Dumb criminal story
I wasn't even going to share this story I am about to tell until I heard the second part of it a few days later. Grab the kids, pop some popcorn and gather around while Auntie Allison tells you a story of my run-in with a stupid criminal.
Last Wednesday night I was at my gym when one of the girls comes up to me and says "can I borrow you for a second, I believe there is a dead guy in the parking lot". Hmmm...in this part of town that isn't actually too much of a surprise. So I head out to the parking lot and I came across a big old Suburban parked over two parking spots and backed up into a bush. There is a guy out cold in the front seat with only the window holding him up. I knock on the window a few times, finally banging on the glass to get him to wake up. After hitting the brakes, turning on the windshield wipers, the headlights, adjusting the side view mirror this guy finally figures out how to turn on his vehicle and roll down the window. First thought...we have a drunk on our hands. And after he finally gets his window and I get a whiff of this guy then my original thought was confirmed. He smelled worse than that beer soaked skank in Cleveland (BURRRRRRRRRRN). I check to make sure he isn't suffering from some crazy medical condition and I also hope not to scare him into driving off while this freaking drunk. I go back inside and the gym calls the cops. Cops come and decide they are going to be cool and let him "sleep it off". However, they neglect to take his keys and ten minutes after they leave he regains consciousness and takes off. Fortunately, another squad car stuck around and nabbed him right down the road. End of story....or so I thought.
Two days later I am chatting with the girl that called the cops and she informs me that she spoke with one of the officers who informed her that this criminal mastermind got charged with DUI that night and once he did whatever he had to do to get home this doof proceeds to call a cab to take him to the impound lot where he then BREAKS IN and tries to steal his vehicle back! Arrested twice in less than 24 hours. What I can't decide now is if his level of stupidity makes me feel safer about the criminals in this city or more afraid.....
Last Wednesday night I was at my gym when one of the girls comes up to me and says "can I borrow you for a second, I believe there is a dead guy in the parking lot". Hmmm...in this part of town that isn't actually too much of a surprise. So I head out to the parking lot and I came across a big old Suburban parked over two parking spots and backed up into a bush. There is a guy out cold in the front seat with only the window holding him up. I knock on the window a few times, finally banging on the glass to get him to wake up. After hitting the brakes, turning on the windshield wipers, the headlights, adjusting the side view mirror this guy finally figures out how to turn on his vehicle and roll down the window. First thought...we have a drunk on our hands. And after he finally gets his window and I get a whiff of this guy then my original thought was confirmed. He smelled worse than that beer soaked skank in Cleveland (BURRRRRRRRRRN). I check to make sure he isn't suffering from some crazy medical condition and I also hope not to scare him into driving off while this freaking drunk. I go back inside and the gym calls the cops. Cops come and decide they are going to be cool and let him "sleep it off". However, they neglect to take his keys and ten minutes after they leave he regains consciousness and takes off. Fortunately, another squad car stuck around and nabbed him right down the road. End of story....or so I thought.
Two days later I am chatting with the girl that called the cops and she informs me that she spoke with one of the officers who informed her that this criminal mastermind got charged with DUI that night and once he did whatever he had to do to get home this doof proceeds to call a cab to take him to the impound lot where he then BREAKS IN and tries to steal his vehicle back! Arrested twice in less than 24 hours. What I can't decide now is if his level of stupidity makes me feel safer about the criminals in this city or more afraid.....