FIC: KHR! - Shoot 'em if ya got 'em
Title: Shoot 'em if ya got 'em
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn
Pairing: TYL59/TYL18 (yes, in that order)
Genre: PWP, Crack
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~ 2,350
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the movie which inspired this. That's a good thing, trust me. No money made.
Beta: kentucka made it spotless. Any remaining mistakes are unfortunate and will be eliminated on sight.
Summary: While Hibari and Gokudera may not exactly be a dream team they do click surprisingly well when the situation calls for it - and even when it doesn't. (Actually, the warnings are a much more accurate summary, which is a warning in itself.)
Warnings: Lots of shooting, swearing, blood and violence. Sex during and partially while inflicting/doing all of these. Hibari being a pushy bottom.
A/N: The scene that inspired this whole mess is from a film called Shoot 'Em Up. If you've seen it you will know what I'm talking about when I say 'the sex scene' because there is only one anyway.
For all of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, please have a youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUlMMtqwtqQ (Ignore the Viagra ads. And the baby. None of these are relevant at this point. But it was the only decent clip of this scene I could find.) Youtube has apparently gone on a deleting spree again and erased the video (Thank you, kirishimaayama for making me aware of it!). Hence, have no video :( I'm afraid everything else is either a full-blown music fanvid or hiding behind an adult restriction. Woe is me.
I'm aware that we are facing somewhat of a physical improbability here and I'm pretty sure sex in this situation does not work. But if Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci can pull this off, so can Hibari and Gokudera, dammit.
So, naturally, none of this is to be taken seriously :) Please enjoy.
---
Shoot 'em if ya got 'em
Gokudera almost runs into Hibari when the man stops dead in his tracks in the middle of the hotel room. He stares at the sole double bed where two candies are neatly placed on each pillow. The space in between them is practically non-existent and promises lack of sleep and increase of pain.
"And where will you be sleeping?" Hibari asks but Gokudera knows a statement when he hears one. The question mark is only there for good will.
"It was the only room available in this entire fucking city, so it was either this or sleeping in the car," he starts dragging and kicking his luggage towards the double bed, "so suck it up."
Hibari watches him fiddle with the luggage for a few moments and then raises an eyebrow. He's by far not Gokudera's favourite partner on a mission but he's known the skylark long enough to interprete his various ways of making himself clear with the least possible change in facial expressions. This one, for example, means 'Are you seriously implying that we sleep in one bed together? Me and a mere herbivore? You're lucky to be allowed in the same room, so don't assume for one moment that I am letting any part of you touch the same mattress that I will deign to sleep on tonight. You did ask for an additional pillow, didn't you?'.
Or something along those lines, anyway.
Gokudera throws his bag onto what he is now claiming as his side of the bed, "Look, this isn't exactly my preferred sleeping arrangement either but we'll have to make do. Because I sure as hell am not sleeping on the floor and I know neither will you, so can we get over this and move on?"
It is a bit more difficult to read Hibari's next expression but the tonfa in Gokudera's face makes things surprisingly clear.
But so does the gun Gokudera has pressed to Hibari's side.
They both sleep on the bed that night but there is a thick strip of tape dividing the mattress into 'mine' and 'yours'. It's a sticky version of the Berlin wall. Trespassers will be shot or bitten to death or both.
---
Actually, Gokudera has no idea why Hibari even needs to be there. This is one of the most basic tasks for a right hand man and hence he does not require anybody's assistance - least of all the damned skylark's.
Gokudera knows how to negotiate a weapons trade, thank you very much. But something about this potential deal seems to intrigue Hibari and as a result the bloody Cloud Guardian is now tagging along. Hibari has always been the kind of type to invite himself to the party but he's treading on thin ice if he thinks he can invade Gokudera's territory.
Especially, if he ends up insulting the gang's boss and threatens to bite everyone dead.
The deal does not go down as planned.
---
"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck," Gokudera spits out a litany of curses as he strides into their hotel room, wrestling with his tie. He wants to strangle the skylark with it. He's not sure he can withstand this desire.
"They got what was coming to them," Hibari states as calmly as ever. His suit is not even crumpled. For this alone, Gokudera may hate him for all eternity.
"Fuck you," he steps into Hibari's personal space, poking a finger at the man's chest, "fuck you and your stupid stunts. Fuck your fucked up code of honour and fuck your bloody bird and your careless attitude and, oh, have I mentioned? Fuck you."
"Are you done?"
"No," Gokudera shakes his head fervently, "no, I'm not fucking done. This one is your fault. You messed this up and I will not be held responsible for your inability to be in a room with someone for more than five minutes without beating them into a pulp."
"Are you done now?" Hibari arches an eyebrow and it's the very epitome of everything that drives Gokudera insane about the man.
"Yes. No! Whatever. Fuck you."
He flops down on his side of the bed and tries to think calming thoughts. He wonders if smashing somedbody's head in with the bathroom door can be masked as an accident.
"When you're done sulking I believe we can still make it to their warehouse before they have a chance of cleaning it out."
Gokudera is uncertain of what to do first - punch the skylark in the face for his condescending tone and the mere suggestion of Gokudera sulking or for his mysteriously exact knowledge of where the gang's hide-out is. He doubts he even wants to find out how Hibari got wind of that.
"I'm not sulking, asshole," Gokudera hisses, "I'm fucking furious."
"Is that your angry face?"
Gokudera shoots the Cloud Guardian a look that would be branded a weapon of mass destruction in most countries, "You ain't seen nothing yet, you prick."
"Show me," Hibari's smile is more a declaration of war than the quirking of lips.
---
Half an hour later Gokudera indeed has his tie around Hibari's neck but he doubts that he will actually strangle the skylark. Not while he's fucking the Cloud Guardian on the TV rack. Maybe he'll save that for later.
The TV set is in bits and pieces on the floor and the rest of the room resembles a demilitarized zone. The bed is leaning halfway up against the wall and if Gokudera took a minute to marvel at their combined efforts he would find himself wondering how one can take an entire bedstead, break it in half an then make it scrape the plaster off the ceiling.
But his current focus of interest is right in front of him and is giving him a daring smile that means only one thing in Hibari-speak: Come on, show me what you've got.
Gokudera isn't stupid enough to believe that he's not playing right into Hibari's hands. The twisted little fucker has probably been hard the whole time from beating the crap out of some unsuspecting gangsters and this is just the shortest way to get what he's been craving.
The Storm Guardian still tells himself it's retaliation. He channels all his rage into the push of his hips until Hibari's shoulders connect with the wall each and every time Gokudera slams into him. The small indentations in the wall either imply shitty bricklayers' work or that Gokudera is doing a tremendously good job at fucking the damned skylark senseless.
Either way, Gokudera tightens his hold on the tie while Hibari keeps throwing his head back, thus forcing the material to constrict even more. Any other time Gokudera would ask himself just how much of a masochist Hibari really is or if that is the skylark's equivalent to a tickle. He's learned long ago that the aloof guardian has a much higher tolerance for pain than any other being he's ever encountered - and that already includes pachyderms, reptiles and, quite frankly, Uri.
Sometimes, Gokudera suspects that whoever is responsible for Hibari's existence simply forgot to put some properly functioning nerve endings into his skin. But right now they seem to be working just fine, if Hibari's encouraging moans are anything to go by.
He digs his nails into Gokudera's shoulders but never fails to present the right hand man with an infuriatingly arrogant smile - even as the skylarks's eyes dart to the window. Gokudera opens his mouth to snarl some obscenities at the Cloud Guardian for not paying attention but he stops when he sees the small red dot wandering along the wall above Hibari's head.
Gokudera hauls them both to the floor seconds before they both end up with holes where they don't belong. Plaster is trickling off the wall like a dusty rain and somehow Hibari has managed to grab Gokudera's long abandoned gun from the rack. He forces Gokudera onto his arse and - God is his witness - sits in the Storm Guardian's lap with said guardian's cock still buried in him and shoots the sniper.
No more shots disturb the air from outside but the door suddenly gets blasted off its hinges and Gokudera loses count of how many men are pouring in. He snatches the weapon from Hibari's hand and takes out two guys before he figures that the skylark will not enjoy providing him cover with his naked butt. So, he almost strains his ankles as he struggles up with both arms around Hibari and hurls them both behind the upturned bed.
Hibari lets out an impossibly pleased gasp as they land behind the relative safety of the bedstead. Even now he doesn't seem to consider stopping what they've been doing. Gokudera doesn't argue because he's busy not getting shot and trying to hold back an orgasm. He's conflicted as to which is more difficult.
One of the men uses his comrades' cover to dive into the bathroom. He would be able to kill them both from there but Gokudera is quicker. The bullet ricojets off the doorframe and hits the man right between the eyes.
Meanwhile, the mattress gets ripped to shreds by the gunfire and won't do them much good any longer. And if Gokudera isn't hallucinating there are a couple of ropes dangling in front of the shattered window. They'll be swarming in from outside in no time.
Both their box weapons are far out of reach, most likely somewhere under the remains of what has once been a hotel room. On the other hand, Gokudera can't even say for certain if he were able to mass enough brain activity to conjure up a decent flame.
He catches a glimpse of silver steel near the bathroom door and even before he can suggest a plan of action Hibari nods and hooks his legs securely around Gokudera's waist. Gokudera is painfully aware of the fact that, in theory, they're still fucking which will most likely not improve his aim. He's not sure if dying during sex with Hibari is the best or worst way to go.
The rest of the window gets kicked in as two men clad in tactical gear spill into the room, followed by two more and by the time the fifth touches down Gokudera has already rolled them both over the floor towards the discarded tonfa.
He's got one free hand and he shoots at everything that moves inside the small hallway. Their attackers are crammed together like worms in a glass and Gokudera certainly fractures a few shinbones, if not more. He can't aim much higher because he's got one arm around Hibari, who flings his tonfa at the backup pouring in through the window. Gokudera can't see if he hits anything but a muffled scream and two muted thuds indicate that Hibari isn't in the least hindered by having Gokudera on top of him.
The Cloud Guardian gives a strained yet intensely sensual groan when he flips them over, landing Gokudera on his back. He swoops up one of the many scattered firearms from its recently deceased owner and takes care of the remaining members of the backup squad - or so Gokudera assumes. He's got his attention on one slightly more intelligent guy creeping up behind the mangled bedstead. He can't see the man properly with all the debris in the way and Hibari's movements are kind of distracting on too many levels.
Gokudera bites back a moan when Hibari shifts his weight and he blinks to focus. His first few shots are way off target but he manages to spin them around again. With one elbow perched next to Hibari's shoulder he waits for the gunman to dare show so much as a toe.
It's just a matter of seconds. The guy tries to shoot while lunging for cover near the window but he only hits the cupboard behind them. And that's all the opening Gokudera needs to get rid of him.
The last shot sounds oddly loud in the abrupt silence afterwards. Well, relative silence because underneath him Hibari is making urgent little noises that are nothing short of demanding. He's bucking his hips too.
"W-wait, goddammit," Gokudera stutters breathlessly when he feels the Cloud Guardian tighten around him, "did we... did we even g-get them all?"
Hibari goes still for a second and frowns. It's hard to say at what exactly but a moment later he picks up Gokudera's gun and shoots in the general direction of the hallway without even so much as glancing towards where the bullet is heading off to.
When Gokudera looks up he sees one of the sneakier bastards of the unit sporting a fresh chest wound and taking his last breath.
"Yes," Hibari snarls and drops the gun. He topples them over and ignores all of Gokudera's further complaints. They subside anyway as the skylark starts riding him like the massive gunfight they've just had was nothing more than a warm-up.
Due to some strange twist of fate the tie is still wrapped around Hibari's throat and Gokudera can't possibly pass up on that chance. He catches it and pulls the Cloud Guardian down into a searing kiss. They only break apart to cry out in their eventual release, which is more of a growl on Hibari's part but Gokudera makes up for the skylark's lack of appropriate pornographic noises.
---
They're lucky in a way because it takes a while for the police to pinpoint the source of the racket. They find a devastated room, enough blood stains to supply a small blood bank and no bodies. Neither do they find the original occupants of said room.
What they do find is an envelope with a dozen thousand euros in it and a card that says 'For repairs.'.
---
The gang goes out of business after this day. Mostly, due to the greater part of their members being dead and their warehouse suddenly turning out to be completely empty.
~~~ Fin ~~~
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn
Pairing: TYL59/TYL18 (yes, in that order)
Genre: PWP, Crack
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~ 2,350
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the movie which inspired this. That's a good thing, trust me. No money made.
Beta: kentucka made it spotless. Any remaining mistakes are unfortunate and will be eliminated on sight.
Summary: While Hibari and Gokudera may not exactly be a dream team they do click surprisingly well when the situation calls for it - and even when it doesn't. (Actually, the warnings are a much more accurate summary, which is a warning in itself.)
Warnings: Lots of shooting, swearing, blood and violence. Sex during and partially while inflicting/doing all of these. Hibari being a pushy bottom.
A/N: The scene that inspired this whole mess is from a film called Shoot 'Em Up. If you've seen it you will know what I'm talking about when I say 'the sex scene' because there is only one anyway.
For all of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, please have a youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUlMMtqwtqQ (Ignore the Viagra ads. And the baby. None of these are relevant at this point. But it was the only decent clip of this scene I could find.) Youtube has apparently gone on a deleting spree again and erased the video (Thank you, kirishimaayama for making me aware of it!). Hence, have no video :( I'm afraid everything else is either a full-blown music fanvid or hiding behind an adult restriction. Woe is me.
I'm aware that we are facing somewhat of a physical improbability here and I'm pretty sure sex in this situation does not work. But if Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci can pull this off, so can Hibari and Gokudera, dammit.
So, naturally, none of this is to be taken seriously :) Please enjoy.
---
Shoot 'em if ya got 'em
Gokudera almost runs into Hibari when the man stops dead in his tracks in the middle of the hotel room. He stares at the sole double bed where two candies are neatly placed on each pillow. The space in between them is practically non-existent and promises lack of sleep and increase of pain.
"And where will you be sleeping?" Hibari asks but Gokudera knows a statement when he hears one. The question mark is only there for good will.
"It was the only room available in this entire fucking city, so it was either this or sleeping in the car," he starts dragging and kicking his luggage towards the double bed, "so suck it up."
Hibari watches him fiddle with the luggage for a few moments and then raises an eyebrow. He's by far not Gokudera's favourite partner on a mission but he's known the skylark long enough to interprete his various ways of making himself clear with the least possible change in facial expressions. This one, for example, means 'Are you seriously implying that we sleep in one bed together? Me and a mere herbivore? You're lucky to be allowed in the same room, so don't assume for one moment that I am letting any part of you touch the same mattress that I will deign to sleep on tonight. You did ask for an additional pillow, didn't you?'.
Or something along those lines, anyway.
Gokudera throws his bag onto what he is now claiming as his side of the bed, "Look, this isn't exactly my preferred sleeping arrangement either but we'll have to make do. Because I sure as hell am not sleeping on the floor and I know neither will you, so can we get over this and move on?"
It is a bit more difficult to read Hibari's next expression but the tonfa in Gokudera's face makes things surprisingly clear.
But so does the gun Gokudera has pressed to Hibari's side.
They both sleep on the bed that night but there is a thick strip of tape dividing the mattress into 'mine' and 'yours'. It's a sticky version of the Berlin wall. Trespassers will be shot or bitten to death or both.
---
Actually, Gokudera has no idea why Hibari even needs to be there. This is one of the most basic tasks for a right hand man and hence he does not require anybody's assistance - least of all the damned skylark's.
Gokudera knows how to negotiate a weapons trade, thank you very much. But something about this potential deal seems to intrigue Hibari and as a result the bloody Cloud Guardian is now tagging along. Hibari has always been the kind of type to invite himself to the party but he's treading on thin ice if he thinks he can invade Gokudera's territory.
Especially, if he ends up insulting the gang's boss and threatens to bite everyone dead.
The deal does not go down as planned.
---
"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck," Gokudera spits out a litany of curses as he strides into their hotel room, wrestling with his tie. He wants to strangle the skylark with it. He's not sure he can withstand this desire.
"They got what was coming to them," Hibari states as calmly as ever. His suit is not even crumpled. For this alone, Gokudera may hate him for all eternity.
"Fuck you," he steps into Hibari's personal space, poking a finger at the man's chest, "fuck you and your stupid stunts. Fuck your fucked up code of honour and fuck your bloody bird and your careless attitude and, oh, have I mentioned? Fuck you."
"Are you done?"
"No," Gokudera shakes his head fervently, "no, I'm not fucking done. This one is your fault. You messed this up and I will not be held responsible for your inability to be in a room with someone for more than five minutes without beating them into a pulp."
"Are you done now?" Hibari arches an eyebrow and it's the very epitome of everything that drives Gokudera insane about the man.
"Yes. No! Whatever. Fuck you."
He flops down on his side of the bed and tries to think calming thoughts. He wonders if smashing somedbody's head in with the bathroom door can be masked as an accident.
"When you're done sulking I believe we can still make it to their warehouse before they have a chance of cleaning it out."
Gokudera is uncertain of what to do first - punch the skylark in the face for his condescending tone and the mere suggestion of Gokudera sulking or for his mysteriously exact knowledge of where the gang's hide-out is. He doubts he even wants to find out how Hibari got wind of that.
"I'm not sulking, asshole," Gokudera hisses, "I'm fucking furious."
"Is that your angry face?"
Gokudera shoots the Cloud Guardian a look that would be branded a weapon of mass destruction in most countries, "You ain't seen nothing yet, you prick."
"Show me," Hibari's smile is more a declaration of war than the quirking of lips.
---
Half an hour later Gokudera indeed has his tie around Hibari's neck but he doubts that he will actually strangle the skylark. Not while he's fucking the Cloud Guardian on the TV rack. Maybe he'll save that for later.
The TV set is in bits and pieces on the floor and the rest of the room resembles a demilitarized zone. The bed is leaning halfway up against the wall and if Gokudera took a minute to marvel at their combined efforts he would find himself wondering how one can take an entire bedstead, break it in half an then make it scrape the plaster off the ceiling.
But his current focus of interest is right in front of him and is giving him a daring smile that means only one thing in Hibari-speak: Come on, show me what you've got.
Gokudera isn't stupid enough to believe that he's not playing right into Hibari's hands. The twisted little fucker has probably been hard the whole time from beating the crap out of some unsuspecting gangsters and this is just the shortest way to get what he's been craving.
The Storm Guardian still tells himself it's retaliation. He channels all his rage into the push of his hips until Hibari's shoulders connect with the wall each and every time Gokudera slams into him. The small indentations in the wall either imply shitty bricklayers' work or that Gokudera is doing a tremendously good job at fucking the damned skylark senseless.
Either way, Gokudera tightens his hold on the tie while Hibari keeps throwing his head back, thus forcing the material to constrict even more. Any other time Gokudera would ask himself just how much of a masochist Hibari really is or if that is the skylark's equivalent to a tickle. He's learned long ago that the aloof guardian has a much higher tolerance for pain than any other being he's ever encountered - and that already includes pachyderms, reptiles and, quite frankly, Uri.
Sometimes, Gokudera suspects that whoever is responsible for Hibari's existence simply forgot to put some properly functioning nerve endings into his skin. But right now they seem to be working just fine, if Hibari's encouraging moans are anything to go by.
He digs his nails into Gokudera's shoulders but never fails to present the right hand man with an infuriatingly arrogant smile - even as the skylarks's eyes dart to the window. Gokudera opens his mouth to snarl some obscenities at the Cloud Guardian for not paying attention but he stops when he sees the small red dot wandering along the wall above Hibari's head.
Gokudera hauls them both to the floor seconds before they both end up with holes where they don't belong. Plaster is trickling off the wall like a dusty rain and somehow Hibari has managed to grab Gokudera's long abandoned gun from the rack. He forces Gokudera onto his arse and - God is his witness - sits in the Storm Guardian's lap with said guardian's cock still buried in him and shoots the sniper.
No more shots disturb the air from outside but the door suddenly gets blasted off its hinges and Gokudera loses count of how many men are pouring in. He snatches the weapon from Hibari's hand and takes out two guys before he figures that the skylark will not enjoy providing him cover with his naked butt. So, he almost strains his ankles as he struggles up with both arms around Hibari and hurls them both behind the upturned bed.
Hibari lets out an impossibly pleased gasp as they land behind the relative safety of the bedstead. Even now he doesn't seem to consider stopping what they've been doing. Gokudera doesn't argue because he's busy not getting shot and trying to hold back an orgasm. He's conflicted as to which is more difficult.
One of the men uses his comrades' cover to dive into the bathroom. He would be able to kill them both from there but Gokudera is quicker. The bullet ricojets off the doorframe and hits the man right between the eyes.
Meanwhile, the mattress gets ripped to shreds by the gunfire and won't do them much good any longer. And if Gokudera isn't hallucinating there are a couple of ropes dangling in front of the shattered window. They'll be swarming in from outside in no time.
Both their box weapons are far out of reach, most likely somewhere under the remains of what has once been a hotel room. On the other hand, Gokudera can't even say for certain if he were able to mass enough brain activity to conjure up a decent flame.
He catches a glimpse of silver steel near the bathroom door and even before he can suggest a plan of action Hibari nods and hooks his legs securely around Gokudera's waist. Gokudera is painfully aware of the fact that, in theory, they're still fucking which will most likely not improve his aim. He's not sure if dying during sex with Hibari is the best or worst way to go.
The rest of the window gets kicked in as two men clad in tactical gear spill into the room, followed by two more and by the time the fifth touches down Gokudera has already rolled them both over the floor towards the discarded tonfa.
He's got one free hand and he shoots at everything that moves inside the small hallway. Their attackers are crammed together like worms in a glass and Gokudera certainly fractures a few shinbones, if not more. He can't aim much higher because he's got one arm around Hibari, who flings his tonfa at the backup pouring in through the window. Gokudera can't see if he hits anything but a muffled scream and two muted thuds indicate that Hibari isn't in the least hindered by having Gokudera on top of him.
The Cloud Guardian gives a strained yet intensely sensual groan when he flips them over, landing Gokudera on his back. He swoops up one of the many scattered firearms from its recently deceased owner and takes care of the remaining members of the backup squad - or so Gokudera assumes. He's got his attention on one slightly more intelligent guy creeping up behind the mangled bedstead. He can't see the man properly with all the debris in the way and Hibari's movements are kind of distracting on too many levels.
Gokudera bites back a moan when Hibari shifts his weight and he blinks to focus. His first few shots are way off target but he manages to spin them around again. With one elbow perched next to Hibari's shoulder he waits for the gunman to dare show so much as a toe.
It's just a matter of seconds. The guy tries to shoot while lunging for cover near the window but he only hits the cupboard behind them. And that's all the opening Gokudera needs to get rid of him.
The last shot sounds oddly loud in the abrupt silence afterwards. Well, relative silence because underneath him Hibari is making urgent little noises that are nothing short of demanding. He's bucking his hips too.
"W-wait, goddammit," Gokudera stutters breathlessly when he feels the Cloud Guardian tighten around him, "did we... did we even g-get them all?"
Hibari goes still for a second and frowns. It's hard to say at what exactly but a moment later he picks up Gokudera's gun and shoots in the general direction of the hallway without even so much as glancing towards where the bullet is heading off to.
When Gokudera looks up he sees one of the sneakier bastards of the unit sporting a fresh chest wound and taking his last breath.
"Yes," Hibari snarls and drops the gun. He topples them over and ignores all of Gokudera's further complaints. They subside anyway as the skylark starts riding him like the massive gunfight they've just had was nothing more than a warm-up.
Due to some strange twist of fate the tie is still wrapped around Hibari's throat and Gokudera can't possibly pass up on that chance. He catches it and pulls the Cloud Guardian down into a searing kiss. They only break apart to cry out in their eventual release, which is more of a growl on Hibari's part but Gokudera makes up for the skylark's lack of appropriate pornographic noises.
---
They're lucky in a way because it takes a while for the police to pinpoint the source of the racket. They find a devastated room, enough blood stains to supply a small blood bank and no bodies. Neither do they find the original occupants of said room.
What they do find is an envelope with a dozen thousand euros in it and a card that says 'For repairs.'.
---
The gang goes out of business after this day. Mostly, due to the greater part of their members being dead and their warehouse suddenly turning out to be completely empty.
~~~ Fin ~~~