Jul 23, 2004 16:05
i felt the breath of God on sunday. well ive felt it before i suppose. the sunday before. its like fire. a burning sensation in my face. a tingling. i wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. i haven't felt that for a long time. since i was in winter camp my junior or sophomore yr. wow. the first time i thought it was just me. not that anybody else would be experiencing that or not. it's just when it comes upon you so unsuspectingly... you think you're imagining it. then sunday rolls upon me again. a new speaker. he talks of experiencing God and not being so "religious'". to have an exciting walk with christ... a journey. but i think i'm too scared for that. i was curious though.. very curious. i prayed that i would be called. that the Lord would have words for me. i was sure those days had passed for me. i was sure the things i had done had dug a chasm between me and God, too deep to pass over. even a whisper was too good for me. and parts of me wondered if it were all a big hoax. so i sat there in my chair just waiting to be called. i was supposed to leave to meet my family ... but i couldn't ... part of me yearned for this man to call me forward so that i could pick up my memo from God... i wanted him to call out my deepest secrets... i wanted to be exposed. the wait to be removed. nothing
so i went for saryn in the nursery ... i could hear her crying for me. when i came back i thought i just had to wait a little longer.... and then..
women all the women of the church come forward. am i woman... in some sense yes. i do have a daughter... so i walked up there not expecting to be touched.
it hit me like a forcefield. i felt like i walked into a wall of fire. i felt that tingle again. i was crying and i didnt even have a chance to think about why. before i knew it there were hands on my back. a womans voice began to tell me the desires of my heart. she had the message i was praying for. it was incredible...im not sure who it was but that doesnt matter now... all that matters is that i know. and i can pass on that knowledge to my daughter ... and in doing so keep my promise that i made. its about time i held up my end of the bargain