(no subject)
I give up.
I give up on everything, EVERYTHING. I don’t even know me anymore. I cant handle anything, not even myself. So that’s why I decided I need to break it off with ryan. And I did. And he agreed it was right in the end. And he is ok now with it. I called him when I got home and told him I got the note he wrote me(which I haven’t read and don’t plan to because it will bring back stuff) and he was fine. I need to seriously look at myself in the mirror and ask myself “who am I” and I seriously don’t know. I need God. I need some one to talk to. So I am going to talk to the only person I can trust. I haven’t spoken to God in a long time. Its been so long that I don’t even know where to start. I need a lift. Im so tired of being someone Im not, and being what people want me to be. And im done with it. Life. And that’s not something im proud to say either. I have nothing in my life that is worth life. I have lost love, friends, my family, and people I really care for more than my life. It seems that nothing can make me happy. “I don’t want the world to see me cuz I don’t think that they will understand” perfect example.
“ I love ryan more than anything”
I would always say this. But it seems that I have ran this into the ground. See he doesn’t think I love him because I said I need space. But it wasn’t just him. No matter what he thinks and thinks he knows he will never understand whats going on with me. But most of all I think he will never know how much I truly love him. He means so much to me but I couldn’t see him suffer over me. Especially when I am suffering inside myself. He never did anything wrong to me, I did the wrong to myself. And I admit that. And I know everything was my fault. That’s why I did it. I don’t think I could ever make him like that again, he can do so much better than that. And I realized that he is better off with out me. But I will say something I have always told him……”I will always love you ryan no matter what happends between us, because I love you with all my heart, my soul everything”……… ..
Im leaving now for a while I have tom get out of here. I hope everyone had a better day then I did, and sarah got flowers us guys! From trey! I thought that was the sweetest thing, and they haven’t even been on a first date! At least there is some sun in this rainy day…hehe love yall bye
I give up on everything, EVERYTHING. I don’t even know me anymore. I cant handle anything, not even myself. So that’s why I decided I need to break it off with ryan. And I did. And he agreed it was right in the end. And he is ok now with it. I called him when I got home and told him I got the note he wrote me(which I haven’t read and don’t plan to because it will bring back stuff) and he was fine. I need to seriously look at myself in the mirror and ask myself “who am I” and I seriously don’t know. I need God. I need some one to talk to. So I am going to talk to the only person I can trust. I haven’t spoken to God in a long time. Its been so long that I don’t even know where to start. I need a lift. Im so tired of being someone Im not, and being what people want me to be. And im done with it. Life. And that’s not something im proud to say either. I have nothing in my life that is worth life. I have lost love, friends, my family, and people I really care for more than my life. It seems that nothing can make me happy. “I don’t want the world to see me cuz I don’t think that they will understand” perfect example.
“ I love ryan more than anything”
I would always say this. But it seems that I have ran this into the ground. See he doesn’t think I love him because I said I need space. But it wasn’t just him. No matter what he thinks and thinks he knows he will never understand whats going on with me. But most of all I think he will never know how much I truly love him. He means so much to me but I couldn’t see him suffer over me. Especially when I am suffering inside myself. He never did anything wrong to me, I did the wrong to myself. And I admit that. And I know everything was my fault. That’s why I did it. I don’t think I could ever make him like that again, he can do so much better than that. And I realized that he is better off with out me. But I will say something I have always told him……”I will always love you ryan no matter what happends between us, because I love you with all my heart, my soul everything”……… ..
Im leaving now for a while I have tom get out of here. I hope everyone had a better day then I did, and sarah got flowers us guys! From trey! I thought that was the sweetest thing, and they haven’t even been on a first date! At least there is some sun in this rainy day…hehe love yall bye