woman's vocabulary from a man's perspective.
my statements are in bold here. just so you know. ahem.
Woman's Vocabulary from a Man's Perspective.
FINE:
This is the word we use to end an argument. "Fine" means that the
argument is over, he is right, you should shut up. Never use "Fine" to describe how a
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. and if she says she is
FINE she is NOT fine, she is anything BUT fine and someone is in trouble. it may
not be you. flowers and chocolates are a good idea though and may make some
other person's life a bit easier if it isn't you.
FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an
even trade.
NOTHING:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to
describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out upside down, and
backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and
end with the word "Fine." flowers, chocolates and dinner are a great idea and might
possibly save your life.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and
will end with the word "Fine." you are treading hostile ground here, think carefully.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care." You will get a
raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and
she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. you better be aware of
what her favourite flowers and preferred candy are by now. prepare man! better
yet, get a standard order setup from an internet flower/candy provider... ready to
be ordered on a text message.
LOUD SIGH:
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that
moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there and arguing with you over
"Nothing." prepare to back track and do damage control. if a glare is involved you may
be gathering your belongings from a five mile radius.
SOFT SIGH:
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the
few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to
not move or breathe and she will stay content.
OH:
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me
get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she
says, "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you
that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually
signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you
will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring
myself to write about them.
THAT'S OKAY: or i'm fine.
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding on
your punishment for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used
with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some
point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble. flowers, candy and dinner will NOT cut it this time. if you have big
guns for saving your life, use them now. i can't help you.
PLEASE DO:
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that
you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you
shouldn't get a "That's Okay." if you do indeed lie here, even the gods will turn
their backs on you.
THANKS:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say, "You're welcome."
THANKS A LOT:
This is much different than "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"when she
is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way,
and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after
the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing." you might even get the i'm fine. follow
that warning immediately.