An Ode to Sarcasm and Equality
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that
hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed
at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites,
and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were
allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun
marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay
couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to
marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs
more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like
ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.
That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model
at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents
to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could
never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to
cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
Copy this to your profile if you believe in legalizing gay marriage!
Disclaimer: I did not write these, I just found them.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that
hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed
at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites,
and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were
allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun
marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay
couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to
marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs
more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like
ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.
That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model
at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents
to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could
never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to
cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
Copy this to your profile if you believe in legalizing gay marriage!
Disclaimer: I did not write these, I just found them.