(no subject)
Several things.
1) The internet is still broken. Moving on.
2) I've been sort of in a genderswitch kick lately, or wanting to be in one. I'M SORRY! But L/Light is SO MUCH MORE appealing when they're genius girls, and you know that Rabi would be a sassy smirky loud mouthed redhead. For not mentioning that the uniform would look smockin' hot... and girl!Kanda. Need I say more?
And then http://community.livejournal.com/code_geass/550506.html
Dear CG, a few things:
I expect that kind of crack in KKM. In fact, I would be disappointed if it didn't. In you? Iiii kinda want to bleach my eyes. Also, Suzaku. Good to know you feel so confident as to wear a pink tight short cheerleader suit. I guess.
Also. Dearest characters of Code Geass. Please have a sammich. Or two or, you know. A THOUSAND.
3) And, now, a little bit deeper, I think.
Coming out in fiction - both in fanfic and in other media- made me feel real uncomfortable because most of the time, part of me can't really see the huge breaking OMGGASP need for that.
Before you all linch me: yes, I know it's about acceptance. Yes, I know that there are families that won't be supportive. Yes, I know about hate crimes and hating yourself about being different, I know.
But a part of me still can't quite get why it's so important what gender does it for me or someone. I think it's also part of the problem that I have with feminists and the whole gender-fights is that the idealist pink-bubble-wrapped part of me can't SEE what the big deal is. My ego is healthy enough that when I do something, I don't think I do it because I'm a woman, but that I do it because it's something I like, period.
I don't know. My mom HATED with a passion that we were given tea sets or dolls or 'girly' stuff. That's not to say we didn't get dolls or the such, but it was mostly when we asked for it. And my mom hated when aunts and my grandmothers would tell us to be more girly, saying how that didn't matter, and my mom was as 'un-femenine' (again, in the whole big cliched concept of it) as you might get to be. The only 'girly' one of us - and we're talking about four daughters - is Cassandra and the rest of us, well. Not really. I don't think my parents ever tried to really force us into a gender, other than the fact that my dad always told us not to curse because it didn't look nice when girls did so. I do think that this is partly why in most of the asexual/intersexed characters I've gotten to like in fandom, I don't have many issues getting inside their brains (or at least, I don't think I've had issues). I also think this is one of the reasons why I like the whole concept of androginy, and why so many of my original characters fall unto that. I hate the idea of gender being something relevant, and I'm egocentric enough that the loudest part of my brain decides that if I hate it, then everyone hates it.
And while I'm more than fine with this about 95% of the time, then there comes the times when I see all the other people getting angry at stuff that I liked or enjoyed because - in their words - it was sexist/homphobic and I feel like a jerk, both because I think that the people miiiight be taking things a little too serious, and because then I wonder if I shouldn't be taking things so seriously.
AGAIN - because I know someone will say something about it - I KNOW ABOUT HATECRIMES. I KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE BEING DISCRIMINATED BASED JUST ON LIKING COCK OR PUSSY. I KNOW ABOUT THEM AND I'VE SEEN THEM AND I UNDERSTAND THE FEAR. I DO TAKE THE HATE SERIOUSLY. I KNOW IT IS A BIG DEAL.
... but part of me still thinks that, well. The whole defensiveness is not the right idea? For all that I can be sarcastic and jaded, at the same time I'm incredibly optimist. I think that... well, if you keep resenting or pushing on past things, then a) you're not letting the wound heal since you keep poking at it and b) you're kind of making yourself a victim and giving Them the power to hurt you.
But then, I also know how those scars hurt. I am extremely proud, after all.
I just don't know. Most of the time - again, IN fiction - coming out scenes make me think of that frequently cliched nightmare everyone talks about: you're standing in front of your classmates wearing only your underwear and then you say how many times you masturbate.
I... I don't know. I mean, heterosexual people don't go around introducing themselves like 'Hi, I'm Bob and I like pussy!'. Why should I have to go around saying that I like both? That should be between me and whoever caught my fancy, right?
S-sigh, I hate when fanfic makes me go into VERY SERIOUS mood.
4) I think I'm getting into one of the anxious-can't-write-a-thing periods, so I'll probably spend time editting stuff I've already written. I don't trust myself much during these days to write a thing and not completely hate it since I could be convinced is trash. I'll do my best to answer the meme I've around but that's it, I think.
5) THIS MEME IS STILL OPEN. Go and make questions!
6) Did I mention the internet is still very much broken?
5) And to end this in a much lighter note (which only Erica will understand my giggling squee, of course): I was reading ToS' manga and I read up to this page and I was so tired that I didn't read the whole 'daughter of a' but only 'isn't there a noble or a good woman' and my brain sez to me, it sez: well, looks like Shin Makoku isn't the only country that says KEEP ON GOING to the free same sex love.
And All Was Good.
And then my brain, it sez: ... Kratos and Conrad fighting. And Yuuri is a dork with Lloyd and most especially Colette because Yuuri and Colette are like, twinsouls of dorkery and goodness and cute (yes, Yuuri, you ARE. I know Colette is a girl. Yes, yes I know. You still are). And can you imagine the bitch-fights Genis and Wolfram would have? And Raine with Anissina? And don't mind Cheri, she's busy hanging off Regal's arm. And Greta is so very happy to have a new friend in Presea, and Presea is a little confused but she thinks Greta reminds her of Alicia, so of course she'll play with her. Zelos is charming eeeeeeeeeveryone of the girls in palace, his mazoku hunnies ♥... EXCEPT for Gisella, who very cheerfully punches the everloving lights out and she's his Sargent Darling ♥♥♥♥
And over there, Yozak and Sheena are busy trading make up secrets, general information and maybe trying to decide which is better, a shuriken or a knife.
And then I was: no more crack for you, brain, you still have other things to write.
So now I go to bed.
1) The internet is still broken. Moving on.
2) I've been sort of in a genderswitch kick lately, or wanting to be in one. I'M SORRY! But L/Light is SO MUCH MORE appealing when they're genius girls, and you know that Rabi would be a sassy smirky loud mouthed redhead. For not mentioning that the uniform would look smockin' hot... and girl!Kanda. Need I say more?
And then http://community.livejournal.com/code_geass/550506.html
Dear CG, a few things:
I expect that kind of crack in KKM. In fact, I would be disappointed if it didn't. In you? Iiii kinda want to bleach my eyes. Also, Suzaku. Good to know you feel so confident as to wear a pink tight short cheerleader suit. I guess.
Also. Dearest characters of Code Geass. Please have a sammich. Or two or, you know. A THOUSAND.
3) And, now, a little bit deeper, I think.
Coming out in fiction - both in fanfic and in other media- made me feel real uncomfortable because most of the time, part of me can't really see the huge breaking OMGGASP need for that.
Before you all linch me: yes, I know it's about acceptance. Yes, I know that there are families that won't be supportive. Yes, I know about hate crimes and hating yourself about being different, I know.
But a part of me still can't quite get why it's so important what gender does it for me or someone. I think it's also part of the problem that I have with feminists and the whole gender-fights is that the idealist pink-bubble-wrapped part of me can't SEE what the big deal is. My ego is healthy enough that when I do something, I don't think I do it because I'm a woman, but that I do it because it's something I like, period.
I don't know. My mom HATED with a passion that we were given tea sets or dolls or 'girly' stuff. That's not to say we didn't get dolls or the such, but it was mostly when we asked for it. And my mom hated when aunts and my grandmothers would tell us to be more girly, saying how that didn't matter, and my mom was as 'un-femenine' (again, in the whole big cliched concept of it) as you might get to be. The only 'girly' one of us - and we're talking about four daughters - is Cassandra and the rest of us, well. Not really. I don't think my parents ever tried to really force us into a gender, other than the fact that my dad always told us not to curse because it didn't look nice when girls did so. I do think that this is partly why in most of the asexual/intersexed characters I've gotten to like in fandom, I don't have many issues getting inside their brains (or at least, I don't think I've had issues). I also think this is one of the reasons why I like the whole concept of androginy, and why so many of my original characters fall unto that. I hate the idea of gender being something relevant, and I'm egocentric enough that the loudest part of my brain decides that if I hate it, then everyone hates it.
And while I'm more than fine with this about 95% of the time, then there comes the times when I see all the other people getting angry at stuff that I liked or enjoyed because - in their words - it was sexist/homphobic and I feel like a jerk, both because I think that the people miiiight be taking things a little too serious, and because then I wonder if I shouldn't be taking things so seriously.
AGAIN - because I know someone will say something about it - I KNOW ABOUT HATECRIMES. I KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE BEING DISCRIMINATED BASED JUST ON LIKING COCK OR PUSSY. I KNOW ABOUT THEM AND I'VE SEEN THEM AND I UNDERSTAND THE FEAR. I DO TAKE THE HATE SERIOUSLY. I KNOW IT IS A BIG DEAL.
... but part of me still thinks that, well. The whole defensiveness is not the right idea? For all that I can be sarcastic and jaded, at the same time I'm incredibly optimist. I think that... well, if you keep resenting or pushing on past things, then a) you're not letting the wound heal since you keep poking at it and b) you're kind of making yourself a victim and giving Them the power to hurt you.
But then, I also know how those scars hurt. I am extremely proud, after all.
I just don't know. Most of the time - again, IN fiction - coming out scenes make me think of that frequently cliched nightmare everyone talks about: you're standing in front of your classmates wearing only your underwear and then you say how many times you masturbate.
I... I don't know. I mean, heterosexual people don't go around introducing themselves like 'Hi, I'm Bob and I like pussy!'. Why should I have to go around saying that I like both? That should be between me and whoever caught my fancy, right?
S-sigh, I hate when fanfic makes me go into VERY SERIOUS mood.
4) I think I'm getting into one of the anxious-can't-write-a-thing periods, so I'll probably spend time editting stuff I've already written. I don't trust myself much during these days to write a thing and not completely hate it since I could be convinced is trash. I'll do my best to answer the meme I've around but that's it, I think.
5) THIS MEME IS STILL OPEN. Go and make questions!
6) Did I mention the internet is still very much broken?
5) And to end this in a much lighter note (which only Erica will understand my giggling squee, of course): I was reading ToS' manga and I read up to this page and I was so tired that I didn't read the whole 'daughter of a' but only 'isn't there a noble or a good woman' and my brain sez to me, it sez: well, looks like Shin Makoku isn't the only country that says KEEP ON GOING to the free same sex love.
And All Was Good.
And then my brain, it sez: ... Kratos and Conrad fighting. And Yuuri is a dork with Lloyd and most especially Colette because Yuuri and Colette are like, twinsouls of dorkery and goodness and cute (yes, Yuuri, you ARE. I know Colette is a girl. Yes, yes I know. You still are). And can you imagine the bitch-fights Genis and Wolfram would have? And Raine with Anissina? And don't mind Cheri, she's busy hanging off Regal's arm. And Greta is so very happy to have a new friend in Presea, and Presea is a little confused but she thinks Greta reminds her of Alicia, so of course she'll play with her. Zelos is charming eeeeeeeeeveryone of the girls in palace, his mazoku hunnies ♥... EXCEPT for Gisella, who very cheerfully punches the everloving lights out and she's his Sargent Darling ♥♥♥♥
And over there, Yozak and Sheena are busy trading make up secrets, general information and maybe trying to decide which is better, a shuriken or a knife.
And then I was: no more crack for you, brain, you still have other things to write.
So now I go to bed.