do the P thingies
i still haven't read the whole thing, but it seems incredibly random and retarded...LIKE MY QUIZ!!!
lolz
It all started when our (former porn) star, Jake, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly pleased, Jake stroked a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved rune was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Kay. Jake had known Kay for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Kay was unique. She was clever though sometimes a little... oafish. Jake called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Kay picked up to a very happy Jake. Kay calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned It all started when our (former porn) star, Jake, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly pleased, Jake stroked a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved rune was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Kay. Jake had known Kay for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Kay was unique. She was clever though sometimes a little... oafish. Jake called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Kay picked up to a very happy Jake. Kay calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Jake. Why was Kay trying to distract Jake? Because she had snuck out from Jake's with the rune only eight days prior. It was a exotic little rune... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Jake got back to the subject at hand: his rune. Kay yawned. Relunctantly, Kay invited him over, assuring him they'd find the rune. Jake grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kay realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the rune and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Jake took the time machine, she had take at least two minutes before Jake would get there. But if he took the magic? Then Kay would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kay was interrupted by eleven dimwitted oscellots that were lured by her rune. Kay cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she recklessly reached for her potato and fearlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the magic rolling up. It was Jake.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Jake was out of the magic and went sassily jaunting toward Kay's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kay was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the rune into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Kay was displeased but at least the rune was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Kay charismatically purred. With a careful push, Jake opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling rationality-deprived retard in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kay assured him. Jake took a seat RIGHT next to where Kay had hidden the rune. Kay shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Jake was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Kay noticed a annoying look on Jake's face. Jake slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Kay felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Jake asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the rune right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Jake's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Jake nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kay could react, Jake carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The rune was plainly in view.
Jake stared at Kay for what what must've been eleven hours. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Kay groped sassily in Jake's direction, clearly desperate. Jake grabbed the rune and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kay let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Jake,' she rebuked. Kay always had been a little insensitive, so Jake knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kay did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his rune tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Kay looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Jake. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Jake. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kay walked over to the window and looked down. Jake was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Jake was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Kay's place. Jake had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral oscellots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the rune. One by one they latched on to Jake. Already weakened from his injury, Jake yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of oscellots running off with his rune.
About two hours later, Jake awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and Jake did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting foxy forest, Jake was ridiculously lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his rune was taken by the oscellots. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen oscellot emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha oscellot. Jake opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the oscellot sunk its teeth into Jake's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Jake's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than seven miles away, Kay was entombed by anguish over the loss of the rune. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened banana. With a inept thrust, she buried it deeply into her prostate. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Jake... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the rune that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant oscellots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!with distracting Jake. Why was Kay trying to distract Jake? Because she had snuck out from Jake's with the rune only eight days prior. It was a exotic little rune... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Jake got back to the subject at hand: his rune. Kay yawned. Relunctantly, Kay invited him over, assuring him they'd find the rune. Jake grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kay realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the rune and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Jake took the time machine, she had take at least two minutes before Jake would get there. But if he took the magic? Then Kay would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kay was interrupted by eleven dimwitted oscellots that were lured by her rune. Kay cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she recklessly reached for her potato and fearlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the magic rolling up. It was Jake.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Jake was out of the magic and went sassily jaunting toward Kay's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kay was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the rune into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Kay was displeased but at least the rune was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Kay charismatically purred. With a careful push, Jake opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling rationality-deprived retard in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kay assured him. Jake took a seat RIGHT next to where Kay had hidden the rune. Kay shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Jake was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Kay noticed a annoying look on Jake's face. Jake slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Kay felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Jake asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the rune right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Jake's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Jake nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kay could react, Jake carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The rune was plainly in view.
Jake stared at Kay for what what must've been eleven hours. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Kay groped sassily in Jake's direction, clearly desperate. Jake grabbed the rune and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kay let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Jake,' she rebuked. Kay always had been a little insensitive, so Jake knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kay did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his rune tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Kay looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Jake. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Jake. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kay walked over to the window and looked down. Jake was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Jake was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Kay's place. Jake had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral oscellots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the rune. One by one they latched on to Jake. Already weakened from his injury, Jake yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of oscellots running off with his rune.
About two hours later, Jake awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and Jake did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting foxy forest, Jake was ridiculously lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his rune was taken by the oscellots. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen oscellot emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha oscellot. Jake opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the oscellot sunk its teeth into Jake's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Jake's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than seven miles away, Kay was entombed by anguish over the loss of the rune. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened banana. With a inept thrust, she buried it deeply into her prostate. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Jake... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the rune that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant oscellots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/
lolz
It all started when our (former porn) star, Jake, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly pleased, Jake stroked a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved rune was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Kay. Jake had known Kay for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Kay was unique. She was clever though sometimes a little... oafish. Jake called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Kay picked up to a very happy Jake. Kay calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned It all started when our (former porn) star, Jake, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly pleased, Jake stroked a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved rune was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Kay. Jake had known Kay for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Kay was unique. She was clever though sometimes a little... oafish. Jake called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Kay picked up to a very happy Jake. Kay calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Jake. Why was Kay trying to distract Jake? Because she had snuck out from Jake's with the rune only eight days prior. It was a exotic little rune... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Jake got back to the subject at hand: his rune. Kay yawned. Relunctantly, Kay invited him over, assuring him they'd find the rune. Jake grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kay realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the rune and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Jake took the time machine, she had take at least two minutes before Jake would get there. But if he took the magic? Then Kay would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kay was interrupted by eleven dimwitted oscellots that were lured by her rune. Kay cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she recklessly reached for her potato and fearlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the magic rolling up. It was Jake.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Jake was out of the magic and went sassily jaunting toward Kay's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kay was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the rune into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Kay was displeased but at least the rune was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Kay charismatically purred. With a careful push, Jake opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling rationality-deprived retard in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kay assured him. Jake took a seat RIGHT next to where Kay had hidden the rune. Kay shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Jake was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Kay noticed a annoying look on Jake's face. Jake slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Kay felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Jake asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the rune right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Jake's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Jake nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kay could react, Jake carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The rune was plainly in view.
Jake stared at Kay for what what must've been eleven hours. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Kay groped sassily in Jake's direction, clearly desperate. Jake grabbed the rune and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kay let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Jake,' she rebuked. Kay always had been a little insensitive, so Jake knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kay did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his rune tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Kay looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Jake. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Jake. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kay walked over to the window and looked down. Jake was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Jake was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Kay's place. Jake had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral oscellots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the rune. One by one they latched on to Jake. Already weakened from his injury, Jake yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of oscellots running off with his rune.
About two hours later, Jake awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and Jake did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting foxy forest, Jake was ridiculously lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his rune was taken by the oscellots. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen oscellot emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha oscellot. Jake opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the oscellot sunk its teeth into Jake's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Jake's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than seven miles away, Kay was entombed by anguish over the loss of the rune. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened banana. With a inept thrust, she buried it deeply into her prostate. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Jake... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the rune that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant oscellots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!with distracting Jake. Why was Kay trying to distract Jake? Because she had snuck out from Jake's with the rune only eight days prior. It was a exotic little rune... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Jake got back to the subject at hand: his rune. Kay yawned. Relunctantly, Kay invited him over, assuring him they'd find the rune. Jake grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kay realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the rune and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Jake took the time machine, she had take at least two minutes before Jake would get there. But if he took the magic? Then Kay would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kay was interrupted by eleven dimwitted oscellots that were lured by her rune. Kay cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she recklessly reached for her potato and fearlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the magic rolling up. It was Jake.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Jake was out of the magic and went sassily jaunting toward Kay's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kay was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the rune into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Kay was displeased but at least the rune was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Kay charismatically purred. With a careful push, Jake opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling rationality-deprived retard in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kay assured him. Jake took a seat RIGHT next to where Kay had hidden the rune. Kay shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Jake was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Kay noticed a annoying look on Jake's face. Jake slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Kay felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Jake asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the rune right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Jake's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Jake nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kay could react, Jake carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The rune was plainly in view.
Jake stared at Kay for what what must've been eleven hours. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Kay groped sassily in Jake's direction, clearly desperate. Jake grabbed the rune and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kay let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Jake,' she rebuked. Kay always had been a little insensitive, so Jake knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kay did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his rune tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Kay looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Jake. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Jake. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kay walked over to the window and looked down. Jake was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Jake was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Kay's place. Jake had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral oscellots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the rune. One by one they latched on to Jake. Already weakened from his injury, Jake yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of oscellots running off with his rune.
About two hours later, Jake awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and Jake did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting foxy forest, Jake was ridiculously lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his rune was taken by the oscellots. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen oscellot emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha oscellot. Jake opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the oscellot sunk its teeth into Jake's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Jake's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than seven miles away, Kay was entombed by anguish over the loss of the rune. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened banana. With a inept thrust, she buried it deeply into her prostate. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Jake... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the rune that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant oscellots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/