All I Ever Wanted 1

Mar 13, 2009 18:52


This is a new idea I thought of from this past week's episode. I'm not sure at the moment if it's going to be a one-shot, or I may make it a couple of chapters long. Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Spoiler: Lead 10x15. Happens right after the episode.

“All right gang, pack up and go home for the night. If anything happens between now and tomorrow morning, keep your phones on, and be ready. Hopefully I won't see any of you until the morning.” Cragen went into his office, and let us finish everything we were doing. “Oh, and one more thing. Benson and Stabler, you guys have this weekend off. Munch and Fin are taking the rounds... Enjoy your weekend.” A wave of relief hit me after Cap told us that.

“Hey Liv, Kathy wanted to know if you wanted to come over to the house for a late night dinner and drinks. You up for it?” He smiled at me.

“Normally I would jump at the offer because of Kathy's amazing culinary skills, but I'm not really up for it tonight. Maybe sometime this weekend? Sorry El..” I gave him an apologetic smile and finished putting all the papers in my desk. “Tell Kathy I said thanks for the invite though.” I grabbed my coat from my chair and began walking out of the precinct for a night of relaxation.

“Do me one favor Liv, please, please don't be too hard on yourself. It's been a rough week and I can see it in your eyes that you're trying to be strong. Let it go Liv. She's back. I know we're not sure for how long, but she's back for now. Go and talk to her if you can...” A sad smile crossed my face as he started talking about her. And my mind began to wonder...

See here's the thing, Elliot knows about how I struggled with Alex's death and everything that happened. He knows I was completely heart broken because I lost a close friend. He saw how torn up up I was when we found out Alex wasn't dead, she was in fact very alive, and going into the Witness Protection Program. My heart broke all over again. I struggled with the new ADA after that. Don't get me wrong, I loved Casey, but she just wasn't Alex. Alex had this charisma and stubbornness that everyone got used to. Sure, people thought she was stuck-up, but I figured her out. She had a tough exterior, but an extremely soft interior.

And then the Liam Connors trial came along and Alex came back to testify. I couldn't believe it. The strength and courage she showed to help out herself, and the little boy Antonio amazed me. The night before the trial where I stayed overnight with Alex, made me realize a couple of things. Alex would never be the same woman that I became close to. She has went through hell and back, and she's still keeping her head up. When she was telling me her life back in Wisconsin, my heart broke for her. She wasn't able to be herself, and that made me realize how much that must suck for her. Then I thought that must really suck for everyone around her. They missed the chance to know such a beautiful, strong, charismatic woman. Why? All because of that damn shooting. If only I could have saved her. If only I could have been fast enough to jump in front of the bullet or push her out of the way. Life would be so much different. And now here she is, thrown back into my life, and I'm not sure if I should be happy, or angry. Velez was killed 3 years ago, and I'm just NOW seeing her. I am so frustrated and angry at her for not reaching out to us. I'm pissed beyond belief that I actually believed that after she got out of WPP, she would reach out to me and let me help her get her life back. But she didn't. Yet I'm still happy I get to see her now... I'm curious as to how she'll react to what I have to say to her, and how I have dealt with everything. I'm not being selfish, am I? I lost my best friend that night, but at the same time, she lost her entire life, her reputation, and who she was. Here I am, mad at her for not contacting me these past 3 years. I'm allowed to be angry at her for that. I'm not angry that she went away. I know that was something that couldn't be avoided. I just wonder what would life be like, if she contacted me or Elliot when she got out of WPP...

“Uh.. Thanks El. I'll see if I'm up for it later tonight. I promise to talk to her sometime this weekend. Have a good night!”

I walked out of the precinct and flagged a cab over. I told him the address to my apartment. Granted my apartment isn't too far from the 1-6, but I just wanted to get home and relax. This cab driver, oh man, he was telling me some crazy story about his ex girlfriend and how she sent him over a bouquet of black roses and a note that said 'this is what you did to my heart', and I felt bad because I wanted to laugh so bad.

“That's gonna be $10.26 lady,” I didn't even realize that we were here already. I handed him a $20 and told him to keep the change to mend his heart, and we both just laughed. I walked up to the building and said high to all my neighbors along the way. As I got into my apartment I began feeling weak, like everything that happened this past week is finally beginning to hit me.

I fall back onto my couch, without even taking my shoes or coat off. I pick my cell up and call my favorite pizzeria and order some wings and a pizza. After the call, I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I'm not sure how long I was out for, or if I even fell asleep, but a loud knock on the door woke me up. I shot up with the money in hand and opened the door.

“So how much is it gonna be?” I looked up and realized it wasn't the delivery guy. It was none other then the illustrious Alex Cabot. She held this smirk that made me excited, but insanely furious.

“I hope I'm not intruding Detective. Were you expecting someone?” She looked at me and I just wanted to slap that smirk off of her face. But instead. I began to tear up. I wasn't sad. Trust me, sadness was the last thing on my mind. I was so angry. Part of me wants to be angry because I had my hopes up for those delicious wings to get here,but the other part of me, just wanted to latch on to her and never let her go.

“I was waiting for the delivery guy, but for now, I guess you'll do...” I said in a sarcastic tone and turned around back onto my couch. “Come in counselor, we have lots and lots to talk about... Don't forget to close the door behind you. I may say some things that will hurt your ego, and I'm sure you don't want others to hear...” I was pissed. I just stared at her. That's all I could do as I collected my thoughts and emotions.

She walked in and sat down on the couch. Neither of us said a word for a good 15 minutes. But I'll be honest, I could feel her eyes burning a hole in my head, because she was staring at me. Suddenly a thought popped into my head.

I stood up rather quickly. “Where the hell is my food?!”

allieverwanted, alexolivia

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