long winded, and quite vitrolic.
just kind of a random ass weekend i suppose.
i dont post in here hardly ever anymore, i dont have a whole lot to complain about.
i cant begin to describe how much things have really changed. i feel like a completely different person these days. different for the better.
i take pleasure in working really hard. im being very careful with my monetary situation. im finally making decent pay.
i washed my car today, cut my hair. almost all of the dye is gone now. im kind of assimilating into the corporate world. it doesnt bother me so much, i still am the feisty phil of yesteryear, but those old things dont concern me anymore.
i talked to ryan today, about setting up his bachelor party. he mentioned who he wanted to invite. i said, id call everyone up and get a plan together. he said, "would it be weird if i invited chandler and bryan?" i thought about it for a moment, and said "nah man, but you can call them. i dont have a problem with them, but i dont have anything to say to either one of them."
i cant blame them really i suppose. we all promised each other we wouldnt take sides. but they did. a lot of people did. and you know what? its okay. i got where i am today because of me. i fucked up, i fixed it. i fell 8 times, but i got up 9. i am not the irresponsible party hound beer drinking center of attention whore i used to be.
in all honesty, i could just chill out like this forever. i mean, i have made some really bad decisions and made some pretty bad mistakes, but fuck me, im learning.
im sorry if im all reflective.
so this wedding coming up is going to be interesting. im going to see a lot of people i havent seen in a long time. god, has it almost been a year already? it feels like a lifetime ago. if you would have asked me 5 months ago, would i go back and change anything? i would have said yes. as late as 5 months ago.
would i now?
fuck no.
i think the smartest decision i EVER made was getting the fuck away. i mean, i wish all of you happiness and success. but stay away from me. do not drag me back. we all used to sit around and talk about old times. i dont look back anymore. i look fucking forward. i learned how much potential i REALLY have. there are no limitations.
and finally, finally. i got down to the core.
i wish i could give a shout out and fuck you list. but that's immature. and besides, if you're reading this... you know where you stand.
so ill make this very clear and very succinct. i am going to college station with my girlfriend in 2 weeks. staying for the night, and then leaving. then there will be ryan's bachelor party. and in november is the wedding.
i suggest, that if you have any intentions at all of having me as a friend, you do what it takes to get in contact. i called your numbers, you dont return my calls. i message, you dont return.
im not 22 anymore. this is not how it used to be. yes, i may be a little more coldhearted and closed off, but this is how i have become. and you know what? those that i love? they know i love them. i tell them.
the point: come november 4th, it may be the last time you see my ass around. ive cut people out of my life before, and i have no problem moving on again.
so boys, girls: its your call. you call me a friend? then be one. i gave all of you your space and saved you being uncomfortable. ill even forgive that "i never chose sides" lie.
and finally, for the last time, i have something to say to you (it's been a year, it feels relevant to me at this time)
thank you. thank you for all of the things you did to me, and i did to you. i learned about what love really is, and what it's not. i pushed myself to the brink of extinction, hit the brakes, and man oh man, came out a new man. i would not be where i am, who i am, or have what and who i have if it wasnt for you. we all gotta grow up sometime, and shit did i ever. and you know what? i hope the same happens to you. i hope you have a rich and fulfilling life. i hope you get everything you want. i hope you're completely happy.
you once said "is it possible for us not to hate each other?"
the answer is no. because we do hate each other.
so i have some pretty big things to contemplate on my brain right now. i guarantee you this time next year, at least one or two pretty big changes will happen.
im on the cusp of the beginning of my REAL life.
i already have my family, my best friends, my lover and companion.
where do you stand?
by the way, comments are disabled. you have a comment? get a hold of me the real way. the internet is NOT real life.
i dont post in here hardly ever anymore, i dont have a whole lot to complain about.
i cant begin to describe how much things have really changed. i feel like a completely different person these days. different for the better.
i take pleasure in working really hard. im being very careful with my monetary situation. im finally making decent pay.
i washed my car today, cut my hair. almost all of the dye is gone now. im kind of assimilating into the corporate world. it doesnt bother me so much, i still am the feisty phil of yesteryear, but those old things dont concern me anymore.
i talked to ryan today, about setting up his bachelor party. he mentioned who he wanted to invite. i said, id call everyone up and get a plan together. he said, "would it be weird if i invited chandler and bryan?" i thought about it for a moment, and said "nah man, but you can call them. i dont have a problem with them, but i dont have anything to say to either one of them."
i cant blame them really i suppose. we all promised each other we wouldnt take sides. but they did. a lot of people did. and you know what? its okay. i got where i am today because of me. i fucked up, i fixed it. i fell 8 times, but i got up 9. i am not the irresponsible party hound beer drinking center of attention whore i used to be.
in all honesty, i could just chill out like this forever. i mean, i have made some really bad decisions and made some pretty bad mistakes, but fuck me, im learning.
im sorry if im all reflective.
so this wedding coming up is going to be interesting. im going to see a lot of people i havent seen in a long time. god, has it almost been a year already? it feels like a lifetime ago. if you would have asked me 5 months ago, would i go back and change anything? i would have said yes. as late as 5 months ago.
would i now?
fuck no.
i think the smartest decision i EVER made was getting the fuck away. i mean, i wish all of you happiness and success. but stay away from me. do not drag me back. we all used to sit around and talk about old times. i dont look back anymore. i look fucking forward. i learned how much potential i REALLY have. there are no limitations.
and finally, finally. i got down to the core.
i wish i could give a shout out and fuck you list. but that's immature. and besides, if you're reading this... you know where you stand.
so ill make this very clear and very succinct. i am going to college station with my girlfriend in 2 weeks. staying for the night, and then leaving. then there will be ryan's bachelor party. and in november is the wedding.
i suggest, that if you have any intentions at all of having me as a friend, you do what it takes to get in contact. i called your numbers, you dont return my calls. i message, you dont return.
im not 22 anymore. this is not how it used to be. yes, i may be a little more coldhearted and closed off, but this is how i have become. and you know what? those that i love? they know i love them. i tell them.
the point: come november 4th, it may be the last time you see my ass around. ive cut people out of my life before, and i have no problem moving on again.
so boys, girls: its your call. you call me a friend? then be one. i gave all of you your space and saved you being uncomfortable. ill even forgive that "i never chose sides" lie.
and finally, for the last time, i have something to say to you (it's been a year, it feels relevant to me at this time)
thank you. thank you for all of the things you did to me, and i did to you. i learned about what love really is, and what it's not. i pushed myself to the brink of extinction, hit the brakes, and man oh man, came out a new man. i would not be where i am, who i am, or have what and who i have if it wasnt for you. we all gotta grow up sometime, and shit did i ever. and you know what? i hope the same happens to you. i hope you have a rich and fulfilling life. i hope you get everything you want. i hope you're completely happy.
you once said "is it possible for us not to hate each other?"
the answer is no. because we do hate each other.
so i have some pretty big things to contemplate on my brain right now. i guarantee you this time next year, at least one or two pretty big changes will happen.
im on the cusp of the beginning of my REAL life.
i already have my family, my best friends, my lover and companion.
where do you stand?
by the way, comments are disabled. you have a comment? get a hold of me the real way. the internet is NOT real life.