(no subject)
So yet again I'm back at school, this time at 10 aqm to attend my costume design workshop. I got really stoned last night and designed my 3 dresses for the 1920's for my fashion history final. Hooray for creativity inspiring drugs! The outfits are actually pretty cool, and they'd look even better if I could fucking draw. But at least that stage of the project is done. Next I have to color and mount them on bristol board or something, label, title, make it look all professional and shit... due Tues. Then for textiles, I have to swatch 3 diffrent outfits that Carmen gave us photocopies of (swatch means getting fabrics that would look and work well with the design)Then I have to color coordinate all of it, color, mount, title, blah, blah, blah... due first thing on Wed. And fucking world history (my bitch teacher can bite my ass!) I have to finish all the visual aids for my presentation on the paper I wrote on renaissance costume. I've already got a pretty shitty (well, not that bad) poster with some various pictures, and I'm going to dress up in my ren stuff. But to really wow the crowd, I wanted to make like a 3 ft. tall cutout of a woman, then make construction paper clothes and show all the layers and diffrent parts of a renaissance dress. perty cool, huh? And then for clothing construction I've got to finish my dress. yeah, I have to spend even more money to get ruffles and a belt buckle for it. Does it ever stop? I work my fucking ass off all the time, but I never have any money. It all gets puored into thew gas to get to school all the time, food for the house, and insurance and rent. Why can't I ever get back on an even footing. This is very depressing. But now that I have two jobs, mabye it'll change. Mabye I'll be able to buy groceries without worrying about my account bouncing cuz my health insurance company still hasn't cashed my check. This is way to stressful sometimes. why couldn't I have gotten the normal easy road? Just live with my parents while I go to an instate college, while they help me pay for it. And I wouldn't have to worry about if I go t o Joannes to get fabric for school, will I make enough money at work that night to pay my car insurance the next day. I'm sick of worrying like this. I'm sick of living this hand to mouth exsistance, wondering when I'll be able to comfortable support my self and Brandon. Where I can afford the cable/internet bill, half the cell and electric bills, and have rent well before it's due. Am I gonna be able to do this? I don't think I can for much longer. But how can I fix it? i have two jobs now, let's see how that works. But on top of never seeing Brandon anyway, I won't have any time for homework, unless it's late at night or during my very few short hours of freedom. Even when I have time for my self, it seems, I'm always doing shit to benifit someone or something else. Like my few free hours yesterday, I wnet food shopping, but now I feel regretful, cuz it was so expensive, but the thing is was, Ihad to get food. Don't people need food to live. It's that shit I'm talking about. I can't even go food shopping without getting a guilty complex afterwards, but I shouldn't feel that way after doing something as nessesary as food shop. Whatever, life blows, I have to go to my workshop. Here's hoping things don't collapse...