Jul 09, 2011 12:08
So life has been promising lately. I went in to a bit of a slump a while ago when I realized I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I felt like I was never going to graduate college and that I was going to be the 40 year old still going. However, I have been viewing all of that a lot differently now. I decided I do not want to major in Journalism anymore. I changed my major to African American History and I think I want to be a professor. I know I want to travel to Haiti (as of right now that looks like it will be happening in December) and get some real life experience that I'm not getting in my sheltered life. I just feel like there's more for me out there and I'm meant to do some positive work in my life. The media world is basically full of bullshit and it's not a place I want to get sucked in to. I feel like it would go against everything I truly believe in. I could go on and on about this, but it all comes down to that my heart has gone in another direction and I'm going with it. I was so worried about what my parents and friends and everyone would think, but everyone who matters has been so supportive and just want me to do what makes me happy. It put me in a much better place mentally. Looks like I'm growing up after all.
I'm beginning a business venture with my aunt. Well, I guess you can call it that. I'm very excited and nervous. I guess we'll just see how it turns out.
My friends and family have been great lately. It's nice to have Tiffany home for the summer. I went to a party with Jen and Cassidy on the 4th. I thought it was going to be awkward, but it was actually very nice. I haven't talked to Cassidy in over a year, but it was just fine. We laughed a lot and had a good time. I'm not expecting our friendship to grow back together anytime soon, but it was nice to see her. I miss her a lot. I just get into these moods where I miss people I used to be friends with. And I'm not talking about people that I never talk to a lot, but once we do it is all fine. I know I don't talk to Stephy and Ami all of the time, but I feel when we do everything is fine. (BTW, Ami... we need to get the ball rolling on you know what!!!) I'm talking about people that I have no contact with whatsoever and it's because the relationship went bad. I think about Stevo a lot... and not even the part of me actually liking him. I miss our friendship. I wish he wasn't a douche and we could actually be friends. I feel like I'm at an age where all of these bad situations could be turned into solid friendships. I'm over my dramatic and annoying stage where I couldn't do that. Since I'm such a great Facebook stalker, I always think of friend requesting certain people and think that will be a step into being friends again. Then I feel like a weirdo and forget about it. Oh well, it is what it is.
I just think overall I have learned a lot about myself the past few months and I'm trying to improve on certain things. My relationship with Cameron has taught me so much. I put a lot of pressure and make him fill a lot of roles. I feel like I make him be the bestfriend, boyfriend, brother, and father all at once. (Reading that sounds really gross, but I don't mean it to be at all). I have learned that I can't expect all of these things from him and I have to ease up on him. Yes he does annoying things, yes he forgets things constantly, yes he pisses me off on a daily basis, but no matter what he loves me so much. It's such a nice feeling to just know how much someone cares about you. Of course I'm a psycho and I'm waiting for it to end, I'm waiting for him to drop it all, and I'm waiting for him to mess up. But he's teaching me I have nothing to worry about. He's teaching me to let go and trust him. He's teaching me that my jealousy issues are beyond ridiculous. He's teaching me not to look so far into the future and live in the moment right now- which by far is one of my biggest issues. I just know he would never let anything happen to me. I know he's always there no matter what. It's just all about my internal issues that he's helping me through. We have one hell of a weird relationship to everyone else, but it works and I'm happy that he's an addition to my life.
Oh life, in the weirdest ways you always seem to work out.