Peppermint Winter (3/3)
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He really means to take some time away from it all after that. He means to spend some time with his friends and his family, thinking about other things, distracting himself. He considers getting back into knitting, or doing something really crazy, like leaving his house.
He gets a text the day after the trip to the park, a Sunday afternoon, and when he sees who it’s from, he pretends he didn’t hear it. He’ll deal with that...tomorrow. When he’s made up his mind about...things.
But then right after supper, halfway through ruining a partly-started scarf, Kyungsoo’s phone goes off, and it’s a call, so he can’t even ignore it. He lets it ring four times, hoping Chanyeol will just give up and let him live for a little while, and then he quickly picks it up. “Hello?”
“Hi, Kyungsoo! Did you get my text earlier?” Chanyeol’s voice is just as deep and bright over the phone. Kyungsoo loves his voice.
“Uh...no, I don’t think I did,” Kyungsoo says, wincing.
Chanyeol sighs heavily. “Figures. My phone is the literal worst, it’s always doing this kind of stuff to me. Anyway...I have a proposition to make.”
Kyungsoo swallows hard. “Oh?”
“Yeah. So. Daeho’s been, like, begging me to go see the lights sometime. You know, at that park, where they set up all those light-up displays around Christmas? I brought him last year, and he loved it, so he keeps wanting to go again.”
“Oh, yeah,” Kyungsoo says, confused. “It sounds pretty fun.”
“Aaaanyway,” Chanyeol says. “I told him we could go tonight, since it’s a pretty nice evening. And he says he wants you to come with.”
Kyungsoo blinks. “He asked for...me?”
“Yeah. By name and everything.” Chanyeol hesitates. “I might, uh, talk you up to him a little. But he does really like you. Not many friends, and all that.”
Kyungsoo can feel his cheeks going warm, and he’s glad Chanyeol can’t see him. “That’s really sweet of him.”
“Yeah...so anyway, I told him I would ask if you wanted to come. I mean, I wouldn’t mind if you came, either. I would...I mean, I would like that. If you came.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t stand a chance. “I would like that too. If I came.”
He can practically hear Chanyeol’s smile. “Really? Awesome. Seriously, I’m so glad. Um, we’ll meet you at the park in an hour-ish? If that works for you?”
“Yeah, that works for me. I’ll see you there. Park entrance. In an hour.”
“Cool. Great. I’ll see you then.”
“See you,” Kyungsoo says, and he catches himself smiling as he hangs up.
Goddammit.
Still, he tells himself, it’s for Daeho. He asked Kyungsoo to be there, and how can Kyungsoo refuse such an innocent request? With new resolve, Kyungsoo digs out his travel thermos and a couple styrofoam cups.
He meets the Park boys at the entrance an hour later, as planned, and the moment he arrives, bundled up in his extra-warm clothes, Chanyeol holds something out to him.
“What’s this?” Kyungsoo asks, taking it automatically in his gloved hands.
“It’s a grape lollipop. I scavenged it from Daeho’s parade candy.” Chanyeol smiles at him in the yellow lamplight.
“Oh. Grape’s my-”
“Favourite flavour. I remember.” Chanyeol’s smile widens.
Kyungsoo’s stomach goes all wobbly, like it had the first time they met-like it does every time he sees Chanyeol. “I made you peppermint hot chocolate,” he says. “My mom’s recipe. Like I said I would.”
“Really? I can’t wait to try it.” Chanyeol’s eyes are bright over his scarf as he pats Daeho’s head. “Say hello, kiddo.”
“Kyungsoo, did you know I get to go to bed late today? But only if we stay out that long.”
Kyungsoo chuckles. “Hello to you, too. That sounds very exciting.”
“No school tomorrow,” Chanyeol sighs. “Christmas break. Not that he gets to sleep in. We have to wake up early to bring him to my mom’s while I’m at work.”
Kyungsoo nods, and they start walking along the pathway through the park, lined with light-up reindeer and polar bears. Kyungsoo unwraps his lollipop and sticks it in his cheek. “Does he see your mom often?”
Chanyeol shrugs, tucking his hands into his coat pockets. “She lives about half an hour away, so he mostly sees her when there are emergencies, like these, or PA Days, or if he gets sick and I absolutely cannot get the time off work. We don’t have a...great relationship, so Daeho probably sees her more than I do.” He lowers his voice, leans closer to Kyungsoo so his son won’t overhear. “She was strongly of the opinion that I should give him up in the beginning. She has...very strong opinions about my life, and his.”
“Yikes,” Kyungsoo mutters, and Chanyeol just shrugs again.
“My dad lives even farther-my parents are split up-but he gets called in if something really crazy happens and my mom can’t take him. And Daeho’s mom’s mom is on his contacts list, too, but she’s only there for like...I don’t know, a big family emergency or something. The Park Apocalypse. She lives closer, but I don’t like him going there that much. It...confuses things.”
“I don’t like Nana’s house,” Daeho says. “It smells weird, and her cat doesn’t like me.”
“That’s because you pulled its tail when you were little,” Chanyeol tells him. “But anyway, we don’t go to Nana’s house often, right?”
“No. I haven’t been there in a looooong time.”
“You like Grandma’s house better, right?”
“Yeah. She lets me watch TV and eat chocolate chips.”
Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo and rolls his eyes. “Grandmothers,” he says. “What can you do.”
Kyungsoo chuckles and sucks on his lollipop, and tries not to act surprised when Daeho slips his hand into Kyungsoo’s. Right. That’s why he’s here. For Daeho.
He also tries not to think about the fact that Chanyeol divulges information so freely-personal information-the kind of information you’d tell a really close friend. Or a boyfriend. Someone you expect to have around for a long time.
Or a social worker.
They switch topics after that, to things more lighthearted and playful. They comment on the decor, the music playing through the outdoor speakers, the things Chanyeol has remembered about high school since he started talking to Baekhyun again. Kyungsoo tells a few stories from his own childhood, just because they make Chanyeol laugh.
Kyungsoo pours them all hot chocolate from his thermos, and Chanyeol tells him it’s amazing, the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted. Kyungsoo has to stop himself from promising to make it for him again, in the future, whenever, forever. He has to remember his place.
“I always just spend the entirety of winter and fall weighing the pros and cons of living in Canada,” Chanyeol is saying as he watches Daeho try to climb up onto a wire horse on the carousel display. “On the one hand, free health care. On the other hand, you need it because the roads are so treacherous.”
“How much must we trade for the ability to feel joy for five months of the year?” Kyungsoo says, nodding.
Chanyeol grins at him. “You get me, Kyungsoo.”
“Dad, look, look who’s here!”
Kyungsoo joins Chanyeol in squinting through the darkness at the shadowy figures approaching from the opposite direction, and beside him, Chanyeol mutters, “Shit.”
“Who is it?” Kyungsoo asks as Daeho runs back to them and clings to Chanyeol’s legs.
“My ex,” Chanyeol says quietly, mouth twisting. “Not his mom.”
“Hey, Chanyeol,” says the man at the front of the small knot of people. His smile is awkward, strained. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Hey,” Chanyeol says, in that same tone of forced, uncomfortable pleasantness.
“Hey kiddo,” says the Ex, nodding at Daeho.
“Hi,” Daeho chirps, hiding his face in Chanyeol’s coat.
“So, uh...what have you been up to?” The Ex shuffles his boots on the snowy path, hunches his shoulders.
Kyungsoo stares up at him and thinks about the fact that he seems nothing like Kyungsoo himself. Tall, classically handsome, broad-shouldered. He doesn’t know why, but it makes him feel a little sick.
“Oh, you know, just...struggling to get by. Thanks for asking, though,” Chanyeol says, and his tone remains conversational, but Kyungsoo can hear the bitterness in it.
“Yeol-”
“Actually, can we not? I’m just here to see the lights with my kid and have a good time,” Chanyeol says, sighing. “I don’t really feel like pretending to be pleasant.”
The Ex lets out a heavy breath, a cloud of fog materializing in front of his face in the freezing night air. “Yeah. Sure.” He hesitates, then says, “I’ll call you sometime?”
“I’d rather you didn’t,” Chanyeol says, not unkindly.
“Yeah. Alright.” The Ex gives him a small smile, then nods to the people lingering behind him before they move around Chanyeol and Kyungsoo on the path. In a minute, they’re gone.
Chanyeol breathes heavily, like he’d been holding his breath. “God. That was awkward.”
“Daddy, how come he was here? I thought you said we wouldn’t see him anymore,” Daeho says, pouting.
“He was just here looking at the lights with his friends,” Chanyeol says reassuringly. “We won’t see each other again.”
“Why did he say he would call you?” Daeho asks.
“Because he’s a little bit dumb,” Chanyeol tells him, rubbing the top of his son’s head over his hood. “Oooo, Daeho, look at that lighthouse made out of lights! Go stand in it, maybe Kyungsoo will take a picture of you.”
Obediently, Daeho runs off, and Kyungsoo obligingly gets out his phone and takes off his glove to try to take a picture in the terrible lighting. With Daeho out of hearing range, Chanyeol quietly says, “Sorry about all that.”
“It’s fine,” Kyungsoo says, shaking his head. “I wasn’t going to ask.” It’s not like he wants to think about the fact that Chanyeol recently had a messy breakup with a live-in partner.
But the next thing Chanyeol says is, “We weren’t even that serious.”
Kyungsoo turns to look at him in surprise, then catches himself and focuses back on his phone. “Say cheese, Daeho.”
“Cheese!” Daeho grins from inside the lighthouse display.
“It just so happened that I was kind of seeing him when I got kicked out of our last apartment,” Chanyeol says, voice low. “We went to college together, reconnected after a couple years. I’d had a big crush on him back then, blah blah blah. We got together, and then I needed a place to stay in a pinch, and he had an extra room.” Chanyeol peers at the picture Kyungsoo takes and smiles. “I knew it was a bad idea, even at the time, but I was pretty desperate, and I thought...you know, maybe it would work out. But it really didn’t. It only lasted two months, and then he broke up with me and asked us to move out. Which, you know, was really shitty of him, but I wasn’t all that heartbroken. I’d kind of known for a while that it wasn’t right. By the second month we were more like...snipy roommates.”
“Still, dick move,” Kyungsoo mutters.
Chanyeol laughs. “Thank you for trying to defend my honour.”
Kyungsoo huffs a laugh, and tries not to let it show that Chanyeol’s explanation has made him...inappropriately pleased.
“Trust me, though,” Chanyeol says, shoving his hands back into his pockets. “I’m totally over him.”
“I believe you,” Kyungsoo tells him, shooting for not that invested.
“Good. Because I am. One hundred percent recovered.”
“Yeah, sounds like it.” Kyungsoo flashes him a smile.
Chanyeol splutters. “Don’t make it sound like I’m in denial!”
“I’m not,” is Kyungsoo singsong response.
“You totally are, which is unfair, because I am completely over him. Like, I was never even really in love with him. And trust me. I tried.” Chanyeol sounds adorably indignant.
“Who weren’t you in love with?” Daeho asks from where he’s stomping boot prints into the snow.
“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Chanyeol says, making Kyungsoo snort.
“Do you love Kyungsoo?”
That shuts both of them up. Kyungsoo freezes, stiff and uncomfortable, and doesn’t look at Chanyeol, and a few seconds of heavy silence sit between them until Chanyeol says, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
Daeho groans in disappointment, but doesn’t protest, and Kyungsoo forces another laugh.
“Sorry,” Chanyeol whispers.
Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, and hopes his voice doesn’t sound as shaky as he feels.
The rest of the evening is pleasant. They see all the lights, even though Daeho is cold and tired by the end and Chanyeol ends up carrying him for the last ten minutes. They don’t talk about Chanyeol’s ex anymore, or about relationships of any sort. Kyungsoo takes some pictures for Chanyeol with his phone, of father and son surrounded by twinkling Christmas lights, and one group selfie, when it’s requested. He promises to send them to Chanyeol’s email, and tries not to think about all these pictures being on his camera roll. Reminders of things he wants, but shouldn’t.
He looks at them again that night anyway, after he’s said his reluctant goodbyes and tried not to stare too openly at Chanyeol’s shy smiles. He holes himself up in his room and flicks through all of the pictures of Daeho playing in the snow, and Chanyeol posing in front of snowmen, and the three of them against a beautiful lit-up swan display in the shape of a heart. It makes his heart hurt a little.
Maybe a lot.
🎄🎄🎄
“Kyungsoo...why are there pictures of Chanyeol on your phone?”
Kyungsoo whips around from where he’s standing at the printer. “Why are you touching my phone?”
Jongdae smiles angelically. “Well, you see, I thought it was your work phone, and I wanted to see if that one client that you oh-so-lovingly got moved to my caseload had messaged you, but then I saw that it was your personal phone, and it wasn’t password-locked, and one thing led to another…”
Kyungsoo marches over and snatches it out of his hands. “He asked me to take some pictures for him, because he only has a piece of shit flip phone from the 90s.”
“Did they have flip phones in the 90s?” Jongdae asks.
“I don’t know, Jongdae, stop bothering me,” Kyungsoo sighs, slipping his phone into his back pocket and returning to the printer.
“Oooooo, trouble in paradise?” Jongdae asks, continuing to bother him.
“No. There is no paradise to speak of.” Kyungsoo makes a face as the words come out of his mouth.
“Trouble in would-be-paradise-if-you-let-it?” Jongdae rephrases.
“No,” Kyungsoo says flatly.
“Sounds like yes to me.” Jongdae pats his back soothingly. “It’ll all work out. Baekhyun and I got off to a rocky start, too.”
“That’s just because you had the flu, and you threw up.” Kyungsoo gives him a bland stare. “That doesn’t count. You were seventeen and grossly in love.”
Jongdae makes a face at the reminder, then says, “But you admit you’re in love.”
“I did not say that, or even imply it.” Kyungsoo sighs, staples his papers together. “He’s just a client. We’ve hung out a couple times outside of work. His kid likes me.”
“You’ve gone on a couple of dates outside of work, and he likes you. And you like him,” Jongdae corrects. “And he’s not a client. He’s part of a campaign you’re participating in. Don’t make it weird.”
“It’s already weird,” Kyungsoo says. “And you’re making it weirder. There’s nothing going on.”
Jongdae groans and rolls his eyes. “Soo, how will you ever have a gross, everlasting love like I have if you never acknowledge the truth?”
“Whatever you and Baekhyun have, I don’t want it,” Kyungsoo deadpans, even though Jongdae and Baekhyun are, frankly, kind of adorable, and their relationship is as close to ideal as Kyungsoo has ever witnessed. He’ll never tell Jongdae that.
“I just want you to be happy, my son,” Jongdae sighs dramatically.
“Could you stop referring to me as your son? I’m only like four months younger than you,” Kyungsoo says, frowning.
“So young. So naive. So ignorant of his own feelings.” Jongdae sighs again. “I can’t wait to tell this story at yours and Chanyeol’s wedding.”
“We’re not getting married. We’re not doing anything. Stop being stupid,” Kyungsoo hisses.
“You’ll ask me to be your best man. I’ll act surprised, but I’ll have known all along. Chanyeol’s son will be your ring bearer, and everyone will cry. It’ll be a winter wedding.” Jongdae pretends to wipe tears from his eyes. “The cake will be chocolate.”
“Do you want to die?”
“Workplace harassment!” Jongdae calls out.
Their boss tells them to sit down and do their work.
“I’m just saying,” Jongdae stage-whispers across the room a minute later. “You’re letting something really big slip away.”
“You don’t know anything, Dae, you’ve been in love with the same person for like a thousand years,” Kyungsoo tells him, eyes on his desktop screen.
Jongdae sighs theatrically from his desk, and Kyungsoo lets his head fall into his hands.
He shouldn’t listen to Jongdae. That man knows nothing about Kyungsoo’s situation. He knows nothing about anything, really.
But he sounds an awful lot like the kinder of the two warring voices in the back of Kyungsoo’s head.
🎄🎄🎄
The last filming date is on Christmas Eve morning-to sort of simulate the Christmas morning atmosphere, without actually infringing on people’s Christmases. Because it’s a Saturday, and also a holiday, Kyungsoo’s workplace tries to make it as easy as possible on everyone, giving each of five workers just one house to go film at before they’re free to go home.
Kyungsoo calls Daeho immediately, because he’s kind of a masochist.
He heads over in the early morning, before the time Chanyeol says Daeho wakes up on weekends. Chanyeol buzzes him up right away, and Kyungsoo silently films his ascent up the elevator and towards their door, carrying Daeho’s present under his arm. He knocks, and Chanyeol opens the door with a broad, secretive grin. “Hey,” he whispers.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo replies, smiling back automatically. “He’s still asleep?”
“Yeah. I’ll go wake him up. Should I bring a mic?”
Kyungsoo nods, maneuvering to hand him the equipment bag before walking in and setting down the wrapped parcel by the wall so he can take off his boots and coat. When he hears Daeho’s groggy voice coming from their room, he picks up the camera again, films him shuffling out in his tiger stripe pajamas.
“What is Kyungsoo doing here?” Daeho asks, voice croaky as he rubs his eyes.
“Actually...he brought you a surprise,” Chanyeol says, grinning.
“No, it’s from you,” Kyungsoo says quietly, biting back a smile.
“Oh. It’s from...both of us.”
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, then gestures towards the gift with his free hand.
“Is it a Christmas present?” Daeho says immediately, perking up with excitement.
Chanyeol chuckles. “Yeah, buddy, it’s a Christmas present.”
Daeho makes a high-pitched, happy sound, eyes wide and bright. “But you said Santa wasn’t coming this year!”
“He didn’t,” Chanyeol says. “So Kyungsoo got you a present instead.”
“It’s from you,” Kyungsoo hisses.
“Kyungsoo and I,” Chanyeol amends.
“Oh my god,” Kyungsoo mutters. Louder, he says, “Since Santa couldn’t come this year, your Dad told me about something you really wanted this year.”
“Is it a dog?” Daeho asks, enthusiastically ripping into the wrapping paper.
Chanyeol laughs. “Sorry, buddy, we still can’t have dogs in this house.”
“Aw,” Daeho says, but his pout disappears when he sees his actual present through the plastic of the casing. “Daddy, it’s a guitar! A guitar just like yours!”
Chanyeol’s smile is absolutely radiant. “That’s so awesome!”
“It’s a guitar that’s just my size!” Daeho yells. “Daddy, look! Will you teach me how to play it?”
“Of course I will,” Chanyeol says, laughing, eyes suspiciously bright. “Do you like it?”
“It’s the best,” Daeho says, making that high-pitched sound again. “Daddy, will you help me open it?”
Chanyeol starts to nod, but Kyungsoo stops him, saying, “One second, Daeho. Do you want to first give your dad his present?”
Chanyeol stares at him in surprise. “My present?”
Kyungsoo doesn’t even try to hide his smile. “Daeho told me there was something you really wanted, too.”
Daeho leaps to his feet, standing in front of Kyungsoo with his hands out and waiting. Kyungsoo pulls a second box from his coat pocket and hands it to him.
“Why am I getting a present?” Chanyeol asks, aghast, as Daeho forces it into his hands in turn.
“The campaign is called No Stocking Unstuffed,” Kyungsoo says with a laugh, unable to hide his pleasure.
“I didn’t think that included me!”
“Of course it includes you.” Kyungsoo grins at him over the camera.
“Open it!” Daeho yells. “Open it open it open it!”
Looking dazed, Chanyeol peels off the snowflake-patterned wrapping paper to reveal a brand new phone-one with a really good camera and lots of storage.
“Daeho told me your phone is really old,” Kyungsoo says. “And that you wish-”
“I had more pictures of him,” Chanyeol finishes, nodding numbly. “I do tell him that.”
“It has a warranty on it, just in case you shatter the screen,” Kyungsoo tells him. “And a pretty hardy case.”
“Daddy, do you like it?” Daeho asks, tugging on the hem of Chanyeol’s sweater. “I chose a good present for you, right?”
Chanyeol presses his lips together, and his next breath is rattly. “Yeah, buddy,” he says, stooping to wrap his arms around his son. “I really like it. So much.”
Daeho makes a happy sound, hugging his father around the neck and wriggling, and Kyungsoo stays silent as Chanyeol sniffs loudly and wipes one hand over his eyes.
“This is a good Christmas, isn’t it Daddy?” Daeho asks, rubbing his cheek against Chanyeol’s.
“The best,” Chanyeol says, one large hand cupping the back of his son’s head gently.
“You got what you wanted, right?” Daeho asks.
“Yeah.” Chanyeol chuckles softly. “Everything I wanted for Christmas is right here in this room.”
Silently, Kyungsoo thumbs the button on his camera to stop recording, and when father and son are both silent for a beat too long, he teasingly says, “Even me?”
He doesn’t know why he says it. It’s a joke, of course, because Kyungsoo is terrible with touching, emotional moments, but it’s a terrible one. Still, though, when Chanyeol looks up at him with wide eyes, Kyungsoo feels obligated to say, “Sorry. That was a...poorly-timed joke.”
“Yes.”
Kyungsoo’s heart jolts. “What?”
Chanyeol is standing up, never taking his eyes off him. “Including you,” he says, slowly, clearly. He leaves no room for misinterpretation, not with that voice, not with that look.
Kyungsoo feels like his chest is going to explode. He feels like he’s going to throw up. (Maybe he can’t blame Jongdae after all.) He feels excited and ecstatic and scared and cold all at once. “Chanyeol,” he says, and swallows. “I can’t help you.”
Immediately, Chanyeol’s eyebrows draw together, confused and concerned. “What?”
“I can’t...I can’t help you.” A hard knot forms in Kyungsoo’s gut, tightening with every word.
“What are you talking about?” Chanyeol just looks lost.
“That’s what I do,” Kyungsoo explains, breathing a little too fast, a little panicked. “That’s all I am. I’m a person who helps people. But I don’t know how to help you. How to be...enough for you.”
Chanyeol opens his mouth, gapes for a second. “I don’t want your help.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head. “You only know me because I’ve been trying, in the worst way possible, to help you.”
And now Chanyeol looks upset. Angry. Betrayed. “Is that all I am to you? A charity case? Something to ease your conscience, make you feel like you’re doing a good job?”
“No, of course not!” Kyungsoo protests, feeling the words like a slap to the face.
“Then what?” Chanyeol’s voice is hard, desperate.
Kyungsoo swallows thickly, tries to gather his thoughts. “You’re...you’re an amazing dad. And an amazing person. Just, an absolutely wonderful human being. And you’re struggling, and I want to be able to do something for you, but I can’t. I went to university for five years for this, and I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t need anything,” Chanyeol says, spreading his arms, palms up. “I don’t even want anything. Kyungsoo, I...I thought maybe you liked me. Me.”
The knot in Kyungsoo’s gut tightens. “I do,” he says, and that wasn’t so hard. “God, Chanyeol, that’s the problem. I like you so goddamn much. But I’m a social worker. I help people in need. And you’re…”
Chanyeol’s face crumples. “A person in need?”
“I don’t know.” Kyungsoo sighs. “I’m not trained for this.”
“What, for liking someone?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t been in a relationship in years. For the past five years it’s been all about protocol and theories and steps towards life improvement. I don’t know what the protocol is for this.” Kyungsoo shrugs helplessly.
Chanyeol scoffs, but it’s a sad sound. “I can help. Steps towards life improvement? One, stop being ridiculous. Two, tell me if you like me or not. Like, really like me. Three, leave work at work.” He numbers them off on his fingers. “Four, maybe go out for coffee with me? And by coffee, I mean cappuccinos that don’t taste anything like coffee.”
Kyungsoo laughs embarrassedly, clenching and unclenching his fists nervously. Okay, so maybe this is hard after all. “I do like you,” he says, and he thinks that throwing up is still on the table.
“Skipping right to step two, I see.” Chanyeol gives him a small, uncertain smile.
“I do like you,” Kyungsoo repeats. “A lot.”
“Then stop trying to be my social worker. I don’t need a social worker.” He gestures around his apartment vaguely. “I live in a shitty apartment, but it works. I share a room with my six-year-old son, but that’s okay. I worry about paying my rent on time, but I’m getting by. I’m fine. My kid is fine. I don’t need you to save me. I do, however, kind of want a boyfriend. Or even just a friend, for now, if that’s what you’d prefer.”
Kyungsoo smile is wobbly, but it’s there. He swallows hard, listens to the heavy pounding of his heart. He tries to figure out what it’s telling him. He’s embarrassed-god, he’s embarrassed-but at the same time, he’s hopeful. And he wants. “Boyfriend sounds kind of...nice.”
Chanyeol’s eyes brighten. “Yeah?”
Kyungsoo lets out a slow, steadying breath. Thinks about it for a second. Boyfriends. With Chanyeol. “Yeah.”
A grin breaks out across Chanyeol’s face. “Okay. Cool. This really is the best Christmas ever.”
Kyungsoo lets out a nervous chuckle. Is it normal to be this sweaty?
“So, I’m going to kiss you now. Because I’ve been wanting to do that since you told me the only thing you could think of that you like is canned raviolis.”
“You said they’re gross,” Kyungsoo says, but he can feel himself smiling helplessly.
“They are.” Chanyeol covers the short distance between them in a couple steps, leans right into his personal space so that Kyungsoo has to tip his face up to look at him. “Is this okay?”
“You don’t need to ask,” Kyungsoo tells him, and reaches out himself to pull Chanyeol down into a kiss.
“Da-aaaaad,” Daeho complains loudly, the moment their lips touch. “You said you’d teach me how to play guitar.”
Chanyeol pulls away slowly, like it pains him to, and lets their lips brush together as he says, “One minute, buddy, Dad has to kiss his new boyfriend.”
Daeho makes a loud, frustrated sound, and stomps away to their room.
“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says, smiling, fingers curling in the short hairs at the nape of Chanyeol’s neck.
“He’ll get over it.” And Chanyeol dips back down again, presses their mouths together, holds onto Kyungsoo’s waist with both hands as he bends him back just slightly with the force of his kiss.
It feels dizzying-possibly life-changing-and Kyungsoo makes a soft sound against his will, tilting his head so their noses don’t bump, pushing back gently. Chanyeol’s straightens, and Kyungsoo pushes up onto his toes to keep their mouths from separating. He loops one arm around Chanyeol’s neck, keeps the other hand at the back of Chanyeol’s head to keep some semblance of control even as every conscious thought melts away to make more room for giddy happiness and pleasure.
“I like you so much,” Chanyeol murmurs, and Kyungsoo only kind of wants him to stop so that he can kiss him better. He forgets about it, though, when Chanyeol takes his lower lip between his teeth, sucks on it gently. “I like that you always remember to say hi to my kid, even though you don’t have to. And even though I can tell you’re not a kids person.”
Kyungsoo laughs breathlessly, palms one of Chanyeol’s warm cheeks before kissing him again, open-mouthed and lingering. “Is it obvious?”
“Super obvious,” Chanyeol confirms with a hum that might be half groan. “But you try so hard and I love it.”
Kyungsoo breathes in deeply, tries to press closer even though it means he has to crane his neck more. He kisses Chanyeol hard for a second, then pulls away to say, “Do I have to come up with compliments for you, too?”
Chanyeol chuckles against his lips. “Don’t strain yourself. I’ve been thinking about mine for a while.”
“I’ll shut up then,” Kyungsoo says, and focuses on kissing Chanyeol into incoherence.
It doesn’t last long, of course, because Daeho comes back a minute later to demand guitar lessons, and Chanyeol has to pull away with a laugh to comply. But Kyungsoo gets to hang around for a couple hours with them, lounging on the couch and watching while Chanyeol teaches Daeho how to strum his little guitar and play one note, pressing his tiny fingers into the strings. And he gets to help Chanyeol make lunch, and accept kisses in front of the stove, and in front of the sink, and in front of the fridge. And he gets to program his number into Chanyeol’s new phone, and teach him how to take pictures on it, practicing with a couple of selfies, and a couple pictures of Daeho with his guitar, and Daeho with his beaming face between theirs. And he gets to make plans for the next week, after the chaos of Christmas-a cappuccino date-and maybe a New Year’s party at the end of the month. Kids allowed, if Grandma can’t take him.
He has to leave eventually, of course. But this time, finally, he gets to let Chanyeol loop his scarf around his neck, and pull him in for a kiss before they say goodbye. This was supposed to be their last meeting, but now it feels an awful lot like things are just getting started.
“Jongdae’s going to be so damn proud of himself,” Kyungsoo sighs, just before he leaves.
“I like that guy,” Chanyeol says thoughtfully. “He kind of set us up, didn’t he?”
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says, very very serious. “Never, ever tell him that.”
🎄🎄🎄
“Does this make me a bad dad?” Chanyeol asks a month later, with Kyungsoo stretched out across his couch beneath him and Daeho avidly watching Paw Patrol on Kyungsoo’s TV just in front of them. Snow is falling thickly outside, and Kyungsoo’s apartment is a little drafty, but he’s nice and warm where he is, with his toes tucked against Chanyeol’s shins.
“Nah, he’s happy there,” Kyungsoo says, grinning, both hands fisted in the front of Chanyeol’s hoodie. “This is a win-win situation. Great parenting. Social worker approved.”
“Hmm,” Chanyeol says, dipping down to kiss his smile. His breath smells like peppermint hot chocolate. “Well, if it’s social worker approved…”
“Mhmm.” Kyungsoo leans up for more. “Might as well settle in for the long haul.”
“I plan to settle in for a very long time,” Chanyeol tells him, sliding his arms up underneath Kyungsoo’s shoulders.
“I think there’s something good on next, too,” Kyungsoo hums, pulling Chanyeol down on top of him. Chanyeol’s like a big, warm blanket, always radiating heat, and Kyungsoo revels in it.
Chanyeol doesn’t bother replying, instead leaning in to seal their mouths together, swallowing the soft sigh of contentment that Kyungsoo can’t contain.
Chanyeol’s phone goes off some time later-a loud, bouncy ringtone that sounds like it would suit a teenage girl-and they both ignore it. “They can text,” Chanyeol mumbles, biting at kiss-swollen lips.
“Definitely,” Kyungsoo agrees, breath hitching.
The phone keeps ringing, then abruptly stops. “Hello?” says a very cheerful Daeho.
“Uh oh,” Chanyeol huffs, and Kyungsoo groans as he moves to get off him.
“Chanyeol is my dad’s name,” Daeho says. “He’s kissing Kyungsoo on the couch.”
With a yelp, Chanyeol snatches the phone out of his son’s hands. “I’m so sorry, no I wasn’t,” he blusters. Kyungsoo snickers, watching in amusement. “Yes, that’s me.” There’s a long pause as Chanyeol listens, and his eyes go wide as he turns to stare at Kyungsoo. Automatically, Kyungsoo’s heart rate skyrockets. Is it bad news? Is it Children’s Aid or something? But then Chanyeol says, “Yes. Oh my god. Really?” Pause. “Yes, yes, absolutely. Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you. You too. Goodbye.” He hangs up. He looks like he’s seen a ghost.
“What’s up?” Kyungsoo asks, moving to sit upright. “Who was that?”
Chanyeol gapes at him for a second. “I just got recruited for a job interview. They saw your video thing.”
“Oh my god. Really?” Now it’s Kyungsoo’s turn to gape.
“Yeah. They’re offering a full-time position. In robotics, which is actually my major, even though I never completed my placement. It’ll pay...way more than what I’m making right now. With benefits, and paid training, and stuff like that. Oh my god, Soo.”
Kyungsoo laughs, an overwhelmed sound. “Chanyeol, holy shit. I’m so happy for you.”
Chanyeol rakes his hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I still have to pass the interview.”
“If you got recruited, and they’re offering you all that stuff, it probably means they’re going to give you the job, Yeol,” Kyungsoo argues.
“No, no, I don’t know that. I have to...I have to get ready. I need to research the company, and make a new resume, and write a cover letter, and, and review my college notes...it’s been forever since I thought about that stuff.”
Kyungsoo holds his arms out to him. “You can start doing that later,” he says, grinning. “For now, maybe you should just let it sink in.”
“Daddy, was it good news?” Daeho asks, tearing his eyes away from the TV screen briefly.
Chanyeol falls onto the couch next to Kyungsoo, leaning into him, burying his face in Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Yeah, bud,” he says, and Kyungsoo can just see the edge of his grin. “It was really good news.”
Kyungsoo laughs, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s shoulders. “Your dad might get a new job soon,” he says. “And make lots of money.”
Daeho whoops, joyful even though he probably doesn’t really understand the situation, and Chanyeol laughs as well, snaking his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. He lifts his face to press a sloppy kiss to Kyungsoo’s jaw, then reaches out to his son. “Come here, bud, I think I need a group hug for strength.”
Daeho complies readily, climbing onto his father’s lap, and Chanyeol fits his arms around both of them, making a low sound as he squeezes them tightly. He kisses the top of Daeho’s head, and then he turns to capture Kyungsoo’s lips, brief but firm.
“Looks like you did end up saving me after all,” Chanyeol mumbles, letting his nose rest against Kyungsoo’s cheek, eyes closed.
“Nah,” Kyungsoo says with a chuckle. “You didn’t need me for this. You just needed the right person to notice you.”
“I only needed one person to notice me,” Chanyeol says. “And it was you.”
“That was a terrible line, and I hate you for it,” Kyungsoo says, but he smiles as he kisses him again.
Chanyeol grins against his mouth. “I’m going to tell Jongdae. He’ll like it.”
Daeho sighs loudly, still pressed between them. “Are you gonna get married or something?”
Chanyeol bursts out laughing, easing Kyungsoo’s automatic tenseness. “If we do, will you be the ringbearer?”
“Oh, god,” Kyungsoo groans, relaxing into him. “Do not tell Jongdae that.”
“I do what I want,” Chanyeol hums, but he punctuates it with another squeeze around the two of them, paired with a low sound that rings with deep contentment. Kyungsoo can relate, curled up there with two of his favourite people in the world.
Snow continues to fall outside, and Kyungsoo feels warm.