Enough For Now
Title: Enough For Now
Pairing: McCoy/Kirk
Rating: PG
Summary: Bones might be in a little denial.
Bones was quick to start caring about Kirk. He didn’t know what is was, but something deep inside his core made him want to be sure Kirk was always okay. And it annoyed him to death. Jim was one of the most reckless people he knew, and as much as he told himself Kirk could look after himself, he knew it wasn’t true. McCoy felt inexplicably proud at the fact that he knew Jim needed him, even if he would never say those words aloud.
At first McCoy told himself that it was just the doctor in him that was protective of Kirk, but he could only live in denial for so long. Eventually he had to be honest with himself... even if only a little. At first he just admitted it was something more than his medical degree. Late at night when he was lying in bed, after a long, tiring day, when all he wanted to do was fall asleep and dream of nothing, the worried feeling at the pit of his stomach began to act up and his mind kept reeling with images of Jim. “Fine,” he whispered to himself quietly. “Maybe it’s more. Just maybe.” And the knot in his stomach loosened a little, enough to let him drift off to sleep. But every night, the little feeling in his stomach grew and spread, eventually reaching his heart. Tugging at it like a child trying to catch its parent’s attention with the tugging of sleeves. He had to admit more and more to himself just to be able to sleep. He got as far as telling himself that his feeling for Jim ran deeper than friendship and that maybe he wanted more. But he fought with himself and with the feeling inside and he wouldn’t give in anymore. It would hurt too much to admit anymore and get nothing in return.
He would toss and turn all night and during the day’s could see the suspcision in Kirk’s eyes. Jim would ask him what was wrong and Bones would play it off as being over worked. But by the end of one exceptionally busy week, McCoy had barely slept a few hours. His eyes were red with dark bags under them, and he found himself roaming the halls after a long day on The Enterprise. Leonard swore he was doing something, had a reason for being in this corridor, but couldn’t remember what it was. He was so tired he almost didn’t notice Kirk walking towards him, but Jim grabbed his arm and dragged him away. McCoy followed with no resistance as he couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing anyway. Jim pulled him to the corner of an empty corridor and put his hands on McCoy’s shoulders. “Alright Bones, that’s it. I know we’ve had a busy week, but I know you and I know when there’s something wrong.”
McCoy mumbled something incoherent. Apparently he’s not the only one who worries about the other, and that thought comforted him at first. But then it only annoyed him. His thoughts were irrational and his brain, his whole body, was tired. How dare Jim be worried about him, what right did he have? McCoy didn’t know how much of his thoughts he was saying out loud but he knew he was rambling and couldn’t seem to stop. And suddenly his voice was raised and he barely knew what he was saying, but then he feels the words leave his mouth more than hears them. A wave of relief washed over him until he realized what he’d just said. It had quite a sobering effect where his surroundings became a lot clearer, but he was only focused on Kirk’s stunned expression. But his friend’s eyes softened quickly as he smirked. Then McCoy’s back was suddenly pressed against the wall.
***
He wakes up and is not really sure how he even got in a bed. He feels like he’s slept for a year, he’s never felt so rested.
And so warm.
That’s when he notices he isn’t alone. There’s a warm body pressed against McCoy’s chest, wrapped in his arms. This confuses him enough to finally open his eyes and he instantly recognizes the back of Jim’s head. Suddenly the events of last night flood his memory. His word vomit, his confession, and then hot kisses. He remembers that after several seconds (that felt like minutes) Jim had stopped them and insisted McCoy should get some sleep. McCoy couldn’t process anything really after being practically a zombie to suddenly being so pleasantly dazed, he only knows after that, Kirk dragged him away by the arm again.
He had brought McCoy back to his room and didn’t need to tell him twice to lie on the bed and go to sleep. The next thing McCoy remembers is waking slightly as he was being undressed, now only in his boxers, and then rolling over towards the other body that was just added to the bed. And he only slightly remembers the very manly giggle of Jim as he backed in closer toward McCoy.
Now Kirk is moving under his arm and he tries to remove it slowly. But Jim’s hand stops his own from going anywhere.
“Uh… morning, Jim.”
Jim then turns on his back keeping McCoy’s arm wrapped around him. He tilts his head, “Morning, Bones,” he speaks softly as he grins. “Feeling better today?”
“Yes… lots actually.”
“Well… good.”
Kirk’s smirk melts away as McCoy realizes he was subconsciously rubbing circles with his thumb over Jim’s ribs. Jim turns toward him more now and props himself up on his elbow. His eyes flick down to McCoy’s lips and back up to his eyes. Bones leans forward and brings their lips together. It feels better than the haziness he felt last night. This feels more relaxed, more real. Maybe he is still sleeping and this is all a dream. If it is, he doesn’t want to wake up. He feels genuinely happy for the first time in a long time and he wants to keep it that way for as long as he can. He presses Jim’s back into the mattress, lapping up the taste of Jim’s mouth, licking his way across Jim’s lips. This is what has been missing, this was everything he has needed. This was finally enough… for now. They kiss lazily for a while longer until they break apart for some fresh air, although Bones feels he could breathe in Jim’s scent all day and never get sick of it.
“You know,” starts Kirk, “if that was all it took to give you a good night’s sleep, I would have done that a long time ago.”
Bones lies back and closes his eyes, a slight smile on his face. “You idiot,” he mutters without a trace of venom. And he drifts off again, trying to take advantage of this rare free time he’s been given. Apparently sleeping with the Captain has its advantages.