Welcome Home
I can't believe this summer is done. It's funny cause I remember a moment in the middle of camp when I thought to myself that the summer felt long and neverending. But now that I'm home and have begun unpacking I have this surreal feeling that makes it hard to believe that two months have gone by. I remember when we were packing up the tech stuff in the gym I said that it's gotten to the point where you feel like all you've done is unpack the equipment, and then repack it. It's actually hard to remember that two months have gone by with dozens of performances and many hours logged in the gym using that equipment.
This summer was definately a challenge but a different challenge than in past years. It wasn't like the challenge of making the jump from assistant to full counsellor where all of a sudden there's a whole new list of responsibilities, if anything, because I was covering, rather than having my own group, you would expect that things would get easier. But I seemed to find a new bunch of challenges. I've been doing tech at camp for a few years now, but this was the first year that all major responsibility for it fell on me. That's what I was there for this summer. Even though the pressure was on me, I for sure wouldn't have been able to get it going if it wasn't for Gin, and my biggest blow this summer was the fact that she was getting the wrap for things not done to the director's standards when it should have been me. Gin, I'm sorry and I made sure to clear that up with Julie.
I think it was also weird that this was the summer I knew I would have to say goodbye. At first I thought it would be easy, but then I realized it was harder to say goodbye to the campers. I was so caught up with the idea about leaving the place that I forgot that I would have to do the same to the people. As much as our community exists during the year, there is a larger community that only exists at camp, and the hardest thing was accepting the fact that a lot of the campers who have grown up with me over the years I will probably not see for a long time if ever again. And it was especially hard at the beginning of the summer to answer back all of the, "See you next summer!" goodbyes. I think it hit for the first time on the last day of session two. Stacey was on her way out of the gym during the tech rehearsal and said, "You'll be back next year, right?" and all I could do was quietly shake my head, "no." But it seemed to get easier as the summer went on, finding out that other staff wouldn't be back and once my meeting with Julie as done and it could sort of be 'official' did it start to sink in.
I was sad on the last night of camp. But not because it was the end of the summer. I felt like it was the end of an era. I had been there for 9 summers. That's a long time. In my life nothing has stayed a constant in my like except for returing to Centauri each summer. I feel like I'll be back in years to come, but I know it won't be the same. Nine years is a long time. And it's hard to imagine what a summer without Centauri is like (considering I haven't had one since I was 12). And to think that 6 years ago I was supposed to be on staff at Camp George, only to quit a day before the campers would come so that I could return to Centauri to finish my LIT and have one last go at being a camper. And I guess this past year was the same. It wasn't my intention to return this past summer but I thought it would be good to have one last go at being a counsellor. And both decisions, 6 years apart, have been the best decisions I've ever made. So to all of you who shared our summer, thank you from the bottom of my heart.. And until we meet again, may Good Fortune hold you in the palms of her hands.