(no subject)
hello out there um im going t o try to make this quick........... well i got what ive wanted for years finally :)thats really nice i hope all those things weve talked about over the years will acctu ally happen:)what really sux tho is having to let go of daivd it kind of hurt because i got really attached emotionally and phisically...........deep sigh.......i really want to t alk with him i think we need to talk but when i broke up with him i think he hung up on me .......tries not to cry................its going to suck not having him to take to familyt stuff and not talking to him...ya but listen to this conversation its very interesting maybe you will all maybe understand what goes on between us
moe: hmm this makes me kind of wonder if you regret it and you want him back and youre not sure if this is what you want for sure 100% and this entry is making me jealous of the happiness he realy brings to you.......
allie:......thinks......................well its that its just he could have stayed with me forever and been comtent and just his personality and the fact that i didnt ever have to take a second thought about him wanting ne one else that im really going to miss and the only reason im writing things like this are because im scared that ive put all my hopes for the future in you and im taking us so seriosly asd im afraid that ....something is going t o happen and your just going to leve me or cheat on me or some thing because well...you cheated on most of your girlfriends it was with me but still and i dont mean to mak e you jelous im sorry baby
moe:... maybe we shouldnt be together if youre so insecure w/ me... and david just seems to give you everything you've ever wanted... its a true fact that i have cheated on my last two girlfriends, cheating on krystal became a habbit of doing shit w/ girls i suppose, shitty exuse but its true. but when it came down to it, i just kept on cheating w/ you and and it was just like, wow maybe i should just be w/ her... and now that we finally have what we've wanted for so long... you're scaring me. i wish i could take all that cheating and hurting you back, but the only reason you dont have this w/ david is because you guys dont have a past to look back on. and i know ours has a lot of ups and downs but i need you to trust me no matter how many girls ive cheated on krystal w/... i fucking love you, w/ all my heart and i dont even need to type that because im sure you already know. i want there to be an us from now to fucking forever!! me and lyn lyn style! what what!! if u think i will hurt you, then i cannot change your mind, adn if you dont want to continue the us until u know for sure that i wont, i will be there for you. i cannot garauntee that i wont be w/ someone... but whoever it is wont mean that much to me... but i will do wut u have done for me..
allie:.and what exactly did i do for you .... im pretty sure that i waitred for you a lot and i know you know that no doubt but i dont know i just feel like now that wer e together nothing has changed i thought some big change would happen and every thing would be perfent and my life would be perfect and everything woud be just amazing and i was expecting to f eel different ly about you but us together is exactly like us apart and i dont know if i love it or hate i could ha teit because i want us to be like the movies but i guess ........maybe tahts why yo u always wanted tus to be together when we were older and what not that and i need to stop playing my life like its somesort of book that im writing in my head because with you i have no control and im a control freak i want everything to turn out how i see it played out in my head and ill do ne thing to have it that way and with you i have no control over my thoughts and what im doing and maybe thats why all the cheating happened because y ou werent the only one who cheat ed but i was always the one who would have dropped who i have in a second for you and latly the tables have been turned its like karma for us and this time it was hard for me to part with someone instead of you and for a little while there we bothe understood where the other was coming from and were got closer because not we both know what it was like being in the orthers shoes but what it all comes down to is ....well...........that maybe were scared that this is it that you and i will be together from this point on and now t hat we have what we want theres no chase there a lot less drama between us and i think that maybe were getting bored with life so i say that maybe you and i need to be more gfand gf instead of one chasing the other i dont know im babbaling i dont even think i spelled that right ................but dont get what i say twizted because i do want to be with you and i love you more that anythin g in the world im your girl i have bee ever scingce the first time we ever really spent time together ive alway s been yours and ive always liked being yours because you make me happier that anyone ever could and the thought of spending my life with someone who is not only the love of my life but my best friendis the greatest ift anyone could ever give me your perfect for me and im pretty sure you feel the same wy anbout me and we go together like peeeeessse and carrots :) your thegreatest <3...