(no subject)
for some odd reason i've become extremely psycho lately.
i watched the show "grey's anatomy" lastnight. it's amazing. i'm in love. but anyway. these two people were madly in love with each other. the wife cooked him a cheese omelet for breakfast every morning. anyway, he had an accident and fell down the stairs and shot 9 nails into his head w/ a nail gun. fantastic. he lived and got the nails removed. but this isn't the shocker. then they did tests and found he had a brain tumor which was the whole reason he fell down the stairs. and the tumor is in the part of the brain that controls your memory and personality. so he could live for 3-5 years as is, or have risky surgery to remove the tumor and live for 10 yrs but risk the possibility of losing his memory all together and being a completely different person personality-wise. what would you do in a situation like that? (so napoleon dynamite) i honestly can't imagine. they decide to go through with the surgery and the wife says that he'll still be her husband no matter what he remembers. ahhh. such a cliff hanger.
regardless. it made me sad. like bawling my eyes out crying. i'm so scared. scared that i'll lose derek before he's even mine. i mean i've never had the typical day-to-day relationship with him because well... indiana, illinois, etc... and i'm so scared that he'll get deployed, go to Iraq, and well.. you know... become one of the statistics. it freaks me out. i will have lost him and here i'll be clinging to the idea of what could have been, would have been, should have been. but there's honestly NOTHING i can do about it. i don't like being so out of control.
so of course, for feeling out of control in one aspect of my life, i immediately had to take another part into my own hands. i decided i want to graduate ASAP. i want to be done with school and move on with life. so, i'm taking classes first summer session (gag me). and then i have my whole next year planned out that if all goes well i will student teach not this fall, but the fall after and then i'll be done with my undergrad. fantastic.
but then comes the more uncontrollable, iffy situations. then come the choices. i can jump right into my master's program (smart move), substitute for the rest of the school year, or move to be with derek until he can come home (maybe not as smart... but oh so what i want to do). see in order to move and live with him on base, we'd have to get married first. hmmm.... sure it's done. but wow. i can see that raising holy hell in my family. whatever. let the unknown be unknown until the time comes, right? it'll all work out in the end, right? yeh. but alli is psycho detail oriented and i need to know specifics. i want to know what, when, where, how. but sometimes we have to move beyond what we want and trust that it will all happen in due time. regardless... graduation... bring it on.
i watched the show "grey's anatomy" lastnight. it's amazing. i'm in love. but anyway. these two people were madly in love with each other. the wife cooked him a cheese omelet for breakfast every morning. anyway, he had an accident and fell down the stairs and shot 9 nails into his head w/ a nail gun. fantastic. he lived and got the nails removed. but this isn't the shocker. then they did tests and found he had a brain tumor which was the whole reason he fell down the stairs. and the tumor is in the part of the brain that controls your memory and personality. so he could live for 3-5 years as is, or have risky surgery to remove the tumor and live for 10 yrs but risk the possibility of losing his memory all together and being a completely different person personality-wise. what would you do in a situation like that? (so napoleon dynamite) i honestly can't imagine. they decide to go through with the surgery and the wife says that he'll still be her husband no matter what he remembers. ahhh. such a cliff hanger.
regardless. it made me sad. like bawling my eyes out crying. i'm so scared. scared that i'll lose derek before he's even mine. i mean i've never had the typical day-to-day relationship with him because well... indiana, illinois, etc... and i'm so scared that he'll get deployed, go to Iraq, and well.. you know... become one of the statistics. it freaks me out. i will have lost him and here i'll be clinging to the idea of what could have been, would have been, should have been. but there's honestly NOTHING i can do about it. i don't like being so out of control.
so of course, for feeling out of control in one aspect of my life, i immediately had to take another part into my own hands. i decided i want to graduate ASAP. i want to be done with school and move on with life. so, i'm taking classes first summer session (gag me). and then i have my whole next year planned out that if all goes well i will student teach not this fall, but the fall after and then i'll be done with my undergrad. fantastic.
but then comes the more uncontrollable, iffy situations. then come the choices. i can jump right into my master's program (smart move), substitute for the rest of the school year, or move to be with derek until he can come home (maybe not as smart... but oh so what i want to do). see in order to move and live with him on base, we'd have to get married first. hmmm.... sure it's done. but wow. i can see that raising holy hell in my family. whatever. let the unknown be unknown until the time comes, right? it'll all work out in the end, right? yeh. but alli is psycho detail oriented and i need to know specifics. i want to know what, when, where, how. but sometimes we have to move beyond what we want and trust that it will all happen in due time. regardless... graduation... bring it on.