(no subject)
let me set the mood.....i just shut my lights off, sprayed my favorite scent and turned on norah jones.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. First of all, summer is coming really fast. usually i'm really excited, but not this year. I think it's the fact that this is the first summer that i can remember not doing a show, and having every single day booked with rehearsals and stuff. I'm used to not having time to breathe...and this summer looks like i'm going to have WAY too much time on my hands. The thing is, I LOVE having a really busy schedule. i think all "theatre people" do. Even though i may complain about it, and cry on my way home from a rehearsal because i havn't slept more than 10 hours the whole week...i love it. It's what i live for. And to be completely honest...about this summer.....i'm scared. My mom keeps sending me links to all these places for jobs for the summer, and i refuse to open them. i dont know why. I want to get a job waitressing, but i'm afriad no where is going to hire me. I would like to go home to go to places in person before the summer starts, but when am i supposed to do that? i'm just stressed i guess. If for some reason they are not holding rocky auditions i will probably cry.....if they do, and i just dont get in....i'll kill myself.
anyways...i feel like i'm really starting to develop my true friendships here. i could be wrong, but i feel like i've found a hand full of people who i really appreciate. Things may change, but i feel like next year is going to be great. there may be some little tiffs along the way, but i think we can handle it.
even though i feel like my friendships are building, i still feel really lonely. I mean, it's not NEARLY as bad as it was first semester. looking back, i feel like i was a freak! i cried myself to sleep more times than i think i have in my entire life. And it's funny, but i think that time really helped me take a look at myself and realize what kind of person i wanted to be. Everyone told me that i would change so much when i came to college, even in the first year....and whoever told me that was completely right. I think i have changed a lot. maybe not changed, but i have matured, and realized that the people who dont care...dont matter. and the people who do....are your best friends. I still have a lot of things to work on...self wise...like becoming more confident, and believing in myself more, but i guess that'll come with time. Someone told me the other day that they believe that the right person will come along at the right time....see, i've been waiting so long, and i keep asking myself what i'm doing wrong, and why don't i deserve to be completely happy? but this person told me that when the time is right, they'll come to me.....and for a good reason. I have to keep telling myself that. I dont really want to wait anymore, but i suppose i have to.
i'm so lucky to have joe and annaleigh and merrill and patrick. SO lucky.
i made a promise to myself that i would go to bed before midnight....well i better go now.
goodnight <3
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. First of all, summer is coming really fast. usually i'm really excited, but not this year. I think it's the fact that this is the first summer that i can remember not doing a show, and having every single day booked with rehearsals and stuff. I'm used to not having time to breathe...and this summer looks like i'm going to have WAY too much time on my hands. The thing is, I LOVE having a really busy schedule. i think all "theatre people" do. Even though i may complain about it, and cry on my way home from a rehearsal because i havn't slept more than 10 hours the whole week...i love it. It's what i live for. And to be completely honest...about this summer.....i'm scared. My mom keeps sending me links to all these places for jobs for the summer, and i refuse to open them. i dont know why. I want to get a job waitressing, but i'm afriad no where is going to hire me. I would like to go home to go to places in person before the summer starts, but when am i supposed to do that? i'm just stressed i guess. If for some reason they are not holding rocky auditions i will probably cry.....if they do, and i just dont get in....i'll kill myself.
anyways...i feel like i'm really starting to develop my true friendships here. i could be wrong, but i feel like i've found a hand full of people who i really appreciate. Things may change, but i feel like next year is going to be great. there may be some little tiffs along the way, but i think we can handle it.
even though i feel like my friendships are building, i still feel really lonely. I mean, it's not NEARLY as bad as it was first semester. looking back, i feel like i was a freak! i cried myself to sleep more times than i think i have in my entire life. And it's funny, but i think that time really helped me take a look at myself and realize what kind of person i wanted to be. Everyone told me that i would change so much when i came to college, even in the first year....and whoever told me that was completely right. I think i have changed a lot. maybe not changed, but i have matured, and realized that the people who dont care...dont matter. and the people who do....are your best friends. I still have a lot of things to work on...self wise...like becoming more confident, and believing in myself more, but i guess that'll come with time. Someone told me the other day that they believe that the right person will come along at the right time....see, i've been waiting so long, and i keep asking myself what i'm doing wrong, and why don't i deserve to be completely happy? but this person told me that when the time is right, they'll come to me.....and for a good reason. I have to keep telling myself that. I dont really want to wait anymore, but i suppose i have to.
i'm so lucky to have joe and annaleigh and merrill and patrick. SO lucky.
i made a promise to myself that i would go to bed before midnight....well i better go now.
goodnight <3