--I'm feeling alive all over again--
They were running on a timeline, one hell of one, but he let himself linger when the others left to get started on the new profile, in the vacated room with the crime scene photos and dozens of manila folders, files on everything possibly related to the case. He'd looked them over already, but he kept his eyes on one or two, flipping through them as he delayed the need to leave.
He almost hadn't expected him to come. The last two weeks had been long enough - interminable, really - that he hadn't entirely expected them to end. But Reid couldn't help being glad that he had, very much so - Gideon was missing, but at least.. at least Hotch was back. Back and heading up the team again, when they needed him. He hadn't paid that much attention to Emily's return, but... some things were more important, and Hotch's sudden two-week absence had hurt in a way he didn't know he could describe.
Absently, he rubbed at the crook of his left elbow, not scratching because he didn't want to make new marks where the old had faded some, enough that he could wear a t-shirt, had wanted Hotch to see that. That he was getting better. Maybe. Sometimes better, for now better. Had made the effort. Childish, maybe, but...
It was a few moments before he stood, glanced at his superior - boss, occasional lover, something more he didn't dare quantify for fear of overstepping, reaching - and gave him a smile, more genuine maybe than his had been for some time. "I was wondering if you were coming," he said, almost teasing.
Hotchner had been going over some of the other files, checking and doublechecking though he'd managed to see most of it on the way. Before he had even planned to be there. But his mind slipped back with an ease that would have no doubt annoyed Haley.
Everything about the job did anymore, that was why he hadn't been there hours ago. Why he was trying to get the transfer, save something more personal than the usual. If he was honest to himself he'd admit that he wasn't entirely sure why, with what it was going to cost, other than a promise made and notarized, what she was when he wasn't him, and Jack.
They weren't there though now, she wasn't. Reid was, and he looked up and over at him when he spoke, let his attention be drawn away even if he couldn't look him in the eyes. "I was wondering myself for a while," He admitted, tried to make it more of a joke than it was, smiling, "but I'm here."
And he had missed him, didn't quite realize to what extent until he'd seen him again.
Spencer managed a couple of steps around the table, an approach he had to admit was more hesitant than he would have ordinarily been, but it had been two weeks since he had even seen him, and he was uncertain about a lot of things lately. Had been for some time now, but this was just one more.
"I'm glad," he said, still smiling so it looked, felt like just an answer to the joke, not the admittance it was, how glad he was, how much he'd missed him. Glancing away, he made his own contribution, "You.. you and Gideon gone, you left Morgan in charge. I was afraid." He hadn't been, of course. That was why it was a joke, as clumsy as it was - his always were.
"I am too. But I don't know..." Hotchner started almost thoughtfully as he noticed the movement, followed him with his eyes and took a few steps of his own. They were more confident than he felt, smoother but...home wasn't the only place he couldn't afford the time to hesitation anymore.
As he went he looked the younger man over almost exageratedly, took note of the sleeves with a feeling of something like pride, relief, before he went as close as he dared to meeting his gaze, "You're looking good, can't have been all that bad..."
He gave him a slightly quizzical look at that, the 'I don't know' that he didn't know what referred to. But he didn't question it outright, just tried not to shy away instinctively from the once-over. He reached out once Hotch was just close enough, put a hand on his arm, initiating contact - that was something he rarely did, but just this once the situation seemed to warrant it.
Spencer smiled at the note, almost a grin, and told him, "Well, you didn't give him time to kill us all. I'm relieved, really, j-just don't tell him I said so.." Somehow the joke seemed out of place with the look, with what he knew Hotch would have looked for. And for once, didn't find.
"I'll try to remember to keep quiet about it." He assured him, smile ensuring that for once he didn't sound too serious, that he could play along with the joke himself, too. The contact almost surprised him, but he didn't move away from it, let it linger for a few moments before he slid forward, pulling him into an embrace. They only had so much time there, after all.
"Good." The embrace surprised him, but definitely not in a bad way, and he returned it quickly enough, reactive. Holding close because it had been too long, and he let himself admit as much, a mutter practically into Hotch's coat rather than to him, "You were gone too long." It wasn't chastisement - they both knew exactly how much choice he had in the matter. It was acknowledgement, more bold than he usually let himself be. How many times had he told himself not to treat this like it belonged, like it was anything more than he knew it had to be? He couldn't help it sometimes.
The return of the embrace, words muttered, closeness made him just hold on for a few moments longer than he may have before he spoke up again, voice soft. "I know, I'm sorry." He could have found a way to visit just him, given a reason to go out and stopped by the apartment for a while, but he hadn't. And now what he was thinking of doing was worse than that negligence, the two weeks themselves, and he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to bring himself to bring them up, bit his tongue for a while longer instead. "I missed you." It was barely a whisper.
He didn't speak for a moment, tried to reconcile all of this with the way Hotch saying that made him feel, and it didn't work out right. He had to stop trying. Nothing in the encyclopedia that was his brain helped him with this. "..I missed you, too. We all did." But he knew where the weight of that lay, what it boiled down to. He glanced up, at Hotch and past him to check the door before he dared a kiss.
Hotchner returned the kiss with next to no hesitation, let it go on for as long as it would, almost as grateful for the lack of speech it allowed as for the action in itself. Almost. "Funny how long it can seem.." He offered, almost breathless once it was over, once he could manage it.
He didn't, honestly, believe that he would ever quite get over liking that. It was still new, though it had been some time since they had first... "Trick of the mind," he said, voice soft as he was reclaiming breath and coherent thought. "When someone's gone, you're always watching the clock, waiting.. it makes it seem longer."
"I know," he told him, tone almost fond. He'd missed that too, leaned his head so there foreheads just touch, almost teasing. It meant time was moving faster than they realized there, but it would be alright. They'd been lucky enough so far.
Spencer smiled slightly at that. "I thought you might," he admitted, as it was common knowledge, adding, "I took the off chance." And was wrong. It happened. He had to admit he wasn't watching the door, was much more concerned with watching Aaron. It was more important than making sure some cop they would never see again happened in.
"I had the feeling you might." He smiled there, let it parallel the other comment. Something light that would be buried once they left the room, and he punctuated it with a kiss, just brief before he pulled back, loosened his embrace for the sake of changing the position of his arm, just touching his face as the realization came he'd have to cast a shadow sooner than even that.
"Usually." Almost every time, when it was his specialty and it was just Hotch or Morgan. He liked sharing what he knew. The kiss, touch brought a little smile of its own, watching Hotchner. It was still almost bizarre how close they had gotten, what had happened there... but he wouldn't go back on it for all the world.
"I've noticed." The guilt building in his chest was something he had to ignored, tried his best to as they stood there. Made worse by the fact that he wasn't sure how, everything wrong in it aside, the disloyalty...he loved this. Loved-- But it didn't make a difference, did it? How far they'd come, the fact that being here now, seeing that he was doing okay made him happier than he had been in the past two weeks. He didn't want this to end but there wasn't a choice and he lowered his head, averted it in preparation, expression verging on troubledd.
He almost hadn't expected him to come. The last two weeks had been long enough - interminable, really - that he hadn't entirely expected them to end. But Reid couldn't help being glad that he had, very much so - Gideon was missing, but at least.. at least Hotch was back. Back and heading up the team again, when they needed him. He hadn't paid that much attention to Emily's return, but... some things were more important, and Hotch's sudden two-week absence had hurt in a way he didn't know he could describe.
Absently, he rubbed at the crook of his left elbow, not scratching because he didn't want to make new marks where the old had faded some, enough that he could wear a t-shirt, had wanted Hotch to see that. That he was getting better. Maybe. Sometimes better, for now better. Had made the effort. Childish, maybe, but...
It was a few moments before he stood, glanced at his superior - boss, occasional lover, something more he didn't dare quantify for fear of overstepping, reaching - and gave him a smile, more genuine maybe than his had been for some time. "I was wondering if you were coming," he said, almost teasing.
Hotchner had been going over some of the other files, checking and doublechecking though he'd managed to see most of it on the way. Before he had even planned to be there. But his mind slipped back with an ease that would have no doubt annoyed Haley.
Everything about the job did anymore, that was why he hadn't been there hours ago. Why he was trying to get the transfer, save something more personal than the usual. If he was honest to himself he'd admit that he wasn't entirely sure why, with what it was going to cost, other than a promise made and notarized, what she was when he wasn't him, and Jack.
They weren't there though now, she wasn't. Reid was, and he looked up and over at him when he spoke, let his attention be drawn away even if he couldn't look him in the eyes. "I was wondering myself for a while," He admitted, tried to make it more of a joke than it was, smiling, "but I'm here."
And he had missed him, didn't quite realize to what extent until he'd seen him again.
Spencer managed a couple of steps around the table, an approach he had to admit was more hesitant than he would have ordinarily been, but it had been two weeks since he had even seen him, and he was uncertain about a lot of things lately. Had been for some time now, but this was just one more.
"I'm glad," he said, still smiling so it looked, felt like just an answer to the joke, not the admittance it was, how glad he was, how much he'd missed him. Glancing away, he made his own contribution, "You.. you and Gideon gone, you left Morgan in charge. I was afraid." He hadn't been, of course. That was why it was a joke, as clumsy as it was - his always were.
"I am too. But I don't know..." Hotchner started almost thoughtfully as he noticed the movement, followed him with his eyes and took a few steps of his own. They were more confident than he felt, smoother but...home wasn't the only place he couldn't afford the time to hesitation anymore.
As he went he looked the younger man over almost exageratedly, took note of the sleeves with a feeling of something like pride, relief, before he went as close as he dared to meeting his gaze, "You're looking good, can't have been all that bad..."
He gave him a slightly quizzical look at that, the 'I don't know' that he didn't know what referred to. But he didn't question it outright, just tried not to shy away instinctively from the once-over. He reached out once Hotch was just close enough, put a hand on his arm, initiating contact - that was something he rarely did, but just this once the situation seemed to warrant it.
Spencer smiled at the note, almost a grin, and told him, "Well, you didn't give him time to kill us all. I'm relieved, really, j-just don't tell him I said so.." Somehow the joke seemed out of place with the look, with what he knew Hotch would have looked for. And for once, didn't find.
"I'll try to remember to keep quiet about it." He assured him, smile ensuring that for once he didn't sound too serious, that he could play along with the joke himself, too. The contact almost surprised him, but he didn't move away from it, let it linger for a few moments before he slid forward, pulling him into an embrace. They only had so much time there, after all.
"Good." The embrace surprised him, but definitely not in a bad way, and he returned it quickly enough, reactive. Holding close because it had been too long, and he let himself admit as much, a mutter practically into Hotch's coat rather than to him, "You were gone too long." It wasn't chastisement - they both knew exactly how much choice he had in the matter. It was acknowledgement, more bold than he usually let himself be. How many times had he told himself not to treat this like it belonged, like it was anything more than he knew it had to be? He couldn't help it sometimes.
The return of the embrace, words muttered, closeness made him just hold on for a few moments longer than he may have before he spoke up again, voice soft. "I know, I'm sorry." He could have found a way to visit just him, given a reason to go out and stopped by the apartment for a while, but he hadn't. And now what he was thinking of doing was worse than that negligence, the two weeks themselves, and he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to bring himself to bring them up, bit his tongue for a while longer instead. "I missed you." It was barely a whisper.
He didn't speak for a moment, tried to reconcile all of this with the way Hotch saying that made him feel, and it didn't work out right. He had to stop trying. Nothing in the encyclopedia that was his brain helped him with this. "..I missed you, too. We all did." But he knew where the weight of that lay, what it boiled down to. He glanced up, at Hotch and past him to check the door before he dared a kiss.
Hotchner returned the kiss with next to no hesitation, let it go on for as long as it would, almost as grateful for the lack of speech it allowed as for the action in itself. Almost. "Funny how long it can seem.." He offered, almost breathless once it was over, once he could manage it.
He didn't, honestly, believe that he would ever quite get over liking that. It was still new, though it had been some time since they had first... "Trick of the mind," he said, voice soft as he was reclaiming breath and coherent thought. "When someone's gone, you're always watching the clock, waiting.. it makes it seem longer."
"I know," he told him, tone almost fond. He'd missed that too, leaned his head so there foreheads just touch, almost teasing. It meant time was moving faster than they realized there, but it would be alright. They'd been lucky enough so far.
Spencer smiled slightly at that. "I thought you might," he admitted, as it was common knowledge, adding, "I took the off chance." And was wrong. It happened. He had to admit he wasn't watching the door, was much more concerned with watching Aaron. It was more important than making sure some cop they would never see again happened in.
"I had the feeling you might." He smiled there, let it parallel the other comment. Something light that would be buried once they left the room, and he punctuated it with a kiss, just brief before he pulled back, loosened his embrace for the sake of changing the position of his arm, just touching his face as the realization came he'd have to cast a shadow sooner than even that.
"Usually." Almost every time, when it was his specialty and it was just Hotch or Morgan. He liked sharing what he knew. The kiss, touch brought a little smile of its own, watching Hotchner. It was still almost bizarre how close they had gotten, what had happened there... but he wouldn't go back on it for all the world.
"I've noticed." The guilt building in his chest was something he had to ignored, tried his best to as they stood there. Made worse by the fact that he wasn't sure how, everything wrong in it aside, the disloyalty...he loved this. Loved-- But it didn't make a difference, did it? How far they'd come, the fact that being here now, seeing that he was doing okay made him happier than he had been in the past two weeks. He didn't want this to end but there wasn't a choice and he lowered his head, averted it in preparation, expression verging on troubledd.