(no subject)
To the girl I want to hurt right now...
You won't read this. Ever. It's pretty the most public I can be with the way I feel right now.
You are addicted to pain and you need serious help. You have not "made a mistake" and picked the bad boys by accident anymore. When a fantastic boy was interested in you, you simply took advantage of his generosity and abused it to the point he thought you were interested. You weren't. And in your apparent nonchalance you paraded round in short shorts and your cutsie outfits. Which also leave room for comment; that cutsie attitude you have is sad and pathetic and points out the state of denial that you are no longer 16 but 21 and cannot pull off innocence like you envisage. You can't accept that you aren't normal and try to revel in alternate but what once recieved admiration now just results in isolation.
But you kept going. You hurt my friend. He finally worked up the courage to tell you. That was partially my fault. I thought you might have seen reason and the way you'd been spending so much time with him. Calling him. Messaging him. Exclusively inviting him out under the impression I was busy. I gave you the benefit of the doubt despite all my frustrations. What the fuck did I expect?
You let him down. You are flattered but not interested. I had to keep him sane the last week and a half. He's got an HD average at Sydney Uni and he deserves that. He didn't make you feel any worse and just needed some space. One and a half weeks later. You both are out having lunch. You drop the bombshell you slept with a mutual friend. A friend I know, he knows and you know. A friend you'd always shown distaste for when he'd made a move. A friend you had turned down in the past. You let a boy know, one week after he's told you his feeling... you fucked another one.
I hate you right now. I hate what you are and what you deny you are. I don't care if you needed sex. You hurt my friend and I feel like hurting you. I don't deny your right to sex. I just look and you and wonder if you could even define tact. You need help, not for this... there are a million more things everyone knows you need help for... but this is what has pushed me over the edge.
I can't wait to leave you behind next year- you are not welcome to come stay with me and abuse my hospitality. I am not sad to leave you and do not wish to hear you ever say again "Everyone is leaving me" because trust me, you aren't even part of the equation. Not that satisfying anyone but yourself is part of your agenda.
You won't read this. Ever. It's pretty the most public I can be with the way I feel right now.
You are addicted to pain and you need serious help. You have not "made a mistake" and picked the bad boys by accident anymore. When a fantastic boy was interested in you, you simply took advantage of his generosity and abused it to the point he thought you were interested. You weren't. And in your apparent nonchalance you paraded round in short shorts and your cutsie outfits. Which also leave room for comment; that cutsie attitude you have is sad and pathetic and points out the state of denial that you are no longer 16 but 21 and cannot pull off innocence like you envisage. You can't accept that you aren't normal and try to revel in alternate but what once recieved admiration now just results in isolation.
But you kept going. You hurt my friend. He finally worked up the courage to tell you. That was partially my fault. I thought you might have seen reason and the way you'd been spending so much time with him. Calling him. Messaging him. Exclusively inviting him out under the impression I was busy. I gave you the benefit of the doubt despite all my frustrations. What the fuck did I expect?
You let him down. You are flattered but not interested. I had to keep him sane the last week and a half. He's got an HD average at Sydney Uni and he deserves that. He didn't make you feel any worse and just needed some space. One and a half weeks later. You both are out having lunch. You drop the bombshell you slept with a mutual friend. A friend I know, he knows and you know. A friend you'd always shown distaste for when he'd made a move. A friend you had turned down in the past. You let a boy know, one week after he's told you his feeling... you fucked another one.
I hate you right now. I hate what you are and what you deny you are. I don't care if you needed sex. You hurt my friend and I feel like hurting you. I don't deny your right to sex. I just look and you and wonder if you could even define tact. You need help, not for this... there are a million more things everyone knows you need help for... but this is what has pushed me over the edge.
I can't wait to leave you behind next year- you are not welcome to come stay with me and abuse my hospitality. I am not sad to leave you and do not wish to hear you ever say again "Everyone is leaving me" because trust me, you aren't even part of the equation. Not that satisfying anyone but yourself is part of your agenda.