(no subject)
Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to keep everyone happy. I guess it's because I know how it is to be let down, because I've disappointed as many people as much as I've disappointed myself. It's such a heavy burden too, as empty as it is. But the more I try to help, the more cumbersome it feels. It makes me feel incredibly guilty that I've come to think that way, but there's only so much that I can hold up by myself. I can only build a foundation that's fit enough for me, but sometimes I try to stretch my support a little further. And the more I stretch, the sparser it becomes.
I often think about hoarding all of that foundation all for myself, but it all seems a bit meaningless if all that effort were to be used solely on me. I know that everyone must come to depend on themselves at some point, but all that self-confidence and self-esteem doesn't come out of thin air. We realize our worth through the people we come to meet, the trust that we earn, and how we go about using it.
So maybe my foundation isn't as sparse as I think it is. Perhaps I'm more of a cell wall than I am a mason. While a mason builds with the material provided to him, a cell wall will continue to expand as much as it continues to grow, drawing from natural and much more permanent elements than what the mason is left to work with.
I often think about hoarding all of that foundation all for myself, but it all seems a bit meaningless if all that effort were to be used solely on me. I know that everyone must come to depend on themselves at some point, but all that self-confidence and self-esteem doesn't come out of thin air. We realize our worth through the people we come to meet, the trust that we earn, and how we go about using it.
So maybe my foundation isn't as sparse as I think it is. Perhaps I'm more of a cell wall than I am a mason. While a mason builds with the material provided to him, a cell wall will continue to expand as much as it continues to grow, drawing from natural and much more permanent elements than what the mason is left to work with.