided to sing “Love is a Battlefield” instead. Halfway through the third run, her phone went off.
Noah: Superstar, our house tonight?
Rachel’s lips quirked up at the use of her nickname, but then she frowned when she realized she wasn’t entirely sure if she was allowed out or not. She tapped her fingers on the desk, weighing the pros and cons of asking her fathers. Deciding she didn’t want to push her luck, she headed downstairs to the living room where her fathers were curled up watching television.
She cleared her throat, “Dad, Daddy.”
The men exchanged a glance and muted the TV before turning to face her.
“Rachel.”
She clasped her hands demurely in front of her, “Am I grounded?”
Hiram sighed, “No. We decided it wasn’t necessary. Why? What exactly are you thinking of doing?”
“Noah asked me to meet him at our usual rendezvous point tonight and I wanted to make certain I wasn’t grounded before I answered his query.”
He crossed his arms, “Rachel, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Do you know how many calls the police station had to field because of your appearance? If your daddy’s boss hadn’t already known about the situation we could have been in some serious trouble. If you end up looking like chopped liver again, he might not be so understanding.”
Rachel gaped, “Daddy! I can’t believe you told on me!”
Elias rolled his eyes, “I didn’t. I was going to tell Mark that you had an accident on your midnight run when he came up and thanked me for raising such spectacular fighter.”
“What?”
“Apparently, his son decided he wanted to give the fight club a try. He was all determined he could make a career of it. Then some small Jewish girl had him down on the ground and crying in five minutes. He’s decided to go back to college. Mark told me to tell you thank you.”
Her daddy looked proud and amused. Her dad looked disgruntled.
Rachel cleared her throat, “I’m glad I could be of service. Dad, you said I wasn’t grounded. I was allowed to go see Noah before so I should be allowed to go see him now.”
Hiram scowled and Elias made sure he had eye contact with her. “Full disclosure.”
She nodded, “We’re going to meet in our tree house over at the old park sometime around midnight. That’s all that I know. Usually we sit there for a couple of hours and then I come home.”
Her fathers looked at each other. They were having one of those silent conversations that Rachel couldn’t wait to have with her future partner. They turned back to her and Hiram looked at her intently. “No fights. If you come home looking like a mess, I’m going to call your Aunt Susan and off up your services as unpaid labor for the rest of the summer, understand?”
Rachel’s eyes widened and she nodded quickly. “Are there any more stipulations?”
He raised an eyebrow, “Do I need to make anymore stipulations?”
“No, sir.”
Rachel quickly typed a response to Noah.
Rachel: I’ll be there.
The night was cool and cloudy and Rachel almost wished she had worn a light jacket as she jogged over to the park. It hurt the climb the tree and she wondered how Puck had managed. He was in his normal position when she got there so she went and took hers, looking out over the treetops and dangling her legs. He set something between them and she couldn’t help the confused look on her face.
He cleared his throat. “”I’m sorry’ cookies.”
She studied his profile, noting that he looked worse than the first night they had talked. None of the bruises were fresh though and that comforted her. Rachel grabbed a cookie and bit into it. They were a little burnt.
“Oatmeal raisin. My favorite.”
Puck turned to her, a half grin on his face, “I know.”
She smiled back and nodded toward the plate, “Share in my bounty?”
He grabbed a cookie and held it up, “Cheers?”
Rachel clicked their cookies together, “Cheers.”
Puck took a bite before he spoke, “Speaking of bounty, you left your prize money the other night.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow, “Prize money? That wasn’t a proper tournament if I won after only beating two people.”
“Nah, tournaments are on the weekend. It was best fight, the crowd chose.”
“Well, we were always pretty good at staging epic battles”
He nodded, “It’s at my house, if you want it. There’s about three hundred bucks there. I used some of it at the store. A shitload of painkillers and some Band-Aids and stuff.”
“I’ll think about it.”
They ate several cookies in silence before Puck spoke softly, “I would have made these sooner, but I couldn’t move.”
Rachel chuckled, “I completely understand.”
“Are your dads going to kill me?”
Rachel hummed, “Daddy isn’t. Dad might want to, but I think you could take him.”
Puck was silent for a moment. “We need to talk. For real. With lots of words.”
“I know.”
He ran a hand over his Mohawk and sighed. “I was going to bring a 12 pack of beer and tell you that we were going to drink and talk about emotional shit, because that’s what bros do-“
“Bros?”
“Best bros. But I think I owe it to you to be sober.”
Rachel put her hand on his leg. “You deserve it just as much as I do.”
He grunted, “I don’t really deserve much of anything anymore, but that’s not what we’re talking about first.”
“First?”
“You’d be proud of me. I made a mental list.”
“I am. What’s first?”
“Us.”
Rachel nodded slowly.
“I was just a stupid little kid, you know? Some of the guys started teasing me because my best friend was a girl and-“
“Noah Puckerman, you had better not finish that sentence. We’re being honest with each other, no matter how bad it is, and I swear to God if you say something about not being a sissy I’m going to push you out of this tree house.”
He winced, “They did call me a sissy that one time.”
Rachel nodded, “And then we put toads in their lunchboxes and they screamed like little girls. Remember when we took Rabbi Zavid’s tefillin and snuck into the Baptist church next door and put it on their statue of Jesus?”
Puck smirked, “Our ears were red for a week by the time Mom stopped twisting them.”
“Exactly. Remember in the 2nd grade when we had an epic Styrofoam sword battle in order to determine who got to dress up as the Green Ranger for Halloween?”
“I still say you cheated.”
“I did not. I won fair and square.”
“Whatever, I decided that the Red Ranger was better anyway.”
“Because you lost.”
“No, because Red was the leader and he had a freakin Tyrannosaurus!”
“The Green Ranger had a dragon, which he called by playing his dagger like a flute!”
“Dragons aren’t real.”
“Megazords aren’t real. Besides, he got the Pink Ranger.”
“Red Ranger had her first.”
Rachel scowled, “My point is that nothing we ever did was even remotely lame, so I don’t want to hear some cheap copout about how I was too girly to be your friend anymore.”
Puck looked down, “This is hard.”
Rachel just looked at him.
His voice was quiet. “I didn’t protect you.”
“What?”
“Remember when they snuck up behind you and locked you in that closet?”
Rachel shivered, “Of course. It was so small and there were a lot of cleaning supplies. I didn’t even have room to hit at the door and I ended up having a panic attack. I was stuck there for three hours. Dad says I’m lucky I don’t suffer from claustrophobia.”
Puck sighed, “I was supposed to be with you.”
“Mrs. Young held you back because she caught us passing notes and you took the fall.”
“I thought I heard you. When I walked past the closet. It was like I knew something wasn’t right. Even when you weren’t in music class, I didn’t mention anything because I thought I was imagining things. When they found you in there, I felt so bad. And when I saw you-“
“Noah, it wasn’t your fault.”
“I felt like it was. I felt like I’d abandoned you. We were supposed to have each other’s backs and I failed. I was so angry and sad. I felt like my dad.”
Rachel grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.
He squeezed back, “I didn’t want you to be around me, if I was like him. I didn’t deserve a friend like you, if I was like him. So I backed off. I figured you were better off without me.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Rachel whispered.
“I kinda know that now, but not then. And now, I really am like him.”
Rachel used her free hand to slap his arm, “Noah Puckerman, don’t you ever compare yourself to that man.”
“Why not? I abandoned you. I abandoned my kid.”
“Well I got you to come back, didn’t I? And you did not abandon Beth. Everyone knows you wanted to keep her and that you were willing to do whatever it took to raise her and do what was best for her. In this case, it was best for you to let someone else have her in their lives. You are the second bravest person I know for giving up a piece of yourself and a chance to be her father, so she would have a good life.”
Puck raised an eyebrow, “Second bravest?”
Rachel nodded. “Quinn is the first.”
Puck nodded and then grimaced. “I didn’t treat her well.”
Rachel sighed, “I think it took you a while to remember how to treat someone well.”
There was a pause. They both looked back out at the trees.
“I told her I loved her.”
“I heard.” Rachel’s stomach twisted.
“I meant it.”
“I know you did.”
“She’s my baby mama, it’s impossible not to love her.”
“Hordes of guests on daytime talk shows would disagree with you.”
He snorted.
Rachel bit her lip. “You’re not in love with her though.”
She felt his gaze on her, so she turned to meet hit. His eyes were sad and they looked wet, but there was glimmer of calmness in them too.
He raised an eyebrow, “How would you know?”
“I know you. No matter how long we’re apart, I know you.”
He nodded. “She’s beautiful, and I wouldn’t mind tapping that again, but she’s just not enough for me.”
Rachel sighed, “I don’t understand why you pursued her. I mean, I do, because she is extremely gorgeous, but Finn was your friend and you preyed on her when she was vulnerable. That wasn’t okay.”
He ducked his head, “I know. Finn’s never been my bro like you are, and people just think he’s so perfect. Like he deserves everything. I deserve good things too, and she was a good girl. He wasn’t good enough for her and I wanted to be, even for a little bit.”
“Noah, you are good enough, and some day you’re going to find a great woman who makes your palms sweat and your heart race. You deserve it… despite the fact that you’re kind of a whore.”
Puck snorted and Rachel smiled and bumped her shoulder against his. “Honestly, Noah, even though you’ve messed up a little bit-“ Puck raised his eyebrow “Okay a lot, you’re still one of the best guys I’ve ever met.”
“I think you’re a little crazy.”
“My sanity has no bearing on your character.”
“I have character?”
“You do. You really do.”
Puck sighed, “I feel like half a person. I wasn’t good enough to be B-Beth. I think about her everyday. I don’t ever want to forget her.”
“ So don’t. Think about her every day. I think part of the pain you feel is your disappointment of not being able to take care of her. Make yourself better. Work each day to become the Noah who is good enough to be her father, the person she would be proud of if she knew him. Maybe then most of the pain will go away because if you ever get that opportunity again, to be a part of her life, you’ll be able to take it.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.”
“You have more faith in me than I do right now.”
“I’ve always been the more emotionally capable of the two of us.”
Puck chuckled, “If by emotionally capable you mean capable of crying on demand.”
Rachel huffed, “You weren’t complaining when my tears convinced that security guard to let us go for ‘accidentally’ setting of that fire extinguisher.”
He smiled, “We always made a good team.”
“I know. We can be a good team now.”
He nodded, “So you think football’s going to help me be better.”
Rachel paused. “Only you can make you better, but I do think it will help. It’s a feasible emotional and physical outlet, and it’s something you enjoy. I know I’m not an expert, but I think you’re pretty good. I think you could be good enough for a scholarship, even if it’s just a small school. I don’t know what you’re planning to do, but it’s always nice to have college as an option.”
Puck looked earnestly at her, “Babe, I don’t want you to be pissed, but I’m just going to say this, okay? I want you to help me, but if you learning football has anything to do with Finn, I’m not okay with it. I know he used to bitch about it a lot and-“
Rachel sighed, “No, Noah, though I understand why you ask. We broke up weeks ago and I really don’t care to see him again this summer or ever pursue a personal relationship with him again.”
“Good. He wasn’t good enough for you either. What did that jack ass do?”
Rachel shook her head, amused at Puck’s reaction. “He broke up with me because he couldn’t handle dating the daughter of two homosexuals.”
“That’s stupid, but so is Finn.”
Rachel shrugged, “It made me realize what kind of person he really is and I don’t need someone like that in my life, even as a friend.”
“I can kick his ass.”
Rachel flicked his ear, “We’re taking a break from that, remember?”
Puck smirked, “Sure thing, Superstar. Like I said, I’m glad you got rid of him. It’s not like he’s really what you want anyway.”
“And now it seems like you’re propositioning me again.”
“Always, Berry, but never seriously.”
“Good to know, Puckerman. Besides, how do you know what I want anyway?”
Puck’s face turned serious and he seemed to be searching her face for something. “We’re being brutally honest with each other, right? Getting our heads on straight? Jew to Jew, Bro to Bro, Puckasaurus to Superstar?”
“Of course.”
“Well, let’s just say I’m pretty sure you want someone a little heavier on top and a little lighter on the bottom than Finn is capable of being.”
Rachel’s face crinkled in confusion, “Do you mean with smaller feet and a bigger brain?”
Laughter bubbled out of Puck, “Well, I guess that would technically be true, but I was thinking more boobs and less penis.”
“What?”
“Babe, I’m pretty sure you’re a lesbian.”
Rachel’s mouth opened and closed but she couldn’t get any sound to come out.
Puck smirked and patted her on the back, “It’s okay to be gay, Rach.”
She snapped out of her stupor, “That’s not funny, Noah. I’ve dated nothing but boys.”
“I’m not kidding. And you’ve only dated three boys in high school. I don’t count because we’re bros, Jesse was a male version of you, and Finn was just a male lead.”
“B-but-“
“Stop and think about it.”
Rachel glared at him.
He ran his fingers through his Mohawk, “Okay, remember when we used to play house?”
“Of course.”
“Remember how we decided we didn’t want to follow the heteronormative standard, but we didn’t want to be gay like your dads so we decided to be a lesbians, because we both like girls?”
“We were five!”
“Earlier you admitted to wanting to be the Green Ranger because he got the girl.”
“Because he was successful!”
“First grade, you had a crush on Ms. Wing.”
“I admired her.”
“You always wanted to hold her hand.”
“So did you!”
“Exactly! And in third grade we had another epic Styrofoam sword battle over who got to give Tina the Valentine’s card we begged off of the cashier at the drug store.”
“We signed both of our names, as friends.”
“Because your dad got pissed we broke his vase and he wouldn’t let us finish our fight.”
Rachel crossed her arms over her chest.
Puck rolled his eyes, “What about the first half of kindergarten, before Santana came? Brittany told us she liked us so we decided you would be her girlfriend and I would be her boyfriend and we took turns carrying her backpack and kissing her on the cheek.”
Rachel blushed. “I forgot about that.”
She turned to stare out at the trees. She thought back over her childhood. She had been enamored with Brittany until Santana came along. She had always paid for more attention to other girls than she did boys. She had noticed she wasn’t like all the other girls when puberty hit and she had asked her aunt if it was normal. Her aunt had said yes, but now that she thought about it, her aunt would say yes considering the fact that her aunt was most definitely homosexual.
Rachel groaned out loud and buried her face in her hands. How could she be so oblivious?
Puck chuckled and threw an arm around her shoulders, “Say it with me Superstar, ‘I’m a lesbian.’”
Rachel sighed before sitting up straight and looking him in the eyes, “I’m a lesbian.” It felt right.
He ruffled her hair and cooed, “I’m so proud of you.”
She slapped his hands away, “Jerk.”
He placed a hand over his heart, “I’m hurt! Seriously, though, don’t you feel better knowing?”
Rachel nodded, “I should have realized it sooner.”
“You should have, but, hey, at least we know you’re a spectacular actress. Hell, you had yourself fooled.”
Rachel rolled her eyes. Apparently, she wasn’t as honest with herself as she thought. Really, how did she not know? She bet her parents knew; that’s why they had looked so startled when she had come home talking about Finn. They had been standoffish about her relationship with Jesse, especially after they found out about Shelby. The strange glances whenever she talked about girls at school or in Glee club? Knowing glances. They did know. The weird glance when she hadn’t mentioned texting Quinn… Rachel’s breath caught. Quinn. The strange need to be her friend, the way her heart sped up and her hands got sweaty and the grocery store: she was in love with Quinn. Her stomach twisted.
She swallowed thickly, “Noah, I think I’ve broken some kind of friendship code.”
He nudged her, “Because you’re in love with Quinn?”
Rachel’s head snapped up. He had a soft smile on his face. Her eyes burned and she nodded.
“It’s okay.”
“How did you know?”
“It’s like you said, I know you. No matter how long we’ve been apart, I will always know you.”
Rachel put her arm around his waist and leaned against him. He squeezed her shoulders. They sat like that until it started to rain and they scooted back and pulled their legs in.
Rachel wiped her eyes. “We should probably get going.”
“Probably.”
She chuckled, “Is it sad that I’m not sure if my body can take going back down the ladder?”
Puck laughed, “If it is then we’re both a little sad.”
“Let’s stay here.”
“Okay.”
They curled up next to each other on the floor, listening to the raindrops splattering against the leaves. They were both drifting to sleep when Rachel spoke,
“Hey Puckasaurus?”
“Yeah Superstar?”
“The next time we have to talk about all of this emotional shit, we’d better both be drunk.”
“Deal.”