(no subject)
Today is one of those days where I question everything. He knows so much. It hurts that he won't even remember it later on. I've never seen a couple more in love than them. It's hard to think about where she'll be without him. It's gotta be hard for her. Constantly repeating herself. Reminding him of everything. Why didn't I know this earlier? Why couldn't I have found out another time? Why does my mom think I should be less upset? She didn't see him yesterday. Wandering aimlessly like he had no idea where he was. Why does she pick the most unopportune moments to tell me things? I thought I was ok. I was for a little while. At least a minute after she told me. Then for some reason I went from about a 0 to a 10 on the scale of tears. It was pretty weird. She was going to bring me in. I made her keep driving. We drove for a while. I missed homeroom but I don't care. And now I'm home. I couldn't concentrate. I know I should've stuck out the day. I only had one more block left and track. But I just couldn't. And now mom is angry. She thinks I should be fine because "this is all a part of life". I'm sorry, but I think that is the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. All their knowledge, everything they've ever aquired in life, gone. Erased. He'll never remember his first kiss. Or his first love. Or all those funny stories I hear about when my aunts/uncles/parents were kids. He won't remember seeing his kids grow up and have kids. Maybe he will, but for how long? There's no cure. Sure, they can slow down the process. But it won't stop it. Nothing can stop it. Eventually, whether it's sooner or later, he'll be nothing. He'll remember nothing. And when I go to see him, he won't know who I am. I'm so dumb. I feel like the biggest fag for typing all this. It's just hard. We're so close. He's done so much. I bet I haven't even heard half of what he has to say. I just don't get why she kept it from me for so long. "It wasn't my place to tell you." Who's place was it? How else would I have found out? Would she rather me have found out from someone else? I'd be so angry with her. Does she think she's protecting me or something? She's not. I guess I'm going to track. Why? I have no idea. I'm going to Laura's later too. I can't stay here. I need friends. I love Sharon Rose. I love Everyone. Ky, Gilly, Jess, Rach, Elena, Olive, Megan. Thank God for them. Honestly.