Another Letter I'll Never Send
Dear XXXXXX,
It's been two and half weeks since you've spoken to me. I do believe both you and XXXXXXXX (I'm sure it's okay that I speak of her in the first name) have realized I know the truth. I'm not sure how, but you do. Well at least she does. XXXXXXXX acts so guilty around me, she can't even handle being in my presence. Which is fine by me, because firstly how she was trying to create small talk with me, and pretend to me my friend was insulting and made me immensely angry. It really just wasn't fair, and down right cruel. And honestly doesn't that put her character in question? I'll leave that up to you to find an answer to.
Now I just wonder why you stopped talking to me. I think since our breakup I've been understanding, fair, and reasonable. When you told me you wouldn't tell me something (if you were seeing someone else)I accepted that, when you changed your mind about the Emergency Contact, and couldn't answer me about the key I was patient over that. I also haven't gone around telling everyone about who are seeing, and creating a difficult situation for the both of you.
Which once it does it will be. First with the fact she's your superior, and you're her subordinate. Second that you both are women and homosexuality still isn't widely accepted. Third that everyone will think of you as, well it doesn't need to be said, but this is the second time you've done this to me. And you know I'm very close to a lot of the *good* people at our work. The people that are actually respected here, and if they ever say anything mean about you I'll defend you. And to the friends I have spoken of about this have said some very mean things about you, and I have defended you also. It's just hard to. An explanation of why would go great lengths in making it easier.
Given all that, I wish you'd still talk to me. You told me the most profound suffering you'd have is if we aren't friends anymore. I earnestly believe I've done a good job in maintaining that. You stated you were the one too angry to communicate, and I've given you space and freedom, and understanding. I even told you that anytime you want to talk I'd be willing to, and it's at your pace. Where are we now though? You haven't talked to me in weeks. And I honestly am willing to talk to you about the things bothering you. I don't mean about the problems or things concerning us. I mean the things concerning you, where you may need help.
I think that one of the reasons you may be having some of the issues you're having is over some things with your father, and the thing I won't speak of here that happened before our relationship. I hope you are getting the counseling you need for that. I'd be willing to help if you needed it.
Even though you've made your decision concerning our relationship (and possibly our friendship) and moved on I'll still love you forever. I get a big black hole in me when I think about how a relationship between us didn't work out. Hopefully one day we can have a friendship.
It's been two and half weeks since you've spoken to me. I do believe both you and XXXXXXXX (I'm sure it's okay that I speak of her in the first name) have realized I know the truth. I'm not sure how, but you do. Well at least she does. XXXXXXXX acts so guilty around me, she can't even handle being in my presence. Which is fine by me, because firstly how she was trying to create small talk with me, and pretend to me my friend was insulting and made me immensely angry. It really just wasn't fair, and down right cruel. And honestly doesn't that put her character in question? I'll leave that up to you to find an answer to.
Now I just wonder why you stopped talking to me. I think since our breakup I've been understanding, fair, and reasonable. When you told me you wouldn't tell me something (if you were seeing someone else)I accepted that, when you changed your mind about the Emergency Contact, and couldn't answer me about the key I was patient over that. I also haven't gone around telling everyone about who are seeing, and creating a difficult situation for the both of you.
Which once it does it will be. First with the fact she's your superior, and you're her subordinate. Second that you both are women and homosexuality still isn't widely accepted. Third that everyone will think of you as, well it doesn't need to be said, but this is the second time you've done this to me. And you know I'm very close to a lot of the *good* people at our work. The people that are actually respected here, and if they ever say anything mean about you I'll defend you. And to the friends I have spoken of about this have said some very mean things about you, and I have defended you also. It's just hard to. An explanation of why would go great lengths in making it easier.
Given all that, I wish you'd still talk to me. You told me the most profound suffering you'd have is if we aren't friends anymore. I earnestly believe I've done a good job in maintaining that. You stated you were the one too angry to communicate, and I've given you space and freedom, and understanding. I even told you that anytime you want to talk I'd be willing to, and it's at your pace. Where are we now though? You haven't talked to me in weeks. And I honestly am willing to talk to you about the things bothering you. I don't mean about the problems or things concerning us. I mean the things concerning you, where you may need help.
I think that one of the reasons you may be having some of the issues you're having is over some things with your father, and the thing I won't speak of here that happened before our relationship. I hope you are getting the counseling you need for that. I'd be willing to help if you needed it.
Even though you've made your decision concerning our relationship (and possibly our friendship) and moved on I'll still love you forever. I get a big black hole in me when I think about how a relationship between us didn't work out. Hopefully one day we can have a friendship.