*09-15-98*
It has been 11 years since he has been gone and you would think at some point I would get over it, but I really can't. And honestly, I don't want to. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. Obviously I wonder why he did it and in recent years my mom has shed some light on it for me. I just wonder what went through his head 11 years ago yesterday to make him make the decision he made 11 years ago today. But in a weird way I have come to understand it better even without clear answers. He wanted to get out and I think for once he made a decision for himself. He got out like he wanted to. And I hope everything that I assume he wanted to get away from is gone from him. I wish I got more time to get to know him like the rest of my cousins did. But the time I got with him brought me nothing but care and laughter. He used to send money to my parents when I was a kid and they were struggling. But he sent it strictly to be spent on Caiti and I. He raised two boys to become great men that weren't even his sons. He brought a lot of laughter into ths family and for the last 11 years that has been what this family is missing. I will never forget the day I found out... it is crystal clear in my mind. I love you, Uncle Guy and I am so sorry the rest of the family has forgotten.
I askd my mom on Sunday if she was having my grandma for dinner tonight so she wouldn't have to be alone on this day. My mom didn't even remember that this was the day. She said it slipped her mind. I wonder if my uncle knew it would "slip" everyone's minds. I asked my mom "What if somethng happened to me? Would that just slip your mind in time?" Needless to say, that is not something you ask your mother. It kills me that she just forgot. It kills me that no one in this entire family can talk about it. They are embarrassed about it. Am I happy he made this decision? Of course not... but that doesn't mean we have to act like it never happened. My aunt is the one who found him and I have always wanted to ask her about it. Nothing gross... just talk to her. But she doesn't speak about it and has actually said out loud that she has one brother and one sister-- my Uncle Guy is actually brother #2. What are you going to do though. ya know? I can't force this family to change.
I guess I am not much better than them, I haven't been to his grave in about 6 years. I am going today though... with Tiffany. My mother seemed too busy to go and no one else speaks of it. My dads parents are the ones who go there every year to make sure it still looks nice and kept up... and they aren't even related to him.
I miss you, Uncle Guy. And I hope you are happier with where you are.
I askd my mom on Sunday if she was having my grandma for dinner tonight so she wouldn't have to be alone on this day. My mom didn't even remember that this was the day. She said it slipped her mind. I wonder if my uncle knew it would "slip" everyone's minds. I asked my mom "What if somethng happened to me? Would that just slip your mind in time?" Needless to say, that is not something you ask your mother. It kills me that she just forgot. It kills me that no one in this entire family can talk about it. They are embarrassed about it. Am I happy he made this decision? Of course not... but that doesn't mean we have to act like it never happened. My aunt is the one who found him and I have always wanted to ask her about it. Nothing gross... just talk to her. But she doesn't speak about it and has actually said out loud that she has one brother and one sister-- my Uncle Guy is actually brother #2. What are you going to do though. ya know? I can't force this family to change.
I guess I am not much better than them, I haven't been to his grave in about 6 years. I am going today though... with Tiffany. My mother seemed too busy to go and no one else speaks of it. My dads parents are the ones who go there every year to make sure it still looks nice and kept up... and they aren't even related to him.
I miss you, Uncle Guy. And I hope you are happier with where you are.