(no subject)
okay it was exactly this day a year ago that i visited unh for the first time. im trying to figure out if thats why ive been so down this week, i just dont know. i think my problem is that what makes me truly happy is being alone and doing things by myself, but then, my biggest fear is that i wont have the option to do things with other people. i think i just try to fight my actual nature, even though deep down i love solitude, im afraid to be alone, maybe i fear the stigma attached or something.
how do people have TIME? i basically cant go out tonight, i have two exams next week. but i feel like sitting in my dorm room on a saturday night is going to make me feel like a loser, even though im basically turning down other plans. i went to the mall for like 5 hours with vivian her some friends yesterday and i felt soo guilty the whole time, remembering the massive amounts of work i have to do. yet then when i ahve a clear chance to do homework, i waste all my time.
im letting myself get distracted, ive been kind of depressed this week and i mistakenly let that interfere, i cant let these things get in the way because my gpa cant drop. but instead of doing homework, i call my mom and cry to her for like an hour everynight. or i go sit down the hall and watch a movie because i hate being in my room feeling antisocial. then i wonder, why dont i just get trashed everynight, not like downloading music and going on facebook is going me much good anyways. i need every minute filled with social interaction, but then, by doing that, i become even more upset and lonely because the only person i really like spending extended amounts of time with is myself. ah i just dont know, i need to sort out these issues or else ill never be happy here,.
how do people have TIME? i basically cant go out tonight, i have two exams next week. but i feel like sitting in my dorm room on a saturday night is going to make me feel like a loser, even though im basically turning down other plans. i went to the mall for like 5 hours with vivian her some friends yesterday and i felt soo guilty the whole time, remembering the massive amounts of work i have to do. yet then when i ahve a clear chance to do homework, i waste all my time.
im letting myself get distracted, ive been kind of depressed this week and i mistakenly let that interfere, i cant let these things get in the way because my gpa cant drop. but instead of doing homework, i call my mom and cry to her for like an hour everynight. or i go sit down the hall and watch a movie because i hate being in my room feeling antisocial. then i wonder, why dont i just get trashed everynight, not like downloading music and going on facebook is going me much good anyways. i need every minute filled with social interaction, but then, by doing that, i become even more upset and lonely because the only person i really like spending extended amounts of time with is myself. ah i just dont know, i need to sort out these issues or else ill never be happy here,.