[FIC] 2 AM, Still Awake.
Title: 2 AM, Still Awake.
Fandom: Card Captor Sakura.
Warnings: None.
Characters/couples: Yue->Eriol(Clow), Touya/Yue(Yukito).
Summary: Some wounds need to bleed again before they can heal; Yue realizes that, perhaps, he never really belonged to Clow.
Rating: PG.
Notes: Written for springkink: Card Captor Sakura, Eriol/Yue, Touya/Yue: Willing submission - “You don’t belong to me any longer, Yue.”
2 AM, Still Awake.
He's sitting on the couch when Yue opens the door to his studio, sewing a rip in Ruby Moon's favorite dress. Eriol remains quiet for a few moments, allowing Yue to walk towards the armchair so he can find it empty before he speaks.
“Was something the mater, Yue?”
There are few persons who'd dare to startle the Moon Guardian, but thankfully for him, he's one of them. Eriol smiles gently, putting aside Ruby Moon's dress to stand up.
“Do you care for some tea? Ruby Moon brought me some before he retired for the night.”
Eriol barely hides his smile at the way Yue bristles at the mention of his guardian. He has gotten a similar reaction before, of course, coming from his Ruby Moon, although zie never cared about hiding hir jealousy.
“No, thank you. You...”
“You can call me by my name if you'd like, Yue.” Eriol smiles, hands behind his back. “'Eriol' is just fine. I've spent most of the time since I was reborn in England. But you can call me 'Hiiragizawa', if you'd rather. After all, we've just met.”
Eriol realizes he's being deliberately mean and he hates both himself and his former self a little for the way he can see the hurt in Yue's eyes, but he knows this is needed. He still wishes his former self had not been so adamant about coincidences not existing, wishing that perhaps he had left them with more than a fleeting clue.
“Why you... why didn't he tell me?” Yue asks then.
He isn't looking at him anymore, as if he has started to realize the differences between Clow and him, the way his eyes hold a hint of silver instead of just blue, or the slight freckles that haven't completely vanished from his skin. Eriol sighs.
“He knew that you would've thought of me as Clow. Or that you would've thought of Fujikata as Clow.” Eriol explains, as direct as he can and yet as gentle as he knows how. He doesn't reach to touch the guardian despite knowing that he would've done this with Ruby Moon if he was upset. But Yue isn't his guardian any longer and it's not his place - at least, not for the moment, when it'd be mistaken for something else - to comfort him like that, so he continues. “ Despite the fact that we are his reincarnations and the many similarities we share with him, we are different from him.”
Yue doesn't look up, but his hand closes into a tight fist.
“I would've realized that.”
“Perhaps,” Eriol agrees as he moves to sit down in the armchair. He lets a thread of his magic run, calling. Some wounds he knows, to properly heal, need to bleed again. “But part of you would have kept looking for him in me.”
Yue doesn't answer at that, realizing it's the truth. Eriol smiles gently at the Moon Guardian, even when he's not looking at him.
“You don't belong to me any longer, Yue.”
Yue gives a brief nod at that. “The book and its guardians now belong to mistress Sakura.”
Eriol shakes his head, but it's not his place to make Yue realize that. “That's not exactly what I meant.”
Before Yue can carry on, the door opens and Ruby Moon drags hir feet inside while yawning, long hair a mess. His guardian pretends not to pay any attention to Yue as zie drops to hir knees in front of him, head on his lap and arms around his waist, nuzzling softly. It's a gesture as natural as breathing for them, and Eriol puts his hand over hir hair.
“Eriol,” Ruby Moon complains sleepily, despite the fact that hir whole body language is conveying a message, clear as the moonlight. 'He's my master now. Not yours'. “Suppi's still mutterin' 'bout sugar cookies.”
“And now you're hungry?” He doesn't have to pretend more warmth than the one he feels, amusement and care as he pets his Guardian, rubbing at Ruby Moon's scalp gently.
His guardian makes another small whining sound that's most likely a 'yes'. They both hear Yue walking out the window, but neither of them acknowledge him. Neither he nor Ruby Moon can do nothing for Yue's pain.
**
Touya is awake when he gets inside his room despite his closed eyes. Yue is no longer used to apologizing, not after Clow, but he thinks that Touya must have been worried about Yukito.
He bows his head forward once he vanishes his wings.
“I'll transform into Yukito,” it's the closest he gets to an apology before Touya moves, hand closing gently around his wrist.
“Are you alright, Yue?”
He isn't used to this. Despite how long he has been watching the young man in front of him, he's still a stranger to him. Yue isn't used to such direct questions, or to the concern to be so clear. Touya's eyes are too honest, too unsheltered.
Yue closes his eyes, but doesn't move to free his wrist.
“I'm sorry I worried you. I needed to go out for a moment.”
“That's not what I'm asking.” Touya lets go of his wrist but it's just to turn on the lamp by his bedside and sit on the bed. He gestures for him to sit down so Yue does so, eyes still down. The temptation to turn into Yukito again and hide inside until it stops hurting is big, but he knows that it'd hurt Touya and that his other self would pester him about it. Now that Yukito is fully aware of his presence, he has started to talk with him, nothing but a few questions through the day but Yue is aware about what his other feels for Touya, and how he'd react.
Touya sighs a little, shaking his head before he looks at him again. “I mean, yeah, I worried about you two, specially since the monster didn't go out and all but - okay, straight to the point. You seem sad.”
Yue doesn't nod, at least not immediately. It's only because of their pact that he doesn't retreat with the Cards, and also because now that Sakura is their mistress, he fears that she might become aware of his pain. He startles a little when he feels Touya's hand on his shoulder, when he sees the friendly curve of his smile that's usually just for Yukito.
“I don't want to pressure you,” Touya says, still soft and friendly, and Yue suddenly understands why the shy Mirror is so smitten with him. “But sometimes talking helps. If you want.”
Yue shakes his head a little. “I just realized that, despite what I believed, I've never belonged to anyone.”
It's the closest he's going to come to talk about it, at least for now. At least Touya doesn't push it, doing nothing more than to curl his fingers a little against his shoulder, nothing but a brief squeeze.
“Eh. I never cared much for that whole 'belonging' thing,” Touya shrugs but then he gives him the soft smile that usually just Yukito gets, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “I'd much rather go through an equal deal. If I own someone, it'd only be fair for them to own me too. Equivalent trade.”
Yue realizes there's more to Touya's words, if only because after a lifetime with Clow it became a second nature, but he's too tired and too heartbroken to try and find out. He bows his head forward, acknowledging is words and he's about to become Yukito again when Touya speaks again.
“Sleep with me, Yue?” Touya gives a slightly rueful grin, and suddenly he does look his age. “Though, I warn you: Yuki says I've cold feet.”
He looks towards Touya, surprised, but he keeps smiling at him. Before he can think of saying no, Yukito's voice murmurs at him to accept. Yukito, gentle idiot that he is, is also worried about him. Yue is still unsure from where does Yukito's kindness and selflessness come from exactly, if it's even selflessness considering they share one body, but he finally nods his head.
Touya smiles and moves the covers so he can slide in, shifting to give him room. Yue isn't used to sleeping with anyone, not like this, but Touya's bed is warm, soothing and welcoming.
He tenses a moment when Touya drapes an arm around him, but all Touya does is start humming some soft song against the back of his neck, his hand rubbing small circles against his chest. Eventually, Yue sighs and he allows himself to surrender to the warmth of Touya's embrace.
Fandom: Card Captor Sakura.
Warnings: None.
Characters/couples: Yue->Eriol(Clow), Touya/Yue(Yukito).
Summary: Some wounds need to bleed again before they can heal; Yue realizes that, perhaps, he never really belonged to Clow.
Rating: PG.
Notes: Written for springkink: Card Captor Sakura, Eriol/Yue, Touya/Yue: Willing submission - “You don’t belong to me any longer, Yue.”
2 AM, Still Awake.
He's sitting on the couch when Yue opens the door to his studio, sewing a rip in Ruby Moon's favorite dress. Eriol remains quiet for a few moments, allowing Yue to walk towards the armchair so he can find it empty before he speaks.
“Was something the mater, Yue?”
There are few persons who'd dare to startle the Moon Guardian, but thankfully for him, he's one of them. Eriol smiles gently, putting aside Ruby Moon's dress to stand up.
“Do you care for some tea? Ruby Moon brought me some before he retired for the night.”
Eriol barely hides his smile at the way Yue bristles at the mention of his guardian. He has gotten a similar reaction before, of course, coming from his Ruby Moon, although zie never cared about hiding hir jealousy.
“No, thank you. You...”
“You can call me by my name if you'd like, Yue.” Eriol smiles, hands behind his back. “'Eriol' is just fine. I've spent most of the time since I was reborn in England. But you can call me 'Hiiragizawa', if you'd rather. After all, we've just met.”
Eriol realizes he's being deliberately mean and he hates both himself and his former self a little for the way he can see the hurt in Yue's eyes, but he knows this is needed. He still wishes his former self had not been so adamant about coincidences not existing, wishing that perhaps he had left them with more than a fleeting clue.
“Why you... why didn't he tell me?” Yue asks then.
He isn't looking at him anymore, as if he has started to realize the differences between Clow and him, the way his eyes hold a hint of silver instead of just blue, or the slight freckles that haven't completely vanished from his skin. Eriol sighs.
“He knew that you would've thought of me as Clow. Or that you would've thought of Fujikata as Clow.” Eriol explains, as direct as he can and yet as gentle as he knows how. He doesn't reach to touch the guardian despite knowing that he would've done this with Ruby Moon if he was upset. But Yue isn't his guardian any longer and it's not his place - at least, not for the moment, when it'd be mistaken for something else - to comfort him like that, so he continues. “ Despite the fact that we are his reincarnations and the many similarities we share with him, we are different from him.”
Yue doesn't look up, but his hand closes into a tight fist.
“I would've realized that.”
“Perhaps,” Eriol agrees as he moves to sit down in the armchair. He lets a thread of his magic run, calling. Some wounds he knows, to properly heal, need to bleed again. “But part of you would have kept looking for him in me.”
Yue doesn't answer at that, realizing it's the truth. Eriol smiles gently at the Moon Guardian, even when he's not looking at him.
“You don't belong to me any longer, Yue.”
Yue gives a brief nod at that. “The book and its guardians now belong to mistress Sakura.”
Eriol shakes his head, but it's not his place to make Yue realize that. “That's not exactly what I meant.”
Before Yue can carry on, the door opens and Ruby Moon drags hir feet inside while yawning, long hair a mess. His guardian pretends not to pay any attention to Yue as zie drops to hir knees in front of him, head on his lap and arms around his waist, nuzzling softly. It's a gesture as natural as breathing for them, and Eriol puts his hand over hir hair.
“Eriol,” Ruby Moon complains sleepily, despite the fact that hir whole body language is conveying a message, clear as the moonlight. 'He's my master now. Not yours'. “Suppi's still mutterin' 'bout sugar cookies.”
“And now you're hungry?” He doesn't have to pretend more warmth than the one he feels, amusement and care as he pets his Guardian, rubbing at Ruby Moon's scalp gently.
His guardian makes another small whining sound that's most likely a 'yes'. They both hear Yue walking out the window, but neither of them acknowledge him. Neither he nor Ruby Moon can do nothing for Yue's pain.
**
Touya is awake when he gets inside his room despite his closed eyes. Yue is no longer used to apologizing, not after Clow, but he thinks that Touya must have been worried about Yukito.
He bows his head forward once he vanishes his wings.
“I'll transform into Yukito,” it's the closest he gets to an apology before Touya moves, hand closing gently around his wrist.
“Are you alright, Yue?”
He isn't used to this. Despite how long he has been watching the young man in front of him, he's still a stranger to him. Yue isn't used to such direct questions, or to the concern to be so clear. Touya's eyes are too honest, too unsheltered.
Yue closes his eyes, but doesn't move to free his wrist.
“I'm sorry I worried you. I needed to go out for a moment.”
“That's not what I'm asking.” Touya lets go of his wrist but it's just to turn on the lamp by his bedside and sit on the bed. He gestures for him to sit down so Yue does so, eyes still down. The temptation to turn into Yukito again and hide inside until it stops hurting is big, but he knows that it'd hurt Touya and that his other self would pester him about it. Now that Yukito is fully aware of his presence, he has started to talk with him, nothing but a few questions through the day but Yue is aware about what his other feels for Touya, and how he'd react.
Touya sighs a little, shaking his head before he looks at him again. “I mean, yeah, I worried about you two, specially since the monster didn't go out and all but - okay, straight to the point. You seem sad.”
Yue doesn't nod, at least not immediately. It's only because of their pact that he doesn't retreat with the Cards, and also because now that Sakura is their mistress, he fears that she might become aware of his pain. He startles a little when he feels Touya's hand on his shoulder, when he sees the friendly curve of his smile that's usually just for Yukito.
“I don't want to pressure you,” Touya says, still soft and friendly, and Yue suddenly understands why the shy Mirror is so smitten with him. “But sometimes talking helps. If you want.”
Yue shakes his head a little. “I just realized that, despite what I believed, I've never belonged to anyone.”
It's the closest he's going to come to talk about it, at least for now. At least Touya doesn't push it, doing nothing more than to curl his fingers a little against his shoulder, nothing but a brief squeeze.
“Eh. I never cared much for that whole 'belonging' thing,” Touya shrugs but then he gives him the soft smile that usually just Yukito gets, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “I'd much rather go through an equal deal. If I own someone, it'd only be fair for them to own me too. Equivalent trade.”
Yue realizes there's more to Touya's words, if only because after a lifetime with Clow it became a second nature, but he's too tired and too heartbroken to try and find out. He bows his head forward, acknowledging is words and he's about to become Yukito again when Touya speaks again.
“Sleep with me, Yue?” Touya gives a slightly rueful grin, and suddenly he does look his age. “Though, I warn you: Yuki says I've cold feet.”
He looks towards Touya, surprised, but he keeps smiling at him. Before he can think of saying no, Yukito's voice murmurs at him to accept. Yukito, gentle idiot that he is, is also worried about him. Yue is still unsure from where does Yukito's kindness and selflessness come from exactly, if it's even selflessness considering they share one body, but he finally nods his head.
Touya smiles and moves the covers so he can slide in, shifting to give him room. Yue isn't used to sleeping with anyone, not like this, but Touya's bed is warm, soothing and welcoming.
He tenses a moment when Touya drapes an arm around him, but all Touya does is start humming some soft song against the back of his neck, his hand rubbing small circles against his chest. Eventually, Yue sighs and he allows himself to surrender to the warmth of Touya's embrace.