meh

[alliea57]

wow..... i dont know why i do this! i am so.... depressed.... i guess is the best way to put it! i feel so empty.... thats the best way to put it...empty. i dont think i really know who i am.... i keep thinking about my future and what i want to do with this gift from god called life and i dont have a freaking clue..... all i know is that i'm not happy here.... i need to get away. i dont know who i am at all..... or maybe i just dont like who i see........ ive been thinking a lot lately and i think that the reason why i loved europe so much was because i could just get away and reinvent myself.... i could be whoever i wanted to be!

theres this song by kelly clarkson that i relate to.... a lot!...and i never really knew why because i cant really blame my problems on any peticular person in my life like in the song... so i never really knew who it was that fit into the song until tonight..... i was thinking about it.... and its me. i am the one who does it! i am the one crying in the midlle of the night, and i am the reason why i cant seem to let anyone in and i am the one who makes my life empty..... wow! :::clarity::: so ya...

..............................................
"Because Of You"
Sung By Kelly Clarkson
Lyrics By Kelly Clarkson/David Hodges/Ben Moody

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you
..............................................

but anyways.... so it turns out i have more to be mad at theresa for than i thought.... not only did she screw my family over, but she doesnt really like me... its all an act! when bonnie first started working at the store and was only working with theresa, she was talking a bunch of shit about me and saying how much she didnt like me and warning bonnie about me cuz i am in love with taylor and shit like that! isnt that sweet! i seem to pick up a lot of back stabbers along my path! but ohh well! you live you learn! i pry deserve it anyways... i wasnt exactly the best friend to her.... but at least i was honest about it.... when i thought she was being stupid i didnt hide it!and i sure as hell am not gonna hide it next time i talk to her