Misplaced Nostalgia

Nov 15, 2013 15:32

I just a little bout of social anxiety - a blip on the screen, really, but enough to make me nostalgic and turn my first social network of choice, where I spent so much of my college years going over and working through all my anxiety and depression. Livejournal, I just can't quit you!
What's silly is that it was brought on by another social network, the big Evil Blue One that we've all been sucked in to and damnit, can't seem to untangle ourselves from. I am one of those people who very, very, very rarely posts anything to FB. I check it daily, but I make status updates there almost as frequently as I write here, and that's saying something! Naturally, I almost never post links; basically, I strive to be the opposite of my dad, the ultimate Over Sharer (no more political cartoons, please!!!). Today, though, I reposted a link from a friend about a museum cause that upset me very much (if you are curious, this is the link to the story in question). I added a comment to the effect of, "Time for to send angry emails." My friend pointed out that this was not productive, and I completely agreed with her and deleted the comment. See, totally innocuous! No big fauxpaz!
Then why do I want to fall through a hole in the ground an hour later?
It's been a while since I've been in this kind I-can't-do-or-say-anything-in-public-I'll-fuck-it-up hate spirals over such a little thing. A good, long while. I've actually been thinking that I should start thinking of myself as formerly anxious, having suffered (past tense) from social phobia. All the anxiety, panic attacks, and depression I've dealt with in the past three years have been very real, but very much influenced by actual world shit I'm dealing with, and there's a huge difference between that and the fear of fucking up for no reason I used to suffer. Still...clearly not out of the woods yet, I guess.
Other than that, life is going on much the same. Still working too much, though I'm still much happier being at two museums. Still no one biting on the job front, and I'm still frantic. Things with Chris have been...up and down. I did get to meet his parents, and they luuuuuuurrrrrvvvved me! I haven't decided if that makes things better or weirder for the two of us.
This will be my first Thanksgiving not celebrated with my family: the folks were going to come up, but then Dad found out he was working all that weekend, and I found out that I was going to work that weekend, so now nobody is traveling anywhere. I'm really sad about it...but also a little excited to a have my first ever cozy Thanksgiving-for-2. We're making a whole turkey, green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, all the hits, and if there are any friends who have no plans they are totally welcome to crash and make it a "homeless" Thanksgiving.
I just hope that I'm better by then: I've got bronchitis (!) that requires an inhaler and some pretty heavy meds. It seems to be the result of a combination of a nasty head cold plus pet-sitting for a friend who's animals (who I love dearly) must have some sort of super dander (seriously, it's been years since cats and dogs made me sneeze, and I'm around Chris's cat all the time, what gives?).
And with that, I've procrastinated enough. Back to cataloging photographs for the Burke!
P.S. OOh! OOH!!! Did I mention I'm writing again!!! As in, writing a story. Very, very slowly. I do it at Pacific Science Center, saving the chapters as drafts in my work email. It's an original story, possibly young adult, futuristic but not dystopian, and set in a very, very, very cold climate...I don't want to say too much about it because 1) I have no idea where it's going, 2) I have no idea if it's any good, and 3) I will go on forever about if given half a chance, because...story! My own! My own story! I'm going to try and hammer it out first and push all the negative doubts and nitpicking and second guessing aside until I'm at a point where I can go back and edit the ever-loving-shit out of it.
Man, I hope I actually finish this one!

boyfriend, work, anxiety, the crazy, allergies, holidays

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